Loe raamatut: «Create the best version of yourself»
© Konstantin Maramygin, 2024
ISBN 978-5-0064-4193-4
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
Preface
Greetings to you, my dear readers. In this book I have tried to disclose as much as possible questions about self-realization and achieving goals. I did not do without searching for the meaning of life and your destiny. In order to really reach a new level of life and create a better version of yourself, you need to find the answers to all these questions.
After all, you must agree that the ability to achieve your goals does not guarantee that your life will be filled with meaning and you will find your destiny. Therefore, in my opinion, these things should be interconnected.
The fact is that, according to my observations, many people do not understand why they live and, most importantly, do not know what they want to be in this life. Many people have no goals and nothing to strive for. In fact, they live their lives for nothing. When talking to them, you realize that they would love to find the meaning of life, but they don’t understand how to find it. As a result, I decided to help them and all those who do not want to live their lives in vain.
You will ask me why I decided to do this?
The answer is simple. A person without a purpose in life, without understanding his destiny is a problem not only for the person himself, but also for the whole society. Since we all depend on each other, whether we want it or not. We are all, in fact, a part of one big organism. And our actions affect the whole organism. In other words, each person’s success depends on the success of other people.
And to make this idea even clearer, I will give an example. Imagine a human body, in which every cell has a certain role and function. Just like its organs. The heart is responsible for blood circulation, kidneys – for cleaning the body, eyes – for our vision, intestines – for digestion of food and saturation of blood with nutrients and so on. And thanks to this well-coordinated work, the human body exists.
Now let’s imagine that one kidney refused to do its role because it hesitated to do its job. And, looking at it, the liver refused to do its job. What would happen in such a case? Of course, such an organism will cease to exist.
We can also put it this way: a person who has not found himself in this life begins to poison people around him, blaming all others for his failures. He will try to assert himself only at the expense of convincing others of his rightness and his paradigm of world perception, while belittling the dignity and world order of another person. And as a result, destroys his life, making him a loser like him. And when such people become many, they unite and create their own reality, in which there is no order, justice and prosperity. Their element is chaos. Their mottos are: “life is shit”, “get the most out of life”, “live one day at a time” and so on and so forth. They popularize drugs, alcohol and promiscuity. They don’t want any family values. They cover themselves with slogans of freedom and democracy.
They are often used in dirty machinations and crimes. Politicians, large corporations, intelligence services, criminal organizations and other interested structures are happy to use such people. After all, it is not difficult to bribe a person who lives one day. They are willing to do anything to get funds for their immoral lifestyle. They are ready to commit crimes, organize a rally, commit an act of vandalism or terrorism, participate in revolutions to overthrow the government, the main thing is to be paid.
Living one day at a time, not valuing their lives and all those around them. They poison the lives of others by behaving defiantly, vulgarly, like a typical “bully”, showing their dislike and contrived superiority. They are like a virus, a disease that can become a cancerous tumor in society.
And to prevent this from happening, the task of the whole society is to help people who have not yet found themselves or have lost their way. We must help each other so that our organism can flourish and evolve.
I hope I have answered this question in an accessible manner.
And now let’s pay attention to the important questions that we will consider together with you: “What is the meaning of your life? What is your destiny? How to achieve any set goals? With the help of what can you become better?”
These are actually very important questions. To which every person must find an answer. And the earlier it happens, the more he can achieve in his life.
Frankly speaking, our life is just a small period of time.
Time that you and I do not appreciate as we should have.
So what do you do if you’re off track, confused and don’t understand what you need to do to get out of your predicament.
In my opinion, it requires a kind of tool to help fix you when you’re broken. Like we fix our car or the piping in the apartment. We need a kind of wrench to help us fix the breakage.
That’s why I decided to write this book, it will become this “wrench” with which you can fix yourself and your life. That’s its main mission.
So take this book as a tool that you can use in a difficult moment. And if necessary – to change your whole life. Change your worldview and understanding of life. Help you become more conscious and take control of your life. Avoid unnecessary mistakes and achieve the desired goals in life.
Therefore, I recommend that you take the material and methods in this book seriously, because the information from this book can have a global impact on your future life.
I will also ask you to take small notes while reading the book. Highlighting important theses and methods. So have a pen and paper ready.
Of course, you can read the book quickly without taking notes and without following the methods outlined in it. You will familiarize yourself with the material, perhaps you will memorize something and even try to apply in practice. But you must realize that the effectiveness of this will be very low.
