A Mistletoe Proposal

After a slight hesitation she said, “I was glad she suggested it. We wanted to be able to pay you back for containing that fire.”

Her answer deflated him despite the fact that he had no intention of getting to know her better. “I understand you went out of town.”

“Yes.”

“With a friend?”

“No. To see one.”

That still didn’t answer his question and she wasn’t about to give him one. In other words, mind your own business, Jenner.

He’d been wrong in his assessment of her show of interest. It was evident she had no intention of getting to know him better and was simply playing Santa’s helper in a way that left him humbled by her generosity. Wasn’t that what he wanted? No involvement? So how come he felt more irritated than ever?

As fate would have it, he heard the gong sound. “Ladder 1. Respond to Cheshire Hotel kitchen fire on Lemon and Weybosset.”

Lemon again? Her eyes widened to hear the address, too. “That fire’s not far from the art-gallery fire!”

“You’re right.” The arsonist was on the loose again, creating mayhem, which was likely part of his intention. Another part was the euphoria a firebug felt to watch something burn that he’d set. It was a definite sickness. Rick longed to catch him and put him away.

“Duty calls. Believe me when I say Tessa and I thank you for the gifts,” he called over his broad shoulder.

CHAPTER THREE

RICK WHEELED AWAY, leaving Andrea too fast for any conversation to continue, but she’d felt his sincerity and was glad of it. The man was off to save buildings and lives without a thought for himself. She admired him terribly for putting himself in harm’s way.

She heard the siren and watched the fire truck pull out onto the street. His daughter could have no idea how lucky she was that her daddy was still alive to be in her life. Every time he left for a fire, there was the possibility he wouldn’t come back. She knew what that was like.

Now that her mission was accomplished, there was nothing more to do but go back to work. Taking a deep breath, she left the station feeling oddly let down and walked to the parking area around the side where she’d left her car.

On the way back she passed the intersection of the hotel fire. The police had cordoned off the area. She saw three fire trucks where the men were doing their jobs with calm, methodical precision. So far she couldn’t see any flames. With all their gear and helmets, it was too difficult to distinguish faces, but one of the taller firefighters could have been Captain Jenner. Much as she wanted to pull to the side and watch, she didn’t dare. Maybe he’d thought she was coming on to him, that that was the reason she’d gone to the station, using his daughter as the excuse. He was so attractive she could believe other women might have tried that tactic.

But for her to show up while he was fighting a fire now would convince him she had an agenda, and he’d be justified in thinking it. Impatient with herself, she drove on and parked around the back of the shop just three blocks away.

She used the remote to go inside and found her mom was out on the floor with a young couple. They were trying to decide on the right nutcracker for his father, but were having problems. From her mother’s expression, it looked as if they’d been in here a long time and she could use some help. Andrea picked up one of her favorites on the shelf and took it over to them.

“This is King Richard. If I were a man, this one would appeal to me. He has such a proud countenance and bearing.”

Their response was all she could hope for and her mother rang up the sale. After they left the shop she hugged Andrea. “Oh, I’m so glad you walked in when you did.”

“After taking over since yesterday, you’re tired, Mom. I want you to go home now, and I’ll join you after I close up.”

“I won’t say no to that. Are you in the mood for an omelet and salad?”

“A light dinner sounds perfect.”

She eyed her curiously. “Were you able to deliver your gift?”

“Yes. The captain thanked me and wanted to pay for it, but I wouldn’t let him. No sooner did he take the box than he was off to another fire. And now it’s time for you to leave before you drop.”

“I’m going. You look lovely, by the way. I haven’t seen you in that suit for a long time.”

“I think of it as my Christmas suit.”

They hugged again. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

After she left, Andrea spent the next half hour unpacking more merchandise. Once she was through setting things out on the floor, she stood at the counter. While she waited for another customer, she read the emails from Gunter’s family.

Andrea loved her mother-in-law’s newsy epistles. Apparently their oldest daughter, Lisa, was expecting her third baby at the end of May.

Emily was expecting, too.

The whole world seemed to be expecting....

Though this would be as good a time as any to reply, her mind was on the hotel fire. Putting off a response until later, she turned on the radio behind the counter. The talk show station she often listened to gave local updates every twenty minutes. They were coming up on the seven-forty news. Maybe there’d be some information.

