A Mistletoe Proposal

“I must say he lives up to his reputation for living dangerously. I wish I could help you with your dilemma. If you truly mean what you say and don’t want to see him again, you could be missing out on a great love affair.”

“Not if it’s cut short.” Not when I can’t give him or any man a baby. He’d told her Tessa needed a sibling. With the right woman, Rick could have several more children.

“I’m going back to the loft. I need to clean and do a wash before work in the morning. I hope you and Rex have a great evening. I can’t wait to hear about it tomorrow.”

As soon as Andrea got home she lit into her housecleaning until she was ready to drop. But she still spent a restless night dreaming about Rick, and she got up early the next morning to put more merchandise out on the floor. Her mother joined her in time to wait on a steady stream of customers. The weather had warmed up, bringing in shoppers.

The chimes sounded again. She happened to glance toward the entrance and found herself staring into the blue eyes of the firefighter she’d met at the hospital. He’d warned her he’d look her up, but she really resented it when he knew she’d been at the hospital to see Rick. “Andrea Fleming. I was hoping I’d find you here. Remember me? I’m Chase Hayward, from the hospital. How’s the invalid?”

He was attractive in his own way, but he had an aggressive nature she hadn’t liked at the hospital, and liked less now.

“I would imagine he’s still recuperating. This is my mother, Mrs. Bernard. Mom? This is one of the firefighters who came to the hospital to see Tessa’s father.”

“How do you do?”

His smile widened. “Now I know where Andrea gets her looks.”

“Thank you. If you two will excuse me, I have some business in the back.”

She wished her mom hadn’t left her alone with him. “Are you looking for a special gift? We have nutcrackers and pyramids.”

“No. I didn’t come to buy anything. I wanted to ask you out to dinner this evening, unless you and the captain are an item.”

This man would be the last person she’d ever want to go out with, but how to do this tactfully so as not to offend him or affect his relationship with Rick? “I’m friends with the captain’s daughter and haven’t been out with another man since my husband passed away. I still miss him terribly.” Though it was the truth, she’d gotten past the pain since meeting Rick.

“I’m sorry you lost your husband.”

Andrea had nothing more to say to him. “So am I. If you’ll excuse me, I have more customers waiting.”

“Andrea?” Her mother walked up to her with a serious expression. “You’re wanted on the phone. I’ll take over for you.” Andrea had the impression it was Rick, and she went to the back of the shop. Unfortunately she was breathless when she picked up. “Hello?”

“I’m sorry if I’m getting you at a bad time, but this couldn’t wait.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Yesterday you walked out on me and Tessa. After you left, she told me she wished you had stayed to read some more books to her. There’s been a breakthrough.”

“That makes me happy. She’s very precious,” Andrea said in a shaky voice, “but I’m afraid I can’t talk any longer.” Thrilling as those words were, it didn’t change her decision.

“Don’t hang up. Your mother just told me Chase Hayward was in the shop.”

She blinked. “Yes?”

“Is he still there?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did he want?”

There was no use lying to Rick, who sounded so terse. “He said he didn’t come to buy anything—he wanted to invite me out to dinner.”

“What did you tell him?” His voice sounded an octave lower.

“That I’m still mourning my husband. Then Mom told me I was wanted on the phone. What’s wrong?”

“Do me a favor and drive over to my house as soon as you can get here. Ask your mom if she’ll take over while you’re gone. This is important, Andrea.”

“Rick—”

“Just do it!” He sounded fierce before she heard the click and the dial tone.

Stunned by the call, Andrea found her mother on the shop floor and told her Rick needed to see her right away. “It sounded like an emergency.”

“Then go, and don’t worry about me.”

Andrea grabbed her purse and coat before flying out the back door. She couldn’t imagine what was going on, but knew it had to do with the other firefighter. During the drive she reflected on the scene at the hospital and Chase’s cocky behavior. Andrea felt as if he couldn’t have cared less about Rick’s condition. He hadn’t acted the same as Rick’s other friends and colleagues.

To her surprise Rick came outside when he saw her drive up. His long, well-honed body was clothed in jeans and a polo shirt, drawing her gaze. Andrea parked behind his car. He walked over to help her out. “Thank you for getting here so fast.”

“It sounded urgent.”

