Loe raamatut: «Healing Her Boss's Heart»

Chapter One

“YOU’RE FROM CHICAGO. Why would you choose us?” Dr. Jack Hanson stared at the blonde beauty sitting across the desk from him. She had a good physique to her. Well muscled. Looked strong. Tall. All of it suited for his program. And if facial expressions gave anything away, hers did. It screamed determination. This was one no-nonsense woman and, while he wasn’t interested in the woman part, he was certainly intrigued by the no-nonsense.

In fact, in his own personal notes, when he’d been asked to do the recruiting for his class, the first qualification he’d listed had been no-nonsense. That, in his opinion, was a God-given trait. The rest of it could be trained into the candidates.

“The timing worked out. As I stated in my cover letter, I was asked to take a leave of absence, which may well turn into a permanent leave, and since I wasn’t doing anything else, this seemed like the place for me to be. An opportunity to learn something new, maybe refocus my efforts in a new direction. That’s what I do in my life, Doctor. I look for ways to move forward.”

“This mandatory absence...” He folded his arms across his chest, trying to look formidable when what he was really feeling was nervous. Even before he’d started his questions, he’d discovered that she had the power to do that. He didn’t know why, especially since women, in general, had no real effect on him anymore. But Carrie Kellem had marched into his broom-closet-sized office ten minutes ago, extended her hand across the desk to him, and something about the confidence in her smile had thrown him way off. So much so, he wasn’t fully back yet. “You didn’t explain it in full. Why not?”

“Because it’s not a problem for you to worry about. My superiors think I’m too intense, too involved. Too headstrong. Because I’ve jumped the scene a couple more times than they’re comfortable with, and they want me to step back and think about the error of my ways.” She smiled. “Which isn’t an error since I saved lives, and that’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“Explain jumping the scene.”

“It means I go in before I’m ordered to.”

“And you don’t consider jumping the scene an error or an insubordinate move? Especially since you’ve said you’ve done it more than once? Because mountain and wilderness rescue is often slow. Painstakingly so. Sometimes it takes you hours to advance only by inches. And if you jump a scene that’s not properly set for the rescue, people could get hurt. Or killed. Including you. So, do you have the patience for the slow procedures, and are you willing to obey orders you might not agree with? Because those are two things I need in the students I’ll be admitting to the training program. In other words, I want starters, not jump-starters. Can that be you?”

She leaned forward, to the edge of her chair. “I’m a SWAT officer, Dr. Hanson. Specifically trained and certified as a tactical paramedic, as well. It’s my job to get in and take care of anybody who’s been injured during a crime in progress, or directly afterward, and if that means jumping the scene and going in before anybody else does...” She shrugged. “I’m not impatient. At least, I try not to be. Sometimes I guess I am, though, because when you see someone who needs you right that moment...” She paused, swallowed hard.

“The people who depend on me to rescue them deserve the best I can give them, and that’s what they get. My best. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m supposed to be doing if I’m sidelined for any reason. People could die because of that, and I don’t want to be the one...responsible. When someone needs help, Doctor, that’s the only thing that crosses my mind.”

“Above your own safety?”

“I never even think of my own safety.” She relaxed back into her chair, folded her hands in her lap, and awaited the next question.

He did like her skill level and her confidence, but it worried him that she might be too impulsive at times, which could lead to recklessness. Of course, learning to respond properly was part of his training course, so he might be able to impress on her how important it was—especially when you could be hanging off the side of a mountain—to keep everything under control and follow orders.

“But my background check on you shows that you’ve disobeyed orders at least three times in the past three months. In my program, and ultimately in my rescue operations, I don’t tolerate that. And the people who depend on me to get them rescued deserve the best I can give them. So, on my team, if you can’t, or won’t, follow orders, you’re gone. Simple as that. One screwup and you’re out. Can you deal with that?”

“I can,” she said, her voice as full of determination as ever, even though a little flicker of doubt wavered in her eyes.

He liked seeing that. It meant she was thinking about it—thinking about her responses, her need to take control even when it wasn’t hers to have. That was good. More than that, encouraging, as she was shaping up to be the kind of rescuer he wanted. Someone with her kind of passion to help others. Someone who would do what she had to do to get the job done. Still, he did have his reservations, as Carrie seemed like she could be quite a handful, as well. Was that something he could deal with? Or even wanted to deal with?

