Loe raamatut: «A Treatise on Domestic Economy; For the Use of Young Ladies at Home and at School», lehekülg 9

CHAPTER XI.
ON DOMESTIC EXERCISE

In the preceding chapters, we have noticed the various causes, which, one or all, operate to produce that melancholy delicacy and decay of the female constitution, which are the occasion of so much physical and mental suffering throughout this Country.

These, in a more condensed form, may be enumerated thus:

A want of exercise, inducing softness in the bones, weakness in the muscles, inactivity in the digestive organs, and general debility in the nervous system: A neglect of the care of the skin, whereby the blood has not been properly purified, and the internal organs have been weakened: A violation of the laws of health, in regard to food, by eating too much, too fast, and too often; by using stimulating food and drinks; by using them too warm or too cold; and by eating that which the power of the stomach is not sufficient to digest: A neglect of the laws of health, in regard to clothing, by dressing too tight, and by wearing too little covering, in cold and damp weather, and especially by not sufficiently protecting the feet: A neglect to gain a proper supply of pure air, in sleeping apartments and schoolrooms, and too great a confinement to the house: The pursuit of exciting amusements at unseasonable hours, and the many exposures involved at such times: And lastly, sleeping by day, instead of by night, and protracting the hours of sleep, beyond the period of repose demanded for rest; thus exhausting, instead of recruiting, the energies of the system.

But all the other causes, combined, probably, do not produce one half the evils, which result from a want of proper exercise. A person who keeps all the functions of the system in full play, by the active and frequent use of every muscle, especially if it be in the open air, gains a power of constitution, which can resist many evils that would follow from the other neglects and risks detailed. This being the case, there can be no subject, more important for mothers and young ladies to understand, than the influence on the health, both of body and mind, of the neglect or abuse of the muscular system.

It has been shown, in the previous pages, that all the muscles have nerves and blood-vessels, running in larger trunks, or minute branches, to every portion of the body. The experiments of Sir Charles Bell and others, have developed the curious fact, that each apparently single nerve, in reality consists of two distinct portions, running together in the same covering. One portion, is the nerve of sensation or feeling, the other, the nerve of motion. The nerves of sensation are those which are affected by the emotions and volitions of the mind; and the nerves of motion are those which impart moving power to the muscles. Experiments show, that, where the nerves issue from the spine, the nerve of sensation may be cut off without severing the nerve of motion, and then the parts, to which this nerve extends, lose the power of feeling, while the power of motion continues; and so, on the other hand, the nerve of motion may be divided, and, the nerve of sensation remaining uninjured, the power of feeling is retained, and the power of motion is lost.

In certain nervous diseases, sometimes a limb loses its power of feeling, and yet retains the power of motion; in other cases, the power of motion is lost, and the power of sensation is retained; and in other cases, still, when a limb is paralysed, both the power of motion and of sensation are lost.

Now, the nerves, like all other parts of the body, gain and lose strength, according as they are exercised. If they have too much, or too little, exercise, they lose strength; if they are exercised to a proper degree, they gain strength. When the mind is continuously excited, by business, study, or the imagination, the nerves of feeling are kept in constant action, while the nerves of motion are unemployed. If this is continued, for a long time, the nerves of sensation lose their strength, from over action, and the nerves of motion lose their power, from inactivity. In consequence, there is a morbid excitability of the nervous, and a debility of the muscular, system, which make all exertion irksome and wearisome. The only mode of preserving the health of these systems, is, to keep up in them an equilibrium of action. For this purpose, occupations must be sought, which exercise the muscles, and interest the mind; and thus the equal action of both kinds of nerves is secured. This shows why exercise is so much more healthful and invigorating, when the mind is interested, than when it is not. As an illustration, let a person go a shopping, with a friend, and have nothing to do, but look on; how soon do the continuous walking and standing weary! But suppose one, thus wearied, hears of the arrival of a very dear friend: she can instantly walk off a mile or two, to meet her, without the least feeling of fatigue. By this is shown the importance of furnishing, for young persons, exercise in which they will take an interest. Long and formal walks, merely for exercise, though they do some good, in securing fresh air and some exercise of the muscles, would be of triple benefit, if changed to amusing sports, or to the cultivation of fruits and flowers, in which it is impossible to engage, without acquiring a great interest. It shows, also, why it is far better to trust to useful domestic exercise, at home, than to send a young person out to walk, for the mere purpose of exercise. Young girls can seldom be made to realize the value of health, and the need of exercise to secure it, so as to feel much interest in walking abroad, when they have no other object. But, if they are brought up to minister to the comfort and enjoyment of themselves and others, by performing domestic duties, they will constantly be interested and cheered in their exercise, by the feeling of usefulness, and the consciousness of having performed their duty.