But just as it came on, she had another customer and almost fainted when she saw who it was. Captain Jenner had changed out of his uniform. Beneath his bomber jacket he wore a dark blue turtleneck and jeans. He looked amazing in and out of uniform.

In the background they could both hear the news about the three-alarm fire. She hadn’t been able to get him off her mind after leaving the fire station. He and his colleagues were incredibly brave. Andrea couldn’t imagine facing an inferno the way he did every time their station got the call.

“You’d never know you’d been fighting that fire they were reporting on the news.”

His half smile had pretty devastating appeal. “It was put out too fast to turn into a disaster, and now I’m off duty. I’m glad to say I’ll live to see another day.”

She hurriedly turned off the radio. “Your family must breathe a sigh of relief every time you come home from work.” How did they stand it?

“According to statistics, firefighting is only the thirteenth most dangerous job in the world.”

Andrea couldn’t prevent a small smile of her own, though inside she couldn’t understand how he could be so glib. “Only? If you thought that would make me feel better...”

He laughed. A deep male laugh she didn’t expect. One she felt warm her insides.

“Seriously, how does your wife handle it?”

“Tina didn’t like it,” he said without taking a breath. “The great irony is that she died of leukemia a year ago. After all the years we were married while she worried about me, her time clock was running out along with our plans to enlarge our family. We wanted to give Tessa a brother or sister, but it wasn’t meant to be.”

The end of dreams. Andrea knew all about that. She’d never give birth to a child of her own, and she felt as if her heart had just been squeezed by a giant hand. “I’m so sorry.”

He cocked his head, continuing to stare at her. “It’s life.”

“I know.” Her voice had an awful tremor. Time to change the subject. “How can I help you?”

“Tessa and I talked about a special gift to give my housekeeper for Christmas.” Naturally he hadn’t brought his daughter with him. The last thing he would want would be to get her excited all over again about the gingerbread man. “Mrs. Milne is the widow of an army officer—she came to us before my wife died.”

Another widow who’d been married to a man in a dangerous career.

“Tessa loves her, so it has to be the perfect present. That’s one of the reasons I’ve come to your shop.”

“That’s nice to hear. Do you think she’d like a nutcracker or a pyramid?”

“A nutcracker. Tessa was enchanted with the ones she saw in the window.”

Andrea had been enchanted by his precious child. “We have a wonderful assortment of soldiers. The big ones are right over here. Maybe you’ll see one that appeals to you the most.”

He followed her over to the table. “They’re all fabulous.”

“What was her husband like?”

“She’s mentioned several times he looked splendid in his uniform.”

So had the man standing next to her when she’d gone to the station.

“Splendid... Hmm...” Andrea’s keen eye landed on her favorite soldier, who stood fifteen inches high. She picked him up. “Meet the major general. He served in the French Napoleonic cavalry from 1804 to 1815, the most powerful branch of the grande armée. Fourteen hundred officers like this one performed with great gallantry.”

Their hands brushed as she handed it to him. The contact sent a warm sensation through her body. His eyes held hers for a moment before he examined the nutcracker.

“I—I love this one.” Her voice faltered in reaction to his nearness. “This white uniform makes him stand out. It’s an exact replica of the uniforms they wore, down to the black hat and green-and-gold trim on the cuffs and bottom of the jacket.”

“It’s exactly what Tessa would want to give her.” His husky tone set her pulse racing. “I’ll take it.”

“Good. I’ll find the box for it in the back and wrap it for you. Be sure to keep the box. These signed nutcrackers become a collector’s item and are more valuable if you have the same box they came in.”

“I didn’t realize that.”

She couldn’t breathe until she was away from him. Good grief. She’d always heard about widow’s hormones, but had never given it any thought until now. If a doctor were to examine her, he’d declare she had palsy.

After finding the box in question, she returned to the counter with it. “If you’ll notice, there’s a piece of parchment inside that tells you about the major.”

“She’ll love it.”

Andrea’s hands were unsteady as she wrapped the gift in green foil with a red ribbon. He gave her his credit card. She put the receipt in the sack before handing him everything.

“Mom and I appreciate your business.” She flashed him a smile. “Merry Christmas. Since I’m closing up, I’ll walk you to the door.”

