How to get married and not to get divorced in a couple of months. Manual for newlyweds

I’m grateful to my husband Sergei for his emotional experience, his love and care with which he surrounds me.

For my son Kirill, who grew up a decent and hardworking man, having a perfect example of a real man before his eyes.

For my talented and beautiful daughter Svetlana, who grows a self-confident girl and makes everybody happy with her tenderness and kindness.

Introduction

I am a loving and beloved woman, a wife, a mother of two children – an adult son and a teenage daughter. I thought about finding a book for them that will help to choose a spouse, and, the most important thing is to make the future marriage truly happy. So first of all, I surfed the Internet, and then I went to the store to look for something suitable. And do you know what I found? Nothing!

What can I do? Just sit down and start writing… I think my thoughts will be interesting not only to my children, but they will help to see the underwater stones of a happy marriage for many people. You will find not only my thoughts about life, relationships and family life, but also a lot of gender secrets, intriguing and cognitive.

As I believe that the main thing in family relations is the ability to laugh, so the book is filled with cheerful and sad sayings, stories and anecdotes. Do not blame me if anything goes wrong: first of all, I am a mother, and you can forgive a mother for many things, including a style – sometimes edifying, sometimes – interrogative, but always – a loving one…

The book for him

Chapter 1
How to choose a wife or Like father, like son

And the Lord promised a man that good and obedient wives could be found in every corner of the Earth. And then he smiled and made the Earth round…

Exactly! It’s the old story but don’t minimize the importance of this information. When you meet a girl and fall madly in love with her, you shouldn’t forget: she is not alone, she has a whole «bunch» of relatives, even if the girl is an orphan. And all of them will secretly or explicitly appear in your life – in behavior, in appearance and talents of your children – so be sure to find an opportunity and try to learn everything about her father and mother, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts.

«What for? – you will ask me – I love her so much! And she has no flaws!». I want to believe in it! But why is a divorce rate so high? Did all these princesses immediately become real witches as soon as they were put a wedding ring on their finger? Everything is very simple: we all are from the past. We were born and brought up by mothers and fathers, who had their own ideas about family values and rules of behavior in the family. You just need to know what they are built on, what is the value in her family, and what is not important. Do you understand and accept the rules of behavior and relationships in her family?

Life example

«Relatives are like New year – if you want it or not – they will come anyway»

Sergei was madly in love with Helena – she was perfect: smart, beautiful and from a good family. He had already decided to make a marriage proposal to his beloved but accidentally he overheard a neighbor's conversation, who was loudly complaining about Helena’s mother’s swearing and loud cries from their apartment.

It was an unpleasant surprise for Sergei because he grew up in a family where no one ever shouted at anyone, where it was customary to negotiate everything. He decided to postpone the wedding and look at the role of a man in the family of the woman he loved. And, as it turned out, for a good reason.

It turned out that Elena's father did not have the right to tell anything in the family, although he was a fairly successful businessman. More than once he was trying to leave, and only his decency and thoughts about two children kept him from taking this step. Helena's mother turned out to be an ungrateful and spoiled hysterical woman who was accustomed to achieve everything with shouts and scandals. Of course, Sergei admitted that Helen might be different in their family, but the only thought that her mother would come to his house and try to teach her daughter by virtue of her character – and she, of course, would come! – terrified him. And, of course, the grandmother will have an influence on his children in future.

Sergei had a very serious conversation with his beloved girl about the role of her mother in their family. Helen said her mother had a difficult character but she would not ignore her in their family life. Sergei made a complicated decision to break up. Only time will tell if he is right or not but caution and attentiveness will not hurt anyone in this situation.

The most important thing of this story is that the young man began to discuss the future family with his girlfriend. Few people do this but one of the most important factors of successful family life is the ability to speak frankly about everything, because without it you’ll find out nothing about a person you want to connect your life.

Think about your future family. Imagine it. It’s necessary to analyze your parents’ mistakes especially if they got divorced. Prepare to family relations and look closely not only at your girlfriend but at everybody who can have an influence on your family prosperity – her family – because endowments, features of character, commitment to family values, etc. are formed there, in her inner circle.

If she has grown up in a friendly and open atmosphere where people get used to stick together at any difficult situation, where your values and interests and her relatives’ ones interlace and the family for her is not the empty phrase – you are lucky!

