A Treatise on Domestic Economy; For the Use of Young Ladies at Home and at School

Religious influence should be brought to bear directly upon this point. In the very beginning of religious instruction, Jesus Christ should be presented to the child, as that great and good Being, who came into this world to teach children how to be happy, both here and hereafter. He, who made it His meat and drink to do the will of His Heavenly Father; who, in the humblest station, and most destitute condition, denied Himself, daily, and went about doing good; should constantly be presented as the object of their imitation. And as nothing so strongly influences the minds of children, as the sympathy and example of a present friend, all those, who believe Him to be an ever-present Saviour, should avail themselves of this powerful aid. Under such training, Jesus Christ should be constantly presented to them, as their ever-watchful, tender, and sympathizing friend. If the abstract idea of an unembodied Spirit with the majestic attributes of Deity, be difficult for the mind of infancy to grasp, the simple, the gentle, the lovely, character of Christ, is exactly adapted to the wants and comprehension of a child. In this view, how touching is the language of the Saviour, to His misjudging disciples, "Suffer the little children to come unto me!"

In regard to forming habits of obedience, there have been two extremes, both of which need to be shunned. One is, a stern and unsympathizing maintenance of parental authority, demanding perfect and constant obedience, without any attempt to convince a child of the propriety and benevolence of the requisitions, and without any manifestation of sympathy and tenderness for the pain and difficulties which are to be met. Under such discipline, children grow up to fear their parents, rather than to love and trust them; while some of the most valuable principles of character, are chilled, or forever blasted.

In shunning this danger, other parents pass to the opposite extreme. They put themselves too much on the footing of equals with their children, as if little were due to superiority of relation, age, and experience. Nothing is exacted, without the implied concession that the child is to be a judge of the propriety of the requisition; and reason and persuasion are employed, where simple command and obedience would be far better. This system produces a most pernicious influence. Children soon perceive the position, thus allowed them, and take every advantage of it. They soon learn to dispute parental requirements, acquire habits of forwardness and conceit, assume disrespectful manners and address, maintain their views with pertinacity, and yield to authority with ill-humor and resentment, as if their rights were infringed.

The medium course, is, for the parent to take the attitude of a superior, in age, knowledge, and relation, who has a perfect right to control every action of the child, and that, too, without giving any reason for the requisitions. "Obey, because your parent commands," is always a proper and sufficient reason.

But care should be taken, to convince the child that the parent is conducting a course of discipline, designed to make him happy; and in forming habits of implicit obedience, self-denial, and benevolence, the child should have the reasons for most requisitions kindly stated; never, however, on the demand of it, from the child, as a right, but as an act of kindness from the parent.

It is impossible to govern children properly, especially those of strong and sensitive feelings, without a constant effort to appreciate the value which they attach to their enjoyments and pursuits. A lady, of great strength of mind and sensibility, once told the writer, that one of the most acute periods of suffering, in her whole life, was occasioned by the burning up of some milkweed-silk, by her mother. The child had found, for the first time, some of this shining and beautiful substance; was filled with delight at her discovery; was arranging it in parcels; planning its future uses, and her pleasure in showing it to her companions,—when her mother, finding it strewed over the carpet, hastily swept it into the fire, and that, too, with so indifferent an air, that the child fled away, almost distracted with grief and disappointment. The mother little realized the pain she had inflicted, but the child felt the unkindness, so severely, that for several days her mother was an object almost of aversion.

While, therefore, the parent needs to carry on a steady course, which will oblige the child always to give up its will, whenever its own good, or the greater claims of others, require it, this should be constantly connected with the expression of a tender sympathy, for the trials and disappointments thus inflicted. Those, who will join with children, and help them along in their sports, will learn, by this mode, to understand the feelings and interests of childhood; while, at the same time, they secure a degree of confidence and affection, which cannot be gained so easily, in any other way. And it is to be regretted, that parents so often relinquish this most powerful mode of influence, to domestics and playmates, who often use it in the most pernicious manner. In joining in such sports, older persons should never relinquish the attitude of superiors, or allow disrespectful manners or address. And respectful deportment is never more cheerfully accorded, than in seasons, when young hearts are pleased, and made grateful, by having their tastes and enjoyments so efficiently promoted.

