Loe raamatut: «The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen»
Cover designer Алексей Борисович Козлов
© Rudolf Raspe, 2019
© Алексей Борисович Козлов, cover design, 2019
ISBN 978-5-0050-2077-2
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN
CHAPTER I
(THE BARON IS SUPPOSED TO RELATE THESE ADVENTURES TO HIS FRIENDS OVER A
BOTTLE.)
The Baron relates an account of his first travels – The astonishing
effects of a storm – Arrives at Ceylon; combats and conquers two
extraordinary opponents – Returns to Holland._
Some years before my beard announced approaching manhood, or, in other
words, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed in
repeated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, from which
I was discouraged by my parents, though my father had been no
inconsiderable traveller himself, as will appear before I have reached
the end of my singular, and, I may add, interesting adventures. A
cousin, by my mother’s side, took a liking to me, often said I was
fine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity.
His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to my
accompanying him in a voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle
had resided as governor many years.
We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches from their High Mightinesses
the States of Holland. The only circumstance which happened on our
voyage worth relating was the wonderful effects of a storm, which
had torn up by the roots a great number of trees of enormous bulk and
height, in an island where we lay at anchor to take in wood and water;
some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the wind
so amazingly high, that they appeared like the feathers of small birds
floating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth:
however, as soon as the storm subsided they all fell perpendicularly
into their respective places, and took root again, except the largest,
which happened, when it was blown into the air, to have a man and his
wife, a very honest old couple, upon its branches, gathering cucumbers
(in this part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon trees): the
weight of this couple, as the tree descended, over-balanced the trunk,
and brought it down in a horizontal position: it fell upon the chief man
of the island, and killed him on the spot; he had quitted his house
in the storm, under an apprehension of its falling upon him, and was
returning through his own garden when this fortunate accident happened.
The word fortunate, here, requires some explanation. This chief was a
man of a very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he had
no family, the natives of the island were half-starved by his oppressive
and infamous impositions.
The very goods which he had thus taken from them were spoiling in his
stores, while the poor wretches from whom they were plundered were
pining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was accidental,
the people chose the cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a mark
of their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their late
tyrant.
After we had repaired the damages we sustained in this remarkable storm,
and taken leave of the new governor and his lady, we sailed with a fair
wind for the object of our voyage.
In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we were received with
great marks of friendship and true politeness. The following singular
adventures may not prove unentertaining.
After we had resided at Ceylon about a fortnight I accompanied one of
the governor’s brothers upon a shooting party. He was a strong, athletic
man, and being used to that climate (for he had resided there some
years), he bore the violent heat of the sun much better than I could; in
our excursion he had made a considerable progress through a thick wood
when I was only at the entrance.
Near the banks of a large piece of water, which had engaged my
attention, I thought I heard a rustling noise behind; on turning about
I was almost petrified (as who would not be?) at the sight of a lion,
which was evidently approaching with the intention of satisfying his
appetite with my poor carcase, and that without asking my consent. What
was to be done in this horrible dilemma? I had not even a moment for
reflection; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no other
about me: however, though I could have no idea of killing such an animal
with that weak kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of frightening
him by the report, and perhaps of wounding him also. I immediately let
fly, without waiting till he was within reach, and the report did but
enrage him, for he now quickened his pace, and seemed to approach me
full speed: I attempted to escape, but that only added (if an addition
could be made) to my distress; for the moment I turned about I found a
large crocodile, with his mouth extended almost ready to receive me. On
my right hand was the piece of water before mentioned, and on my left a
deep precipice, said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle at
the bottom for venomous creatures; in short I gave myself up as lost,
for the lion was now upon his hind-legs, just in the act of seizing
me; I fell involuntarily to the ground with fear, and, as it afterwards
appeared, he sprang over me. I lay some time in a situation which no
language can describe, expecting to feel his teeth or talons in some
part of me every moment: after waiting in this prostrate situation a few
seconds I heard a violent but unusual noise, different from any sound
that had ever before assailed my ears; nor is it at all to be wondered
at, when I inform you from whence it proceeded: after listening for
some time, I ventured to raise my head and look round, when, to my
unspeakable joy, I perceived the lion had, by the eagerness with which
he sprung at me, jumped forward, as I fell, into the crocodile’s mouth!
which, as before observed, was wide open; the head of the one stuck
in the throat of the other! and they were struggling to extricate
themselves! I fortunately recollected my _couteau de chasse_, which was
by my side; with this instrument I severed the lion’s head at one
blow, and the body fell at my feet! I then, with the butt-end of my
fowling-piece, rammed the head farther into the throat of the crocodile,
and destroyed him by suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor eject
it.
Soon after I had thus gained a complete victory over my two powerful
adversaries, my companion arrived in search of me; for finding I did not
follow him into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way,
or met with some accident.
After mutual congratulations, we measured the crocodile, which was just
forty feet in length.