But perhaps there can be the opposite situation, at the slightest problem she will rush to that place where she is appreciated and loved and where she will be always offered a helping hand to overcome the family misfortune. Then you’ll see neither her nor your child – such things have happened…

That’s why talk and check! Look and observe how she behaves at difficult situations, how she emerges from a conflict – on her own or following the advice of important people: relatives, friends, etc. From this we can conclude who is in front of you and how high you are valued.

Life example

Maria was 35, Egor was 37. She worked in a bank and he, Candidate of Physical and Mathematical Sciences, worked for one of the top-tier consulting firms. Both were Moscow residents. They met and fell in love. They applied to registry office in a half a year. The baby was born, and a young mother absolutely changed. Egor was met by always complaining wife, who didn’t have time for cooking, washing, ironing. He couldn’t understand: where was that gentle and understanding woman? Where was she? Mutual irritation had been accumulating until it turned into open hostility, and a divorce followed. The son was left without a father… Maria did everything they would never meet again, and she returned to her loving and understanding parents in her nest where no one ever required anything from her.

So, it happens: they seem like adult people, but they didn’t talk about it and looked in different directions, so their goals were completely different!

Ask! Feel free to ask questions! Listen to her reasoning! I understand this is boring, I understand you can fall asleep listening this twitter, but let it be better, as at that joke, when two friends meet and one of them asks:

– Hi! Did you have good time? Have you ever talked to your girlfriend about anything?

– You won’t believe: her tongue has even tanned!

Let her say, speak, tell, share, confess, but you listen and conclude why she is with you.

Chapter 2
Should you rebuild you partner for yourself?

Odessa. The wife says to her husband lying on the sofa:

– Sema, do you want coffee?

– Yes!

– So, get up and make!

-Then not.

– So, lie and do not tell a lie!

When we have the honeymoon phase of our relationship, we are often ready to do everything to please our partner. I deliberately do not use the word “beloved”, because this is not always the case, but on the contrary, more often it comes to meetings people you like or you need this person for one reason or another.

And we start to pretend we are not in reality: miserly – generous, lazy – quick, dirty – neat, etc. But time runs, and after a couple of months you can observe changes in the behavior and mood of the partner. Most of them are noticeable for those who begin to live together and communicate with a person every day. It becomes an unpleasant surprise for majority especially if you are in a hurry and have managed to “dirty” the passport with a marriage stamp. Moreover, it’s awful if the bride is pregnant or has already given birth and is completely unable and unwilling to take care of the child, or to take care of herself.

The last thing is the main fear for so many men – a fat and scruffy woman at home!

How to predict a similar metamorphosis? Is it possible to influence the situation? Of course, it’s possible! First of all, pay attention to her family: in what conditions did your girlfriend grow up, what was she used to? Neither any wealth in the family, nor the education play an important role. This is a question of habits, education, or personal qualities inherent in the individual. Anyway, it can be corrected. To tell the truth, in the case of habit it’s slower because if a girl isn’t used to do housework, then she will have that standard of cleanliness which was formed in her family or the place she was educated.

If she grew up in a family where certain habits were instilled from childhood – washing, cleaning, ironing – and she liked it and enjoyed it, so in new relationships she will do it without any enforcement, it is natural for her. But if she was forced to do this from childhood, then, most likely, she would not like to do household chores and she would try not to notice things and garbage lying around the house.

And here it is very important to start gently and tactfully engaging her in cleaning. First, together, and always praise for any initiative! Be patient! Even if she dyed your favorite shirt, having washed it with colored things; even if she chopped up a pile of dishes and the cookbook accidentally fell into the pan, praise her for her wonderful souptitles. All of this is not important! The main thing is that she began to budge and try. She is not your mother, she has no experience in managing a house, and it is very important for her to gain confidence in her abilities and skills, and you should help her with this!

Your task is to ignore these problems and praise her too salty soup, burnt cutlets, overroasted fish, awful pancakes and pies, stuffed with uneatable filling. Everything will be alright! Be patient to her work and efforts, and one day you will come to the house with a smell of delicious food. You will look around, kiss your little hostess and praise yourself for your intelligence, courage and pedagogical gift!

Summing up, we can say the following. Initially, when you have only met a person, ask yourself: “Who is she for me?” And if your answer is: “This is exactly the person I want to see next to me in five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five and etc. years ", then a surprise is waiting for you!

