Redemption
At the end of November 2017, I registered on various sites for sex dating, as I was still thinking about finding someone there. But I found some interesting knowledge there.
One of such knowledge was that one girl was looking for a guy with a genitals more than nineteen centimeters, and when, for the sake of interest, I began to ask her about the reasons, it turned out that she, a female, did not even know the physiology of her own female body. Namely, the fact that in women with sexual arousal, the cervix and uterine body are pulled up and back, and the vagina increases in length. The woman was clearly not ready for such scientific discoveries and blocked me.
Then, scammers often tried to cheat money out of people on such sites. Unsuccessfully in my case.
There was also a moment when, under the guise of a girl, there was most likely a guy. I wrote about my doubts. Then the person wrote to me a reply that offended me somewhat at that time. He wrote something like “who is to blame that you are such a [forgotten bad word]?”. But now that I know the truths that I already wrote about in this book, I understand that the person was right in that sentence. I myself have led myself to the life that I have. Naturally, that person is not right in his other activity. This moment teaches that it is necessary to consider each idea expressed by a person individually and regardless of what else he said.
There was also a speech therapist who did not really want to hear the truth about stuttering and about the creation of the Universe, which she called “nonsense”. Of course, it may be strange that such topics need to be mentioned on such websites at all, but I did want to find a girl who would not only like sex, but who would also be open to acquiring new knowledge and to self-development.
Then, closer to the summer of 2018, I began to correspond with a woman who was 8 years older than me. I remember it well, since the thought that my mother was 8 years older than my father did not leave, and I had the feeling that I could repeat the history, make a wrong choice. I think she had a child. She loved spending time with couples from the swingers’ website. In the course of communication, I decided that I had learned enough from my experience in communicating with people who get acquainted for the sake of sex. I decided that it would be better to spend my time looking for a girlfriend in real life, and not behind a laptop screen. I stopped texting her, but after a couple of weeks I forgot and wrote her again, asking to try to meet. But she never answered me back, which I am glad for.
I continued to go out and walk around the neighborhood for a health heeling walk. I remember how I once stood and waited for a traffic light. Near me were many people who were going about their daily routine. I then remembered my experience with Thiaooubians and thought: “Why me?” – passers-by do not even know that next to them stands a person who had experience of telepathic communication with people whose messenger performed “miracles” on Earth, and taught people love and spirituality a little less than 2000 years ago. That same experience also gave me the opportunity to know about the veracity of the book by Michel Desmarquet. Surely many of the passer-by thought about the meaning of life, about the Universe, about Jesus. The answer was right in front of them, but they did not even know it. It was unusual and even somewhat surreal.
In the winter and spring of 2018, I was going through a period of self-reflection since many barriers had been destroyed, meaning that I tried not to remove the “bad” things as quickly as possible from my life, and instead I tried to comprehend them and learn from them. After all, mistakes and subsequent suffering give us a chance to learn spiritually, so that we no longer make such mistakes in the future.
Sometimes I would start feel sick in my mind, knowing how many years I spent doing almost nothing useful for my personal life. But then I would realize that otherwise I would not have known what it means to be stubborn. There is also a chance that I would not have my experience with Thiaooubians, since they would not have been able to help me if everything was okay in my life.
I said earlier about the fact that, apparently, everything is a vibration with three clear states, plus with all other possible gradients (if we were to use the word used in computer photo editors, and denoting a transition from one color to another), located between the two maximum states (extremes, peaks, etc.) of this vibration. This important realization helped me see that everything around, being part of these vibrations, reflects these gradients.
For example, two outermost, or extreme, states in which society can be are a state of complete freedom, or a state of complete slavery. Currently on our planet societies are somewhere between those two values.
The way we get the products and things necessary for our lives can also have only two completely different states: there is a barrier between a person and a product (for example, money), and there is no barrier between a person and a product (everything is free).
People, for example, can be of two sexes – a male and a female. And on the planet of the ninth category, people, and possibly animals too, are hermaphrodites, since they [people] have learned all the lessons of male and female bodies, and for their spiritual progress in this Universe they are rewarded with the ability to experience both male and female sensations with sexual satisfaction, for the sake of which they also no longer have to look for a partner, since they are able to experience them at will.
It can be either pitch night or the brightest day. Plus, all the possible gradients between the two extreme positions of the planet towards the sun – dawn, noon, etc.