I will repeat once again: this book is a tool. It is like a wrench that can lie in a toolbox for a long time. But when you need to tweak something, you remember it. And first of all, this tool is necessary for those who want to change something in their lives.
If you are satisfied with your way of life and are not ready to change something, then, most likely, you should not read it, you will save your time, which we already have very little. But in this case, perhaps among your inner circle there are people who are trying to change their lives for the better or achieve their cherished desires. If so, it is better to give this book to them, I am sure they will thank you many times.
Introduction
Tell me, would you like to achieve your goals? To get what you dream of? To live in comfortable conditions and be a happy person?
I think at least each of us would like to be financially secure and independent. To be a healthy and strong person. And most importantly, to be happy.
If with the desire to be rich there are no questions, the concept of being happy is not so clear.
It is worth noting that not every person understands the meaning of the words “to be happy”. And all the more is able to formulate the meaning of his happiness. And so a person can spend his time on unnecessary activities, mistakenly believing that this very action will make him happy.
But you can easily divide all your goals and desires into categories according to their degree of difficulty of realization. On complex, medium and easy.
As a rule, to achieve complex, global goals, we spend a significant part of our money and time. For example, to get a higher education and become a sought-after specialist. After all, for this we will have to successfully finish high school, pass entrance exams to the right university and, most likely, move to another city.
Since the most popular and reputable universities are located in big cities. This means that you need to save money for renting accommodation and moving. And prepare for a lot of small problems that you will have to face more than once.
And in fact, this complex task turns into a series of medium and small tasks. The solution of which leads to the desired global result.
Another example is learning a foreign language. This is a complex task. And its solution will consist of the fulfillment of a daily small task. Find free time to take a lesson from an online course or visit a language school.
And you can come to the conclusion that any complex task can be solved. To do this, you need to break it down into smaller tasks that you can cope with.
You can also emphasize the point that everything has its price. And the price of realization of this or that goal will be a few basic resources. This is time, money and in some cases your health.
Based on all of the above, we can say that there are no impossible tasks. Everything in this life can be achieved provided that you have time, money and health.
And everything would be great if not for one thing.
The fact is that situations can happen in our lives that can spoil all our plans and destroy our hopes and dreams. These are usually the most painful blows of fate.
You can be expelled from the university when you were in your final year. You may be betrayed by a loved one with whom you were creating a business. You may be fired from a job you love because the company went bankrupt. Your spouse may fall out of love with you and leave you for someone else, taking a significant portion of your assets. Not to mention global problems such as epidemics, disasters, military conflicts, deadly diseases, and many other extremely dangerous events that could happen to you.
All these situations can be divided into two groups.
The first group is situations that we cannot influence.
The second group – situations that we have allowed ourselves and can control.
And if we face the truth, we will see a simple truth: the average person lives 70—90 years. If we take into account school and higher education, the age at which a person begins an independent adult life is from 20 to 22 years old. And it turns out that we have about 50—70 years to enjoy this life. To realize the meaning of life. And to realize our dreams.
Do you think 50 years is a long time? Considering the fact that a person ages over the years and can get seriously ill, that would shorten this period considerably.
And in general, you have to admit that at 60 you are unlikely to become a rock star or win the Olympics. And you will not look as young and beautiful as you did in your 20s. Not to mention your overall health.
Therefore, we need to recognize that we have a short period of time for active actions in life – about 30 years. Between the 20th and 50th years of life. In fact, this is the most productive stage of our life. And our final result will depend on how we live it.
I think after this many people will say that life is very short. And it is not enough time to fully enjoy life, to get to know it better and to achieve some really serious heights.
Perhaps you are right, but I suggest not to grumble at fate. I suggest we take our lives into our own hands. Yes, we may have limited time. But it’s up to us to choose how we live it.
I am convinced that it is possible to live a short life, but one that will not be ashamed to tell about. It will be filled with meaning and all kinds of deeds that would tell about who a person was in reality. But for this you need to work on yourself and your mistakes. Set the right goals, choose the right environment and, most importantly, find your place in this life.
Our common problem is that when we are young, full of strength and energy, we want to prove something to someone and, most importantly, to ourselves. We try to fulfill the expectations of our parents or close people. But while we are young, we do not fully understand the meaning of our actions. Or rather, we think we understand everything. That we will definitely not live our lives in vain. We’ll achieve our goals and become who we want to be. And, unfortunately, while we are on our way to this, we make a lot of mistakes, because of which we find ourselves in difficult situations.