For himself, not personally. But this wasn’t personal. It was for the good of the team, and for the good of the team he could deal with Carrie. After all, how headstrong could she be? He glanced over at her, saw the obstinate, almost challenging look on her face, and chided himself for continuing with this interview. Because of that look... That one look told him exactly what he was going to get with her.

Yet, underneath it, did he see something vulnerable? Maybe the way she bit her lower lip. Or tried too hard to put on a swelled-up front that wasn’t really her? Because she was clasping her folded hands a little too tightly. Holding herself too rigidly. Looking across at him too anxiously. He hoped that was what he was seeing, and not what he wanted to see, since that little shaving of exposure was what he was counting on.

Bottom line—he wanted her. Liked her background on her initial application. Liked her in his follow-up phone call a few weeks ago. Liked her even more now that she was here. Even with her obvious drawbacks, he saw Carrie Kellem as someone with the potential to lead her own team somewhere in the future. That’s what he needed. A strong leader. Not a bunch of rescuers who could get up and down the side of a mountain without any effort, but who had the drive to put everything on the line for each and every situation.

And Carrie...he was positive she’d put it on the line. He had no doubts about that whatsoever.

“Also, I disobeyed orders four times, to be exact. You need to know the truth about me. I’m a lot of things, but I don’t hide the truth. I disobeyed because I’m a trained police officer as well as a paramedic, and my job is—or was, if that turns out to be the case—taking care of people injured on a crime scene, including innocent bystanders and other cops, and sometimes I don’t think it’s best to wait until it’s secured to go in. I can’t help anybody if I’m being sidelined outside the crime scene until it’s declared safe or secured. So I’ve disobeyed orders and gone in when I didn’t have a direct order to do so.”

Carrie shoved her hand through her short-cropped, almost white-blond hair and let out a frustrated breath. “If I’m entering a scene, it’s because someone is bleeding, or screaming. They’re in agony and their life is slipping away from them. My job is to save and rescue them any way I can.” She looked over at him and suddenly her eyes went soft. “When someone needs help, they shouldn’t have to wait for it. Because sometimes it comes too late. I couldn’t live with myself if I was the one who could help them, but didn’t, and they...”

She shook her head, shook herself out of the emotion and back into the moment. “My training, both as a special weapons and tactics police officer, as well as a tactical paramedic, qualifies me to do things that most people aren’t able to do. But I must be let loose to do them. So sometimes I push the boundaries, but if a life is saved in the balance, that makes it worth the hassle I cause because I jumped in too fast.”

“So you’re not a team player?”

“On the contrary. I’m a great team player, but sometimes the team has to change.”

“Meaning you’re not always willing to follow orders?”

“I follow orders, Doctor. I can’t tell you how many field rescues I’ve done, and I’ve only been reprimanded four times.”

“Because you knew better than your supervisor.” Yes, she was a challenge. But was she worth the challenge? Because despite her obvious problem, her supervisor had given her a strong recommendation. Full of passion. Perfect scores in her skill tests. Dedicated.

He was seeing all that. But he was also seeing the cautions. She disobeys orders. She argues.

“I’m not saying I knew better. I just saw things differently. His job was to secure the area and protect his officers, as well as innocent bystanders, on the scene. My job was to rescue injured people. We had different things to do, that’s all. Basically, he thought cop first, then everything else. I though paramedic first, then cop, then everything else. Sometimes you must make hard choices if a life is hanging in the balance. And I’m that balance, Doctor. For the person who’s dying in the middle of a crime scene I’m the only balance, and if I’m willing to take the risk, I should be the one to make the hard choice.”

Well, she was right about that. He’d spent years doing makeshift rescues in the mountains with untrained volunteers, and if that had taught him anything, it was that life was full of hard choices. He’d had to make too many of them over time. “The hard choice, until they fire you.”

“I haven’t been fired. They’re simply...” A broad smile spread across her face. “Who am I kidding? They’re not going to have me back. You know it, I know it and, most of all, they know it. This temporary suspension is their way of easing me out the door, keeping me on full benefits until I find a new position.”