There are people who behave like “alpha”, and there are those who behave like “beta”. The most correct state is in the middle – when a person does not hesitate to achieve his goal, but he does this not at the expense of other people and does not cause suffering to anyone.
On YouTube’s, for example, I would love to have the middle button between the thumb up and thumb down, in order to rate a video in which I liked something, but something did not. In fact, I almost never give “dislike”.
Then we have the antonyms of words, but we do not have such a word that would mean something that has the features of both extremes (male-hermaphrodite-female, recklessness- [middle, balanced state]-cowardice, etc.). Maybe people should come up with such words.
Hope you understand what I am trying to say. Many things in the Universe reflect the duality of life.
It is worth noting how my dad sometimes used to say that we should not take one thing or another to the extremes. But I did not attach much importance to those words at the time, since I did not have my current knowledge.
This realization shed light on why Thao spoke of meditation and concentration. They train a person to be in the two only possible states of our mind – relaxed and focused. There must be time for work and there must be time for rest. We should keep a balance in everything if we want to live a happy and healthy life.
Of course, you need to understand that we are talking about the extremes (where, due to a strong bias in one direction, there is a lack of a useful trait of the other extreme) and the right (or correct) “golden mean” between them which includes the best of the two extremes. Duality manifests itself in other areas of life where, logically, only one side is right (correct): there are right actions and wrong actions (it is absurd to consciously choose to make a few mistakes and a few right actions); there is knowledge and faith (it is best to know, not to believe).
I write this all, because, firstly, I have got a chance to write about my life understandings, and secondly, this refers to my next strange part of life where after a period of life when I tried to be an “obedient” boy due to my overly moral barriers, I very sharply went to another extreme and began to look for opportunities to act in porn. In the end, I did nothing of the kind, but it was an interesting time. For the most part, it was a strange way to find sex, but at the same time I consider it a spiritual experience, as I began to learn what could be learned from this experience. If a person has the correct knowledge about the truth of life, then watching the so-called vulgar videos will not make him vulgar, as he will not make mistakes.
At that time, I came across a video made by a girl from Pornhub, where she talked about the site’s affiliate program. I went to her page and clicked on a video where she took her subscriber’s virginity. I was simply shocked, because during her conversation with the guy I seemed to see myself in him. I have little doubt that he had the same daydreaming/imagination problems as I did. And it was shown on the facial expressions of his face – it was shown very strongly. Needless to say, I did not masturbate then, but, still in a shock and completely awakened state, I watched the whole video to the end in the hope that maybe this time I would stop playing with my imagination. Then I found that the girl recorded another video with that guy where his face was not shown at all. I felt sorry for him in my own way. I understood what he was going through.
In the comments of both videos, some people did not spare the guy, saying all kinds of nasty things. There were thoughts that if this were a girl, then a real scandal would arise and many people would get sued. But of all this, I was very pleased with the fact that the porn actress herself stood up for the guy and put the offenders in their place. Strange, but before that I did not realize very clearly that porn actors are exactly the same people as we are, and they, like everyone else, pass through the school of life.
This understanding once again showed me that you should not worry too much about the mistakes made. We all do what we think is right, depending on our material and spiritual knowledge – every second of our lives.
I was thinking of writing my first comment on a porn site in order to perhaps shed light on the reason for such facial expressions, and talk about meditation and concentration. Who knows, this could have helped the person. But I could not do this simple thing, which seemed to me as something complicated at that time.
I will note that I have always perceived with big defensiveness the government’s attempts to block porn sites, since I always did not like when someone limited my freedom of choice. Moreover, I do not blame porn sites at all for my state of health and for the wasted years of my life. I myself made that choice. And even though this choice for the most part was a mistake – it was my choice and it was only me who is to blame for my suffering. Of course, this does not mean that the owners of porn sites and those who are somehow connected with them do not make mistake, but limiting the freedom of will of another creature is the most serious mistake in the Universe.
What do we do with porn addiction then? If people knew the truths of the Universe (many of which I have already told about), then they would not be making mistakes – well, or they would try not to make them, since spiritual knowledge also plays an important role in our every decision, and such knowledge is acquired by obtaining multifaceted life experience and comprehension of life lessons from this experience, and not by reading books that give only material knowledge. Therefore, you just need to teach people this truth and leave the freedom of choice to them. If someone wants to make a mistake, as a result of which no one else will be deceived and will not suffer – this is their choice.