But the question now is not whether it was worth choosing such exaggerated goals at all. It’s about figuring out how to move on. How to achieve your goals and not to live your life in vain.
Someone may live his life without achieving significant results. Some will be hindered by external circumstances, some will be hindered by illness, and some will be hindered by their own laziness.
This book was written to help all those who are ready to change and are willing to take decisive action to change themselves and their lives.
The original (working) title of this book was “The Constructor”.
Because the purpose of this book is to be a tool that you can use to rebuild yourself like a constructor and create the best version of yourself. That will allow you to find the right way to achieve any goal set before you. And you will see the effectiveness of this tool as soon as you finish reading the book.
The main thesis (slogan) of this book is “Create the best version of yourself”.
The main challenge this book addresses is finding the answer to the question: “How to achieve your goals, find meaning, find your destiny and not to live your life in vain?”
The skills you can gain or improve by reading this book are:
1. Managing your time.
2. Strategic planning.
3. Psychoanalysis.
4. Logical thinking.
5. Goal-setting.
My own authoring methodology
In addition to skills, you will receive a unique concept (methodology) of cognition of yourself and the world around us, which I have been developing for 3 years before sharing it with you. This concept is a base on which you will reassemble yourself like a constructor, with the help of which you will be able to control and understand your life as a minimum, as a maximum – it is to manage your life and achieve any goals.
And most importantly, you will understand the world in a different way. Not as you perceive it now. However, I will not get ahead of myself. After reading the book to the end, you will understand everything. Now I can only say that if you are ready to become better, to gain self-confidence and create a strong foundation for your success, this book is for you.
When developing this method, I tried to explain complex things in simple language so that as many people as possible could understand and, most importantly, use this method in their real life.
Chapter 1. Problematics
Before treatment can begin, a diagnosis must be made.
Algorithm of the doctor’s work
In any action, even at first glance seemingly simple, there is a certain meaning hidden. And the one who performs this action has a specific purpose. Therefore, I suggest that you start your acquaintance with the book by exposing the problem that you will be able to fully cope with when you finish reading and assimilating the material.
I will start by trying to select the most common problems that this book will help you solve, so that you can check your problems and decide whether you need to read this book or not.
1. Lack of understanding of the meaning of one’s life.
2. lack of understanding of your purpose.
3. Lack of goals, yet a large number of desires.
4. Procrastination and lack of time.
5. Failed attempts to start a business.
6. Lack of confidence in your abilities.
7. Problems in achieving goals.
8. Lack of motivation for action.
9. Poverty and all that follows from it.
So, I have chosen nine, in my opinion, of the most popular and specific problems that any modern person can have. And as you read this book, you will get information with which it is possible to solve these problems. But for this to really happen, you need to at least want it. And for this desire to be concrete, you need to try to formulate your problems and recognize the fact of their existence. And only after that you will be able to solve them. After all, without seeing your enemy, you will not be able to fight him. But if you can not yet clearly formulate the thought of your problems, it is not a trouble. Everything will happen by itself as you read the book.
As I mentioned in the preface, I have very often had to communicate with people who do not understand what they want and who they want to be in this life. And when, in the course of a friendly conversation about the meaning of existence, I asked them the question: “Why do you live?”, they answered uncertainly and often went through all the various options in their heads. And, as a rule, they would get angry. Apparently, their defense mechanism kicked in and they started asking me questions themselves: “Why do you need this? Are you the smartest?” And things like that.
And when I asked them what they wanted to be, they got even worse, they tried to think of something on the fly or remember their childhood dreams. But as a result, it all came down to the banal, “I want to be rich and do nothing.
Then I tried to help them and asked the following question: “What would you do if you had a lot of money, for example, 100 billion dollars? You would no longer need to work at your job, at least not if the reason for working there was only money.
Here’s what you would do if you didn’t have money problems? What would your day look like? Think about it. Take your time. This is really important. I recommend writing it down somewhere. So you can double-check your beliefs if necessary.
I don’t know what your answer to this question was, but I will say that everyone I asked started to get nervous and couldn’t get their thoughts together, and eventually our conversation ended quickly. Apparently, they thought I was asking them to make fun of them or embarrass them in some way, even though my question had a purely scientific purpose.
