Loe raamatut: «Secret Memoirs: The Story of Louise, Crown Princess», lehekülg 15

CHAPTER LX
THE DAY OF JUDGMENT LOOMS UP

My Grand Mistress shows her colors – Richard advises flight – I hesitate on account of my children – My Grand Mistress steals a letter from Richard to me – I opine that an adulteress's word is as good as a thief's – I humble my Grand Mistress, but it won't do me much good – Pleasant hours at his studio.

Dresden, October 15, 1902.

That dreadful dream is becoming a heart-breaking reality.

The Tisch entered my boudoir last night in her mantilla, emblem of her office as Grand Mistress.

Some dirty business on hand, I surmised at once.

"Imperial Highness," she said, genuflexing ceremoniously, "I submit that your artist takes too long about the portrait. Your Imperial Highness's visits to the studio must cease."

"Since when do you give orders here, Baroness?"

"His Majesty empowered me," answered the Grand Dame.

"In that case, do as you like, but don't bother me," I cried bravely enough, but trembling in every limb. The Tisch, no doubt, is preparing to deal me another blow.

When I told Richard that henceforth we would have to exercise extra care, he was beside himself with rage.

"Why stand such tyranny?" he cried. "No self-respecting woman, other than royal, would submit for a single week to be bullied and intrigued against and threatened and browbeaten as you are, and they have ill-used you for eleven years. If you were a simple Cit's daughter, instead of the descendant of a decrepit, bloodless family, yclept royal, you would make an end now, leave them to their shabby kingship and be a free woman – free and happy."

My lover forgets the children, but the picture of the free life he draws is most attractive.

"And would you go with me to the end of the earth, as the story books put it?" I asked tremblingly.

"Louise," he answered, "if you are brave enough and strong enough to throw away a crown, I will be your slave for life."

Dresden, October 20, 1902.

"Your Imperial Highness was pleased to call me a thief once," said the Tisch early this morning as she entered my boudoir, triumph written all over her yellow countenance. "You repeated that calumny to the Prince Royal and doubtless to many other persons. Today came the opportunity to live up to my reputation. I stole a letter addressed to you by your present lover, and as Your Imperial Highness is pleased to doubt my authority, immediately sent it to His Majesty. It makes highly interesting reading."

The blow made my knees tremble, but pain and rage came to my assistance, effacing the momentary weakness.

"Don't think for a moment to frighten me," I cried. "I say to your face that I have a lover – a gentleman, not an unspeakable, like your nephew. And now listen: I will tell the King and the press of Europe, if it must be, that it was you, my Grand Mistress, who 'pandered' me to Henry – for – revenue. I will have him whipped out of the army – "

"You don't suppose for a moment that the word of an adulteress would prove acceptable either to His Majesty or anyone else?" hissed the insolent creature.

"My word will be accepted all around," I shouted back, "for I have the proofs, proofs that you smuggled this unspeakable into my household, proofs that you lied to the King in order not to disrupt your nephew's career.

"And I will cry from the house-tops that you discovered my relations with Henry only after I had paid his debts, after I had financed his excursions to gambling-houses and to usurers' dens. Ah, I paid his tailors and glove-makers, his board and lodging, his laundry bills. I paid the alimony due his strumpets, and after all was done, after his lieutenantship had again a clean bill of health, financially speaking, then, and not a moment before, did you step in and make an end of the farce, wherein I played the part of 'angel,' or pay-master."

The Tisch got visibly smaller under my lash. The air of triumph she bore when entering the room gave way to an expression of despair. If she hadn't sent the letter to the King, I believe she would have given it up after I was half through with her.

Once more I hold the whip hand, but what good will it do me since I am condemned to lose the man I love?

At Midnight.

Richard approved of all I said and did. We were unspeakably happy this afternoon, despite the storm threatening us.

I fear neither the King nor Frederick Augustus now, but the fear of Sonnenstein I can't shake off.

If the King takes it upon himself to say that I'm mad, there will be plenty of medical authorities to bear him out, none to oppose him.

Of course, they will separate me from my children and will do their utmost to drive me mad between now and the time when I should be proclaimed Queen.

CHAPTER LXI
A MAD HOUSE FOR LOUISE – PROBABLY

My confidential maid, Lucretia, is banished – The new King has got the incriminating letter, but Frederick Augustus says nothing – On the eve of judgment the King falls ill.

Dresden, October 21, 1902.

This morning, at six, Lucretia rushed into my room. She was in her night-gown. Her hair was loose. No color in her face.

