Broken Resolutions

‘The song is fine’ she told him. ‘I know it well.’

‘Good. Take it away, guys.’

As the band started to play the introduction Caitlin listened carefully, curving her hands round the microphone stand in readiness and staring towards the back of the hall rather than at Jake. Her body was tense as a sprinter’s at the start of the most important race of her life, but she didn’t need to glance at the lyrics as she waited for her cue to come in. The words were etched on her soul.

There was no need for her to imagine that she was the woman she was singing about because she was. She’d been used, hurt and scorned by a man she’d once loved and trusted, and the devastating experience had taught her to keep her guard up. Adversity had taught her a huge lesson and, hard as it was, it had helped her to grow stronger.

I’ll put steel round my heart that your poison arrows can’t dent

And I’ll be the phoenix rising that you never saw coming…

Those were the lyrics.

Suddenly her eyes flew open and Caitlin’s glance fell on Jake. He was attired from head to toe in black, and his concentrated expression was utterly serious as he watched her performance. Minutes later, when she came to the end of the song, she was glad, because she desperately needed to suck in a steadying breath. Her heart was thumping hard at the painful memories the words had evoked. Yet, meeting Jake’s gaze once again, she didn’t immediately withdraw when it hit her that he had seriously begun to fascinate her.

It was probably just hormones, she thought irritably. She certainly wasn’t looking to take things further than a working relationship. Apart from it being against the rules, she wasn’t looking for a man. Just like in the song, Caitlin had had the relationship from hell with one particular man and it had nearly destroyed her. She certainly wasn’t going to entertain the idea of being with someone who could twist her insides into knots merely by looking at her.

‘Not bad,’ he said grudgingly.

Her fervent hope had been that she’d done much better than just ‘not bad’, and Caitlin’s heart plummeted. Still, Jake was the boss, and she wasn’t there simply in search of praise. Her ambition was to earn her living as a bona fide singer—never to be dependent on anyone either for love, self-esteem or security.

That was why seeing the ad for the auditions had excited her. It really had seemed like a sign that she should step up to the plate and start to fulfil her destiny. Staying at the shop and ‘playing safe’ just didn’t feel like the right option any more. Her family had moved on and so should she. It wasn’t the possibility of fame that interested her…far from it. Her passion was the music itself—the potential to experience joy in doing what she loved to do and to share it with anyone who cared to listen.

So she would bow to the man’s far greater experience in such matters and give her all to improve. She prayed her efforts would be enough.

‘Wow! Honey, you’ll never be poor with a voice like that,’ Rick told her as he went to stand next to his friend.

The contrast between the two men was striking. Rick’s longish tousled hair was tinted a sun-kissed blond, while Jake’s was a dark chestnut-brown, and their physiques were markedly different too. Jake was broad-shouldered and lean, his body supremely fit and toned, while Rick was shorter and more muscular. But, whatever the contrast in appearance, Caitlin sensed the two men were firm friends. There was a definite camaraderie between them that suggested their association had been born out of knowing each other for a very long time.

‘She was fantastic,’ Rick commented, turning towards Jake. ‘I felt every ounce of emotion she put into the song…she made it her own.’

‘That may be true,’ Jake responded, his cool glance deliberately sliding away from Caitlin’s. ‘But it won’t belong to her until she knows it intimately, inside and out. Let’s do it again, guys. Then you can do some of your own material.’

* * *

It was three hours later when Caitlin was finally able to take a breather. Perched on the edge of the stage, with her long slender legs dangling over the side, she was attempting to eat her portion of the Chinese take-away that Rick had ordered. Her throat ached, her head throbbed and she could have fallen asleep standing up.

The band’s charismatic manager hadn’t let up for one minute in his efforts to get the best out of her vocal performance and she felt as if she’d done twelve rounds with a prize fighter. Whilst she was perfectly aware that singing was a very physical occupation, even if a person was blessed with a good voice, nothing could have prepared Caitlin for the sheer effort that Jake demanded.

During the past three hours she’d survived admonition after admonition to, ‘Try again!’ ‘Put your heart into it, woman!’ ‘Hold back a little on that note…drop down a key…’ ‘Damn it, Caitlin! You’re just not trying hard enough!’ Now she could barely summon up the energy to eat, despite the fact that the shrimp chop suey and bamboo shoots with Chinese mushrooms looked and smelled delicious.