In fact, I was only interested in all this because I’ve always had the answers to these questions. I always knew what I needed and who I wanted to be. And I thought that was the case for everyone. But as it turns out, it’s far from it. Which was later the impetus for studying this issue.
Someone says that it’s all about astrology and the location of the stars and planets in the sky at the time of birth, which leave their imprint on the character of a person. Therefore, someone is stubborn and determined, and someone is always doubting and not sure of everything.
However, to understand the character of a person, it is not necessary to turn to the stars, for this there is a science – psychology, which helps us to reveal the concepts of personality and character of a person.
But no matter what kind of character a person has and no matter who he is according to the horoscope, he always has the opportunity to learn who he is and what he lives for. And to answer these questions, it is not necessary to have special knowledge, it is enough to start asking questions and analyze the answers.
Of course, it may seem to you that by answering these questions a person gains nothing, but I hasten to assure you that it is not so. After answering them, a person still has answers with which he can further work. Namely, he can build his life in such a way that it is a consequence of these answers, like a plant that has sprouted from a seed. Or we can put it another way: it is a base, a foundation on which one can build a house in which one will live.
And it turns out that this house or plant will have the qualities and properties that the seed or foundation has given it. Do you understand what I mean?
If you have a poor foundation, the house will eventually fall apart. If the seed was weak, the plant will get few nutrients and will not survive the winter.
Our beliefs strongly influence us and our life choices. And if beliefs are built on false information, the life path can lead a person to disappointment.
And just by asking ourselves different kinds of questions, we can check our beliefs and realize whether we are moving in the right direction.
After all, if we look at such a problem as poverty from this angle, we can realize that it appears where a person has no support, no foundation, no base that would allow him to receive material benefits. And all because he has no answers to the questions that he did not even dare to ask himself.
And why should you ask, when all these questions have been answered for you by others. It’s easier to use ready-made answers than to solve them yourself. It’s just like in school when one student cheats off another. That’s probably where our problems start. After all, what a schoolboy thinks at that moment: “I don’t need to think, they have already thought for me, and I, so clever and cunning, will take someone else’s answers and get a good grade. I will be praised later”.
It is because of this that a schoolchild turns into an embittered consumer as he grows up. Who believes that everyone owes him something and is obliged to him. Accustomed to constantly using other people’s decisions and resources to achieve their goals. But that’s not all, the trouble doesn’t end there. The fact is that the goals they set for themselves do not really belong to them, they have also stolen (borrowed) them from other, more successful (in their opinion) consumers.
And it turns out that a person lives his life according to a pre-planned pattern, like a copy. Without thinking why he chose this path in the first place. Is it worth saying that the man was happy? Probably more yes than no. Since people’s memory is organized in such a way that at the end of life we remember only good things, and these good things kind of warm us up and make us think that life was not lived in vain. Especially if a person was happy in childhood, knew the joy of mutual love in youth or did something good for others.
After all, our mind is always looking for some justification for what was done and tries to build everything in such a way that it could not have been otherwise. But this is already self-deception.
Of course, you will say, the most important thing is for a person to be happy. Well, let’s try to compare two examples. In the first example, there will be a girl with a difficult fate, like in the fairy tale about Cinderella, where she has a wicked stepmother and two stepsisters. The whole life of our heroine is reduced to serving this family. She is constantly insulted and belittled, pointing out her pitiful place in this family. And then one day she managed to break out of this slavery and become free, and then her life became as ordinary as everyone else’s. And at the end of her life she will confidently declare that she has lived a happy life based only on the good things she had in her life. For it is the fact that it was with her that matters to the mind.
And exactly the same will be thought of the person from the second example, who lived all his life in love and care, and everything was good for him. He was honest and kind, helped those in need and was a soul in any company.
What to say, even a prisoner in jail, sentenced to life imprisonment, will be happy when the day of his death comes, because it is on that day that he will cease to be a prisoner and will finally be released.
After all, if necessary, our minds will always find a reason to consider ourselves happy for some memorable event in life. For something we have experienced at least once in our lives, even if only for a moment, but experienced.
As you can see from the examples, all of them will say at the end of their lives that they are happy. But if their level of happiness was assessed by a conditional audience, then, of course, on the happiness scale the second one was much happier than the others.
In other words, you and I are all happy people, but everyone’s level of happiness is different. But this is true if the level of happiness can be estimated, but if happiness is taken as an absolute, then there is no difference. Then there are two states: either you are happy or you are unhappy.