“I know I frightened the hell out of you, but I had to do something to get your attention.” He cupped her elbow as they walked into the house.

“Where’s Tessa?”

“Sharon’s gone to pick up her and Julie at school. Let’s go in the kitchen where we can talk.”

“You sound much better today.”

“I’m fully recovered.” In the next breath he pulled her into his arms and gave her a long, hungry kiss. To her shame it went on and on and left her gasping for breath once he relinquished her mouth. “I had to do that before we talk about Chase Hayward.”

She saw his lips tighten. So she hadn’t imagined tension between them at the hospital. “I hope you know I’m not interested in him.” Andrea decided to tell him everything. “I’m sorry to say I didn’t like him. Among other things he has an attitude problem.”

“There’s a lot more wrong with him than you can imagine.” At this point the glaze of desire in Rick’s eyes had vanished, to be replaced by the dangerous glittering look he’d given her in the shop that first morning. He let go of her arms so she could sit down at the table.

“I take it you’re not friends.”

“Anything but.” His hands went to his hips in a totally masculine gesture. “We joined the department at the same time eight years ago and worked at the same station for three years. He always saw everything as a competition. After his divorce, he got worse. When I was promoted to captain of my own ladder truck and transferred to the station I’m in now, it was a great relief.

“A year later I learned he’d made captain at our original station. On the rare occasion when we were fighting the same fire, he was openly hostile to me when the other guys couldn’t hear him. Arney confided that Chase was jealous of me because not only had I been promoted earlier than him, but I’d made captain of the ladder truck in the downtown station.”

“Why would he care?”

“Because our station fights the most dangerous fires. It’s a matter of pride with him.”

With those words it felt as if a bomb had exploded inside her. Rick had just given her more reason to walk away from him as soon as Sharon got back.

“That had to have been a wound to his colossal ego,” she murmured.

“You could say that. He was the only firefighter I knew who didn’t come to my wife’s funeral. As Benton said, he was conspicuous by his absence.”

In a fraternity like theirs, Andrea realized any absence would be noticed. “Then I don’t understand why he came to the hospital with the other guys to see you.”

“I’ve been asking myself the same thing, but I think I know now.” His hands gripped the back of one of the chairs. “How long was he there at the shop?”

“I don’t know. I left first.”

“Let’s call your mother and find out. Ask if he ever went into the back area. Put it on speakerphone.”

Rick had a definite reason for asking that question. Andrea was positive it had nothing to do with her. She reached into her purse for the phone and made the call. When her mom answered, she asked about the firefighter who’d been in the store earlier. Andrea explained this call was at Rick’s request.

“Well, he wandered around the shop for about five minutes looking at all the merchandise while I waited on some other customers. He eventually picked out a smoker and paid for it. Then he thanked me and left.”

“Rick wants to know if he went in the back.”

“No.”

“Thanks, Mom. I’ll explain later.”

She clicked off and looked up at Rick, who’d started pacing. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” His grim expression made her nervous. “Obviously something is very wrong.”

He came to a standstill. “Didn’t Hayward tell you he wasn’t there to buy anything?”

“Yes.”

“But in the end, he bought something from your mother.” Lines marred his handsome features. “I don’t want him harassing you again.”

“After what I told him, I’m sure he won’t.”

Rick averted his eyes. “Excuse me for a minute while I make a phone call. Don’t move.” He gave her a long, hungry kiss that left her thoroughly shaken and trembling before he let her go and walked out of the kitchen.

While she sat there dazed, Tessa came running into the kitchen from the door leading into the garage. She was carrying a packet and Sharon was right behind her. “Hi, Andrea!”

What a change in her! Andrea thought. “Hi yourself!”

“Where’s Daddy?”

“He’s on the phone in the other room.”

“Is he still in bed?”

“No.”

“That’s good. I want him to get well really fast.”

“So do I. How was class today?”

“Rodney Carr threw up by the teacher’s desk. He ate corn dogs for lunch. Everybody ran out in the hall.”

“Oh, dear.”

“His mom had to come and get him. Mrs. Riley said the flu is going around. If we start to feel sick to our stomachs, she doesn’t want us to come to class.”

Amazed at all the information pouring out of her, Andrea tried to stifle her laughter. Wait till she told Rick. “Did you like the corn dogs?”

“No. They’re yucky.”