‘Not hungry?’

Her tired glance fell on Jake’s long jeans-clad legs as he dropped down beside her. Her heart skipped a beat. Lifting her gaze, she looked up into the hauntingly misty depths of his soulful blue eyes. It struck her as unfair that a man should possess such enviably long black lashes, but then she mused that Jake must have been at the head of the line when God was dishing out extraordinary good looks…not to mention sheer animal magnetism.

Caitlin sucked in a less than steady breath when the scent of his cologne forged another assault on her beleaguered senses. In answer to his question, she responded, ‘I thought I was.’ Shrugging, she put her carton of food aside and touched a paper napkin delicately to her lips. ‘I only had a sandwich at lunchtime…it wasn’t very nice either.’

‘You must have known this wasn’t going to be easy. Still sure you want to go through with it?’ Jake challenged. ‘You need more than just talent in this game, Caitlin. You need equal measures of grit and stamina too.’

‘I can summon up plenty of grit and stamina when I need it. Just try me.’

A flash of defiance lit up her defensive green eyes and Jake chuckled softly. She’d freed her lustrous long hair from its ponytail and now it flowed down her back like shining black silk. Examining it more closely, he detected flashes of mahogany within the darker strands. His fingers were itching to touch it and he closed his hands into fists to stop himself from reaching out to do just that.

‘It’s obviously going to take me a little while to learn all the new songs,’ she breathed, ‘but I’ll take a copy of the music and lyrics home with me and practise them on my guitar.’

Jake had almost forgotten that Caitlin was a guitarist as well. How good he didn’t yet know, but judging by her vocal talent he guessed it wouldn’t be far behind.

‘Good move,’ he commented, ‘but the first thing you’re going to have to do is to hand in your notice at the shop. There’s no way you can have a full-time job there outside of singing with the band. In just three weeks’ time we’ll be on the road and you’ll have to kiss this sleepy little village goodbye.’

The words sounded so final that Caitlin couldn’t help shivering. But she immediately reminded herself that the most amazing opportunity had come her way, and she should take it with open arms and think herself blessed. No one got anywhere in life without taking risks. God knew she should have absorbed that fact by now, with all the New Age reading she’d done since working for Lia.

She’d lived in the village for most of her life, having moved from London with her family when she was just a toddler. When her parents had decided to join her brother Phil and his wife in California three years ago Caitlin had opted to stay put. She wasn’t ready to leave the country, she’d argued. There was still a lot to experience living in the UK.

But most of all she’d stayed because she’d needed time to forge her own identity—the chance to bring her own dreams into fruition, not just tag along on someone else’s. She’d even needed to make colossal mistakes, like her relationship with Sean. None of those things would have been possible surrounded by her well-meaning but highly controlling family.

She swallowed hard.

‘So…does that mean you’re offering me a full-time position with the band?’ she asked.

Her stomach churned as she waited for Jake’s reply.

‘Looks that way doesn’t it?’ He smiled. Then, agile as a cat, he leapt to his feet and crossed the stage to join Rick and the others.

CHAPTER THREE

‘WE’RE ALL GOING BACK to the Pilgrim’s Inn for a few drinks—want to join us?’

Mike Casey stood waiting as Caitlin shrugged into her raincoat. Everyone else was outside. Steve and Keith were loading the van with the equipment and Jake and Rick were deep in discussion. Rick had extended the same invitation to her earlier, and Caitlin had told him she’d think about it. But the very idea of going into that particular pub again, after what had happened between her and Sean on her last visit, made her feel faintly ill.

Sean had been so bad that night—out of his head on a cocktail of drink and drugs—and she’d feared the worst. She had been right to. The cruel words and jibes that he’d taunted her with had just got worse and worse as the evening progressed. The sharpest knife couldn’t have cut her more deeply. Add to that the humiliation of his verbal attack being witnessed by a pub full of people before the landlord threw him out—well, it had been enough to make her want to give the place a wide berth for ever.

Lifting her gaze to Mike’s, she said, ‘It’s kind of you to ask me, but I think I’ll have to say no. It’s already quite late.’