As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor,
he sent a waggon and servants, who brought home the two carcases. The
lion’s skin was properly preserved, with its hair on, after which it
was made into tobacco-pouches, and presented by me, upon our return to
Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, requested my acceptance of
a thousand ducats.
The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual manner, and makes a
capital article in their public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitor
relates the whole story to each spectator, with such additions as he
thinks proper. Some of his variations are rather extravagant; one of
them is, that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile, and was
making his escape at the back door, when, as soon as his head appeared,
Monsieur the Great Baron (as he is pleased to call me) cut it off,
and three feet of the crocodile’s tail along with it; nay, so little
attention has this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon
as the crocodile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched the _couteau
de chasse_ out of Monsieur’s hand, and swallowed it with such eagerness
that it pierced his heart and killed him immediately!
The little regard which this impudent knave has to veracity makes me
sometimes apprehensive that my _real facts_ may fall under suspicion, by
being found in company with his confounded inventions.
CHAPTER II
_In which the Baron proves himself a good shot – He loses his horse,
and finds a wolf – Makes him draw his sledge – Promises to entertain
his company with a relation of such facts as are well deserving their
notice._
I set off from Rome on a journey to Russia, in the midst of winter, from
a just notion that frost and snow must of course mend the roads, which
every traveller had described as uncommonly bad through the northern
parts of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went on horseback, as
the most convenient manner of travelling; I was but lightly clothed, and
of this I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced north-east.
What must not a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather and
climate, whom I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the road,
helpless, shivering, and hardly having wherewithal to cover his
nakedness? I pitied the poor soul: though I felt the severity of the air
myself, I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice from
the heavens, blessing me for that piece of charity, saying —
«You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time.»
I went on: night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen.
The country was covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with the road.
Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to something like a pointed
stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety I
placed my pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I slept
so soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not
easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of a
village, lying in a churchyard; nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard
him soon after neigh somewhere above me. On looking upwards I beheld him
hanging by his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. Matters were
now very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow overnight;
a sudden change of weather had taken place; I had sunk down to the
churchyard whilst asleep, gently, and in the same proportion as the snow
had melted away; and what in the dark I had taken to be a stump of a
little tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse,
proved to have been the cross or weather-cock of the steeple!
Without long consideration I took one of my pistols, shot the bridle
in two, brought the horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baron
seems to have forgot his feelings; he should certainly have ordered his
horse a feed of corn, after fasting so long.]
He carried me well – advancing into the interior parts of Russia. I found
travelling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter, therefore I
submitted, as I always do, to the custom of the country, took a single
horse sledge, and drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not exactly
recollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugemanland, but I remember that
in the midst of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me,
with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger. He soon overtook me. There
was no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat in
the sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but
hardly hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did not
mind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and falling furiously on
the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the poor
animal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed and
safe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that
the wolf had ate his way into the horse’s body; it was not long before
he had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage, and fell
upon him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in his
rear frightened him so much, that he leaped forward with all his might:
the horse’s carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place the wolf
was in the harness, and I on my part whipping him continually: we
both arrived in full career safe at St. Petersburg, contrary to our
respective expectations, and very much to the astonishment of the
spectators.
I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, arts, sciences, and
history of this magnificent metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you with
the various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had in the politer
circles of that country, where the lady of the house always receives the
visitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather to
the greater and nobler objects of your attention, horses and dogs, my
favourites in the brute creation; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with
which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part of
the world; and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry
and activity, as show the gentleman better than musty Greek or Latin, or
all the perfume, finery, and capers of French wits or _petit-maîtres_.
CHAPTER III
_An encounter between the Baron’s nose and a door-post, with its
wonderful effects – Fifty brace of ducks and other fowl destroyed by one
shot – Flogs a fox out of his skin – Leads an old sow home in a new way,
and vanquishes a wild boar._
It was some time before I could obtain a commission in the army, and
for several months I was perfectly at liberty to sport away my time and
money in the most gentleman-like manner. You may easily imagine that I
spent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how to
make the most of an open forest country. The very recollection of
those amusements gives me fresh spirits, and creates a warm wish for
a repetition of them. One morning I saw, through the windows of my
bed-room, that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks. In
an instant I took my gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out of
the house in such a hurry, that I imprudently struck my face against
the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my
intention; I soon came within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observed
to my sorrow, that even the flint had sprung from the cock by the
violence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost.
I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened
the pan, levelled my piece against the wild fowls, and my fist against
one of my eyes. [The Baron’s eyes have retained fire ever since, and
appear particularly illuminated when he relates this anecdote.] A hearty
blow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of
ducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is
the soul of manly exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many of
their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to it
for many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine
black fox, whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to tear by ball
or shot. Reynard stood close to a tree. In a twinkling I took out my
ball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so
cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him,
took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my
whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin.
