Loe raamatut: «Butterflies», lehekülg 3

Chapter 5
Rita’s tears

Woken up late Lika would not get up. Generally speaking, she did not have to be in a hurry; the holidays were in their midst. She was lying in her bed and thinking about whether it was a good idea to see Rita and find out the truth about what she had heard the day before in Vlad’s flat. In a while she accepted the inner feeling that had told her that whatever the truth could be, Rita would still be a dear person to her. She decided she had to find a way to see Rita who had been avoiding her.

Lika thought Tanya could help her contact with Rita. So she invented a plausible explanation for the curious classmate; she decided to say that she had prepared a surprise for Rita and needed to meet her unexpectedly to bring it to life. Tanya’s role would only be to call Rita and arrange a meeting in ten minutes. But it would be Lika who would come to the meeting, not Tanya. On the whole, the plan was simple and therefore, Lika thought it would work. The most difficult part of it was to get through to Tanya – her home phone number was engaged and her mobile was off. Lika dialed the number several times during an hour. “Hasn’t she told all the gossip yet?” she thought about the classmate every time she heard short beeps in the receiver. Anyway, finally Lika managed to get through.

“Hi, Lika! So glad you’ve called. Wanted to talk to you. Look, d’you know what’s up with Rita? I’ve been calling her for ages, but she hasn’t been answering… Emily says that she’s got ill. I can understand that, but why not to answer the phone…? She might be in the hospital…” Tanya was discoursing not letting Lika say a word. “D’you know anything about it?” she asked and finally stopped talking.

“In fact, I don’t,” Lika got upset the moment she realized that her hopes collapsed like a house of cards. “She hasn’t been answering my calls either. I thought you might have known what happened.”

“Something’s wrong,” Tanya drawled curiously, “It’s okay for me, but you’re her best friend! Have had an argument?” she supposed.

“No, we haven’t. Everything was okay, but then she disappeared,” explained Lika; now she knew the reason of Rita’s behavior. “What exactly did Emily tell you?” she asked.

“She said there was a party at Vlad’s yesterday, and Rita didn’t come because she’d fallen ill. You went there, didn’ t you?”

“Yes, though I wasn’t there long.”

“You saw him, didn’t you?”

“you mean Vlad”?

“No, his cousin, Sergei.”

“Oh. Year, I saw him.”

“What’s he like?”

“Nice appearance…”

“Do you know he’s dating Emily?” the classmate whispered into the receiver as if afraid of being overheard.

“This one is able to enchant anyone,” Lika thought and then asked loudly:

“Do you think it’s serious?”

“Blimey! God only knows!” Tanya exclaimed and then suddenly changed to sugary-sweet tone and almost sang the question she must have prepared beforehand.

“What about you and Vlad? How are you going to keep in touch?”

“Skype, I guess,” Lika answered on spot taking into account the fact that the classmates thought them to be a couple. She had decided to play that game. “And he’ll come on winter holidays… or I’ll go to see him!”

“Crikey, dear, it’s so romantic!” Tanya exclaimed being choked with emotion.

Taking advantage of a pause, Lika said goodbye to Tanya and made up her mind to visit Rita immediately. She was determined to see Rita even if she had to spend the whole day by her door. She wrote a note for her aunt running that she was going to have a meeting and was about to leave, but there was Coco lying just in front of the door.

“Dear Coco, would you let me go?” Lika asked aloud surprised that she had addressed the cat as if it were a respected person. It amused her and she smiled.

“Isn’t it a bother for you to go somewhere in this heat?” floated slowly in Lika’s head.

“It is. But I ought to go,” she answered.

“You could stay. There’re so many pleasant things you could do at home…”

“I’m going. Move out of the way, please.” She said strictly; she started losing her patience.

“Are you sure you’ll stand it? Will you be able to look at her and speak to her after all she’s done? Won’t it hurt?”

Lika became transfixed for a moment, but she could quickly regain control over her feelings. She started to get used to the fact that Coco knew everything about any event in her life.

“I think I’ll manage. Pain doesn’t scare me anymore. Thanks to you, by the way.”

“Okay-okay.” The cat stretched her body and then reluctantly got onto her paws and sat aside.