Stealing a quick glance at her watch, she saw that it was ten-thirty-five, and they’d been rehearsing since three o’clock that afternoon. Her throat was parched and her body ached from the sheer effort that Jake had demanded. The man apparently had endless reserves of energy that made Caitlin feel as if she was the slowest runner on the track in comparison. No. She’d much prefer to go home, shower, get into her pyjamas and put her feet up with a glass of wine and a bowl of crisps at her elbow.

‘You call ten-thirty in the evening late? We’re talking Saturday night, here. Don’t tell me the whole village goes to bed early?’ Mike’s dark eyebrows flew up to the tips of his tousled fringe. ‘You must have led a sheltered life, if that’s normal for you.’

At his disbelieving grin, Caitlin conceded a shy smile. ‘You must think I’m pretty boring, right? No way could I ever claim to be a typical rock chick, that’s for sure. But I realise my early nights will have to come to an end when the band goes on the road.’

‘You two ready?’ Rick appeared at the door, his hazel eyes appraising Caitlin and Mike with interest. ‘I have to lock up. Caitlin? Jake would like a word.’

What now? Caitlin groaned inwardly at the prospect.

Jake hadn’t lied when he’d said he would go easy with her on the first night but that after that she’d have to roll with punches like everyone else. He’d been harder on her than on any of the guys in the band. Maybe that was because they already knew what was required and she didn’t? But somehow Caitlin didn’t think that was the only reason Jake had been yelling at her all night.

Maybe he didn’t like her. Maybe he was already regretting taking her on due to her lack of experience. She could speculate until night turned into day but she’d be none the wiser until they had a conversation.

Wearing his familiar black leather jacket over a sweatshirt and jeans, Jake was leaning against his Jeep. He straightened as Caitlin walked towards him, and even at the distance that separated them she sensed an undeniable magnetic charge that put her on her guard. It had started to rain, and the sound of the other band members’ voices floated on the air as they huddled round the big white transit van they transported their equipment in.

As Jake continued to hold her gaze Caitlin sensed something register low in her belly—a combination of fear, apprehension and irrefutable sexual attraction. She didn’t know whether to smile or run.

A fierce gust of wind just then almost tore her open raincoat from her shoulders, revealing her curvaceous figure in perhaps more detail than she wanted him to see. She felt alternately hot and cold all over as her boots crunched across the gravel.

‘Rick said you wanted to speak to me?’ She was slightly breathless as she presented herself, her long black hair lashing across her face in the wind and rain.

Straight away Jake noticed Caitlin shiver in her insubstantial raincoat. He knew a way to warm her up. Another place, another time, he might have given into such an urge. God knew Caitlin Ryan had been testing all his powers of self-control from the very first moment he’d set eyes on her.

‘So, are you going to join us for a drink or what?’ he asked tersely.

‘That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?’

Catching the ends of her raincoat belt, she twisted it tightly round her waist. In vain she tried to shove her long hair out of her eyes and noticed her hands were trembling. What was it about this man that could unravel her so easily?

‘I already told Mike that I wasn’t coming. I’m going home to get an early night.’ she said. ‘Don’t worry I’ll make sure I’m here at three o’clock on the dot for rehearsals tomorrow.’

‘I want you to come for a drink.’

The pupils of Jake’s eyes had turned unsettlingly dark…so dark that there was just the palest blue circle ringed round them.

‘It’s a good opportunity for us to get to know each other. Tomorrow’s Sunday. You can have a lie-in.’

Caitlin could hardly argue with his reasoning, even if her heart was fluttering madly at the very idea of spending the rest of the evening in the company of the charismatic band manager. But there was also the not exactly small matter of her showing up at the Pilgrim’s Inn. There was always a small influx of visitors from outside the village, but generally customers were mostly a local crowd, and there were bound to be people there who remembered how Sean had humiliated her.

‘I—I’d rather not come, if you don’t mind.’

‘The invitation was an order, not a choice. You’re going to have to get used to late nights if you’re going to sing with this band. Get in the car. You can ride with me and Rick’

So that was how Caitlin found herself squeezed into a worn red velvet corner seat in the pub, with Rick on one side and Jake on the other, as the band members stood round the cosy fire in the iron grate, hogging the heat and nursing their pints of beer.