Next to the want of all government, the two most fruitful sources of evil to children, are, unsteadiness in government, and over-government. Most of the cases, in which the children of sensible and conscientious parents turn out badly, result from one or the other of these causes. In cases of unsteady government, either one parent is very strict, severe, and unbending, and the other excessively indulgent, or else the parents are sometimes very strict and decided, and at other times allow disobedience to go unpunished. In such cases, children, never knowing exactly when they can escape with impunity, are constantly tempted to make the trial.

The bad effects of this, can be better appreciated, by reference to one important principle of the mind. It is found to be universally true, that, when any object of desire is put entirely beyond the reach of hope or expectation, the mind very soon ceases to long for it, and turns to other objects of pursuit. But, so long as the mind is hoping for some good, and making efforts to obtain it, any opposition excites irritable feelings. Let the object be put entirely beyond all hope, and this irritation soon ceases. In consequence of this principle, those children, who are under the care of persons of steady and decided government, know, that whenever a thing is forbidden or denied, it is out of the reach of hope; the desire, therefore, soon ceases, and they turn to other objects. But the children of undecided, or of over-indulgent parents, never enjoy this preserving aid. When a thing is denied, they never know but either coaxing may win it, or disobedience secure it without any penalty, and so they are kept in that state of hope and anxiety, which produces irritation, and tempts to insubordination. The children of very indulgent parents, and of those who are undecided and unsteady in government, are very apt to become fretful, irritable, and fractious.

Another class of persons, in shunning this evil, go to the other extreme, and are very strict and pertinacious, in regard to every requisition. With them, fault-finding and penalties abound, until the children are either hardened into indifference of feeling, and obtuseness of conscience, or else become excessively irritable, or misanthropic.

It demands great wisdom, patience, and self-control, to escape these two extremes. In aiming at this, there are parents, who have found the following maxims of very great value. First, Avoid, as much as possible, the multiplication of rules and absolute commands. Instead of this, take the attitude of advisers. "My child, this is improper, I wish you would remember not to do it." This mode of address answers for all the little acts of heedlessness, awkwardness, or ill-manners, so frequently occurring, with children. There are cases, when direct and distinct commands are needful; and, in such cases, a penalty for disobedience should be as steady and sure as the laws of Nature. Where such steadiness, and certainty of penalty, attend disobedience, children no more think of disobeying, than they do of putting their fingers in a burning candle.

The next maxim, is, Govern by rewards, more than by penalties. Such faults as wilful disobedience, lying, dishonesty, and indecent or profane language, should be punished with severe penalties, after a child has been fully instructed in the evil of such practices. But all the constantly-recurring faults of the nursery, such as ill-humor, quarrelling, carelessness, and ill-manners, may, in a great many cases, be regulated by gentle and kind remonstrances, and by the offer of some reward for persevering efforts to form a good habit. It is very injurious and degrading to any mind, to be kept under the constant fear of penalties. Love and hope are the principles that should be mainly relied on, in forming the habits of childhood.

Another maxim, and perhaps the most difficult, is, Do not govern by the aid of severe and angry tones. A single example will be given to illustrate this maxim. A child is disposed to talk and amuse itself, at table. The mother requests it to be silent, except when needing to ask for food, or when spoken to by its older friends. It constantly forgets. The mother, instead of rebuking, in an impatient tone, says, "My child, you must remember not to talk. I will remind you of it four times more, and after that, whenever you forget, you must leave the table, and wait till we are done." If the mother is steady in her government, it is not probable that she will have to apply this slight penalty more than once or twice. This method is far more effectual, than the use of sharp and severe tones, to secure attention and recollection, and often answers the purpose, as well as offering some reward.

The writer has been in some families, where the most efficient and steady government has been sustained, without the use of a cross or angry tone; and in others, where a far less efficient discipline was kept up, by frequent severe rebukes and angry remonstrances. In the first case, the children followed the example set them, and seldom used severe tones to each other; in the latter, the method employed by the parents, was imitated by the children; and cross words and angry tones resounded from morning till night, in every portion of the household.

Another important maxim, is, Try to keep children in a happy state of mind. Every one knows, by experience, that it is easier to do right, and submit to rule, when cheerful and happy, than when irritated. This is peculiarly true of children; and a wise mother, when she finds her child fretful and impatient, and thus constantly doing wrong, will often remedy the whole difficulty, by telling some amusing story, or by getting the child engaged in some amusing sport. This strongly shows the importance of learning to govern children without the employment of angry tones, which always produce irritation.