It is very similar to grades at university, there are subjects in which the level of knowledge is evaluated – pass/fail, and there are subjects in which a grade (point) is given. And usually no one understands why one subject is evaluated by grades and the other by pass/fail.
So to simplify, I propose that we choose a pass/fail system where we take happiness as an absolute value. It is either there or it is not there.
And if we go back to the banal statement that the most important guideline of a human being is to be happy, it turns out that we will be happy in any case. And no matter what kind of life a person lives, at the end of his path he will still be happy. And all cases when a person says that he is unhappy, he only expresses the current state of his affairs. It is even something like a mood: now you feel a good mood and it seems to you that you are happy, but if something suddenly goes wrong according to your plan, then the mood will change sharply to bad, and with it the assessment of your happiness.
Based on this, happiness can be categorized as a mood marker. And it turns out that it is only one possible mood score. And if we chase “good mood”, we will become children who only want to play and eat various sweets.
Therefore, I suggest not to identify happiness with mood and, taking into account all of the above, recognize that you will eventually become happy, whether you want it or not. Since it is inevitable, I suggest that you do not delay in recognizing this fact and admit to yourself right now that you are a happy person! And you have been a happy person since the moment you were born into this world. From now on, live with this thought. And when someone tells you that he is unhappy, you will realize that in fact the person just wants to say that things are not good for him at the moment. And vice versa, when a person falls in love or wins the lottery, it is as if he shines with happiness and firmly knows that right now he is a happy person, because things are going much better for him.
And this is where we get to the specifics. Namely, our own assessment of our current state of affairs. After all, this is what is really important for us. Because our perception of life depends on this assessment. If things are going well with us, then life seems to be beautiful to us. It is as if the universe hears us, and fate favors us. But if our affairs go wrong, as we wanted, we immediately begin to think that we are unhappy and everyone around us only hinder us or try to put a stick in our wheels. And we can start blaming our problems on close people, competitors, politicians and circumstances in general, talking about the black streak of bad luck in our life and so on.
Few people can admit that things are going badly for them only because they themselves initially chose the wrong path. And the problems that have arisen are only a consequence of the first mistake of choice.
That is, when initially planning his affairs, a person made mistakes in his calculations or he did not think about possible problems. Perhaps he chose a goal that did not correspond to his principles, or he was driven by self-interest or envy, even worse, if it was revenge or resentment, and so on.
And these are seemingly incongruous things, but they play a huge role in everything we do. Our motives and beliefs, our intentions that we position through our actions and behaviors. All of these are the binding cement for our future endeavors. And before we start a new endeavor, we need to be sure to test how good our cement is. And for this purpose we will have to ask ourselves questions again and check with our goal and our destiny according to the received answers. After all, there must be meaning in our actions, right? Isn’t there?
“Of course!” – you will answer. After all, you and I are at least serious, adult people who have taken responsibility for our lives into our own hands. And we understand perfectly well that in this life you have to work to survive. And sometimes there are difficult moments, but we pass them with our heads held high.
And based on all of the above, it can be summarized that we all work hard and overcome something all the time, while achieving certain material benefits and social status.
And this is clear to everyone, but as I said above, most people don’t understand why they live and what they would do if they had a lot of money.
I think this is only because they don’t ask themselves these questions.
But if you start asking them, you can come to a mixed conclusion.
Some will say that they live for the sake of their relatives and loved ones, and for them it will even be the meaning of life. For someone it will be service to God. Someone will choose the meaning of achieving a certain dream. And of course, there will be people who will say that they live to enjoy themselves.
Of course, this is only a set of the most banal and simple reasoning, and in fact there are many more. But what they all have in common is that all their conclusions were made on the basis of their knowledge of the world and their place in it. To put it another way, on their understanding of who they are in this life.
It follows that a person’s level of knowledge and beliefs determine their response. If we imagine for a moment that we all have the same knowledge and beliefs, it follows that our answers would also be the same. But I dare assure you that this is not true, it is sophism1. Because this example does not take into account people’s living conditions. And we have different conditions. And our conditions will dictate to us the rules of behavior and create our worldview.
A thief will reason from the position of a thief, a policeman from the position of his duties, and as long as there is poverty, and the very concept of money, we will all be divided in our opinions about what is important for us and what is not. And everyone will be happy, but in his own way. And everyone will regret and cry in life, but about something different.