“Then I bet you’re hungry,” Mrs. Milne interjected.

“Yes. What are we going to have for dinner?”

“I thought I’d make tacos.”

“Um. Daddy and I love those. He’s always hungry and eats anything.”

That child had worked her way into Andrea’s heart. “Well, that’s lucky. Somewhere I read that a firefighter consumes a lot of calories when he’s on duty.” She was still trying to stifle her laughter.

Sharon rolled her eyes. “That makes it easy for me. My husband was a picky eater.”

“So’s my father,” Andrea admitted.

“Tessa? Go find your daddy and wash your hands while I fix you some apple dippers.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

A few seconds later she could hear voices in the hallway. When Rick’s deep, male belly laugh resounded in the air she knew Tessa had told him about what had happened at school. After his dark mood, the happy sound was a revelation.

CHAPTER SIX

RICK WALKED TESSA back to the kitchen and beckoned to Andrea from the doorway. “Sharon? Benton just arrived. The three of us will be in the den until dinner.”

She nodded. “Tessa’s going to help me grate the cheese.”

“Hurry, Daddy.”

“We won’t be long,” he promised.

When they reached the hallway, Rick pressed a swift kiss to Andrea’s unsuspecting lips. “I’m in agony waiting to be alone with you, but Benton wants to talk to you first.”

She blinked. “Why?”

“I’d rather he told you. While you were driving over here, I phoned him and told him about Chase. He said he’d be right over.”

When they walked into the den, Benton greeted Andrea and told her to sit down. Rick sat in the chair next to her. “I’m glad you came so quickly. As Rick has indicated to you before today, someone has deliberately been setting fires in the downtown area. We suspect Chase Hayward is responsible.”

A gasp escaped her throat. Her anxious eyes searched Rick’s. “You think our shop is next?”

“Since he saw you in my hospital room and found out it’s your shop, I’m positive.”

Benton nodded. “I’ve been on the phone with your mother. At this point she’s very concerned, especially for you.”

“That shop has been in the family for years. I had no idea you’d been talking to her.”

Benton cocked his head. “It pleased Hayward to find out Rick had been injured in the fire. That’s why he came to the E.R. He needed to inspect the damage. That’s what arsonists do. But he failed to snuff him out, so he’s unlikely to quit.”

Andrea lost color. “That’s so sick.”

“You’re right. When he set the art-gallery fire, he would have cased the outside of the buildings, front and back, on the street. This afternoon he cased the downstairs of your shop. By now he’s done his research and has probably found out that you live upstairs. He’s probably come by Rick’s house and seen your car in the driveway.”

Rick felt her shudder, even though they weren’t touching.

“Since he visited your shop this afternoon, we’re fairly certain he would enjoy it if you got hurt—or worse—in the fire he plans to set. It would be his ultimate revenge against Rick.”

Her head jerked in Rick’s direction. “That’s horrifying. How have you stood working around someone that mental?”

Rick reached out to give her arm a reassuring squeeze. “As I told you earlier, we don’t bump into each other that often. But the point is, nothing’s going to happen to you or your mother. I swear it.”

“I know that.”

Benton said, “We’ve set up a sting operation using help from the parcel service that delivers freight to you. If Hayward doesn’t start a fire tonight, then we’ll have a trap set for tomorrow night or any night in the near future. With your cooperation, we’ll catch him.”

“We want to help!” she assured him. “I can’t bear for that man to destroy more businesses and lives.”

“Amen,” Rick muttered.

“Naturally we hope he’ll show up tonight. Of course you won’t be there. But if he decides to wait until another night, here’s the plan. In the morning we want you and your mother to drive to work together. While she’s out on the floor, we’d like you to answer the buzzer. One of my men will come to your back door disguised as a parcel service employee. He’ll bring in the freight.

“Once inside, he’ll take off his uniform and you’ll put it on. He’ll be wearing a wool hat. It’s the key. Make sure none of your hair is showing. While your mom shows him upstairs, you’ll hurry out to the truck and the driver will take you to an undisclosed location, where one of our men will drive you to your mother’s house. We already have police surveillance on your mother’s home 24/7 to keep both of you safe.”

Rick could feel her trembling. Just when he felt he’d been making real progress with her and Tessa, Hayward had chosen this moment to get his revenge. Rick hated it that because of his association with Andrea, she and her shop were being targeted by that maniac.

