Loe raamatut: «A Soldier for Christmas»
No matter how hard she tried to stop the caring from creeping into her heart, she couldn’t.
She liked Mitch Dalton. She liked him very much.
“Why do you love pearls?” He studied her, waiting.
“Everyone knows that a pearl starts with a tiny grain of sand, but to me, it’s like faith. We are like that grain of sand and it’s God’s grace that can cloak us and make us shine, if we are humble and faithful enough. In the end, it’s a thing of true beauty.”
“Yes, it certainly is.”
He wasn’t looking at the pearl. But at her. Somehow his gaze deepened and there he went, somehow feeling too intimate, as if he could see too much. But how could he look past the layers of defense in which she cloaked herself so carefully?
JILLIAN HART
makes her home in Washington State, where she has lived most of her life. When Jillian is not hard at work on her next story, she loves to read, go to lunch with her friends and spend quiet evenings with her family.
A Soldier for Christmas
Jillian Hart
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in His word I put my hope.
—Psalms 130:5
To Frank Heidt. Thanks for taking the time
to answer my questions about Force Recon,
I’ll keep your family in prayer, always.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Letter to Reader
Questions for Discussion
Chapter One
Kelly Logan closed the textbook with a huff and blinked hard to bring the Christian bookstore where she worked into focus.
Math. It was so not fair that she, a twenty-four-year-old college student, had to take the required course so she could graduate. She intentionally hadn’t thought about quadratic equations since high school, which was six years ago. Hello? Who would want to have to think about this stuff? Unfortunately, she was paying good tuition money to have to think about this stuff. She rubbed her forehead in the hopes that her equation-induced headache would go away.
No such luck. Pain pounded against her temples as though someone was inside her skull, beating her with a mallet. Lovely. She’d been studying algebra for thirty minutes in the quiet lull of a Friday afternoon. Thirty minutes was all it took for her neurotransmitters to quit working in protest. Not that she blamed them. Definitely time for a study break before her head imploded. She leaned a little to the left over the counter to check on the store’s only customer, busily browsing in the devotionals display. “Do you need any help, Opal?”
“Any more of your help and I’ll break my budget, honey.” Elderly Mrs. Opal Finch wandered away from the decorated table with a small book in hand. “I got this one. The one you recommended. I see one of your bosses put up a written recommendation on it, too.”
“Katherine has exquisite taste.”
Opal slipped the book onto the counter. “Since when have you two steered me wrong? It’s such a pretty cover, I couldn’t resist.”
“Neither could I. I bought it today—payday.” Kelly gestured toward the identical small pink book next to her textbooks before she rang up the sale. “I already took a peek at it. The first day’s devotion is awesome.”
“Wonderful. Are you going to want to see my identification? That new girl did last time I was here.”
“Nope, I know your account number by heart.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Opal’s merry green eyes sparkled with amusement. “So you can verify my senior citizen discount! It’s a hoot, that’s what it is, questioning my age. Oh my, it’s good for the soul.”
“You look eighty-three years young to me,” Kelly assured the lovely octogenarian as she scribbled down the purchase on an in-house charge slip.
“Bless you, dear, I surely appreciate that. And I don’t need a bag, sweetie. Conservation, you know.” She opened her wide paisley-patterned purse, hanging by sturdy straps from her forearm.
Kelly leaned over the counter to slip the book and receipt into the cavernous purse. “Thanks for coming by. You stop in and tell me how you like the devotional, okay?”
“I most certainly will.” Opal snapped her purse shut, her smile beaming and her spirit shining through. “Don’t study too hard. An education is important, but don’t you forget. There are greater blessings in this life.”
In yours, yes. Kelly filed the in-house copy of the charge slip in the till and held back the shadows in her heart. She feared that a happy family may not have been in God’s plan for her. Sometimes it was hard to accept, to see the reason why she’d been given the parents she had.
Some days it was all she could do to have faith.
“Kelly, dear,” Opal called over her shoulder on the way to the door. “Be sure and tell Katherine good-bye for me. That girl works too much!”
“I’d tell her that, but she won’t listen.”
The bell over the front door chimed cheerfully as it swung open with a force hard enough to keep the bell tinkling a few extra times.