The fact is that a person’s character can change beyond recognition and changes every seven or ten years. For somebody, these are years of destruction and adversity, and one person becomes harder, more enduring and stress-resistant, while a different person breaks down under the weight of tests and begins to go with the flow. And your task is to determine who you have chosen for yourself. Will this person be what you imagine him to be? And won’t your girl return again to her habitual manner and habits which are so unpleasant to you? Should you give her any slack?

To summarize: a woman has a great need to talk to you. Even if you do not want to, you need to talk! About everything! Only by asking direct questions and getting full answers, discussing and listening to each other, you can build a real trust relationship with your woman.

And remember that only sincere and honest communication will lead to friendly relations. If a woman realizes that something is being concealed from her, that you get out of something, she begins to feel the danger and stop trusting her partner. And she begins to figure out! And she can imagine such a fantasy that you could ever dream of!

Chapter 3
Secrets of female sexuality

After the wedding night. He:

– Honey, I realize that I’m not the first!

She (smoking):

– Yes. And I realize that you’re not the last…

I have to say that the woman’s sexuality is a largely unexplored topic. And as more men are interested in it as more myths appear. Considering this topic from a physiological point of view, I will note that the effect of sex on marital life is extremely important for a woman.

When you first meet a woman, you pay attention to her external signs of sexuality: bosom, legs, waist. But this is only the top of the iceberg, and a completely inexperienced woman who knows nothing about her sexuality can be hidden behind external maturity.

What do you need to try to learn first?

1. Does she have any health problems (gynecology, thyroid gland, vascular diseases, diabetes mellitus)?

Do not be shy! Of course, these questions should be asked very correctly, but it’s impossible without them, because the health of her and her children is at stake. If there are problems, first of all she must heal and then plan to create a full-fledged family.

2. It is advisable to learn about her first relationship experience with a man: was it traumatic for her?

3. Does she have an orgasm?

4. What kind of sex does she prefer?

And let her laugh, but make her answer these key questions! Then you will understand how important it is to know because it will affect your whole life together. Let me explain why.

Women are great dreamers and actresses, but often this is what pushes them into the bottomless pit of lies and secrecy.

She is unpleasant, but she will depict pleasure. What for? Because it is accepted; in the stories of friends, movies, novels – everywhere they say that she should enjoy sex! And if it is not, then she must accept that not everything is all right with her. She is not accustomed to discuss these questions, there is practically no literature about this. I’m not talking about porn movies where every girl is a sex bomb with animal breeding instinct… Against this background, she really begins to feel differently – not like as it must be. He only touched her, and she already sighed and moaned, like she finished…

I'll tell you what you need to pay attention to, and what is not necessary.

She has already chosen you, which means that she undoubtedly likes you, and your task is «to be on top». Know and always remember that the main organ of pleasure is in her head! Yes, it is the place where the female orgasm is formed. And it is precisely this place that must be taken care of above all, rousing a woman. But from what place it will “flow” – that you will learn, having carefully studied it. The stuffed point G may not be between her legs at all, but somewhere under her knee or on her neck, and she can even change the dislocation… Study her, being very generous with your time, find out what she likes – tenderness, perseverance, speed or duration; in any case, I can say: the main thing – do not hurry!

Try to study the massage – starting from the feet, smoothly moving upwards along the body, gently stroking and cheering her on sexual exploits with soft movements. A woman is known to love with her ears, so do not forget to tell her how special, beautiful, and beloved she is. Do not forget to send her an SMS with declarations of love, but do not overdo it, otherwise she will think that you have nothing else to do. Pay special attention to her sleep: if a woman gets enough sleep, then her psychophysiological state will be in order and she will certainly try to please you too.

From a technical point of view, do not forget about additional ways to excite her: these are massagers and lubricants for intimacy with various pleasant effects, and sex toys, and everything that will help her to relax and enjoy as much as possible. Learn it: what touches her most? Eyes? Watch some erotic movie. Ears? Whisper to her, what a beauty she is. Touch? Often touch the most sensitive places, such women like kisses, strokes, touches… This is very important! Since few women dare to offer something new, basically the initiative comes from the man.

The attitude towards sex is very important in her family. Pay attention whether there is an atmosphere of openness between her parents. A girl who grew up in a complete family, where parents are not shy about showing their attitude towards each other – hugging, kissing, flirting – she will build the same relationship in your family.

Chapter 4
Sexual debut with a future wife: how does it differ from ordinary sex with a girl?