Lika smiled at the cat and closed the door. “This must be really funny!” she thought. “It’s funny I talk to the cat. It’s definitely abnormal! Can it be normal, I wonder? Who defines what is normal and what is not? Who says talking cats do not exist? After all, they might really exist, and they might even talk to their owners, but the owners just like me are afraid of looking crazy, so they don’t tell anyone about this. Even Aunt Ann might hear it… I should find it out. But how will I do this? I can’t come up to her and ask ‘Aunt Ann, can you hear Coco talking?’ Stuff and nonsense! That won’t do. It’ll be easier to ask Coco. But… if chatting Coco is working of my sick imagination, how will I believe her? O-Oh, I’ll have to ask Aunt Ann about it. And what if she does not hear Coco? No-no, this won’t do.” Lika was thinking on the way to Rita’s place, but as soon as she saw the top of the condo where Rita lived, her thoughts went over to the forthcoming meeting. Lika prepared herself to the fact that she would support and help her friend if it was necessary.

Lika stood at the door listening to a long vibrating ringing of an entry phone; nobody answered. Then she said to herself that she would be sitting at the door and waiting for as long as she needed. Fortunately, she did not have to wait for long; Rita came a surprisingly short while later. The moment Rita saw the friend, she got a bit confused, but in a while she attempted at smile. Lika felt the embarrassment of her friend which made her feel awkward too.

“Hi!” exclaimed Rita trying to look as more joyful as she could. “Have you been waiting long?”

“Hi,” said Lika. “No, really not, five minutes… not more…”

“Come in,” Rita said this more calmly as she opened the front door.

They both made themselves comfortable at the kitchen table when Lika noticed how pale and thin Rita’s face was. “Too much worries,” she thought.

“Where on earth have you been?” Lika asked curiously while Rita was pouring tea into a big pink cup.

“No matter… There was a lot to do,” the friend replied, and her fingers trembled when she took her cup.

“I see…” Lika uttered whereas “Rita, I know everything’ was spinning round and round in her brain. She did not dare pronounce those words aloud.

“Oh, tea with mint and lemon! Since when did you start loving this?” she added when she saw Rita putting a yellow slice and a couple of green leaves into her own cup; both of them hated mint.

“That’s melissa. It doesn’t taste like peppermint, and it’s quite tasty.” Rita tried to explain herself.

“Quite?” Lika interrupted the friend,” It sounds as if you are forced to put it into your tea…”

First Rita became paler and then blushed. Keeping silent, she went on sipping her tea. She avoided Lika’s eye; her own eyes vacantly roaming over the wall behind the friend.

“I know the truth!” it started again in Lika’s brain. “I know the truth!”, “I know the truth!”, “I know the truth!” it was going round and round. “Common! Tell her!” She broke the thought whirlwind. She opened the mouth but could not utter a single word; sighing loudly. Wordless, they kept on drinking tea. Thoughts in her head and the silence started suppressing Lika.

“Rita, don’t you want to tell me something?” the silence was finally broken.

Instead of the answer Rita burst into tears. She looked away rubbing the tears off her face, but they kept on pouring down ever harder. Lika got on her feet and put her hands around Rita’s shoulders, feeling her own tears coming down her cheeks. She really sympathized with Rita. So they were crying together – Rita sitting in her chair with her head in her hands and Lika above her clutching Rita’s shoulder with one hand and stroking her head with the other.

“It’s all right, Rita. It’ll be all right… I’m here with you… we’ll find the way out… calm down, please… it’ll be all right… everything will be all right,” she went on repeating softly.

Finally, Rita ceased crying but still gave little whimpers. Her eyes were red and swelling. And still she was beautiful. Her long golden curly hair were slightly waiving about her thin, angelic, beautiful face with gentle features. Lips, also red with crying, stood out as a bright spot. “How beautiful she is!” Lika once again thought looking at the friend who was still wiping her tears.

“You know it, don’t you?” she ventured a guess, and a tear rolled down her cheek again.

Lika nodded; she could hardly fight her tears.

“Do they all know?” blushing Rita forced out the words.

“Tanya doesn’t know. It means that not everyone’s got wind of it,” Lika tried to joke.