“Let me hold the door for you, ma’am.” A man’s rugged baritone sounded as warm as the intense August sunshine, and the bell jingled again as he stepped aside, holding the door wide as Opal passed through.
Something puzzled her. His voice. There was something about it. Kelly couldn’t see him well because of the glare of bright sunlight slanting through the open window blinds lining the front of the store.
All she saw of the newcomer was his silhouette cutting through the strong lemony rays of the western sun. It was a silhouette cut so fine, everything within her stilled, awestruck by the iron-strong impression of his wide-shouldered outline.
“Why, thank you, sir,” Opal’s genteel alto rang with admiration. “You’re a fine gentleman.”
“You have a nice afternoon, ma’am.” He stepped out of the touch of the light. His shadowed form became substance—a fit, capable soldier dressed in military camouflage, who looked as if he’d just walked off the front page of the newspaper and into the bookstore.
Wow. Definitely, one of the good guys.
“Good afternoon.” The soldier removed his hat, the floppy brimmed kind that was camouflage, too, revealing his thick, short jet-black hair. He nodded crisply in her direction.
“Uh. G-good afternoon.” Was that really her voice? It sounded as if she had peanut butter stuck in her throat. Totally embarrassing. “Do you need any help?”
“I might. I’ll let you know.” He stood too far away for her to see the color of his eyes accurately, but his gaze was direct and commanding.
And familiar. There was something about him. It wasn’t uncommon for soldiers to find their way in here, down from the army base up north.
Could he be a repeat customer? She considered him more carefully. No, she sure didn’t think he’d been in before. His face was more rugged than handsome, masculine and distinctive with piercing hazel eyes, a sharp blade of a nose and square granite jaw.
Kelly, you’re gawking at the guy. Again, a little embarrassing, so she went in search through her backpack instead. Her aspirin bottle was in there somewhere—
“Hey, I know you. You’re Kelly, right? Kelly Logan?” The handsome warrior grinned at her, slow and wide, showing straight, even white teeth. Twin dimples cut into lean, sun-browned cheeks. “South Valley High. You don’t remember me, do you?”
Then she recognized the little upward crick in the corner of his mouth, making the left side of his smile higher than the right. Like a video on rewind, time reeled backward and she saw the remembered image of a younger, rangy teenage boy.
“Mitch? From sophomore math class. No, it can’t be—” Like a cold spray from the leading edge of an avalanche, she felt the slap and the cold. The past rolled over her, and she deliberately shut out the painful blast and held onto the memories of the man standing before her. The shy honors student who’d let her, the new girl, check her homework answers against his for the entire spring quarter.
“Yep, it’s me.” A very mature Mitch Dalton strode toward her with a leader’s confidence. “How are you?”
“Good.” A sweet pang kicked to life in her chest. She remembered the girl she used to be. A girl who had stubbornly clung to the misguided hope that her life would be filled with love—one day. Who had still believed in dreaming. “You have changed in a major way.”
“Only on the outside. I’m still a shy nerd down deep.”
“You don’t look it.” She glanced at the pile of textbooks on the counter. She, on the other hand, was still a shy bookish girl—and looked it.
“You haven’t changed much.” Mitch halted at the edge of the counter, all six feet plus of solid muscle, towering over her. “I would have known you anywhere.”
“Why? Because—wait, don’t answer that.” She saw the girl she’d been, so lost, so alone, in and out of foster care and relatives’ homes. She belonged nowhere, and that had been a brand she’d felt as clearly as if it had been in neon, flashing on her forehead. She still did.
Forget the past. Life was easier to manage when she looked forward and not back.
Mitch jammed his big hands on his hips, and the pose merely emphasized his size and strength. “It’s been a long time since we sat in Mr. Metzer’s advanced algebra class.”
“Math. You had to go and remind me of that particular torture. I was lost until you took pity on me and gave me a little help. I wouldn’t have passed Algebra Two without you.”
“Math’s not so bad. I’m planning on getting a math degree after I get out next summer.”
“Out of the army?”
“Please. I’m a marine.”
“I should have known. The distinctive camouflage outfit gives it away. Not.”