Andrea knew she was being obvious, but she wanted him to leave and never come back. It was the exact opposite of her experience with him the first time he’d come into the shop. She couldn’t afford to make more of a fool of herself than she already had. He could have no idea that seeing him again had been very hard on her.

Oddly enough, she sensed he wasn’t ready to go yet. If he knew she was a widow, he wouldn’t be able to leave fast enough, but he hadn’t asked.

A tiny nerve pulsed at the side of his hard mouth before he opened the door. “Thank you again for your generosity to my daughter. Merry Christmas.” He hesitated a moment, then left.

The second his hard-muscled frame disappeared, she locked up and hurried to her bedroom to pack for her overnight with her mother. Once back downstairs, she turned off the lights, set the electronic locks and slipped out to her car.

On purpose she drove past the hotel where he’d fought the blaze earlier. Like pressing on a sore tooth that increased the pain, she needed to remember what he did for a living. There was no point in getting interested in him. After losing Gunter, she didn’t want to go through another horrific loss again.

If he could be killed in a freak car accident, what chance did Rick Jenner have of surviving his world much longer? He willingly put himself in danger every time he climbed onto that truck.

To her chagrin Andrea was strongly attracted to him. His sensual appeal reached down to the deepest part of her, bringing her alive again after more than a year. She was so vulnerable right now, it was frightening. If he came near her again, intuition told her a man like him could become an addiction.

But what could be worse than getting into a relationship with a firefighter? She’d wait for him to come back to her after his shift was over, fearing that if he was late, she’d learn he’d died.

The fact that she’d turned on the radio to find out about the fire proved how anxious she was about his welfare already. He’d admitted his wife hadn’t liked it. What wife could, unless she were a police officer or a firefighter herself?

Memories of the accident assailed her. We’re sorry, Mrs. Fleming. Your husband didn’t make it.

Andrea was sorry she’d met Captain Jenner, and prayed she’d never see him again. By the time she reached the house, she was convulsed in tears that made no sense. For months now she’d been trying to build a new life. Now suddenly he’d come along with that darling daughter of his, reminding her of what she’d lost and what she could never have. It was his fault she was falling apart.

* * *

Rick had promised to watch the Christmas special with Tessa as soon as he got home. Wishing his mind wasn’t still on Andrea, he entered his house and added his gift for Sharon to the growing pile of presents beneath the tree.

Tina’s parents had brought their gifts over early. Too many gifts. His own parents’ presents would come later, in moderation. Tessa looked at the wrapped presents every day while she waited impatiently for Santa to come. Rick had hidden any gifts he’d bought for her in the basement along with the big present. They’d come out of hiding on Christmas morning.

He would have to work the afternoon shift that day, but the following day he had off to spend the day with Tina’s parents, who lived in Providence, and then they would all be getting together. His parents and one of his married brothers who lived in nearby Cranston would drop by and then spend New Year’s with him and Tessa at the house.

“Rick? Is that you?”

Sharon always said that. She had radar for ears, which was a good thing to keep them all safe. Rick thought of her as the rock who stabilized his world and Tessa’s. There was no finer woman anywhere. What would he have done without her?

“I’m home. Where’s the cutest little girl in the entire world?”

“I’m here, Daddy.” She came running into the living room in her princess pajamas and dived into his arms, smelling sweet from her bath. He kissed her, loving this child who made his life worth living. “I’ve been waiting for you. Come in the family room. We’re watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas. Sharon made us popcorn.”

“I can’t wait!” He carried her through and sat down on the couch in front of the TV. Rick kept her on his lap while they munched and laughed. There was something touching about Charlie Brown, who’d picked out the only real tree for their Christmas play. But the dog’s crazy antics as he danced on the piano brought down the house for his daughter.

“He’s so funny. I wish I had a Snoopy shirt like that lady at the shop.”

Rick remembered the way she’d looked in it. Tonight he’d gone back to get Sharon’s gift. And to take another look at Andrea. If he hadn’t given in to temptation, he might have been all right.

Who are you kidding, Jenner?

The whole time he was telling himself to stay away, he found himself entering her shop so he could feast his eyes on her in that stunning outfit she’d worn to the station. She’d produced such a sensation with the guys, he was afraid he’d never hear the end of it.

He moaned inwardly as memories of Tina passed through his mind to conflict him. But not enough to stop him from wanting to see her.