There are few young persons, it is hoped, who are brought up with such miserable habits of selfishness and indolence, that they cannot be made to feel happier, by the consciousness of being usefully employed. And those who have never been accustomed to think or care for any one but themselves, and who seem to feel little pleasure in making themselves useful, by wise and proper influences, can often be gradually awakened to the new pleasure of benevolent exertion to promote the comfort and enjoyment of others. And the more this sacred and elevating kind of enjoyment is tasted, the greater is the relish induced. Other enjoyments, often cloy; but the heavenly pleasure, secured by virtuous industry and benevolence, while it satisfies, at the time, awakens fresh desires for so ennobling a good.

But, besides the favorable influence on the nervous and muscular system, thus gained, it has been shown, that exercise imparts fresh strength and vitality to all parts of the body. The exertion of the muscles quickens the flow of the blood, which thus ministers its supplies faster to every part of the body, and, of course, loses a portion of its nourishing qualities. When this is the case, the stomach issues its mandate of hunger, calling for new supplies. When these are furnished, the action of the muscles again hastens a full supply to every organ, and thus the nerves, the muscles, the bones, the skin, and all the internal organs, are invigorated, and the whole body developes its powers, in fair proportions, fresh strength and full beauty. All the cosmetics of trade, all the labors of mantuamakers, milliners, makers of corsets, shoemakers, and hairdressers, could never confer so clear and pure a skin, so fresh a color, so finely moulded a form, and such cheerful health and spirits, as would be secured by training a child to obey the laws of the benevolent Creator, in the appropriate employment of body and mind in useful domestic exercise. And the present habits of the wealthy, and even of those without wealth, which condemn young girls so exclusively to books or sedentary pursuits, are as destructive to beauty and grace, as they are to health and happiness.

Every allowance should be made for the mistakes of mothers and teachers, to whom the knowledge which would have saved them from the evils of such a course has never been furnished; but as information, on these matters, is every year becoming more abundant, it is to be hoped, that the next generation, at least, may be saved from the evils which afflict those now on the stage. What a change would be made in the happiness of this Country, if all the pale and delicate young girls should become blooming, healthful, and active, and all the enfeebled and care-worn mothers should be transformed into such fresh, active, healthful, and energetic matrons, as are so frequently found in our mother land!

It has been stated, that the excessive use of the muscles, as much as their inactivity, tends to weaken them. Nothing is more painful, than the keeping a muscle constantly on the stretch, without any relaxation or change. This can be realized, by holding out an arm, perpendicularly to the body, for ten or fifteen minutes, if any one can so long bear the pain. Of course, confinement to one position, for a great length of time, tends to weaken the muscles thus strained.

This shows the evil of confining young children to their seats, in the schoolroom, so much and so long as is often done. Having no backs to their seats, as is generally the case, the muscles, which are employed in holding up the body, are kept in a state of constant tension, till they grow feeble from overworking. Then, the child begins to grow crooked, and the parents, to remedy the evil, sometimes put on bracers or corsets. These, instead of doing any good, serve to prevent the use of those muscles, which, if properly exercised, would hold the body straight; and thus they grow still weaker, from entire inactivity. If a parent perceives that a child is growing crooked, the proper remedy is, to withdraw it from all pursuits which tax one particular set of muscles, and turn it out to exercise in sports, or in gardening, in the fresh air, when all the muscles will be used, and the whole system strengthened. Or, if this cannot be done, sweeping, dusting, running of errands, and many household employments, which involve lifting, stooping, bending, and walking, are quite as good, and, on some accounts, better, provided the house is properly supplied with fresh air.