His left eyebrow quirked as he glanced down at his uniform and then at his name on his pocket—M. Dalton. “Did you really remember me, or did you just read the tag?”
“You were too far away when you walked in. So, this is what you’ve been doing since high school?”
“Yep. Being a soldier keeps me busy and out of trouble.”
Kelly wasn’t fooled. His hazel eyes sparkled with hints of green and gold, and humor drew fine character lines around his mouth. He didn’t look as if he caused trouble. No, he looked as if he stopped trouble when it happened. “Are you stationed up north?”
“It’s only temporary. I’m here for more training. Then it’s back to California, and the desert after that. They keep me pretty busy.”
“The desert, as in the Middle East? Like, in combat?”
“That’s what soldiers do.” His smile faded. He watched her with a serious, unblinking gaze, as if he wanted to change subjects. “How’s Joe doing?”
“J-Joe.” She froze in shock. Didn’t Mitch know what had happened? Her chest clogged tight, as if she were buried under a mountain of snow. She wanted to be anywhere, anywhere but here. Talking about anything, anyone.
It felt as if an eternity had passed, but it had to be only the space between one breath and the next.
Silent, Mitch loomed over her, the surface of the wooden counter standing between them wide as the Grand Canyon. The late-afternoon sun sheened on the polished counter, or maybe it was the pain in her eyes that made it seem so bright. Looking through that glare and up into Mitch’s face was tough. It was tougher still to try to talk about her broken dreams. They were too personal.
She’d stopped trusting anyone with those vulnerable places within her when she’d buried Joe.
And that’s the way she still wanted it.
She slipped her left hand into her jeans pocket so he wouldn’t see that there was no ring. She could not bring herself to answer him as the seconds stretched out longer and longer and she looked down at the counter, too numb to think of anything to say, even to change the subject.
The truth of the past remained, unyielding and something she could not go back and change. There were a lot of things in her life she would have wanted to be different. A man as forthright and strong as Mitch Dalton wouldn’t understand that. Not at all.
The phone jingled, like a sign from above to move on and let go. She had a reason to step away from the tough marine watching her, as if he could see right into her.
“Excuse me,” she said to him and turned away to snatch the phone from the cradle. “Corner Christian Books. How can I help you? Oh, hello, Mrs. Brisbane.”
Mitch retreated from the counter, captivated by Kelly’s warm, sweet voice. It was still the same.
She was not—quiet, yes, sweet, yes, but wounded. So, what had happened?
Years ago, the first time he’d come home on a much-deserved quick break from his Force Recon training, he’d gotten up the courage to ask his mom first about any hometown news. And then about Kelly in particular.
She’s marrying that McKaslin boy she’s been dating, Mom had said.
Married. That word had struck him like a bullet against a flak jacket and he’d hidden his disappointment. That had been the last time he’d asked about Kelly Logan.
She wasn’t married now, whatever had happened. As he sank into the rows of books, he cast another glance in Kelly’s direction. Her gentle tone continued. Clearly she knew and liked the customer who’d called. But this didn’t interest him so much as what he could read by simply looking at her. The way she held herself so tightly and defensively, as if she were protecting the deepest places in her heart. The way her smile didn’t reach her pretty blue eyes. Sadness clung to the corners of her soft mouth and made her wide almond-shaped eyes look too big in her fragile heart-shaped face.
How much of that sadness had he made worse by putting his foot in his mouth? Troubled, he turned his back, determined to leave thoughts of the woman behind, but they followed him through the long shelves of Bibles and into the Christian fiction rows. He still reeled from the raw pain he’d recognized in Kelly’s eyes.
He’d been so wrapped up in his life, in his demanding job and nearly constant deployments, that he’d almost forgotten that heartbreak and tragedy happened off the battlefield, too.
Pain. He hated that she’d been hurt. He hated that he’d been the one to bring up the past. He should have looked at her hand first, the ringless left hand she’d been trying to hide from him, before he’d said anything. Something had happened to her, something painful, and he was sorry about that.
Wasn’t pain the result of relationships? He saw it all the time. Marriages failed all around him, it happened to his friends, his team members, marines he barely knew and to his commanding officers.