“Umm,” Rita uttered hiding her head. “If I had known he …If I had known, I would have never…”

“What’s the use of talking about it now when it’s happened? We’d better think about what to do next.”

“I’ve no idea… no idea…” she started whimpering again.

“Did you tell him?”

“Yeah…”

“And?”

“He said he doesn’t want any problems,” Rita broke forth into tears.

In her sobbing she was saying something. Lika only could understand that he had given Rita money, so that she could get out of the situation and that if Rita’s parents learnt about her pregnancy, they would throw her out of the house. At that moment Lika felt how terrible Rita’s position was – she winced because of Goosebumps running up and down her shoulders when she imagined herself in her friend’s shoes. What would she do in the same situation? She did not have the answer. Despair welled up in her. She swallowed and shook her head trying to get rid of the feeling. She still did not know how she could help Rita. “Should she support her morally? No. It’s too little. She needs to do something significant. But what should it be? Should she talk to the father of the future baby?”

“I could talk to Vlad,” Lika said with confidence.

“No, please! Don’t! By no means! Hear me? Don’t tell him!” Rita protested. “I don’t want him to know. I’ve disappointed you, it’s enough for me,” she added sadly.

“Don’t be silly! You haven’t disappointed me. You’re just goosey if you really think so. I still love you,” Lika switched to tender tone once again, but in a second as if she understood something, she wondered, “You say you don’t want him to know…”

“He doesn’t need more worries. He isn’t in charge of his cousin. I’m the only one to be blamed.”

“So it was Sergei?”

Rita nodded; without looking up, she went on eyeing her own fingers. As for Lika, she felt absolutely delighted at the moment and smiled like a brewer’s horse, “Thanks God it’s not him! How could she not understand it at once? How dared she doubt it? He was not able to leave either a girl or a friend in need! But if it was Sergei, why did Emily told her friends in the bathroom at Vlad’s house that Vlad had got Rita pregnant? Did she just come up with something she really had not known? Apparently, it was so. And now she was dating Sergei. So what was going to happen next? What if he left her just like he had done with Rita? No way. Emily would never let anyone hurt her. She was so different from Rita! She was not the one who could be dumped – just the other way round. But would she have dated Sergei if she had known the truth? Lika thought that she might have not. “I need to tell her. Or shouldn’t I? Can it make it more difficult?” thought the girl, looking at the completely upset friend, “Should I tell Rita that he’s dating Emily? Probably, I’d better not… How long have they been going out? Who can be sure they’ll go on? No, I shouldn’t tell her now! She’s so upset. But I must do something to help. Who could help us?”

“Rita, you must tell your mum about it,” Lika said with decision. “She will understand everything.”

Rita severely shook her head.

“No! No way! I can’t!”

“You can. It will be all right. She will help you…” Lika went on persuading Rita.

“No-no-no! I can’t tell her! Out of the question! Just imagine what she’ll feel. I can’t!”

“And how will you feel? Sooner or later she’ll learn. You won’t be able to hide it for too long…”

“Year, right you are… It’ll become obvious quite soon. This cannot be allowed,” she uttered wistfully. “But he’s given me money and I’ll use it.”

“An abortion?” Lika asked almost in whisper.

“I have no choice,” Rita replied in a small voice, and more tears leaked out down her cheeks.

“Rita, I don’t think it’s the right decision,” she pronounced quietly in the tone that lacked confidence. Of course, Lika was sure Rita’s decision was not right, though she hesitated unsure of her own decisions she would have made if something similar happened to her.

“And what is right then? Is it right to have a baby when you’re seventeen?” Rita indignantly exclaimed. “What will I do with… him or her? My life will come to an end! I’ll lose my friends and say goodbye to further education! No entertainment! Just nappies and walks with a baby carriage! Can you imagine the way my neighbors, my classmates will look at me! I’m feeling ashamed of going out. It seems to me they all know… they’re whispering behind my back. I won’t live like this! Can you see this?”

“What if he got married to you?”

“It would change everything, but he won’t marry me. He doesn’t need me. He clearly said I can’t approach him anymore. Actually, he’s even got a new mobile number,” she uttered sadly.

“Why not to speak to his father?”