From the jukebox Sting’s voice boomed out: something about not standing so close… Caitlin could easily have echoed the sentiment. Rick had hung her raincoat over the back of a chair but she wasn’t bereft of warmth—not when Jake’s hard-muscled thigh was pressed against hers. A full-on radiator couldn’t have made her hotter. Every time he shifted even slightly the renewed contact made Caitlin’s heart miss a beat.

‘So tell me, Cait. What music do you like to listen to?’

Rick had been shortening her name ever since they’d arrived at the pub and she tried not to flinch, because her ex, Sean, had always called her that. Her gaze anxiously swept the room. There were several groups of young people seated around the tables, clearly enjoying themselves. Thankfully nobody had paid her any particular attention. Behind the bar two barmaids were busily serving customers, and one of them, a voluptuous blonde named Tina Stevens, was wearing a neckline so low that if she wasn’t careful she’d be arrested for indecency.

Bringing her attention back to Rick, Caitlin answered. ‘Oh, I have such a wide taste you wouldn’t believe it. If I had to sum it up I’d say I love music with a good beat and great songs with good lyrics. How about you? What do you enjoy listening to?’

Shrugging, Rick took a sip of his beer then put it carefully back down on the cork beer mat. ‘My taste is very similar to yours, honey. It’s clear that you and I have a lot in common, a hell of a lot in common, in fact.’

‘That’s the beer talking,’ Jake observed wryly.

The gravelled intonation of his deep voice made all the hairs stand up at the back of Caitlin’s neck. Was it her imagination or had his thigh moved even closer to hers?

‘He’s just trying to get into your good books.’

‘That’s unfair. A man like me doesn’t have to try to get into any woman’s good books. They naturally gravitate towards me. I’m gifted like that. Talking of which…’

Suddenly getting to his feet, Rick carefully eased his way round the table so as not to dislodge their drinks. Caitlin saw that his avid glance was focused determinedly on a smiling Tina Stevens behind the bar, who at that very moment was leaning dangerously across the counter in her figure-hugging red top, chatting to yet another appreciative male customer.

‘Excuse me, guys, but I can see a maiden’s honour is at stake if I don’t go and rescue her…’ Rick headed purposefully towards the bar.

Breathing out a relieved sigh, Caitlin was glad to have a little more room to manoeuvre, but she was still dizzy at the thought of having to deal with Jake on her own. As discreetly as she was able, she moved her leg away from the hot press of his jean-clad thigh.

‘She’ll have him for breakfast,’ he said, and grinned.

The shock of suddenly meeting his steamy blue glance at such close quarters trapped Caitlin’s breath somewhere between her throat and her mouth. She found herself a little too intimately aware of the faint shadow of beard across his top lip and jaw, his long straight nose and the sexy indentation in his sculpted chin. Most of all she was aware of the provocative message his hypnotic blue gaze seemed to be conveying to her. It was indisputably sexual. And it made every muscle in her body tighten and clench.

The whole room diminished down to just that look.

‘He looks like he can take care of himself,’ she murmured, hardly aware of moving her lips.

‘So…’ Taking a leisurely sip of his beer and studying her at the same time, Jake asked casually, ‘Why no boyfriend?’

Hypnotised by the long fingers that curled round his glass, Caitlin found herself envying it his touch, wondering what it would be like to feel those same long fingers intimately touching her. The very notion made her burn, and she took a hurried sip of her dry white wine, deliberately focusing her gaze on the drink instead of him.

‘I didn’t know it was compulsory.’

‘Did I imply it was?’

She didn’t answer. Thinking about Sean and how she had let him come that close to wrecking her life was not something she wanted to revisit…certainly not in casual conversation.

The flash of pain he witnessed in Caitlin’s eyes just then took Jake by surprise. As defensive as she undoubtedly was, she hadn’t been quick enough to hide it. There were also faint lines of hurt round her mouth that betrayed her. Clearly she had let someone get too close and got herself burned in the process.

Even though he’d experienced a similar painful scenario in a relationship, something inside him said he should be careful not to let empathy lower his defences. Relationships by their nature were always going to be challenging, no matter what the situation. But Jake wasn’t such a bastard that he couldn’t find it in him to be concerned.

‘So, what happened?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You got hurt by a man,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘Who was he?’

‘Do you mind if we don’t talk about this?’