Between the betrayal when a spouse broke wedding vows or changed into a different person, and the grief when love ended, he didn’t know how anyone could give their hearts at all, ever, knowing the risks. Knowing the pain.
That was why he kept clear of relationships. Not only did he not have much free time to get to know a woman, but he wondered how anyone knew when it was the real thing—the kind of love that lasted, the kind his parents had—or the kind of relationship that ended with devastation.
Either way, it was a lot more risk than he’d felt comfortable with.
So, why was he searching for a view of Kelly? From where he stood, the solid wooden bookshelves blocked the front counter, so he stepped a little to his left until he could see her reflected in the glass like a mirror. Perfect.
He wanted to say it was guilt, of bringing up something painful that had happened with Joe, that made him notice the way the soft fluff of her golden bangs covered her forehead and framed her big, wide eyes. And how the curve of her cheek and jaw looked as smooth as rose petals. Her hair curled past her jawline and fell against the graceful line of her neck to curl against the lace of her blouse’s collar.
But that wasn’t the truth. Guilt wasn’t why he was noticing her. Concern wasn’t the only reason he couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away. He was interested. He was stationed here for a short stint, that was all, and he wasn’t looking for anything serious—that was a scary thought.
No, he wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t have time for that. He wasn’t a teenaged kid anymore with an innocent crush, and by the look of things, Kelly’d had her heart broken. She probably wasn’t looking, either.
He’d come here to find a gift—nothing more—and he’d be smart to get to it. That was the sensible thing to do. He wandered back to the aisle of Bibles, determined to keep his attention focused squarely on his difficult mission: finding a suitable birthday gift.
The rustle of her movements jerked his attention back to her. He was at the end of the row, giving him a perfect view of Kelly. She’d hung up the phone and was circling around the edge of the long front counter. She was keeping her eyes low and intentionally not looking his way, but he kept observing her as he went on with his browsing.
He couldn’t say why he watched her as she padded to the far edge of the store. Or why he noticed how elegant she looked in a simple pink cotton blouse and slim khaki pants. It was a mystery. He wanted to attribute it to his training—the marines had trained him well and paid him to observe, but that wasn’t it at all. Not truthfully.
He couldn’t say why, but he listened to the whisper of her movements and kept listening…even after she’d disappeared from his sight.
Chapter Two
Was it her imagination, or was he watching her?
Kelly slipped the inspirational romance from its spot on the shelf. Her gaze shot between the open book bay to watch the hunky soldier’s broad back, which was all she could see of him. Mitch stood with his feet braced apart, browsing through the devotionals display midway across the store.
No, he’s not even looking my way, she thought, shaking her head and hurrying back to the cash desk. Besides, he seemed totally absorbed in his browsing as he set down one book and reached for another. He was the only customer in the store, and if he wasn’t noticing her, then no one was.
Okay, so she was nuts, but she still felt…watched. She remembered the impact of his gaze, and how tangible it had felt. She kept a careful eye on him as she returned to the front.
Although he didn’t lift his head or turn in her direction, she felt monitored the entire time it took for her to write Edith Brisbane’s name on a slip of paper, rubber-band it to the spine of the book and slip it onto the hold shelf.
I know what the problem is, she realized in the middle of shaking an aspirin tablet onto her palm. She was the one noticing him.
Who could blame her? He cut a fine figure in his rugged military uniform, and back in high school she’d always had a secret crush on him. He’d always been a truly nice boy. It looked as if time had only improved him.
As she chased the aspirin down with a few swallows from a small bottle of orange soda, her gaze automatically zoomed across the floor to him. Head bent, he had moved on to amble through the gift section of the store, his attention planted firmly on the rows of porcelain jewelry boxes in front of him. There were two inspirational suspense books tucked in one big hand.
When she looked at him, she could hear his gravelly voice asking again, How’s Joe doing?
It wasn’t his fault, Mitch obviously didn’t know what had happened. But that didn’t make the raw places within her heart hurt any less.
She was no longer a girl who could dream.
She climbed back onto her stool and debated tackling more of her homework, but she wasn’t in the mood to face her math book. She knew that if she sat here trying to solve for x, her attention would just keep drifting over to the impressive warrior. To the past.
