A Merry Dialogue Declaringe the Properties of Shrowde Shrews and Honest Wives

Xantippa. She was one of goddes fooles. I woulde rather for a bed haue layd vnder him a bundel of nettels: or a burden of thistels.

Eula. But here the end her husbande perceyuyng the honeste of her great pacience neuer after laye from her, but made good cheare at home with his owne. I am sure ye knowe Gilberte the holāder.

Xan. Very well.

Eu. He (as it is not vnknowē maried an old wife in his florishîg youth.

Xā. Per aduēture he maried the good and notthe woman.

Eulalia. There sayde ye well, setting lytell stoore by hys olde wife, hunted a callette, with whom he kept much companie abrode, he dined or supped litell at home. What wouldest thou haue sayd to y^e gere.

Xantip. What woulde I a said? I wolde haue flowē to the hores toppe and I wolde haue crowned myne husbande at hys oute goinge to her with a pysbowle,that he so ēbawlmed might haue gon vnto his souerayne ladie.

Eula. But how much wiselier dyd this woman? She desyred that yonge woman home vnto her, and made her good chere, so by that meanes she brought home also her husband without ani witchraft or sorserie, and yf that at anye season he supped abrode with her she would sende vnto them some good dayntie morsel, and byd him make good chere

Xantippa. I had leuer be slayne then I woulde be bawde vnto myne owne husbande.

Eulalia. Yea, but consyder all thynges well, was not that muche better, then she shoulde be her shrewyshnesse, haue putte her husbandes minde cleane of from her, and so haue ledde all her life in trouble and heuynesse.

Xantippa. I graunte you well, that it was better so but I coulde not abyde it.

Eulalya. I wyll tell you a prety story more, and so make an ende One of oure neyghboures, a well disposed and a goddes man, but that he is some what testie, on a day pomeld his wife well and thriftely aboute the pate and so good a woman as euer was borne, she picked her into an inner parler, and there weepynge and sobbynge, eased her heuye harte, anone after, by chaunce her husbande came into the same place, and founde hys wyfe wepyng. What sitest thou heare sayth he seighing & sobbîg like a child Thē she like a wise woman sayde. Is it not more honesty for me to lamente my dolours here in a secret place, thē to make wondering and on oute crye in the strete, as other womē do. At so wyfely and womanly a saing his hart melted, promysynge her faythfullye and truelie that he woulde neuer laye stroke on her afterwarde, nor neuer did.

Xantippa. No more wil mine god thanke my selfe.

Eulalya. But then ye are alwaies one at a nother, agreinge lyke dogges and cattes.

Xan. What wouldest thou that I should do?

Eu. Fyrst & formest, whatsoeuer thy husbande doeth sayde thou nothinge, for his harte must be wonne by lytell and litel by fayre meanes, gentilnesse and forbearing at the last thou shalte eyther wynne him or at the least waie thou shalt leade a better life thē thou doest now.

Xantippa. He his beyonde goddes forbode, he wil neuer amende.

Eulalia. Eye saye not so, there is no beest so wild but by fayre handling be tamed, neuer mistrust man thē. Assay a moneth or two, blame me and thou findest not that my counsell dooeth ease. There be some fautes wyth you thoughe thou se them, be wyse of this especyall that thou neuer gyue hym foule wordes in the chambre, or inbed but be sure that all thynges there bee full of pastyme and pleasure. For yf that place which is ordeined to make amēdes for all fautes and so to renew loue, be polluted, eyther with strife or grugynges, then fayre wel al hope of loue daies, or atonementes, yet there be some beastes so wayward and mischeuous, that when theyr husbandes hath them in their arms a bed, they scholde & chyde making y^t same plesure their lewd condicions (that expelseth all displeasures oute of their husbandes mynde unpleasaunt and lytell set bi corrupting the medecine that shuld haue cured al deadly greifes, & odible offēces.

xantip. That is no newes to me.

Eula. Though the woman shulde be well ware and wyse that she shulde neuer be disobedient vnto her husbād yet she ought to be most circūspect that at meting she shew her selfe redy and pleasaunt unto him.

xantyppa. Yea vnto a man, holde well withall but I am combred with a beast.

Eula. No more of those wordes, most commonly our husbādes ar euyll through our owne faute, but to returne againe vnto our taile they that ar sene in the olde fables of Poetes sai that Venus whome they make chiefe lady of wedlocke (hath a girdle made by the handy worke of Vulcan her Lorde, and in that is thrust al that enforceth love and with that she girdeth her whan so ever she lyeth wyth her housbande

xantippa. A tale of a tubbe.

Eulalya. A tayle it is, but herkē what the taile meaneth.

xantippa. Tell me.

Eulalia That techeth us that the wyfe ought to dyspose her selfe all the she maye that lieng by her husbād she shew him al the plesure that she cā; Wherby the honest love of matrimony may reuiue and be renewed, & that there with be clene dispatched al grudges & malice

xant. But how shall we come by the thys gyrdle?

Eula. We nede neyther wytchraft nor enchauntment, ther is non of them al, so sure as honest condiciōs accompayned with good feloshyp.

xan. I can not fauoure suche an husbande as myne is.

Eula, It is moste thy profyt that he be no longer suche. If thou couldest by thy Circes craft chaunge thin husband into an hogge, or a bore wouldest thou do it?

xantip. God knoweth.

Eu. Art thou in dout? haddest thou leauer marye an hogge than a mā.

Xantip. Mary I had leauer haue a manne.

Eulalia. wel, what and thou coudest by sorcery make him of a drōkarde a soober man, of a vnthrifte a good housbande of an ydell losell a towarde body, woldest thou not doe it?

xantip. yes, hardely, woulde I doe it. But where shoulde I learne the cunnyng?

Eula. For soth that cōning hast thou in the if thou wouldest vtter it, thyn must he be, mauger thy head, the towarde y^e makest him, the better it is for the, thou lokest on nothing but on his leude cōdicions, and thei make the half mad, thou wouldest amende hym and thou puttest hym farther oute of frame, loke rather on his good condicions, and so shalt thou make him better. It is to late calagayne yesterdaie before thou were maryed unto hym. It was tyme to cōsyder what his fautes were for a women shold not only take her husbande by the eyes but by the eares. Now it is more tyme to redresse fautes thē to fynd fautes.