“Tomorrow your mother will work until she decides to close,” Benton explained, “then drive home to be with you. One of my men will hide in your apartment for as long as it takes to capture Hayward. In the meantime you’ll stay at your mother’s and the two of you will continue doing business as usual. Do you think you can handle this?”

Andrea nodded.

“Good.” He got up from the table. “Sorry this is such an ugly business, but it should be over soon.”

“Stay in here, Andrea,” Rick whispered before he walked Benton to the front door. The second he left, Rick returned to the den and found her with her head buried in her hands.

He knelt and covered her hands with his own. “Andrea...I know this terrifies you.”

Slowly she lifted a tearstained face. “I have to admit I don’t like the idea of Mom being involved. If anything happened to her, I don’t know what I’d do.”

Rick kissed her wet cheeks. “I promise that neither you nor your mother will get hurt. I swear it.”

“I believe in you.” Her voice trembled. “That’s part of what’s wrong. Chase is after you. It’s horrible and so strange because it’s one nightmare I hadn’t thought of.”

“What do you mean?”

Andrea wiped her eyes and sat all the way up. In the soft light of the room her hair fell in waves around her shoulders like spun gold. The contrast with her brilliant blue eyes set in an oval face was stunning. His gaze traveled to the passionate curve of her mouth. He could never get enough of it, not in a lifetime.

“I don’t know where to start.”

He shook his head. “You puzzle me, Andrea. I never know where I am with you. How about a little honesty over what is really going on with you? I take it you were very much in love with your husband.”

“Yes.”

“So was I with my wife. Meeting you has come as a shock. I’m feeling and thinking things I never expected to experience again. I can see it’s the same for you.”

“You know it is.” She half moaned the words. “It seems way too soon to experience emotions this strong.”

“Is guilt the reason you keep pulling away?”

“No,” she answered truthfully. “Like you, I’m overwhelmed with feelings I thought had died with Gunter. But you have a child and I don’t want to hurt her. She’s too important.”

“Why would you hurt her?”

“If I see you any more, then she’ll grow more attached. I mustn’t let that happen.”

“In other words, you intend to carry out your plan to stop seeing me.”

“I can’t go on like this.”

He breathed in sharply, because she sounded as if she meant it. “In the name of heaven, why not?”

“Because...you’re a firefighter.”

Rick shot to his feet. “That’s the real reason?”

She reared her head, causing her golden hair to swish against her cheeks. “It’s the most important one.”

“So there are other reasons, too?”

“Let’s just say that your line of work trumps everything else. I couldn’t stand to get into a relationship with a man who puts himself in harm’s way every time the truck leaves the station. I’m not made of the same stuff as your late wife. I’m a coward.”

“That’s an excuse for what you’re not telling me.”

Her eyes searched his. “Why don’t you humor me and tell me why you became a firefighter. What is it about the job that sends you into a raging fire time after time? Are you going to tell me you come from a long line of firefighters?”

Interesting it had taken this long before she asked. “Nothing of the sort. One grandfather was a college professor, the other worked for a newspaper. My father is a chemical engineer who heads projects for a gold refining company in Cranston, where I grew up. My elder brother is a dentist.

“Though I started out in engineering in college, I’m afraid my heart wasn’t in it. During my last year I dropped out and became a firefighter. I knew it would be a disappointment to my family, so I never talked about it. But from the time I was ten, I always wanted to be one.”

He’d finally captured her attention. “What happened when you were ten?”

“I was at a neighbor’s house, upstairs with my friend Denny. It was a summer afternoon. We were playing with my dog, Shep, and teaching him tricks. His mom was downstairs cooking dinner. I learned later that the deep fat fryer caught on fire and it set the whole kitchen ablaze. We didn’t know anything was wrong until we were both enveloped in suffocating black smoke and couldn’t see our way to the stairs.”

Andrea covered her mouth in horror.

“We opened the windows to get out, but there was nowhere to climb down. I heard the fire engines coming and screamed to them for help, but the smoke was so thick I knew I was going to die. I couldn’t see or hear Denny or my dog. All I remember after that was someone grabbing me and carrying me down a ladder to the ground.”

“Thank heaven—” In the next breath Andrea threw her arms around him, almost strongly enough to knock the wind out of him.