What good could come from that?
“Hey, Kelly.” Her boss’s solemn baritone cut through her thoughts, spinning her around to face him. Spence McKaslin pushed open the door on the other side of the hold shelf. He emerged from the fluorescent glare of his office, looking gruff, the way he always did when he worked on the accounts. “I’ll be in the back going through the new order. Katherine’s still out, so if it gets busy, buzz me.”
“Sure, but it’s been really quiet. Do you want me to start restocking or something?”
“No, we’re all caught up. Just watch the front until your dinner break. Study while you can. It could get busy later.”
“It never gets busy on a Friday night.”
“Don’t argue with me, I’m the boss.” He gave her an extra-hard glare on his way to the drawers beneath the till, but he didn’t fool her.
Spence was strong and stoic and tough, but also one of the kindest men she’d ever met. Her opinion of him had been pretty high ever since he’d hired her, which had saved her from losing her apartment when she’d been laid off from her previous job. Spence would have been her cousin, had things worked out differently with Joe.
A lot of things would have been different if she’d been able to marry Joe.
Feeling as if she’d been sucker-punched, she tried hard not to let the pain show. She didn’t know how something so powerful would ever go away, but she did her best to tuck her grief down deep inside. Her gaze strayed to where Mitch still browsed, looking like everything good and noble and strong in the world.
But she also saw memories. And she wanted nothing to do with the past.
Spence grabbed the key ring from its place under the counter and studied her in the assessing way of a good big brother. “Did you manage to fit in lunch today?”
“Well, I ate a granola bar while I was stuck in traffic in the big parking lot on campus.”
“I knew it. Take your dinner break at five, and I’ll go when you get back,” he ordered over his shoulder, already marching away.
Mitch watched the older man pass by the gift section and disappear through a door in the back. It was less than an hour before her dinner break. Interesting. He couldn’t say why, but he felt out of his element. And it wasn’t because he was in a store full of flowery knickknacks and breakables.
A plan hatched in the back of his mind, and it had nothing to do with his shopping mission.
Kelly remained in his peripheral vision. She made a lovely picture, sitting straight-backed with her head bowed over a book. The math text was still in the stack, so she must be working on another subject. Absorbed in her reading, she tucked a strand of rich honey-blond hair behind her ear, revealing a small pearl earring and her bare left hand.
While he was at home creeping through enemy territory in the rugged mountains of Afghanistan or the deserts of the Middle East, his extensive training did not include what he was about to do.
He kept her in his line of sight as he approached the register. The light from the window seemed to find her and grace her with a golden glow. She kept her head bowed over her book as he approached, but her shoulders stiffened with tension. Telling. But he continued his approach, taking in other details. The soda bottle, her nearly worn-out leather watchband, the pink barrette in her hair that matched the tiny flowers on her blouse. The two sociology textbooks stacked neatly at her left elbow.
He wondered about her life. Did she like being a college student? Did she live on campus in a dorm room or in a nearby apartment? Alone, or with a roommate?
When she looked up from her reading, her smile was cordial but he didn’t mistake the sadness, like a shadow, in her dark-blue eyes. He felt a tug of sympathy from his heart. “You look pretty busy,” he noted, easing the books onto the counter by her register.
“It’s the life of a college student. I have a test on Monday.” As she leaned to scan the books, her hair bounced across the side of her face, leaving only a small sliver of her profile visible. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“I found more.” He wasn’t talking about the books.
“I do that all the time.” Her gaze didn’t meet his and her polite smile was too brief. She turned her attention to the cash register. All business.
Okay, he got the signal, but he didn’t let it deter him. “How long ’til you get your degree?”
“After this summer, I have two semesters left.” She paused to study the cash register and searched for a key.
“It’s gotta be slow going, working your way through.”
“It’s taking twice as long, but at least I don’t have a major loan to pay back when I’m done.”
“That’s one perk of enlisting. My college will be paid for.”
At least he wasn’t mentioning the past or Joe again, Kelly thought thankfully as she totaled the sale. Her chest was still clogged tight, like the fallout of an avalanche still pressing her down. “Twenty-one ninety-three, please.”
Mitch held out his credit card.