Where persons have formed habits of inactivity, some caution is necessary, in attempting a change; this must be made gradually; and the muscles must never be excessively fatigued at any time. If this change be not thus gradually made, the weakness, at first caused by inactivity, will be increased by excessive exertion. A distinguished medical gentleman gives this rule, to direct us in regard to the amount of fatigue, which is safe and useful. A person is never too much fatigued, if one night of repose gives sufficient rest, and restores the usual strength. But, if the sleep is disturbed, and the person wakes with a feeling of weariness and languor, it is a sure indication that the exercise has been excessive. No more fatigue, then, should be allowed, than one night's rest will remedy.

Some persons object to sweeping, on account of the dust inhaled. But free ventilation, frequent sweeping, and the use of damp sand, or damp Indian meal, or damp tea leaves, for carpets, will secure a more clear atmosphere than is often found in the streets of cities. And the mother, who will hire domestics, to take away this and other domestic employments, which would secure to her daughters, health, grace, beauty, and domestic virtues, and the young ladies, who consent to be deprived of these advantages, will probably live to mourn over the languor, discouragement, pain, and sorrow, which will come with ill health, as the almost inevitable result.

The following are extracts from 'The Young Ladies' Friend,' on this subject:—

"Whether rich or poor, young or old, married or single, a woman is always liable to be called to the performance of every kind of domestic duty, as well as to be placed at the head of a family; and nothing, short of a practical knowledge of the details of housekeeping, can ever make those duties easy, or render her competent to direct others in the performance of them.

"All moral writers on female character, treat of Domestic Economy as an indispensable part of female education; and this, too, in the old countries of Europe, where an abundant population, and the institutions of society, render it easy to secure the services of faithful domestics."

"All female characters that are held up to admiration, whether in fiction or biography, will be found to possess these domestic accomplishments; and, if they are considered indispensable in the Old World, how much more are they needed, in this land of independence, where riches cannot exempt the mistress of a family from the difficulty of procuring efficient aid, and where perpetual change of domestics, renders perpetual instruction and superintendence necessary.

"Since, then, the details of good housekeeping must be included in a good female education, it is very desirable that they should be acquired when young, and so practised as to become easy, and to be performed dexterously and expeditiously."

"The elegant and accomplished Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, who figured in the fashionable, as well as the literary, circles of her time, has said, that 'the most minute details of household economy become elegant and refined, when they are ennobled by sentiment;' and they are truly ennobled, when we do them either from a sense of duty, or consideration for a parent, or love to a husband. 'To furnish a room,' continues this lady, 'is no longer a commonplace affair, shared with upholsterers and cabinet-makers; it is decorating the place where I am to meet a friend or lover. To order dinner is not merely arranging a meal with my cook; it is preparing refreshment for him whom I love. These necessary occupations, viewed in this light, by a person capable of strong attachment, are so many pleasures, and afford her far more delight, than the games and shows which constitute the amusements of the world.'

"Such is the testimony of a titled lady of the last century, to the sentiment that may be made to mingle in the most homely occupations. I will now quote that of a modern female writer and traveller, who, in her pleasant book, called 'Six Weeks on the Loire,' has thus described the housewifery of the daughter of a French nobleman, residing in a superb chateau on that river. The travellers had just arrived, and been introduced, when the following scene took place.