“And what? Will his father make him marry me? Besides, if he learns I’ve talked to his father about it, he’ll come to hate me.”

“It’s very likely to happen so,” Lika sighed.

“Anyway, you should wait a bit,” Lika pleaded, “Don’t act rashly, you should think it over first. There might be another way out…”

“I’ve made up my mind,” Rita declared without any hesitation. “Mum and Dad are going to Turkey next week, and I’m going to the doctor’s to have the problem solved.”

Lika heaved a sigh. “So I have a week only,” she thought.

Chapter 6
About Rita

Lika did not notice how she had got home. Deep in her thoughts about Rita’s fate and the way she could help her, she automatically greeted her aunt and answered all the questions the relative asked her, but if asked to repeat their conversation, she would definitely fail to remember a single word from it. When she got into her room, she fell down onto her bed facing the wall and shut her eyes. It immediately brought the memories about Vlad into her mind; as bright flashes she could see the yesterday photo on which he was so happy, and then the touch of his lips. In a moment, pleasant warmth spread all over her body making her heart flutter in her chest. She could feel both joy and pain. “I love you,” she whispered hotly, mentally addressing him. “How will I go on without you?” she was not going to cry, but tears ran down her cheeks.

“Are you all right?” suddenly there was a concerned Aunt’s voice from behind the door, which slightly opened.

“Yes,” she hurriedly began to wipe the tears away, but it was too late – Aunt Ann had entered the room.

“Well, I see you’re crying,” she flung up her hands, “Common, tell me what’s happened.”

“Nothing special,” Lika answered quickly searching the way she could avoid questions.

“That won’t do,” Aunt Ann folded her arms and made it clear with her facial expression that she was not going to move until she knew the whole truth.

“Okay,” Lika sighed sitting cross-legged on the bed “I’ve seen Rita. You remember she wouldn’t answer my calls… Well, she’s in trouble and it troubles me. I can’t tell you the details, I have no right,” she hastened to add foreseeing Aunt’s next question.

Aunt Ann looked closely at Lika for a while as if she wanted to get any confirmation of her words in her look and then, apparently, not seeing anything contradictory inside them, she said:

“Well, the thing that it’s not you who’s got a problem makes me happy. I thought you might be suffering because of him. Thanks God he’s left! I hope it’ll make you calm, and you’ll get a lungful of fresh air!”

“I guess, you’re speaking about yourself now,” smiled Lika.

“Right,” Aunt Ann was not going to deny anything. “I’ve breathed a sigh of relief and now I want you to do the same.”

Lika deeply breathed in and then breathed out. Aunt Ann laughed and kissed Lika on the forehead. In fact, the girl felt a bit better. “I’m so happy to have such a great aunt!” She thought staring after her aunt leaving the room.

Lika had another sigh, and slumping back onto her pillow, she again deepened into her thoughts. This time they were all about Rita. What had happened to her friend was awful and her heart ached from the inability to help with something essential in the current situation. Every time she thought about it, she imagined herself in Rita’s shoes and every time it made her feel an attack of despair moving up her throat. “Poor Rita!” she whispered, “What’s going to be with her now?”

“She’ll have an abortion and will live on. Or… she might not…”

Lika shook her whole body at those words that had run through her head and turned her head in search of the cat. Coco was not in the room.

“Don’t look for me. I’m in the kitchen,” it flashed in her mind.

“Coco, why are you saying this?” The girl outraged loudly.

“Because it’s true – I am in the kitchen!” the answer came.

“I’m asking about Rita,”

“That’s true as well, by the way! I always tell the truth!” Coco declared with pride.

“Is it really going to be this way?” Lika pondered, “Will she do this?”

“Yes, she will,” Coco affirmed, “Wouldn’t you do the same if you were her?” the cat insinuatingly asked in a while.

Lika shuddered, and goose bumps ran down her spine. She made an effort to prevent a single thought at that moment. “Keeping silent? That’s very reasonable. People tend to think how they would act in a given situation. They always look as if they know the right way. They always know the way others should behave under such circumstances, and with all their might they convince themselves that they would certainly go the right way, that they wouldn’t backslide.

Lika felt the colour high in her cheeks; her heart beating against her ribs.