Children of active, heedless temperament, or those who are odd, awkward, or unsuitable, in their remarks and deportment, are often essentially injured, by a want of patience and self-control in those who govern them. Such children, often possess a morbid sensibility, which they strive to conceal, or a desire of love and approbation, which preys like a famine on the soul. And yet, they become objects of ridicule and rebuke, to almost every member of the family, until their sensibilities are tortured into obtuseness or misanthropy. Such children, above all others, need tenderness and sympathy. A thousand instances of mistake or forgetfulness should be passed over, in silence, while opportunities for commendation and encouragement should be diligently sought.

In regard to the formation of habits of self-denial, in childhood, it is astonishing to see how parents, who are very sensible, often seem to regard this matter. Instead of inuring their children to this duty, in early life, so that by habit it may be made easy in after-days, they seem to be studiously seeking to cut them off, from every chance to secure such a preparation. Every wish of the child is studiously gratified; and, where a necessity exists, of crossing its wishes, some compensating pleasure is offered, in return. Such parents, often maintain that nothing shall be put on their table, which their children may not join them in eating. But where, so easily and surely as at the daily meal, can that habit of self-denial be formed, which is so needful in governing the appetites, and which children must acquire, or be ruined? The food which is proper for grown persons, is often unsuitable for children; and this is a sufficient reason for accustoming them to see others partake of delicacies, which they must not share. Requiring children to wait till others are helped, and to refrain from conversation at table, except when addressed by their elders, is another mode of forming habits of self-denial and self-control. Requiring them to help others, first, and to offer the best to others, has a similar influence.

In forming the moral habits of children, it is wise to take into account the peculiar temptations to which they are to be exposed. The people of this Nation are eminently a trafficking people; and the present standard of honesty, as to trade and debts, is very low, and every year seems sinking still lower. It is, therefore, pre-eminently important, that children should be trained to strict honesty, both in word and deed. It is not merely teaching children to avoid absolute lying, which is needed. All kinds of deceit should be guarded against; and all kinds of little dishonest practices be strenuously opposed. A child should be brought up with the determined principle, never to run in debt, but to be content to live in an humbler way, in order to secure that true independence, which should be the noblest distinction of an American citizen.

There is no more important duty, devolving upon a mother, than the cultivation of habits of modesty and propriety in young children. All indecorous words or deportment, should be carefully restrained; and delicacy and reserve studiously cherished. It is a common notion, that it is important to secure these virtues to one sex, more than to the other; and, by a strange inconsistency, the sex most exposed to danger, is the one selected as least needing care. But a wise mother will be especially careful, that her sons are trained to modesty and purity of mind.

But few mothers are sufficiently aware of the dreadful penalties which often result from indulged impurity of thought. If children, in future life, can be preserved from licentious associates, it is supposed that their safety is secured. But the records of our insane retreats, and the pages of medical writers, teach, that even in solitude, and without being aware of the sin or the danger, children may inflict evils on themselves, which not unfrequently terminate in disease, delirium, and death. Every mother and every teacher, therefore, carefully avoiding all explanation of the mystery, should teach the young, that the indulgence of impure thoughts and actions, is visited by the most awful and terrific penalties. Disclosing the details of vice, in order to awaken dread of its penalties, is a most dangerous experiment, and often leads to the very evils feared. The attempts made, in late years, to guard children from future dangers, by circulating papers, and books of warning and information, have led to such frightful results, that it is hoped the experiment will never again be pursued. The safest course, is, to cultivate habits of modesty and delicacy, and to teach, that all impure thoughts, words, and actions, are forbidden by God, and are often visited by the most dreadful punishment. At the same time, it is important for mothers to protect the young mind from false notions of delicacy. It should be shown, that whatever is necessary, to save from suffering or danger, must be met, without shame or aversion; and that all, which God has instituted, is wise, and right, and pure.