“I told him my friend and my dog were still up there. In a minute both were brought down unconscious, but one of the firefighters put oxygen masks on Denny and Shep and saved them. Denny’s mom was hysterical until she realized we’d made it out alive.

“Later in the week our two families went to the fire station to thank the two firefighters who saved our lives. Denny and I decided they were gods and we wanted to be just like them.”

“I can understand that.” Her voice shook. “Did he become a firefighter, too?”

He hugged her tighter. “No. He went into the military and has made it his career.”

“One way or the other, you’re both saving people, but I can’t imagine going through such a horrendous ordeal.”

“It was awful. I had nightmares about it for years until I started fighting fires and helping people trapped in an inferno. Now I don’t have those bad dreams anymore.”

“I’m so glad of that.” Andrea sobbed quietly. “Forgive me for getting upset over your work. I haven’t meant to judge you. What you do is so heroic. You save lives every day. You saved a lot of the art gallery and prevented our shop from burning. There are no words to tell you what I really think of you.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll ask you this again. Do you wish we hadn’t met?”

“Yes.”

“Surely you can’t mean that.”

“But I do. I may feel a strong attraction to you, but it doesn’t follow that I could handle a permanent relationship. As you can see, I can’t.” He heard the tremor in her voice. “In just a week’s time you’ve been in the hospital with a problem that could have injured you forever, and it’s Chase’s fault. Someone died in that fire, a man with a family.

“I can’t stand it that there’s a guy out there from your own profession trying to kill you. Even if he’s caught, you’ll be out fighting fires again and could perish like your colleague. I don’t want to be around when that happens, because one day it will.”

Rick ground his teeth. “Did you ever get professional help after Gunter died?”

She stirred restlessly and pulled away. “No.”

He studied her features. “Have you considered that this fear of yours stems from his sudden death?”

Andrea had to be disturbed by his questions, because she moistened her lips nervously. “I’m sure his death plays a part in my fear, but it goes much deeper than that.”

“Then explain it to me. Help me to understand.”

She hugged her arms to her waist. “You don’t want to hear it.”

“Let me be the judge of that. We’re talking about our lives here. Our happiness. I’ve just met this incredible woman and already you’re distancing yourself from me. Help me understand.”

He had to wait a minute for an answer.

“My first recollections of life were of a loving mother and an absentee father. He lived to go hunting. If he wasn’t at work, he was out at the shooting range with his best friend Frank, who was also a hunter. I hardly saw him from season to season and hated it every time he walked out the door with his rifle.

“Frank was married, and he abandoned his family to hunt, too. I knew people got killed hunting and begged my dad not to go. He’d just pat my head and tell me to be a nice girl for Mommy. After he’d leave, I’d run to my room and pray and pray he wouldn’t die.”

“Andrea—” Rick was devastated.

“One day my fears came true. He and Frank got shot by accident. Frank died and Dad was hospitalized for a gunshot wound in the arm. While he was recovering, that was the longest time he ever spent at home. But it wasn’t a happy time for me or Mom, because that’s when he started drinking.”

Rick grimaced, imagining her pain.

“He cried for his friend all the time. It felt like he loved Frank more than he loved me and Mom. When he got better, he didn’t stop hunting. He went again and again with hunting friends. Every time he walked out the front door, my heart died a little more, but I knew my pleas would never stop him.

“By my teens I realized he didn’t love us like he loved hunting. He provided for us, but with insight I saw that he was so selfish, he always put us last. Mom did the only thing that made sense and divorced him. She’d always had the shop to run, and that was her solace. We had peace after he left.

“The only reason I had a visit from him the other night was because he needed a place to stay and didn’t want to pay money to go to a hotel. His third wife doesn’t like his hunting either.

“You know what he left me for a Christmas present? Another can of bear mace.”

What Rick was listening to made him ill.

“When I met Gunter and fell in love, I was so glad he didn’t hunt or do any dangerous sports. I knew my marriage would be ideal because he’d always be there and always come home to me and the family we planned to have. But he died, too,” she said in a pained voice that ripped up Rick’s insides.

On a groan he reached for her. After wrapping his arms around her, he rocked her for a long time, never wanting to let her go. But slowly she eased away from him and wiped her eyes.

