Poli. By my trouthe and ye wyll beleue me I neuer yet assayed nor proued whether I coulde do it or no. But is it not sufficient to saye it with my mouthe?
Can. I can not tell whether it be or no. But I am sure god here vs not excepte we praye from the bothum of our harte. But tell me another thyng I wyll aske the. Doest thou not fast very often?
Poli. No neuer in all my lyfe tyme and yf it were not for lacke of meate.
Can. And yet thy boke alowes and commendes hyghly bothe fastynge and prayer.
Polip. So coulde I alowe them but that my belly can not well affare nor a way with fastyng.
Canni9. Yea but Paule sayth they are not the seruauntes of Iesus Christe whiche serue theyr belly & make it theyr god. Do you eate fleshe euery day?
Po. No neuer when I haue none to eate, but I neuer refuse it when it is set before me, and I neuer aske question not for cõscience but for my belly sake.
Can. Yea but these stronge sturdy sydes of suche a chuffe and a lobbynge lobye as thou arte wolde be fed well inoughe with haye and barke of trees.
Poliphe. Yea but chryste sayd, that which entereth in at the mouthe defyleth not the man.
Canni. That is to be vnderstand thus yf it be measurably taken, and without the offendinge of our christian brother. But Paule the disciple of chryst had rather peryshe & sterue with hunger then onys to offende his weyke brothren wt his eatynge, and he exhorteth vs to followe his example that in all thynges we maye please all men.
Poli. What tel ye me of Paule, Paule is Paule and I am I.
Canni9. Do you gladly helpe to releue the poore and the indygent with your goodes?
Poli. Howe can I helpe them whiche haue nothynge to gyue them, and scant inoughe for my selfe.
Cannius. ye myght spare somthynge to helpe thê with yf thou woldest playe the good husband in lyuynge more warely, in moderatynge thy superfluous expenses, and in fallynge to thy worke lustely.
Poliphem9. Nay then I were a fole in dede, a penyworth of ease is euer worth a peny, and nowe I haue found so moch pleasure in ease that I can not fall to no labour.
Canni. Do you kepe the commaundementes of god?
Polip. Nowe ye appose me, kepe the cõmaundementes quod he, that is a payne in dede.
Cannius. Art thou sory for thy synnes and thyne offences, doest thou ernestly repent the for thê.
Poliphemus. Christ hath payed the raunsome of synne and satisfied for it alredy.
Cannius. Howe prouest thou then that thou louest the gospell and fauoris the word of god as thou bearest men in hande thou doest.
Poliphemus. I wyll tell you that by & by, and I dare saye you wyl confesse no lesse your selfe then that I am an ernest fauorer of the worde then I haue told you ye tale. There was a certayne gray frere of the order of saynt Fraunces wt vs whiche neuer ceased to bable and rayle agaynste the newe testament of Erasmus, I chaunsed to talke with the gêtylman pryuatly where no man was present but he and I, and after I had communed awhyle with hym I caught my frere by the polled pate with my left hande and with my right hãde I drew out my daggar and I pomelled the knaue frere welfauardly aboute his skonce that I made his face as swollen and as puffed as a puddynge.
Canni9. what a tale is this that thou tellest me.
Poliphemus. How say you is not this a good and a sufficient proue that I fauer the gospell. I gaue hym absolucion afore he departed out of my handes wt this newe testament thryse layde vpon his pate as harde as I myght dryue yt I made thre bunches in his heed as bygge as thre egges in the name of the father, the sone, & the holy goost.
Can. Now by my trouth this was well done & lyke a ryght gospeller of these dayes. Truly this is as they saye to dyffende the gospell with the gospell.
Poliphe. I met another graye frere of the same curryshe couent, that knaue neuer had done in raylynge agaynst Erasmus, so sone as I had espyed hym I was styrred and moued with the brenninge zele of the gospell that in thretenyng of him I made hym knele downe vpon his knees and crye Erasmus mercie and desyred me to forgyue hym, I may saye to you it was hyghe tyme for hym to fall downe vpon his marybones, and yf he had not done it by and by I had my halbarde vp redy to haue gyuen hym betwyxt the necke and the heade, I loked as grymme as modie Mars when he is in furyous fume, it is trewe that I tell you, for there was inoughe sawe the frere and me yf I wolde make a lye.