The inevitable guilt had passed. If he had to see the psychiatrist again, it would be for some other problem, because Rick had gone back to the shop when it hadn’t been necessary. He’d needed to see her again and had used any excuse to drop by.

“Before I forget, Deanna called here today and has invited you to a Christmas party on Saturday night after you get off work.”

“Benton mentioned it to me at the fire scene. It will all depend on my shift ending on time.” He really didn’t want to go. “Right now it’s time for this young lady to get to bed. Let’s go get your teeth brushed, then I’ll read you a Mrs. Piggle Wiggle story.”

Between Tina and Rick, they must have read the little stories to her a hundred times. Tina’s mother had given the books to Tessa. He knew it made Tessa feel closer to her mother.

“Good night, Sharon.”

“Good night, cutie.”

“Thanks for everything,” Rick murmured. “I couldn’t do this without you.”

“Sure you could.” But she said it with misty eyes.

* * *

“Mom?” Andrea had just finished putting some more inventory out on the floor. “What are you doing here this morning?”

“I thought I’d get to work on the bills. Come in the back and have a bagel when you get a minute.”

“I’m through now. You’re a lifesaver!” The weather had turned freezing and gloomy. She was glad for the company. To her shock she’d been brooding over the firefighter who refused to leave her thoughts day or night.

Furious with herself for being this vulnerable, Andrea sat down with her mother, who’d made them coffee, too. “I’m afraid this cold front is keeping the customers away till later in the day.”

“It felt like Siberia on the way over here.”

She eyed her mom. “I can tell something’s on your mind. What is it?”

“Your father called me late last night.”

“Don’t tell me Monica has left him again.”

Her mother nodded.

“Didn’t she do this last Christmas?”

They both chuckled. “Yes.” Thank goodness her mom could laugh about it. She’d fallen out of love years ago. For a long time Andrea had prayed her mother would meet someone wonderful and worthy of her. He would have to be terrific.

“I hope you got off the phone fast.”

“I did. He’s driving in to Providence and wants to see you.”

“Thank you for warning me, but what do you bet he doesn’t?” Following her remark, they both heard the Christmas chimes.

“Maybe that’s your father now.”

“I don’t think so. He’d call first.” She got up from the desk. “I can’t believe anyone ventured out in this.” As she walked into the front of the store, Tessa Jenner came in accompanied by an older woman.

Andrea was delighted to see her. “Hello, Tessa.”

“Hello.” Her cheeks were rosy from the cold.

“What can I do for you on this wintry morning?”

A pair of green eyes looked up at her, reminding Andrea of Tessa’s father. “We came to buy Daddy a Christmas present before I have to go to school. It’s a secret.”

“Well, how exciting!”

The older woman smiled. “I’m Mrs. Milne. I take care of Tessa.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Andrea.”

“Tessa begged me to bring her here,” the older woman explained.

“I see. What kind of present are you looking for?”

Tessa pointed. “I want to buy that nutcracker over there on the shelf.”

“Which one? There are five of them.”

“The one with the gold crown and the cape. He has black hair and looks like Daddy.”

Tessa had to have noticed him the first time she came into the shop. Andrea reached for the sixteen-inch-tall nutcracker and brought it down. “Do you know something? You’re right. He does kind of look like your daddy. This one is King Arthur. A great king. Come over to the counter. I’ll get a box and wrap it for you.”

“Thanks.”

While Mrs. Milne handed her a credit card, those innocent eyes staring out of an angelic face looked up at Andrea. “Where’s my gingerbread man? He’s not in the window. Can I hold him again?”

Uh-oh. “He’s not here anymore, remember?” She smiled at her.

But Tessa’s lower lip started to quiver. She was about to cry. “Where is he?”

It appeared Tessa hadn’t understood what Andrea meant.

Was this the real reason the little girl had asked the housekeeper to bring her to the shop? Her heart had been set on him. Andrea had to think fast as she handed the woman her package and credit card. “One of Santa’s elves came for it.” That was as much as she dared tell her.

She expected a smile, but Tessa’s face screwed up in pain. “No, he didn’t.” Her response took Andrea back. “My daddy didn’t mail my letter to Santa yet. It’s still home. My gingerbread man is gone! You promised Santa would bring it to me for Christmas!” She broke down in heart-wrenching tears and hugged Mrs. Milne’s legs. Andrea felt as if she’d been stabbed in the heart.