“But you don’t seem that upset about it.”

“Life moves on. You either move with it or you get left behind. I’ve had a lot of experience with that, and the lesson I’ve learned is that I won’t get left behind. Never again.”

Even with all his qualms, he liked her hang-tough attitude. She wasn’t a quitter. “So, can you yank a deadweight body out?”

“Of course I can.” She flexed a very well-defined bicep muscle at him. “Part of doing what I do is the training and discipline it takes every day to stay in shape. I could yank your deadweight body out of any situation with no problem.” She grinned. “Want me to show you?”

Jack chuckled. “I think I’ll pass on that but, tell me, can you put in more than your fair share of backbreaking hours? Because that’s part of this. Sometimes putting aside personal life and plans. Sometimes staying out in the field until you think you can’t take another step, but you know you can’t quit. Can you do this? Can you accept that it may consume parts or all of your life at times?” The way it had his, until Evangeline and Alice...

“Yep,” she said, her smile growing wider. “That’s what I’m in it for—to do the work. Not the personal glory. I like being useful. Growing up, I never was. Never had a personal goal either, except putting myself in a position where I could make a difference.”

She was so...engaging, so buoyant it was almost catching. Damn. The last thing he wanted was to be caught up by anybody’s cheerfulness, but she was catching him, nevertheless. Evangeline had been so laid-back. Good, dedicated, compassionate but never up front with her feelings. Part of her Salish background. But here was Carrie, and she was a ticking time bomb of enthusiasm, ready to explode. He wasn’t sure what to do about it, because it intrigued him. The women in his life were mostly from the reservation or surrounding areas—mostly like Evangeline. And while he himself wasn’t a Native American, he’d practically grown up in their ways. Normal society ways mixed in with the traditional.

Ways that were not at all like Carrie’s. Admittedly, Carrie’s ways intrigued him. Maybe even made him a little bit nervous, because accepting Carrie would be a lot like playing with fire. And as he knew from the native ways he’d spent most of his life learning, fire was unpredictable. But it could be tamed. Yes, Carrie was fire. A basic element. And maybe fire was exactly what he needed right now...in his professional life, of course. Not in his personal. He didn’t allow himself one of those anymore. “So why not be a regular paramedic and keep yourself out of the line of fire, if saving lives is all you want?”

“Somebody’s got to do what I do, so why not me? Besides, I like advancing myself. Thought about being a doctor or a nurse—didn’t have the time or resources to pursue any of that. But being a paramedic always intrigued me because when it’s on, it’s so fast-paced you must rely on your instincts, and I’ve always had good instincts. So when I found out there were specialties in the field...” She shrugged. “What can I say? I wanted to advance. That’s who I am.”

“If I accept you into my program, and you do well with it, can I count on you to stay here? Because while your need might be advancement, my need is to train qualified rescuers who will take care of the basic needs in the area.”

“My life is pretty open. No one to keep me anywhere. No one place that’s calling me to settle down. So I’m open to almost anything. If you think I’m good enough, and I think I’m good enough—and that’s a big thing because I have to feel good enough—then there’s no reason I can’t stay. I don’t have any ties anywhere, Doctor. So I can be tied to Marrell, Montana, as well as anywhere else.”

“Well, the needs in Marrell are growing. Sinclair Hospital, the town, the population. We’re attracting all kinds of outsiders who either want to build a weekend cabin or retire here. Meaning we’re getting a lot of people moving in who are not used to the terrain. People who have this notion that the wild, outdoor life is for them. And they’re the ones we’re pulling down off mountains and ledges and out of trees. Which is why I need the best.”

“You think that’s me?”

“I don’t think anything yet. But you’ve made it to the third step of the interview process, which means I see some potential. Whether you turn yourself into the best is entirely up to you. And being the best comes with a job offer.”

“But if I don’t like the training, or decide I don’t want to pursue mountain and wilderness rescue, or if I simply don’t like Marrell? Then what?”

“Then you don’t stay. The rescuers I want are the ones who want to be here.”

“Fair enough.” She adjusted her body in the chair. Straightened her back, stretched her shoulders and frowned. “Do you like it here, Dr. Hanson? Like it enough to stay? Because I heard your job here is only temporary.”