And between sobs and curses she told me that she had orders to leave by ten sharp. "If you dare stay over the appointed time, you will be transported to the frontier on foot, between gendarmes."

"Von Baumann shall come."

I threw a loose wrapper over my night-gown and received him at once.

"My marriage contract provides that no one but I have the right of dismissal with respect to Countess Baranello," I said sharply.

"As long as the lady keeps within the law," replied Baumann with just a trace of insolence in his voice.

I looked at him in astonishment.

"The Countess is guilty of a crime, of a succession of crimes," continued Baumann, "but His Majesty, not wishing to be harsh, decided to treat her merely as an obnoxious foreigner. She has forfeited her right to live in Saxony, and will do well to obey."

I helped poor Lucretia pack. I gave her a handful of jewels, I paid her a year's salary in advance and ordered the treasury to procure first-class passage for her to Rome.

I sent her to the station in my own carriage, and wired to our Rome representative to show her every courtesy.

Afternoon.

Frederick Augustus hasn't said a word to me about the affair with Richard. We have our meals together and his attitude in no wise differs from that usually maintained. Yet I am convinced he knows.

The last service rendered me by Lucretia, gave me great relief. She found out that neither the Tisch, nor Frederick Augustus, nor the King know who "Richard" is. Fortunately his letter was typewritten, signature and all.

Six o'clock.

The King announced his visit for eight o'clock.

Nine o'clock.

The King had a fall in his apartments shortly after he sent me notice of his coming. He was unconscious for two hours.

Safe for the time being!

CHAPTER LXII
KING'S ILLNESS A BOON TO LOVERS

Prayers mixed with joy – Espionage disorganized, and I can do as I please – Love-making in the school-room – Buying a ring for Richard – "Wishing it on" – "Our marriage" – King's life despaired of – My tormentors obsequious – Smile at my peccadilloes – Husband proud of me – My popularity a great asset – Frederick Augustus delighted when he hears that King can't last long – The joyous luncheon at Richard's studio – Making fun of majesties – I expect to be Queen presently.

Dresden, October 22, 1902.

He is dangerously ill. It may be weeks and months before the King recovers – if he recovers at all.

I feel like praying, crying, shouting with joy.

When Richard folded his arms about me this afternoon, I said to myself: "God doesn't begrudge me a lover as kind and good as Richard."

The King's illness has disorganized the espionage, my coming and going are no longer controlled. The body-groom brings in my letters as delivered at the gate.

In the school room, while the children are writing or studying, Richard and I find time to exchange kind words and even an occasional caress. When I "command" the tutor to my apartments, we need fear no surprise.

The utmost quiet prevails in the palace. The courtyard is sanded foot high and strewn with straw to deaden the sound of wheels and horses' hoofs. No more mounting of the guard with fife and drum.

I suggested that the children be sent to the Grosser Garten to play. The Tisch agreed with enthusiasm. This yields us – Richard and myself – two hours of love-making.

Dresden, October 25, 1902.

The King continues ill.

I went into a cheap jeweler's this afternoon and bought an inexpensive ring with a ruby no larger than a pin head. When I gave it to Richard, he grew red with joy.

Strange, he bought a similar ring for me. I shall never wear another ring in my life but Richard's. I pulled my rings off one after the other and threw them on the bed.

I kissed the larger ring and "wished" it on Richard's finger. He did the same with the ring intended for me. And we said, as with a common breath, "Our wedding."

Dresden, November 1, 1902.

A bulletin, by the King's physicians, holds out scant hopes for George's life.

I am watching the palace yard. The Archbishop of Dresden, attended by two court chaplains and a host of other clerics, is just mounting the stairs to administer the last rites of the Church. The next minute may see me Queen of Saxony. I may even be Queen now. I wish I had the effrontery to promise the lackey or official, announcing my enthronization, a handful of gold, as George did, when King Albert was dying.

Even so, I have risen immeasurably in everybody's esteem. The sweet family knows me again. Johann George, Mathilde, Isabelle and Max are kotowing to me. Bernhardt sent me a telegram of condolence – condolence! He is a humorist, that boy.

Minister of the Royal House, Baron Seydwitz, called twice. The Royal Adjutant, General von Carlowitz, spoke of the possibility of giving Bernhardt a command in Dresden. Von Baumann says it was the President of the Police who insisted upon Lucretia's hasty departure. If he, Baumann, had his way, my maid of honor would have got off with a warning.