Chance and good luck often correct our mistakes; of this I had a
singular instance soon after, when, in the depth of a forest, I saw a
wild pig and sow running close behind each other. My ball had missed
them, yet the foremost pig only ran away, and the sow stood motionless,
as fixed to the ground. On examining into the matter, I found the latter
one to be an old sow, blind with age, which had taken hold of her pig’s
tail, in order to be led along by filial duty. My ball, having passed
between the two, had cut his leading-string, which the old sow continued
to hold in her mouth; and as her former guide did not draw her on
any longer, she had stopped of course; I therefore laid hold of the
remaining end of the pig’s tail, and led the old beast home without any
further trouble on my part, and without any reluctance or apprehension
on the part of the helpless old animal.
Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more fierce and dangerous are
the boars, one of which I had once the misfortune to meet in a forest,
unprepared for attack or defence. I retired behind an oak-tree just when
the furious animal levelled a side-blow at me, with such force, that his
tusks pierced through the tree, by which means he could neither repeat
the blow nor retire. Ho, ho! thought I, I shall soon have you now! and
immediately I laid hold of a stone, wherewith I hammered and bent his
tusks in such a manner, that he could not retreat by any means, and must
wait my return from the next village, whither I went for ropes and a
cart, to secure him properly, and to carry him off safe and alive, in
which I perfectly succeeded.
CHAPTER IV
_Reflections on Saint Hubert’s stag – Shoots a stag with cherry-stones;
the wonderful effects of it – Kills a bear by extraordinary dexterity;
his danger pathetically described – Attacked by a wolf, which he turns
inside out – Is assailed by a mad dog, from which he escapes – The Baron’s
cloak seized with madness, by which his whole wardrobe is thrown into
confusion._
You have heard, I dare say, of the hunter and sportsman’s saint and
protector, St. Hubert, and of the noble stag, which appeared to him
in the forest, with the holy cross between his antlers. I have paid my
homage to that saint every year in good fellowship, and seen this stag a
thousand times, either painted in churches, or embroidered in the
stars of his knights; so that, upon the honour and conscience of a good
sportsman, I hardly know whether there may not have been formerly, or
whether there are not such crossed stags even at this present day. But
let me rather tell what I have seen myself. Having one day spent all my
shot, I found myself unexpectedly in presence of a stately stag, looking
at me as unconcernedly as if he had known of my empty pouches. I charged
immediately with powder, and upon it a good handful of cherry-stones,
for I had sucked the fruit as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I let
fly at him, and hit him just on the middle of the forehead, between his
antlers; it stunned him – he staggered – yet he made off. A year or two
after, being with a party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with
a fine full grown cherry-tree above ten feet high between his antlers.
I immediately recollected my former adventure, looked upon him as my
property, and brought him to the ground by one shot, which at once
gave me the haunch and cherry-sauce; for the tree was covered with the
richest fruit, the like I had never tasted before. Who knows but some
passionate holy sportsman, or sporting abbot or bishop, may have shot,
planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert’s stag,
in a manner similar to this? They always have been, and still are,
famous for plantations of crosses and antlers; and in a case of distress
or dilemma, which too often happens to keen sportsmen, one is apt to
grasp at anything for safety, and to try any expedient rather than
miss the favourable opportunity. I have many times found myself in that
trying situation.
What do you say of this, for example? Daylight and powder were spent one
day in a Polish forest. When I was going home a terrible bear made up
to me in great speed, with open mouth, ready to fall upon me; all my
pockets were searched in an instant for powder and ball, but in vain; I
found nothing but two spare flints: one I flung with all my might into
the monster’s open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain and made him
turn about, so that I could level the second at his back-door, which,
indeed, I did with wonderful success; for it flew in, met the first
flint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a terrible
explosion. Though I came safe off that time, yet I should not wish to
try it again, or venture against bears with no other ammunition.
There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest and most dangerous
animals generally came upon me when defenceless, as if they had a notion
or an instinctive intimation of it. Thus a frightful wolf rushed upon me
so suddenly, and so close, that I could do nothing but follow mechanical
instinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth. For safety’s sake
I pushed on and on, till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder.
How should I disengage myself? I was not much pleased with my awkward
situation – with a wolf face to face; our ogling was not of the most
pleasant kind. If I withdrew my arm, then the animal would fly the more
furiously upon me; that I saw in his flaming eyes. In short, I laid hold
of his tail, turned him inside out like a glove, and flung him to the
ground, where I left him.
The same expedient would not have answered against a mad dog, which soon
after came running against me in a narrow street at St. Petersburg. Run
who can, I thought; and to do this the better, I threw off my fur cloak,
and was safe within doors in an instant. I sent my servant for the
cloak, and he put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes. The day
after I was amazed and frightened by Jack’s bawling, «For God’s sake,
sir, your fur cloak is mad!» I hastened up to him, and found almost all
my clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectly
right in his apprehensions about the fur cloak’s madness. I saw him
myself just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit, which he shook and
tossed in an unmerciful manner.