"'The bill of fare for dinner was discussed in my presence, and settled, sans façon,⁹ with that delightful frankness and gayety, which, in the French character, gives a charm to the most trifling occurrence. Mademoiselle Louise then begged me to excuse her for half an hour, as she was going to make some creams, and some pastilles.¹⁰ I requested that I might accompany her, and also render myself useful; we accordingly went together to the dairy. I made tarts à l'Anglaise,¹¹ whilst she made confections and bonbons,¹² and all manner of pretty things, with as much ease as if she had never done any thing else, and as much grace as she displayed in the saloon. I could not help thinking, as I looked at her, with her servants about her, all cheerful, respectful, and anxious to attend upon her, how much better it would be for the young ladies in England, if they would occasionally return to the habits of their grandmammas, and mingle the animated and endearing occupations of domestic life, and the modest manners and social amusements of home, with the perpetual practising on harps and pianos, and the incessant efforts at display, and search after gayety, which, at the present day, render them any thing but what an amiable man, of a reflecting mind and delicate sentiments, would desire in the woman he might wish to select as the companion of his life.'"

CHAPTER XII.
ON DOMESTIC MANNERS

Good-manners are the expressions of benevolence in personal intercourse, by which we endeavor to promote the comfort and enjoyment of others, and to avoid all that gives needless uneasiness. It is the exterior exhibition of the Divine precept, which requires us to do to others, as we would that they should do to us. It is saying, by our deportment, to all around, that we consider their feelings, tastes, and convenience, as equal in value to our own.

Good-manners lead us to avoid all practices which offend the taste of others; all violations of the conventional rules of propriety; all rude and disrespectful language and deportment; and all remarks, which would tend to wound the feelings of another.

There is a serious defect, in the manners of the American people, especially in the free States, which can never be efficiently remedied, except in the domestic circle, and during early life. It is a deficiency in the free expression of kindly feelings and sympathetic emotions, and a want of courtesy in deportment. The causes, which have led to this result, may easily be traced.

The forefathers of this Nation, to a wide extent, were men who were driven from their native land, by laws and customs which they believed to be opposed both to civil and religious freedom. The sufferings they were called to endure, the subduing of those gentler feelings which bind us to country, kindred, and home, and the constant subordination of the passions to stern principle, induced characters of great firmness and self-control. They gave up the comforts and refinements of a civilized country, and came, as pilgrims, to a hard soil, a cold clime, and a heathen shore. They were continually forced to encounter danger, privations, sickness, loneliness, and death; and all these, their religion taught them to meet with calmness, fortitude, and submission. And thus it became the custom and habit of the whole mass, to repress, rather than to encourage, the expression of feeling.

Persons who are called to constant and protracted suffering and privation, are forced to subdue and conceal emotion; for the free expression of it would double their own suffering, and increase the sufferings of others. Those, only, who are free from care and anxiety, and whose minds are mainly occupied by cheerful emotions, are at full liberty to unveil their feelings.

It was under such stern and rigorous discipline, that the first children in New England were reared; and the manners and habits of parents are usually, to a great extent, transmitted to children. Thus it comes to pass, that the descendants of the Puritans, now scattered over every part of the Nation, are predisposed to conceal the gentler emotions, while their manners are calm, decided, and cold, rather than free and impulsive. Of course, there are very many exceptions to these predominating results.

The causes, to which we may attribute a general want of courtesy in manners, are certain incidental results of our democratic institutions. Our ancestors, and their descendants, have constantly been combating the aristocratic principle, which would exalt one class of men at the expense of another. They have had to contend with this principle, not only in civil, but in social, life. Almost every American, in his own person, as well as in behalf of his class, has had to assume and defend the main principle of democracy,—that every man's feelings and interests are equal in value to those of every other man. But, in doing this, there has been some want of clear discrimination. Because claims, based on distinctions of mere birth, fortune, or position, were found to be injurious, many have gone to the extreme of inferring that all distinctions, involving subordination, are useless. Such, would regard children as equals to parents, pupils to teachers, domestics to their employers, and subjects to magistrates; and that, too, in all respects.