“I was raised near here, came back to practice after medical school, and I’m back again. So, yes, I like it. As far as being temporary goes, no. My mom married the doctor who owned the hospital, and they are semiretired. As in they’ll pop back in to work when they feel the need or when we need them.”

“Do you run the hospital?” she asked him.

“No, Drs. Leanne and Caleb Carsten do. But I’m the assistant chief, probably by default, since Leanne has cut back on her schedule because she’s raising one child and pregnant with another, and Caleb is still on part-time status, as far as practicing goes. He was injured in Afghanistan, then injured again later, so he’s in serious rehab still, which limits his doctoring abilities right now. As a result, he spends most of his time in admin work and for the next couple of weeks he’s taking a break from that, rehab, because he and Leanne are in Boston, helping their son through a piano competition. He’s a prodigy.”

“Which leaves...”

Jack smiled. “Me, and a handful of part-timers who come in to cover various medical services.”

“Sounds...hectic.”

“It is, but it’s good to be back.” Well, parts of it were good. The rest of it...he’d just have to figure it out as he went. “And my mom was smart about how she persuaded me to come back. She knew the one thing that would keep me here would be the prospect of starting a real mountain and wilderness rescue program. It’s been my passion since I was a kid and began climbing mountains So she and Henry Sinclair dangled the carrot, and I bit.”

“Even though you’re a surgeon?”

“Best of both worlds. Here, I’ll get to do both as hospital services continue to expand.”

“Sounds to me like you’re happy.”

If only... But Carrie didn’t need to know about that gap in him, about that one thing that wouldn’t let happiness in. It was his price to pay. His burden to carry. Alone. He’d been doing it for five years now, and while it didn’t get any easier over time, he’d figured out how to make it work in his life. “Anyway, tell me, why should I accept you onto my program. What do you bring that no one else will?”

“What I bring is me, and I’m pretty straightforward. I study hard, I work hard, and I’ll be up for anything you want me to do.”

“Until the next thing comes along?”

“Don’t you, personally, always hope for the next thing?”

For a moment, he studied the challenge in her eyes. She was an arguer, a staunch defender of the way she chose to live her life, and that was another thing he liked about her. Carrie Kellem was the one who defined herself. And he wanted that—wanted her. More now than he had twenty minutes ago when she’d gone into his office announcing that she was ready to start her training—even before he’d interviewed her. “What I personally hope for is this best thing—my training program. Anything beyond that is on my back burner.”

“So you don’t look ahead?”

Or behind. Too much pain in the past. Why go back to relive it when he couldn’t change it? And why look forward when, sometimes, he wasn’t even sure he could make it through the current day? “What I look ahead to is in two weeks, when Caleb and Leanne are back and I’ll have more time to get this program going, when I’ll have seven qualified candidates sitting in my classroom, giving me their undivided attention. Other than that?” He shrugged.

“That’s too bad, because there’s always room to grow, Doctor. Always things you can look ahead to.”

Something he’d believed once. Then had let go of.

“Now, am I accepted? You know both my strengths and weaknesses...even though I might not personally call them weaknesses. I’m sure you’ve talked with my former supervisors, so you know both the good and bad about me. And you also know whether you want me. So...do you?”

He did. Even though he was still wavering, Carrie had what he needed in his program. Admittedly, he wouldn’t mind a little more. Maybe the edge of a friendship? Only the edge, though, because that’s as far as he ever went. Except with his best friend, Palloton.

But...damn, this was tough because he wanted Carrie Kellem. With a lot of reservations. She was going to be a challenge. Maybe a problem. Still, her determination... It always went back to that. Her determination. He needed that most of all, and he’d never seen it so well defined in a person. Carrie embodied it, though, and that was a huge part of being a rescue specialist. Because it was a hard, isolating job, and without a huge amount of internal grit it would take a person down real fast. “I’m still thinking,” he said, even though, deep down, he knew Carrie was going to make a difference to him that he wasn’t sure he wanted made.