It is in reference to these dangers, that mothers and teachers should carefully guard the young from those highly-wrought fictions, which lead the imagination astray; and especially from that class of licentious works, made interesting by genius and taste, which have flooded this Country, and which are often found on the parlor table, even of moral and Christian people. Of this class, the writings of Bulwer stand conspicuous. The only difference, between some of his works and the obscene prints, for vending which men suffer the penalties of the law, is, that the last are so gross, as to revolt the taste and startle the mind to resistance, while Bulwer presents the same ideas, so clothed in the fascinations of taste and genius, as most insidiously to seduce the unwary. It seems to be the chief aim of this licentious writer, to make thieves, murderers, and adulterers, appear beautiful, refined, and interesting. It is time that all virtuous persons in the community should rise in indignation, not only against the writers, but the venders of such poison.

CHAPTER XXI.
ON THE CARE OF THE SICK

Every woman who has the care of young children, or of a large family, is frequently called upon, to advise what shall be done, for some one who is indisposed; and often, in circumstances where she must trust solely to her own judgement. In such cases, some err, by neglecting to do any thing at all, till the patient is quite sick; but a still greater number err, from excessive and injurious dosing.

The two great causes of the ordinary slight attacks of illness, in a family, are, sudden chills, which close the pores of the skin, and thus affect the throat, lungs, or bowels; and the excessive or improper use of food. In most cases, of illness from the first cause, bathing the feet, and some aperient drink to induce perspiration, are suitable remedies. A slight cathartic, also, is often serviceable. In case of illness from improper food, or excess in eating, fasting, for one or two meals, to give the system time and chance to relieve itself, is the safest remedy. Sometimes, a gentle cathartic may be needful; but it is best first to try fasting.

The following extract from a discourse of Dr. Burne, before the London Medical Society, contains important information. "In civilized life, the causes, which are most generally and continually operating in the production of diseases, are, affections of the mind, improper diet, and retention of the intestinal excretions. The undue retention of excrementitious matter, allows of the absorption of its more liquid parts, which is a cause of great impurity to the blood, and the excretions, thus rendered hard and knotty, act more or less as extraneous substances, and, by their irritation, produce a determination of blood to the intestines and to the neighboring viscera, which ultimately ends in inflammation. It also has a great effect on the whole system; causes a determination of blood to the head, which oppresses the brain and dejects the mind; deranges the functions of the stomach; causes flatulency; and produces a general state of discomfort."

Dr. Combe remarks, on this subject, "In the natural and healthy state, under a proper system of diet, and with sufficient exercise, the bowels are relieved regularly, once every day." Habit "is powerful in modifying the result, and in sustaining healthy action when once fairly established. Hence the obvious advantage of observing as much regularity, in relieving the system, as in taking our meals." It is often the case that soliciting Nature at a regular period, once a day, will remedy constipation, without medicine, and induce a regular and healthy state of the bowels. "When, however, as most frequently happens, the constipation arises from the absence of all assistance from the abdominal and respiratory muscles, the first step to be taken, is, again to solicit their aid; first, by removing all impediments to free respiration, such as stays, waistbands and belts; secondly, by resorting to such active exercises, as shall call the muscles into full and regular action; and, lastly, by proportioning the quantity of food to the wants of the system, and the condition of the digestive organs. If we employ these means, systematically and perseveringly, we shall rarely fail in at last restoring the healthy action of the bowels, with little aid from medicine. But if we neglect these modes, we may go on, for years, adding pill to pill, and dose to dose, without ever attaining the end at which we aim." There is no point, in which a woman needs more knowledge and discretion, than in administering remedies for what seem slight attacks, which are not supposed to require the attention of a physician. It is little realized, that purgative drugs are unnatural modes of stimulating the internal organs, tending to exhaust them of their secretions, and to debilitate and disturb the animal economy. For this reason, they should be used as little as possible; and fasting, and perspiration, and the other methods pointed out, should always be first resorted to. When medicine must be given, it should be borne in mind, that there are various classes of purgatives, which produce very diverse effects. Some, like salts, operate to thin the blood, and reduce the system; others are stimulating; and others have a peculiar operation on certain organs. Of course, great discrimination and knowledge is needed, in order to select the kind, which is suitable to the particular disease, or to the particular constitution of the invalid. This shows the folly of using the many kinds of pills, and other quack medicines, where no knowledge can be had of their composition. Pills which are good for one kind of disease, might operate as poison in another state of the system. It is wise to keep always on hand some simple cathartic, for family use, in slight attacks; and always to resort to medical advice, whenever powerful remedies seem to be demanded.¹⁷ It is very common, in cases of colds which affect the lungs or throat, to continue to try one dose after another, for relief. It will be well to bear in mind, at such times, that all which goes into the stomach, must be first absorbed into the blood, before it can reach the diseased part; and that there is some danger of injuring the stomach, or other parts of the system, by such a variety of doses, many of which, it is probable, will be directly contradictory in their nature, and thus neutralize any supposed benefit they might separately impart.