“I’m sorry.” Andrea mouthed the words to the other woman, feeling helpless to do anything.

The housekeeper nodded in understanding. “We’d better go.” She led a desolate Tessa out the door.

After they left the shop, Andrea looked at her mother in anguish. “I didn’t know what to say to her. Mr. Jenner is giving it to her for Christmas. I already made one mistake with him and didn’t want to make another for fear I’d give away his surprise.”

“Don’t worry about it. She’ll get over it when she finds it on Christmas morning. I must say she’s about the cutest little girl I ever saw in my life. Except for you,” she added. “No wonder you wanted her to have that gingerbread man. It was meant for a child like that.”

“I agree, but she was really devastated.”

“When you were her age, you had a few meltdowns, too.”

“I probably did, but this seemed different. She believes I lied to her.”

“Honey, you know children.”

“Actually I don’t, Mom. I won’t ever know them, since I can’t have one of my own. After this incident it’s probably just as well, since it appears I’m not so great in that department.”

“Andrea—”

“It’s true.”

Her hope for a family wasn’t meant to be. She wasn’t destined to be a wife and mother, and she needed to get over her self-pity. Thankfully more customers entered the store, keeping her too distracted to wallow in her deepest emotional wants for the time being.

After lunch Andrea was showing her newest customer a music box when the chimes sounded. As she glanced up and saw Tessa’s striking father, she clung to the edge of the display table for support. He wore a forest-green crewneck sweater beneath his black bomber jacket. The lines bracketing his hard mouth led her to believe he was upset. It enlarged the pit in her stomach left from his distraught daughter’s visit earlier in the day.

He wandered around the shop inspecting the merchandise until she was alone once more, then approached her. “I heard what happened here this morning,” he said without preamble. “Sharon admitted she’d brought Tessa to the shop to get me a gift—she’d had no idea what was going to happen.”

Andrea took a quick breath. “Is Tessa all right now?”

“She’s fine. I had a talk with her and explained Santa already knew what she wanted without a letter.”

“Did that satisfy her?”

“Enough for her to go to school this afternoon. I’m sorry she made things uncomfortable for you.”

“She was the one who was upset. I didn’t want her to think I’d lied to her.”

“I appreciate you keeping my secret. Sadly, Tessa has gotten her way too often when she wants something. It’s a habit I’m trying to curtail.”

Andrea shook her head. “I didn’t help when I took matters into my own hands the other day to grant her wish. Forgive me. It’ll teach me not to do anything like that again.”

His dark brows rose. “You couldn’t have known the struggle I’ve been having, and it is Christmas after all, as you reminded me that first day.” His comment relieved her. “Right after Tina died, I’m afraid I indulged her too much. So did both sides of the family, but my wife’s in particular.”

“Naturally everyone is still grieving.”

“True, but I finally recognized that giving in to her at every turn wouldn’t make the pain go away and was setting a negative precedent for the future.”

“You sound like a very responsible parent doing the job of two on your own.”

“I’m trying, but I learned quickly that I can’t be the mom.” No. That job was given out to the very luckiest of women. “My housekeeper helps with that.”

Andrea smiled. “While I floundered, she handled Tessa very well at the shop.”

“Sharon said she was impressed you thought of the elf idea.”

“It was a stretch.”

Stillness enveloped them both while he studied her intently. “I don’t see a ring on your finger, so I presume you’re single.”

“Yes.” She fought not to show emotion. “My husband was killed in a car accident fourteen months ago. Like you and your wife, we thought we had a whole lifetime together.”

More silence, then, “That’s tragic.” The compassion in his voice got to her.

“Yes,” she said, followed by the first thing that came into her mind. “If you’ve come by to pay me for those gifts, your effort has been in vain.”

“I already got that message at the station,” he said in a grating voice. “One of my reasons for being here is to thank you properly. You’ve convinced me there really is a Santa Claus.”

“If I could do that to a man of your age, then I’m convinced miracles really do happen.”

His dark brows quirked. “A man of my age?”

“You’re older than ten, right?” He chuckled. “What’s the other reason you came in?”

He shifted his weight. “My closest friends have invited me to a Christmas get-together tomorrow night. If you’re not busy after work, would you like to come with me?”

His invitation excited and dismayed her at the same time. “I’m afraid I can’t, but thank you.”