And you should see the Tisch. She must have spent a month's salary on flowers for me, which I promptly sent to the nearest pauper hospital. She smiles, she nearly breaks her back genuflexing. Her every second word is "most submissive," "will the Imperial Highness deign to do this," that, or the other thing.

The terror got into her old bones and she trembles for her pension, for, of course, she knows that instant dismissal will be her portion.

Frederick Augustus talks of having some more princes and – acts accordingly. Perish the thought that his Louise is an adulteress, that she ever had a lover, has one now!

He is haunting my room, running from door to window, from window to door. Every little while he opens the portières to see if no one's coming to address him "Your Majesty."

"Your popularity with the public is a great asset," he says over and over again. "Lucky devil I, to have a wife as smart as you."

Dresden, November 2, 1902.

Frederick Augustus came running into my room and gave me a bear-hug.

"The doctors say the King is lost. Impossible to keep him alive any longer."

He rushed out.

I am Queen.

After Lunch.

Just back from Richard's studio. We had lunch together. We laughed, we danced, we sang. We bombarded one another with pillows.

We acted the jubilant heirs. I recalled Sybillenort at the time King Albert died. In Saxony, when man or woman shuffles off this mortal coil, there's always a good "feed" at the corpse's expense. At the late King's castle a "mourning breakfast" was served upon the royal family's arrival from Dresden – a most magnificent repast in the matter of plate and victuals offered, but each had to serve himself or herself, as servants were dispensed with.

This by the new King's special orders – that he might hear himself addressed "Your Majesty" by his kith and kin, a formality usually neglected in the family circle except when two or more of the big-wigs are warring against each other.

"Will Your Majesty have one or two lumps of sugar?"

"May it please Your Majesty – some steak?"

"I hope Your Majesty will allow me to peel an orange for Your Majesty."

Thus at Sybillenort. And at Richard's:

"Will Your Greatness (Majesty) deign to take Your Greatness's feather out of my eye?"

Or: "May it never please Your Transparency (Durchlaucht, German for Highness) to let His Greatness see through you."

I am several times a Countess besides a Princess, Duchess, etc., and Richard continued with his paraphrasing of titles:

"Your Illuminatedness⁸ makes lights quite unnecessary," and he switched them off in a room already darkened by blinds and shades and curtains.

CHAPTER LXIII
WHAT I WILL DO WHEN I AM QUEEN

A foretaste: titled servants put me en route for lover – The bargain I will propose to Frederick Augustus – Frederick Augustus will be a complaisant King – To revive Petit Trianon– I am addressed as Queen.

Dresden, November 3, 1902.

Though still styled Crown Princess, I am already revelling in the delights and perquisites of queenship: I do as I please, go where I please, I would think aloud, as I please, if anyone dared me.

For all my enemies of a week ago turned flatterers and flunkeys, bowing, grovelling, fawning, contemptible in their self-abasement, but quite useful to my purposes.

Like most royal palaces, ours at Dresden has a secret staircase and exit for emergencies. It is never used by ladies; only the princes have recourse to it, occasionally, to drop out of sight in mufti, for, of course, royal incognito is more or less legitimate.

"In the evening, after our card party was over, Catherine was seen to dismiss her court and retire to her private apartments with the new favorite," say the Secret Memoirs of the Court of St. Petersburg.

Less publicly, perhaps, but even more illegitimately, I walk the secret staircase en route for my lover whenever I please nowadays.

I go veiled and – make the Grand Mistress open the door for me. She knows that I am on sweet pleasure bent and – smiles.

"When will Your Imperial Highness deign to return?"

I name the hour and she is there to receive me – smirking, blind, deaf and dumb.

A foretaste of my queenship paradise! No one will boss me, no one will dare talk about me, everything I do will be good, even sublime.

I made up my mind as to Frederick Augustus.

"Frederick Augustus," I will say to him, "now that we are King and Queen, let's enjoy to the full the thing's emoluments; otherwise, what's the use? You will allow me to go my way and I will certainly shut both eyes as to your doings, even if you follow in the footsteps of your namesake of the three-hundred-and-fifty-two."

Of course, I will say it differently, but my husband will understand. The main thing: the royal family and court must stop hurling at me the long, watery haussez les mains of narrow-minded, provincial inquisitiveness, which both oppresses and goads me.

Frederick Augustus has too much respect for the kingly dignity to impugn his partner, the Queen.