The fact, that certain grades of superiority and subordination are needful, both for individual and public benefit, has not been clearly discerned; and there has been a gradual tendency to an extreme, which has sensibly affected our manners. All the proprieties and courtesies, which depend on the recognition of the relative duties of superior and subordinate, have been warred upon; and thus we see, to an increasing extent, disrespectful treatment of parents, from children; of teachers, from pupils; of employers, from domestics; and of the aged, from the young. In all classes and circles, there is a gradual decay in courtesy of address.

In cases, too, where kindness is rendered, it is often accompanied with a cold, unsympathizing manner, which greatly lessens its value, while kindness or politeness is received in a similar style of coolness, as if it were but the payment of a just due.

It is owing to these causes, that the American people, especially the inhabitants of New England, do not do themselves justice. For, while those, who are near enough to learn their real character and feelings, can discern the most generous impulses, and the most kindly sympathies, they are so veiled, in a composed and indifferent demeanor, as to be almost entirely concealed from strangers.

These defects in our national manners, it especially falls to the care of mothers, and all who have charge of the young, to rectify; and if they seriously undertake the matter, and wisely adapt means to ends, these defects will be remedied. With reference to this object, the following ideas are suggested.

The law of Christianity and of democracy, which teaches that all men are born equal, and that their interests and feelings should be regarded as of equal value, seems to be adopted in aristocratic circles, with exclusive reference to the class in which the individual moves. The courtly gentleman, addresses all of his own class with politeness and respect; and, in all his actions, seems to allow that the feelings and convenience of others are to be regarded, the same as his own. But his demeanor to those of inferior station, is not based on the same rule.

Among those, who make up aristocratic circles, such as are above them, are deemed of superior, and such as are below, of inferior, value. Thus, if a young, ignorant, and vicious coxcomb, happens to be born a lord, the aged, the virtuous, the learned, and the wellbred, of another class, must give his convenience the precedence, and must address him in terms of respect. So, when a man of noble birth is thrown among the lower classes, he demeans himself in a style, which, to persons of his own class, would be deemed the height of assumption and rudeness.

Now, the principles of democracy require, that the same courtesy, which we accord to our own circle, shall be extended to every class and condition; and that distinctions, of superiority and subordination, shall depend, not on accidents of birth, fortune, or occupation, but solely on those relations, which the good of all classes equally require. The distinctions demanded, in a democratic state, are simply those, which result from relations, that are common to every class, and are for the benefit of all.

It is for the benefit of every class, that children be subordinate to parents, pupils to teachers, the employed to their employers, and subjects to magistrates. In addition to this, it is for the general wellbeing, that the comfort or convenience of the delicate and feeble, should be preferred to that of the strong and healthy, who would suffer less by any deprivation, and that precedence should be given to their elders, by the young, and that reverence should be given to the hoary head.

The rules of good-breeding, in a democratic state, must be founded on these principles. It is, indeed, assumed, that the value of the happiness of each individual, is the same as that of every other; but, as there must be occasions, where there are advantages which all cannot enjoy, there must be general rules for regulating a selection. Otherwise, there would be constant scrambling, among those of equal claims, and brute force must be the final resort; in which case the strongest would have the best of every thing. The democratic rule, then, is, that superiors, in age, station, or office, have precedence of subordinates; age and feebleness, of youth and strength; and the feebler sex, of more vigorous man.¹³

There is, also, a style of deportment and address, which is appropriate to these different relations. It is suitable for a superior to secure compliance with his wishes, from those subordinate to him, by commands; but a subordinate must secure compliance with his wishes, from a superior, by requests. It is suitable for a parent, teacher, or employer, to admonish for neglect of duty; but not for an inferior to adopt such a course towards a superior. It is suitable for a superior to take precedence of a subordinate, without any remark; but not for an inferior, without previously asking leave, or offering an apology. It is proper for a superior to use language and manners of freedom and familiarity, which would be improper from a subordinate to a superior.