It is very unwise, to tempt the appetite of a person who is indisposed. The cessation of appetite is the warning of Nature, that the system is in such a state, that food cannot be digested.

The following suggestions may be found useful, in regard to nursing the sick. As nothing contributes more to the restoration of health, than pure air, it should be a primary object, to keep a sick-room well ventilated. At least twice in the twenty-four hours, the patient should be well covered, and fresh air freely admitted from out of doors. After this, if need be, the room should be restored to a proper temperature, by the aid of a fire. Bedding and clothing should also be well aired, and frequently changed; as the exhalations from the body, in sickness, are peculiarly deleterious. Frequent ablutions, of the whole body, if possible, are very useful; and for these, warm water may be employed.

The following, are useful directions for dressing a blister. Spread thinly, on a linen cloth, an ointment, composed of one third of beeswax to two thirds of tallow; lay this upon a linen cloth, folded many times. With a sharp pair of scissors, make an aperture in the lower part of the bag of water, with a little hole, above, to give it vent. Break the raised skin as little as possible. Lay on the cloth, spread as directed. The blister, at first, should be dressed as often as three times in a day, and the dressing renewed each time.

A sick-room should always be kept very neat, and in perfect order; and all haste, noise, and bustle, should be avoided. In order to secure neatness, order, and quiet, in case of long illness, the following arrangements should be made. Keep a large box for fuel, which will need to be filled only twice in twenty-four hours. Provide, also, and keep in the room, or an adjacent closet, a small teakettle, a saucepan, a pail of water, for drinks and ablutions, a pitcher, a covered porringer, two pint bowls, two tumblers, two cups and saucers, two wine glasses, two large and two small spoons; also, a dish in which to wash these articles; a good supply of towels, and a broom. Keep a slop-bucket, near by, to receive the wash of the room. Procuring all these articles at once, will save much noise and confusion.

Whenever medicine or food is given, spread a clean towel over the person or bedclothing, and get a clean handkerchief, as nothing is more annoying to a weak stomach, than the stickiness and soiling produced by medicine and food. Keep the fireplace neat, and always wash all articles, and put them in order, as soon as they are out of use.

A sick person has nothing to do, but look about the room; and when every thing is neat and in order, a feeling of comfort is induced, while disorder, filth, and neglect, are constant objects of annoyance, which, if not complained of, are yet felt.

Always prepare food for the sick, in the neatest and most careful manner. It is in sickness, that the senses of smell and taste are most susceptible of annoyance; and often, little mistakes or negligences, in preparing food, will take away all appetite.

Food for the sick, should be cooked on coals, that no smoke may have access to it; and great care must be taken, to prevent any adherence to the bottom, as this always gives a disagreeable taste.

Keeping clean handkerchiefs and towels at hand, cooling the pillows, sponging the hands with water, swabbing the mouth with a clean linen rag, on the end of a stick, are modes of increasing the comfort of the sick. Always throw a shawl over a sick person, when raised up.

Be careful to understand a physician's directions, and to obey them implicitly. If it be supposed that any other person knows better about the case, than the physician, dismiss the physician, and employ that person in his stead.

In nursing the sick, always speak gently and cheeringly; and, while you express sympathy for their pain and trials, stimulate them to bear all with fortitude, and with resignation to Him who has appointed the trial. Offer to read the Bible, or other devotional books, whenever it is suitable, and will not be deemed obtrusive.

It is always best to consult the physician, as to where medicines shall be purchased, and to show the articles to him before using them, as great impositions are practised in selling old, useless, and adulterated drugs. Always put labels on vials of medicine, and keep them out of the reach of children.

Be careful to label all powders, and particularly all white powders; as many poisonous medicines, in this form, are easily mistaken for others which are harmless.