Jake’s question was definitely too close for comfort. Taking another sip of wine, she felt her cheeks burn as she sensed the alcohol take effect.

‘We’re going to be spending a lot of time together over the next few weeks—the next few months, even. Things are bound to come out. Why not tell me now and get it over with?’

Inadvertently glancing down at her purple T-shirt, at the scooped neckline that revealed a tantalising glimpse of her cleavage, Jake felt the muscles in the pit of his belly clench. He shifted in his seat.

‘That might be the case, but my personal life is not up for discussion. Please don’t press me on this.’

There was a tremulous hitch in her voice that made Jake feel like the most insensitive oaf on earth. On impulse, he reached across and covered her hand with his own—even if he did risk going up in flames at the contact.

‘I’m sorry…’ he murmured.

Caitlin didn’t know whether he meant he was sorry for putting pressure on her or whether he was sorry for what he guessed might have happened in her relationship. Either way, she didn’t welcome his sympathy. It was easier to deal with his irritation. At least it stopped her feeling sorry for herself. In any case, she’d done enough wallowing in despair to last a lifetime.

But it was impossible not to stare down at the strong, capable hand covering hers. As she did so, she examined the unique silver and jet ring that he wore. It comprised two black stones in a figure of eight setting and didn’t detract from his masculinity one iota… In fact it enhanced it. She found herself strangely reluctant to extricate herself.

Speaking her thoughts out loud, she commented, ‘That’s a beautiful ring.’

‘Yes, it is. It was a gift.’

He probably should have got rid of the thing, come to think of it, because it certainly wasn’t for sentimental reasons that he still wore it. But Jake wasn’t about to tell Caitlin that the jewellery had been given to him by his ex-wife Jodie a year and a day after they were married and six months before they divorced.

It suddenly occurred to him to wonder if she’d read the sordid little story of their break-up in the newspapers at the time. But, as she hadn’t even indicated that she knew who he was when they’d first met, Jake took refuge in the thought that perhaps the scandal had somehow passed her by.

Withdrawing his hand abruptly from hers, he glanced across the now slowly emptying pub at Rick, who was still engaged in conversation with the buxom Tina Stevens. There was no sign of the blonde’s previous admirer, Jake saw.

Turning back to Caitlin, he asked, ‘Have you had enough?’ His glance fell on her barely drunk glass of wine.

‘Is that a hint you want to leave?’

‘I think I should take you home. You look done in.’

‘You don’t need to take me. I’m quite capable—’

‘Why don’t you just put your coat on?’

Outside the wind was fierce as Caitlin walked along the deserted pavement with Jake. He walked with eyes front, one hand jammed into the back pocket of his jeans, his handsome profile ominously unsmiling as his dark hair blew across his face.

‘How far do you live from here?’ he asked, ‘We can take my car if you’re tired. I’ve barely drunk anything at all.’

‘I’m only ten minutes up the road and I prefer to walk. But I don’t expect you to walk with me.’

Caitlin couldn’t help feeling tense. It was near impossible to guess what he was thinking or feeling. The man was a law unto himself. And the tension between them hadn’t eased one iota. If anything it was worse.

‘So, how do you feel about the way things are going?’

Taking her by surprise, Jake turned his head to examine her as they walked. It took a few seconds for her to get her thoughts together.

‘You mean the rehearsals? I think they’re going well. I mean, I know I’ve still got a lot to learn, but as well as learning the songs when I’m with the band I’m working on them at home whenever I get the time.’

She tucked her flying hair behind her ear and tried to relax, but it was hard when her companion’s enigmatic expression hardly revealed what he might be feeling.

He sighed. ‘You’re doing just fine, Caitlin. I have no doubt that you’re the perfect singer for Blue Sky. You’re got a great voice, you’re beautiful and sexy…you’re the whole package. But even great talent can’t make it work on its own. Blue Sky isn’t some five-minute wonder, like some of these manufactured bands that litter the charts. A lot of those bands are the product of slick marketing, purely designed to make money. They’re not about real, dedicated musicians who get together because they’re passionate about music. I told you it wasn’t going to be easy. If anything, it’s going to get harder. There’s still a lot of work ahead before we start touring, and then the pressure really will be on. I suppose I just want to know whether your commitment is total, or whether you wouldn’t prefer staying here in the village, working in your little book store? Don’t get me wrong—I can see how that must have its appeal for a girl like you.’