* * *

“Look, I’ve exhausted my options in Chicago. At least, the options I want to pursue. And so far I love everything I’ve seen here. It’s like nothing I’ve ever had in my life, and the idea of waking up every morning and looking out one window and seeing wild prairie lands, then looking out another window and seeing mountains—it intrigues me, Doctor, because all I’ve ever known is Chicago, and buildings and street noises. And the opportunity to do my work in that wilderness or on those mountains...

“All I can be is honest. Right now, this is what I want to do. It’s not my last chance, or my last resort. It’s my choice. You have something I want, and I may, at some point in the future, have something you want. So accept me, or don’t. It’s as simple as that.”

It wasn’t like her to beg. But she was almost begging for this. Or coming as close to begging as she ever had. Because something about Marrell, Montana, felt right. It felt like she needed to be here. Gut instinct perhaps? Because if there was one thing she’d learned to do at an early age, it was to trust her gut. Sometimes it was the only thing that had saved her.

He chuckled. “You drive a hard bargain, Carrie.”

Her eyes crinkled into a warm smile. The smile of victory. “I know. That’s what makes me so irresistible.”

“Well, irresistible isn’t what I’m looking for. It’s strength of mind and character, and the willingness to work harder than you’ve ever worked in your life.”

“A few months back I had a hostage who was down, bleeding out from multiple gunshot wounds inside a bank that was being held up. Three gunmen in total. They didn’t want him to die because they didn’t want to face murder charges, so I got to him pretty easily. They let me in. Met me with a gun in my back. Told me to fix him, then get him out of there. And here’s this nearly three-hundred-pound man who didn’t want to go because he was afraid if I jostled him, he’d bleed to death.

“So, I’ve got a gun at my back and this belligerent man resisting everything I was trying to do. My only hope was to sneak in a sedative and wait until it took him down enough that I could drag him out into the street.

“Trust me, he wasn’t easy. I ended up with a broken nose, a sprained wrist and more bruises than I could count. But today he’s alive and well and embellishing his story on his radio sports talk show every chance he gets. He was the hardest work I’ve ever had. So if you’ve got something harder, bring it on. I’m ready for it.”

“Well, try doing that dangling on the end of a rope extended out over a six-thousand-foot drop, then we’ll talk.”

She laughed. “OK, so you’ve got me beat. But let me just say this. The reason you should let me into your program is that, so far, my life has been all about getting myself to a place that’s more of a challenge than the last place I was. I take the risks. I meet the challenges. But I also get the results. If you give me this opportunity—and you know you want to—you stand a fair chance of getting exactly what you want out of this program.” This time when she smiled at him she wrinkled her nose. She hadn’t meant to because it came so close to...flirting. And she didn’t flirt. Never flirted. Never wanted to find herself in the position of having to deal with the results. Yet she’d just wrinkled her nose...

“Which would be...?”

“Me,” she said. “And all my experience.”

“You, the person who doesn’t follow orders. So, tell me. How am I going to deal with that? Because there’s no room for it in my program.”

“Sounds like you’ve just accepted me.”

“Maybe I have.”

“In that case, all I can say is I’ll try to do better. I want this. I don’t want to go over the top and ruin my chances. So I’ll do everything I can to make sure I don’t.”

“Won’t that be fighting the natural woman? Because I see what you’re made of, and I’m not sure you can fight it.”

“Then accept me provisionally, or put me on probation. I want this. I want to be in a place where I’m needed. Where I can make a difference. And I can do that here—for you.”

“Not for me, Carrie. For the people who’ll need you. But you’re tempting me. I’m concerned, though, that we’ve got all kinds of experience here you’ve never had. Mountains, rivers, wilderness, wildlife...” He shrugged. “Since you’ve always been a city girl, you won’t be afraid to take it on, will you?”

“Nothing’s ever scared me.” Not since the night they’d taken her away from her mother and thrown her in a foster home for her own benefit. Her mom had been a drunk. A drug addict. And Carrie remembered lying on the cot in the large room full of other scared kids, listening to so many of them cry. She’d cried, too, that night. She’d become one of the many. But she’d been old enough to realize that she couldn’t be just one of the many if she wanted to survive. She couldn’t be scared. Couldn’t cry. And after that night she hadn’t allowed anything to scare her. She shook her head, clenched her jaw. “No, it doesn’t scare me.”