Will I revive, then, the seraglios of the Russian Anns and Elizabeths, or start a new Parc aux Cerfs with strong men and Marathon winners for inmates? Thank you, a miniature Petit Trianon will be good enough for me.

The Tisch entered a minute ago and respectfully remains at the door, though she sees I am engaged on my Diary. I watch her in the mirror. She would travel bare-foot to Kevlaar, of which Heinrich Heine sung, for a glimpse of what I wrote. Her variegated grimaces give her the appearance of a carved wooden devil, sprinkled with holy water.

At last I deign to inquire: "What is it, Baroness?"

"The Crown Prince wants to see Your Imperial Highness. May he come in?"

"Since when does my husband send you to announce him?"

"Pardon, Your Imperial Highness, I meant Prince George."

Designating my first-born Prince Royal, means recognizing me as Queen.

And, but ten days ago, this same viper refused to address me by my proper title.

CHAPTER LXIV
THE KING IS ALIVE AND PUNISHMENT NEAR

My queenship postponed – King George publicly acclaimed – Cuts me dead in church – Frederick Augustus's disappointment – Terrible power of a king over his family, and no appeal – I am like the nude witch of old.

Dresden, November 10, 1902.

The King has taken nourishment. The King will not die – he will live and punish me. Still, I must not complain. I had a respite and Richard says, "when one rises from the dead, one is less inclined to be severe with the living." But he grew rather despondent immediately.

"La liberté est une garce, qui ne se laisse monter que sur des matelas des cadavres humains!" he quoted Comte Mirabeau. Our corpse was alive, our liberty is dead for the time being.

Dresden, November 15, 1902.

The King went driving this morning and I am told that he came home well pleased, for there was lusty cheering along the line. Frederick Augustus hasn't mentioned my affair at all. Disappointment made him rather gloomy and he begins to treat me again in the right royal Saxon fashion: I am air for His Highness.

After Supper.

The family will wait upon His Majesty in a body tomorrow, to congratulate him on his recovery. After that, Te Deum in the cathedral, which the court and authorities must attend by command.

"Your Imperial Highness's pew will be in readiness, but my sublime master has not deigned to graciously announce that he wishes to receive Your Imperial Highness," – this from the toad Baumann, who but yesterday licked my boots.

Dresden, November 16, 1902.

Another straw indicating the direction of the wind – the ill-wind.

King George commanded Bernhardt to be madman no longer and come and live in Dresden. Since his arrival he has paid assiduous court to all members of the royal family, but me. He called on the royal ministers, the courtiers, the high civil authorities, but my apartments have seen him not. I don't blame the boy for making the best of the situation, but was it really necessary to offer gratuitous insult to the only relative that stood by him when in trouble?

Doubtless, he took his cue from the King, who cut me dead while, with the rest, I thanked God for his recovery.

November 20, 1902.

The Tisch is openly talking Sonnenstein. "The royal apartments are ready for her reception," she let fall yesterday.

Old Andrew, my confidential servant, told me.

She shows me the face of a bull-dog about to spring at a victim, a sea-green devil filled with vinegar and gall, but affects icy courtesy.

Frederick Augustus is down in the mouth. If he knows of any evil intention against me, he evidently made up his mind to hold his tongue and avoid scenes.

Richard keeps on saying: "Don't worry. After all, what can they do to you?" He doesn't know, or doesn't want to understand that, while the law holds out protection for all, from pedlars and vagabonds to and including prime ministers, royalty itself is only technically above the law; in praxis we are beyond the benefits of all law, human and otherwise.

To be sure, a Cit is sometimes unjustly treated, but with tenacity and a small amount of courage, he finds his remedy in the courts and in the press.

To royal princes and princesses the King is both judge and executioner, as the cases of the Duke of Saxony and Bernhardt show. Maybe it pleases His Majesty to cloak his tyranny by convoking a commission, but what of it, since the commission is invariably made up of his creatures, trained, if not commanded, to do the all-highest will and nothing but the all-highest will?

As in days gone by, the poor "witch" – if she be young and comely – must face her accusers naked, the sworn torturer at her elbow, so I have no standing in law or decency before the Powers over social life or death in our sphere of society.

If there be blemishes in my character, the King sees them magnified by the sharp tongues of evil creatures, his spies. There is no privacy. I must submit to be stared at, to have my flesh lacerated by curious eyes, and, as in the case of the old-time "witches," the handsomest were condemned the quicker because "the devil was more liable to choose them for an abode than ugly ones," so my very beauty will hasten my destruction.