“There’s also another type of people. Those avoid such reasoning, because they understand that they themselves would act in such a situation no better than the object being condemned or discussed, but they are quite sure nothing of the kind would ever happen to them.”

Uneasiness filled Lika’s heart. She understood that she had both of these, and it was painful because it all seemed to be true.

“What is more interesting about it is that both types sincerely believe,” it went on inside her head, “that the events have nothing to do with them. It’s just a mere chatter over an evening cup of tea, something like “Guess what? She’s had an abortion! I wouldn’t have done that!”

Lika flinched again, because somehow Coco’s voice became very similar to the voice of Marie, a young woman living in a neighboring flat.

“You could change ‘she had an abortion’ to anything else. She resigned, broke up with somebody, bought or didn’t buy, did this or did that. That’s not the point!” It seems that Coco was captured by its own monologue. Its words swept faster and faster in Lika’s head, and it became more difficult for the girl to catch the meaning of all the lot.

“The point is that they separate themselves from reality, they don’t want to see that what is happening around belongs to them to the same extend as to the one they are talking about! They don’t want to feel integrity! But it’s obvious! We’re all one! We’re all interrelated!” the last two phrases sounded fervently with awe, “Do you feel this?” Coco asked in the same tone.

Lika had already calmed down and tried to listen to herself, to what was inside her.

“Dunno,” she answered feeling nothing special.

“Common, let’s try again,” the voice affectionately insisted, “you can do it.”

“No, I can’t,” the girl sighed. She was not up to it now. “Look, why are you so sure Rita will do it?”

“Oh, it’s rather simple. Arithmetic alone. It’s like two plus two. It doesn’t equal three or ten, at least, under ordinary conditions.

“Didn’t get it. What does arithmetic to do with it?”

“Let us see what we’ve got. Rita. A beautiful gold haired young girl with a face of an angel,” Coco sang in a lilac voice, as if looking at Rita’s portrait, “She’s cheerful and open hearted. You could not help but fall in love with her!”

“That’s true!” Lika agreed at once, “Rita is wonderful! She’s very nice and kind!”

“Nobody in their right mind would ever say a word against it. But… with all her kindness and beauty, she hasn’t been taught to overcome difficulties of life.”

“She could learn how to fight difficulties,” Lika began to defend her friend.

“Of course, she could. If only she was able to find a reason why she would have to do this. Is there such a reason in her life?”

Lika did not reply. She was trying to demonstrate a straw Rita could possibly catch at to give birth to the child. “What could possibly motivate her? What does she love most of all? She likes going out and meeting her friends. She loves her parents and her friends. She’s mad about travelling. By the age of seventeen she’s visited lots of countries.” Lika recalled the photos of beautiful sceneries and souvenirs that Rita always brought to her from the trips. “She’s also fond of nice and expensive clothes she brings from Europe.” And in fact, Rita always presented much of the clothes to Lika because she has never worn a thing for more than three times, except for those that she fancied a lot. “No, that’s not what I need!” Lika thought sadly. “She’s very kind… there must be something… Oh, how could I forget?! Rita is very fond of animals. She’s been a member of a society protecting the environment. Last year, she managed to set an abandoned kitten up. She was so happy! And at home she’s got a lot of different indoor flowers and plants, she takes care of them with great care and love. She talks to them while watering them and wiping their leaves. And they respond to it with rapid growth, the splendor of their greenery, and the brightness of their flowers. But this, too, does not seem to help,” sighed Lika.

“What about her ambitions?” Coco prompted.

“Ambitions? I don’t know… She wants to get higher education, get a good job, get married…”

“Have you got it now?”

“Not really.”

“So what we have is a nice and beautiful girl who loves animals and the world around her. She got used to living in comfort and welfare and takes admiration of her friends and people around her for granted. The only problem is that she isn’t able to overcome hardships of life because she hasn’t had any till now. Taking into consideration her life goals, which are only obstructed by an unexpected pregnancy, makes the final result obvious, for me, at least,” the cat concluded.

“No!” Lika declared, “I do not agree! I’ll persuade her! I believe she can change. There’s nothing fatal about it!”

“That’s your right, dearie!” Coco said in the end, and they did not recur to the subject that day.