Canni9. I maruayle the frere was not out of his wyt. But to retourne to oure purpose agayne, dost thou lyue chastly?
Poliphemus. Peraduenture I maye do here after when I am more stryken in age. But shall I confesse the trouthe to the?
Canni. I am no preest man, ther fore yf thou wylt be shryuen thou must seke a preest to whome thou maye be lawfully confessed.
Poliphe. I am wont styl to cõfesse my selfe to god, but I wyl confesse thus moche to the at this tyme I am not yet become a perfyte gospeller or an euangelical man, for I am but yet as it were one of ye cõmune people, ye knowe wel perde we gospellers haue iiii. gospels wrytten by the .iiii. euangelystes, & suche gospellers as I am hunt busely, and chefely for .iiii. thynges that we may haue. Unde. to prouyde dayntie fare for the bellie, that nothynge be lackynge to that parte of the body whiche nature hath placed vnder the belly, ye wote what I meane, and to obtayne and procure suche liuinge that we may lyue welthely and at pleasure without carke & care. And fynally that we maye do what we lyst without checke or controlment, yf we gospellars lacke none of all these thynges we crye and synge for ioye, amonge our ful cuppes Io Io we tryumphe and are wonderfull frolycke, we synge and make as mery as cup and can, and saye the gospell is a lyue agayne Chryst rayneth.
Cannius. This is a lyfe for an Epycure or a god belly and for no euangelicall persone that professeth the gospell.
Poli. I denye not but that it is so as ye saye, but ye knowe well that god is omnipotent and can do al thynges, he can turne vs whê his wyll is sodenly in to other maner of men.
Cannius. So can he transforme you in to hogges and swyne, the whiche maye soner be done I iudge thê to chaunge you into good men for ye are halfe swynyshe & hoggyshe alredy, your lyuynge is so beastlie.
Poliphe. Holde thy peas mã wolde to god there were no men that dyd more hurt in the world then swyne, bullockes, asses, and camelles. A mã may se many men now adayes more crueller then lyons, more rauenynge thê wolues, more lecherous then sparous, and that byte worse then mad dogges, more noysom thê snakes, vepers and adders.
Canni9. But nowe good Polipheme remembre and loke vpon thy selfe for it is hyghe tyme for the to laye a syde thy beastly lyuynge, and to be tourned from a brute and a sauage beast in to a man.
Poliphem9. I thanke you good neyghbour
Cannius. for by saynt Mary I thynke your counsayle is good/for the prophetes of this tyme sayth the worlde is almost at an end, and we shall haue domes daye (as they call it) shortely.
Canni9. We haue therfore more nede to ppare our selues in a redines agaynst that day, and that with as moche spede as maye be possible.
Poliphemus. as for my part I loke and wayte styll euery day for the myghty hande and power of christ.
Cannius. Take hede therfore that thou, when christ shall laye his myghty hande vpon the be as tendre as waxe, that accordynge to his eternall wyll he maye frayme & fashyon the with his hande. But wherby I praye the dothe these prophetes coniecture & gather that the worlde is almost at an ende.
Poliphe. Bycause men (they saye) do the selfe same thinge nowe adayes that they dyd, and were wont to do which were lyuynge in the worlde a lytle whyle before the deluge or Noyes floode. They make solempne feastes, they banket, they quaffe, they booll, they bybbe, they ryot men mary, wome are maryed, they go a catterwallynge and horehuntinge, they bye, they sell, they lend to vserie, and borowe vpon vserie, they builde, kîges keepe warre one agaynst another, preestes studie howe they maye get many benefyces and promociõs to make them selfe riche and increase theyr worldly substaunce, the diuynes make insolible sillogismus and vnperfyte argumêtes, they gather conclusyons, monkes and freers rûne, at rouers ouer all the world, the comyn people are in a mase or a hurle burle redy to make insurrections, and to conclude breuelie there lackes no euyll miserie nor myschefe, neyther hõger, thyrst fellonie, robberie, warre, pestilence, sediciõ, derth, and great scarsytie and lacke of all good thynges. And howe say you do not all these thynges argue and sufficientlie proue that the worlde is almost at an ende?