Life example

Revaz, an inexperienced boy of 20, had been dating 18-year-old virgin Anna for two years. They only kissed a couple of times. And, finally, their wedding day came… On the eve of the first wedding night, Revaz's father sat down for a “master class” in front of the television – to watch porn and talk about sex. The guy asked in surprise: “Dad, why are they screaming like that?” – “It's from pleasure,” he answered.

On the wedding night, Revaz passionately attacked his young wife. He perceived her screams as an expression of pleasure. The blood that appeared did not embarrass him either – he was sure that she was a virgin. After the third episode, she calmed down and no longer screamed – she died. In the forensic report, it was recorded that "as a result of a woman's vaginal spasm, which was overcome by a man by force, a rupture of the vagina was formed."

The young husband didn’t know that the girl also had hemophilia.

Is it a sad story? Yes, it is. And the same mistake – they were talking but not about that… So, if you want your first experience to be positive, you need to do the following:

– I repeat, you should know the nuances related to the health of your bride;

– treat her like a crystal vase: gently and carefully.

The debut of your sexual relationship will be remembered forever, so you should take care of the details: scented candles, quiet music, tasty wine, new bed linen.

The main thing is not to be led to her tricks, even if she is rushing you so that she won’t be able to “average” your sexual relationship. Know that women don't leave such a man, they always remember him, they think about him and are very afraid of losing.

The woman has a great need for tenderness. Drawing pictures full of sexual fantasies, she imagines caresses, kisses and gentle touches in her head. It relaxes a woman and gives her pleasure, which she likes to remember later.

Remember about contraception! Condoms and lubricants should always be kept handy – this is very important because your sex must be protected. Prevent an unplanned pregnancy, while you are not sure. It shouldn’t happen like in that joke: "One awkward movement – and you are a father." And do not hope for her in this matter: you are the main “giver”, and it depends on you whether the child will be or not. It’s unusually to read, right? However, you must admit, this is true!

Carefully follow your beloved, for her mood and well-being. If she is not ready, postpone your debut until tomorrow, she will definitely appreciate it. You must be alone! No one should hear or see you. Close the door so that no one can enter.

It is assumed that you have to live a long and happy life with this person, take it as a rule to study her menstrual cycle, and also to find out during what period she is ovulating: you will understand her mood swings (women usually become more irritable several days before menstruation and during it). Moreover, you also need to know what day she is ovulating, if you don’t want to get a surprise in nine months.

As it was mentioned above, the harmony of marital relations to a certain extent depends on the motives of the future spouses to marry. Of course, it is believed that the overwhelming majority of men and women enter into a marriage union for love, but the strength of this feeling changes with age and under the influence of all sorts of adversities, therefore the main task is its preservation and multiplication. Key moments in life such as the sexual debut leave wonderful memories, and it will be an additional “bridge” for female love, so that it will not disappear.

And stop talking about her! Let’s talk about you. It usually happens that the first sex or the sex with a new partner is very confused and fast. It’s because of your hormones that are in a hurry to take advantage of the situation. As a result, you have premature ejaculation, if you just touch a naked woman.

So, what do you do? Should you be led by your hormones? Of course, but don’t do it spontaneously, try to prepare. In order not to become a “minute man” and not to look inexperienced and funny in the eyes of your partner, try to create suitable conditions for yourself:

– A glass of wine (do not overdo with alcohol, it is also a common mistake for inexperienced guys!);

– a darkened room (but not total darkness, you must see a partner);

– do not rush! Petting should be slow and gentle, it is necessary to increase the pace slowly, carefully listening to yourself. The main thing is to look at all her body kissing and do not hesitate to ask her for help if it is required;

– do not forget about the condom! You will not only protect yourself and your girlfriend from an unwanted pregnancy, but you can at least slightly reduce the sensitivity of the penis, which will be very useful in this case;

– do not forget about the lubricant: apply it on the condom after putting it on, this will add ease of sliding to you (and this is what prolongs sexual intercourse!) And it will add pleasant sensations to the girl.

If you have no experience at all or it is insufficient or unsuccessful, do not dwell on it, this is not a reason for complexes! Everything will come with time.

And I also want to add: you should know that the size and structure of the partner's vagina adapts a bit to a regular partner after a while, so your sex will be more and more pleasant for both of you each time, and let you do it as in that joke:

– You know, I want to admit to you, I have no experience at all, I am a virgin! I’ve dreamed only of you and saved myself for you!

I don’t even know what to tell you… Actually, I always like experienced men.

– And I am a very experienced virgin!