“You already have plans with the person who took you out of town?”

Her mother must have told him. “That’s not it. I went to visit one of my best girlfriends at Barrow’s Lake. She’s been having a bad time lately. We’re planning a Christmas Eve party for our other friend who’s on her second honeymoon right now. When she gets back, they’re going to renew their wedding vows. I was hoping that in making plans, it would cheer up my friend.”

“Did it help?”

“I don’t think so.” And all the trip had done for Andrea was make her realize she was in a depression and needed to climb out of it.

“I used to water-ski there from time to time when I was in my teens. As I recall, there was an inn.”

“Yes. The Gingerbread Inn. My family went there every summer for years. Casey is staying there right now. It’s where we’re planning the party.”

“I see. You made a quick trip.”

He was too observant for words. “Yes. I didn’t want to leave my mother alone too long.”

“She’s charming.”

“I’ll tell her.” Andrea wished he would leave.

“Is there someone else in your life, then? If so, just tell me.”

His persistence surprised her. “No. I mean, there isn’t anyone else.”

“But you’re still turning me down.”

“Yes,” she answered in a quiet voice.

“Is it because it’s too soon for you?”

“Yes.” Another monosyllable. She grabbed at the excuse, which wasn’t far from the truth.

“I’m a grown man, as you reminded me earlier, so I’m going to be blunt. If I were to call you up in say a month and ask you out, do you think you would go?”

She sustained his gaze. “I’m afraid not.” Andrea could be blunt, too. She had to be to protect her heart from this man whose chosen career could be cut short in a fire. She couldn’t handle that kind of anguish a second time. She wouldn’t.

“I have to admit it’s refreshing to meet a woman who speaks her mind, even if I don’t like the answer. Maybe we’ll see each other again, Mrs....”

“Fleming.”

If she wasn’t mistaken, she saw a hint of satisfaction light up his eyes. “Even if you didn’t want to know, my friends call me Rick.”

After he left the shop, Andrea was so out of sorts she couldn’t calm down. Once she’d closed up, she made a sandwich and watched TV to get her mind off him, but it didn’t work.

After a restless night in bed she was a wreck. But by morning she refused to feel any more guilt over the way she’d let Rick Jenner know she didn’t intend to go out with him in the future. His dangerous line of work loomed too negatively on the horizon for her to consider getting to know him better.

Andrea was thankful for a busy day that kept her and her mom going nonstop. But when it got to be seven o’clock, she marched her mother to the back door. “You’ll be late for your party at the church if you don’t leave now. I’m sure Rex Medors will be there if he’s back from California.” Andrea so wanted her mother to find someone to share her life.

“I hope so. Now, promise me you’ll come to the house in the morning. We’ll fix a big breakfast and talk.”

“As long as it’s not about Captain Jenner.” Andrea had confided the situation to her mother, who admitted she understood Andrea’s fears. Her mom had agreed that firefighting was a terribly dangerous profession, so enough said about him. “Have a good time with your group.”

By ten to eight there weren’t any more customers. Andrea decided to close the shop for the night, and she dimmed the lights. But before she set the electronic locks, a tall, dark figure swept through the front door. Rick!

Beneath his bomber jacket he was dressed in a silky black shirt and gray trousers. Her mouth went dry just watching those long powerful legs stride toward her. His chiseled male features stood out in the soft glow of the Christmas lights. He was an incredible-looking man whose male scent, combined with the soap he used in the shower, assailed her.

His veiled eyes traveled over her. “Good evening. It looks like I got here just in time. As you can see, I decided not to wait a month to see you again.”

Her breath caught. “I—I wish you hadn’t come.”

“So do I.” His deep voice resonated inside her. “I didn’t like being rejected twice yesterday, so I have to ask you a question. Have you been out with another man since your husband died?”

“No. I guess it’s obvious.”

“I haven’t been with another woman since Tina’s passing either.”

She wished he hadn’t told her that. His admission made everything way too personal.

“To be honest, Mrs. Fleming, I don’t like this attraction any more than you do. Maybe if you come to the party with me, we’ll both get this out of our system and it won’t seem so important.”

Maybe for him... But Andrea knew herself too well. This man already did stand out in her mind. She averted her eyes, unable to think clearly with him so darkly attractive and disturbing.