When her fingertips caught the other end, she felt a flash, like a shock of static electricity in the air. The sunlight changed to a bright piercing white. The floor rocked beneath her feet. It lasted only for a second. Then the earth steadied, the sunlight turned golden and there was Mitch, unmoved, looking calm and as cool as steel.
That was so not a sign from heaven. Just the pieces of what remained of her dreams, longing, in the way faint embers from a fire’s flame could glow briefly to life when exposed to air. Her fingers trembled as she swiped his card and plunked it back onto the polished counter between them.
If there was a way to breathe life back into her dreams, she would ask the Lord to show her how. But she didn’t bother. Some things really were impossible. “I still can’t believe you’re a soldier. What happened to your pocket protector?”
“No place for it on this uniform. I love what I do.”
“What exactly do you do?”
“Well, I started out at oh-six-hundred with a ten click—kilometer—run in full gear and spent the day mountain climbing to five thousand feet.”
“You get paid to climb mountains?”
“That’s not all. I get to do things like scuba dive, parachute, drive around in Humvees and play with explosives.” He said it all as if it was no big deal, just in a humble day’s work. “Keeps me out of trouble.”
“Seems like that would get you into trouble.”
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
Wow, Kelly thought, as she bagged the books. He’s grown up into quite a man. “See, my day is a piece of cake by comparison.”
“Except for the math.”
“Oh, you had to mention that again. I was trying to forget for a while.” She hadn’t laughed out loud in a long time. “Where you get paid to do things that you think are fun, I pay out good tuition money to be tortured by algebra.”
“I’ll be in your boat in eighteen months.”
“That’s right. That math degree you’re going to get.” The machine spat out the charge receipt and she held the two-part paper steady while it printed. How her heart ached as those embers of old dreams struggled for life. She tore off the printed receipt and slid it across the counter. “I need your autograph, and then you’re free to go, soldier.”
“Free’s a relative term.” He grabbed a pen from the cup by the register. “My time’s pretty regimented.”
“I bet it is. Are you headed back to your base?”
“In a few hours. I’m free until then.” He scrawled his signature at the bottom of the slip.
Too bad she’d given up on dreams. She didn’t know if she felt relief or regret.
“I hope you enjoy your books.” She slipped his receipt into the bag and presented it to him. “I’m glad to see you’re doing so well. I wish you luck, Mitch.”
“You’re letting me go, just like that?”
“Well, what else am I supposed to do? Generally we let customers leave our store. We seldom hold them hostage.”
“I’m not talking about other customers. I’m talking about me. We could renew our friendship.”
“We were never really friends, you know.”
What did that leave him with? Renewing his secret crush on her? He took his bag, but the last thing he wanted to do was leave. She was still the nicest girl he’d ever laid eyes on. He could use a little nice in his world. It wasn’t something he saw much of.
“We could be friends now,” he suggested with his best grin.
“But you said you were headed back to California.” Sweetly, she studied him through her long lashes.
A mass of emotions struck him like shrapnel to his chest. Emotions weren’t his realm of expertise, but he felt strong with a fierce steely need he’d never felt before—to protect her, to make her smile, to make her every sadness go away.
Not really in his comfort zone, but a crush was a crush. What was a guy to do?
He tried again. “I’m not leaving for a while. We could still be friends.”
“I have enough friends.” Her eyebrow crooked up in a challenge.
So, she was giving him a hard time on purpose. “You get a dinner break, right?”
“Now and then they loosen the chains and let me out for a bit.” Kelly folded her arms in front of her, considering him.
“You get a dinner break, and I’m hungry for dinner. It’s a coincidence.”
Kelly couldn’t believe how he was just watching her with those intense, commanding hazel eyes of his, so wise and perceptive. She felt the impact as if he could see directly into her. “You’re asking me out, aren’t you?”
“No, not out. No. Of course not.” He held up his free hand, as if he were innocent. Completely guilt-free.
“That’s good, because I don’t date anymore. I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay, because I’m not looking for a date. I was asking you to help me out.”
“As if a big strong soldier like you needs any help at all?”
“Sure. I need a favor. I’m a lonely marine.”
“A lonely marine?” Oh, she was so not fooled.
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