The want of due regard to these proprieties, occasions the chief defect in American manners. It is very common to hear children talk to their parents, in a style proper only between companions and equals; so, also, the young address their elders, those employed, their employers, and domestics, the members of the family and their visiters, in a style, which is inappropriate to their relative positions. A respectful address is required not merely towards superiors; every person desires to be treated with courtesy and respect, and therefore, the law of benevolence demands such demeanor, towards all whom we meet in the social intercourse of life. "Be ye courteous," is the direction of the Apostle in reference to our treatment of all.

Good-manners can be successfully cultivated, only in early life, and in the domestic circle. There is nothing which depends so much upon habit, as the constantly recurring proprieties of good-breeding; and, if a child grows up without forming such habits, it is very rarely the case that they can be formed at a later period. The feeling, that it is of little consequence how we behave at home, if we conduct properly abroad, is a very fallacious one. Persons, who are careless and ill bred at home, may imagine that they can assume good-manners abroad; but they mistake. Fixed habits of tone, manner, language, and movements, cannot be suddenly altered; and those who are illbred at home, even when they try to hide their bad habits, are sure to violate many of the obvious rules of propriety, and yet be unconscious of it.

And there is nothing, which would so effectually remove prejudice against our democratic institutions, as the general cultivation of good-breeding in the domestic circle. Good-manners are the exterior of benevolence, the minute and often recurring exhibitions of "peace and good-will;" and the nation, as well as the individual, which most excels in the external, as well as the internal, principle, will be most respected and beloved.

The following are the leading points, which claim attention from those who have the care of the young.

In the first place, in the family, there should be required, a strict attention to the rules of precedence, and those modes of address appropriate to the various relations to be sustained. Children should always be required to offer their superiors, in age or station, the precedence in all comforts and conveniences, and always address them in a respectful tone and manner. The custom of adding "Sir," or "Ma'am," to "Yes," or "No," is valuable, as a perpetual indication of a respectful recognition of superiority. It is now going out of fashion, even among the most wellbred people; probably from a want of consideration of its importance. Every remnant of courtesy of address, in our customs, should be carefully cherished, by all who feel a value for the proprieties of good-breeding.

If parents allow their children to talk to them, and to the grown persons in the family, in the same style in which they address each other, it will be vain to hope for the courtesy of manner and tone, which good-breeding demands in the general intercourse of society. In a large family, where the elder children are grown up, and the younger are small, it is important to require the latter to treat the elder as superiors. There are none, so ready as young children to assume airs of equality; and, if they are allowed to treat one class of superiors in age and character disrespectfully, they will soon use the privilege universally. This is the reason, why the youngest children of a family are most apt to be pert, forward, and unmannerly.

Another point to be aimed at, is, to require children always to acknowledge every act of kindness and attention, either by words or manner. If they are so trained as always to make grateful acknowledgements, when receiving favors, one of the objectionable features in American manners will be avoided.

Again, children should be required to ask leave, whenever they wish to gratify curiosity, or use an article which belongs to another. And if cases occur, when they cannot comply with the rules of good-breeding, as, for instance, when they must step between a person and the fire, or take the chair of an older person, they should be required either to ask leave, or to offer an apology.

There is another point of good-breeding, which cannot, in all cases, be understood and applied by children, in its widest extent. It is that, which requires us to avoid all remarks which tend to embarrass, vex, mortify, or in any way wound the feelings, of another. To notice personal defects; to allude to others' faults, or the faults of their friends; to speak disparagingly of the sect or party to which a person belongs; to be inattentive, when addressed in conversation; to contradict flatly; to speak in contemptuous tones of opinions expressed by another;—all these, are violations of the rules of good-breeding, which children should be taught to regard. Under this head, comes the practice of whispering, and staring about, when a teacher, or lecturer, or clergyman, is addressing a class or audience. Such inattention, is practically saying, that what the person is uttering is not worth attending to; and persons of real good-breeding always avoid it. Loud talking and laughing, in a large assembly, even when no exercises are going on; yawning and gaping in company; and not looking in the face a person who is addressing you, are deemed marks of ill-breeding.