“I’ve had enough of death and the pain of worrying. Meeting you has proven to me there are other men out there who can attract me. Perhaps one will become special, but he won’t do any of those thirteen most dangerous jobs you talked about, maybe not even the first thirty.

“When I see how well Tessa handles your work, I marvel. Maybe being born into a firefighter’s family makes all the difference. More important, she knows she comes first in your heart and is loved beyond everything. She’s very lucky. I’m quite crazy about her. That makes this extra hard, because she’s at the age where she wants and needs a mommy, but I can’t allow her to become attached to me.

“So, as much as I’d like to lie in your arms and feel alive again, I know of the terrible price that will have to be paid the first time I learn you’re off to another fire. I simply wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

He shook her gently. “There has to be a way for us to work this out, Andrea.” Rick couldn’t conceive of not being with her. After hearing about her father, all he wanted to do was love her.

She shook her head. “You know there isn’t. Admit that having felt the sparks with me, you’ll meet another woman out there who makes you happy again. She’ll love you without fear of how you make your living and she’ll love your daughter. Best of all, she’ll give you more children.”

Rick moaned, trying like the devil to process everything she was telling him, but something still wasn’t connecting.

“I happen to know she’ll consider it a privilege to be loved by you. You’re a remarkable man, Captain Jenner. Fearless. Honorable.”

“Don’t set me up to be something I’m not.”

She laughed sadly. “Tell that to the birds. I’m going to try to forget you, but it may not be possible. Nevertheless I intend to go my own way once Chase Hayward is caught in the act. Now I’m going to slip out your front door and meet Mother at the house. You need to eat and sleep. Tell Tessa my mommy needs me and I had to leave. She’ll understand that.”

Andrea kissed his jaw and left the den. He followed her to the front door and watched her drive away. Rick could have gone after her, but knew this wasn’t the right moment. There was a fight going on inside her. He needed to give her more time, but one thing was certain. No way was he going to let her walk out of his life.

Hours later he put Tessa to bed, then lay down on his own waiting for Benton to phone and tell him that the Hansel and Gretel shop had a nocturnal visitor. But the call never came. It meant Chase had something else in mind. For the rest of the night Rick wrestled with his thoughts, wondering what his next move might be.

The man had hated Rick for years. For him to go to the shop and ask Andrea on a date was a premeditated move on his part to bait Rick. The lowlife had probably been stalking her every move.

Rick’s gut told him Chase meant to harm her. Maybe he didn’t plan to set the shop on fire, but this night would have given him the perfect opportunity. He’d been in the cubicle of the E.R. when the doctor had told Rick he wouldn’t be able to go back to work for a couple of days.

Armed with that knowledge, Chase probably had something much more evil in mind while he assumed Rick was still out of commission. The fear of what he might be planning brought him to his feet in a cold sweat.

He checked his watch. Five-thirty a.m. Without hesitation he phoned Benton with his newest suspicions. After they made a plan, he hung up and got dressed, opting for his hiking boots and parka. He left Sharon the message that he’d had to leave early for work.

One way or another he was going to beat Chase at his own game. It was only a matter of time.... He’d promised Andrea he would protect her and her mother. He wouldn’t be able to breathe until Chase had been caught and put away.

Instinct prompted him to drive over to Mrs. Bernard’s home, but he parked alongside a group of cars three blocks away at an all-night shopping center. The streets were dry. Armed with his licensed concealed weapon and binoculars, he stole through a series of people’s backyards, some with snow, others where the snow had melted.

He climbed a leafless tree in order to keep watch without being detected. Someone intentionally looking for him might see him, but that was a chance he had to take. Rick braced himself against a sturdy limb and ate a couple of granola bars while he waited.

* * *

After a nearly sleepless night, Andrea and her mom left the house at nine in her mom’s car. Andrea left hers in the garage. Since she would be putting on a parcel service uniform later, she’d dressed in jeans and a sweater she could wear under it without problem.

She knew that if Chase Hayward had tried to get into the shop last night, Rick would have notified her by now. She was thankful he hadn’t yet tried to burn their business down.

En route they stopped for bagels and coffee before they let themselves in the back door. Over breakfast Andrea eyed her mother through tears. “If anything happened to you...” She couldn’t finish the thought. “You’re the bravest person I know, Mom. I’m practically falling apart over this situation, but you remain fearless. How do you do it?”