‘What do you mean, a girl like me?’ Already bristling at what she perceived as Jake’s patronising tone, Caitlin glared at him in the lamplight. ‘You don’t even know me.’

Raising a dark eyebrow, he smiled. ‘I know you like to pretend you’re tougher than you look, that you can handle anything I throw at you, but—’

‘Stop right there!’ Her hackles were really up now. ‘Pretend I’m tough? Do you think I’m such a wilting flower I’ll break at the first sign of pressure? For your information, I survived two years of hell with a man who was a drug addict and alcoholic who took me for every penny I had. I even had to sell my piano, and it was my dearest possession. As well as that I lost my home, my car and my dignity. I lost it all just to pay for his drug habit. Yes, I was a fool—but one day I woke up and found the strength to tell him enough was enough. Then I picked up the broken pieces of what was left of my life and started over. I’ve survived hardship and pain and I’m all the stronger for it—so don’t you dare tell me I pretend I’m tough!’

She paused to take a breath.

‘As for wanting to be in the band—singing is and always was my greatest passion and I’ll do whatever I can to make it my career. I sing because I’m compelled to—not because I want to be famous or have my picture in the papers. All I want to do…all I’ve ever wanted to do…is sing. So when you ask me if my commitment is total, my answer is categorically yes!’

By the time she’d finished her impassioned speech Caitlin found herself on the brink of tears. She’d blurted out all the things she’d never meant to reveal—things about her past that she really would have preferred to have kept hidden…especially from a man like Jake Sorenson, who probably thought she was an idiot for falling for a loser like Sean Gates.

But Sean hadn’t always been a loser. Once upon a time he had been the sweetest man in the world, and Caitlin had believed that she loved him…

‘Hey…’ Reaching out his hand, Jake gently stroked the tips of his fingers down her cheek. ‘I wasn’t casting aspersions on your character. I’m sorry if it came out that way.’

The surprisingly feather-light touch made something clench deep inside her. Recognising it as a hungry need to be held, she immediately stiffened.

‘I’m sorry, too.’

Shaking her head, she automatically moved away in a bid to resurrect her defences. But as she started walking again Jake caught up to her, grabbing her arm to make her stop. This time his hold was deliberately firm…possessive, almost.

‘Don’t run away from me. I only want to help you.’

As his intense gaze shot arrows of living blue flame into hers she caught her breath.

‘Help me…how?’

Bending his head, Jake delivered his answer with a hard, hot kiss that was nothing less than volcanic.

As his lips moved rapaciously over hers, even though she was shocked to her core, Caitlin found herself kissing him back as if her very life depended on it. She even drove her hands through his hair to anchor him to her.

Instinct was like a wild river that had burst its banks and it was near impossible to think about anything above the untamed ferocious beat of her heart…except perhaps to realise that the man kisses were as good as he looked and even better than the most erotic fantasy she could imagine…

The delicious sensation of his velvet-textured lips against hers and the warm glide of his tongue in her mouth stirred feelings inside her that she’d never before experienced so wantonly or intensely. It was during those explosive few moments that Caitlin knew the barriers of safety she’d erected so painstakingly round her heart had come under serious threat…

Even as she had the realisation Jake brought the kiss to a reluctant end, examining her with a gaze that was more than a little stunned but still very much aroused.

In a low voice he murmured, ‘Don’t be ashamed because you told me your story. The music business is littered with casualties like your ex-boyfriend. I don’t believe that they’re bad people. Serious addiction is an illness, not a weakness. Don’t shut me out because you’ve revealed something you wished you hadn’t, Caitlin.’

She inhaled sharply and withdrew her hands from his hair. It had started to rain again, and droplets of moisture were settling in quick succession on the silken dark strands that she’d so hungrily slid her fingers into, sparkling there like morning dew.

He sounded so kind and concerned—as if he intimately understood every lash of hurt she had ever suffered and sincerely empathised. Everything about him was almost unbearably seductive, and it made Caitlin ache to lean into him, to perhaps invite another kiss and even ask him to come in for a cup of coffee… But she quickly came to her senses when it hit her just what she was contemplating—and the likely consequences of such a reckless act. Hadn’t she endured enough pain without inviting more?