Of course, it is necessary to remove money and make everything that is required for a healthy life free of charge, so that people have less incentive to engage in such activity – both among porn actors and porn magnates.
Further, in my life, because of my insecurity and fear of telling about my experience with Thiaooubians, I also did not make any videos for YouTube, although I wanted to record a video about my experience with Aura for many years. Then I did not have time for this, because among other things, I thought that I needed to do something so that I had at least some money. The video would take too much time.
In the early spring of 2018, I was finally able to walk to Sokolniki. It took me several days to walk near the park to gain confidence in my health.
I began to walk there often. Usually I could not reach the park only during a couple of days after the weekly masturbation. But every day I went outside, not wanting to spend more days at home. Only heavy rain could make me stay in four walls.
I tried to live in the present, paying attention with the help of five senses to what was happening around me. As usual, calming down of my mind opened barriers that hid unresolved problems and not learned lessons, and I often began to think about them, not noticing how thoughts turned into daydreaming and the habit of talking to myself in my head. This is something that I also heard from the previously mentioned psychologist woman – a person in full consciousness can remember everything that ever was in his life – if I say it in my own words. I had moments when, being fully focused on the present, I could remember the most insignificant moments of my life, and I had the feeling as if old childhood events happened only yesterday. At the same time, a clear line is “visible” between what really happened and what is part of a fantasy.
I usually felt insecure when I saw a girl who was sitting or walking alone. Because of this, it either took me a long time to calm down, or I did not approach the girl at all, and sometimes the girl would just get up and leave while I was gathering my thoughts.
There was another psychological barrier holding my education in this life. The desire to look for a girlfriend evoked in me the memories of the past. Namely, the fact that over the past 10 years I thought to go looking for my second half, but because of my stupid actions and habits I never did. Therefore, the beginning of the search for a girlfriend in the present meant to admit all the mistakes that I made in all those years. I could no longer blame everything on the “injustice of life”, as I often liked to do despite the fact that I knew about the Laws of the Universe. It was time to admit my mistakes, my wrongness, and the consequences that followed.
In fact, I have long learned to admit my mistakes and wrongness, but those mistakes were small in comparison. So, for example, in January 2016, in the TPXP group I expressed my distrust towards a photograph of a levitating monk – and people of the first category are able to learn to levitate. I thought that his reflection in the mirror was not where it should have been. But then I recreated the scene in a 3D program, and I realized that the levitating figure was in the same place as the reflection of the levitating monk. I wrote about my find and that I my previous conclusions were wrong. I had no problems of acknowledging such errors.
Another recognition of the error occurred after I learned about photosensitivity and exposure – thanks to my camera. It became clear to me why in the pictures taken by American astronauts on the surface of the moon, no stars were visible. Some time later, when I was studying physics, it became clear that they were more than capable of flying to the moon too. It was a very dangerous trip, but it really could happen.
Initially, I more than believed in the landing of people on the moon, but at the age of sixteen I came across websites where different people claimed the opposite. I thought then that they were no less educated than other experts, and were able to find something that other people did not see. Over time and with self-education, it became clear that those people tried to teach others, while they themselves did not know the elementary laws of nature.
Returning to meeting girls and recognizing my mistakes, this was not an easy time in which I seemed to feel a huge mass that I had to overcome every time I approached a new girl. This can be compared to walking in water against the current. But as I kept approaching girls, the feeling of heaviness was becoming less and less present, until there was no trace of it at all.
Another positive effect was that I finally stopped being offended by Marina and her attitude towards me. It became obvious to me that the world is full of other people, and you should not focus on someone who is taken anyway.
Remembering the reason for stuttering, I knew that the abundance of different thoughts, which had little to do with what was happening in reality, was the reason for my indecision. I decided to test it.
Heading to a pond in the park, I kept my concentration on the here and now. It was still cold, but that did not stop a girl from sitting on a bench in front of the pond. Being completely concentrated, I just asked her if I could get acquainted with her. Smiling, she answered the sharp and a little shy “no!”. I apologized for disturbing her and went to walk further.
I was absolutely calm and confident in myself. The correctness of my theory was proved empirically, so to speak. All I had to do was to make a new habit of living in the present…
At home, I went looking for the causes of yellow spots near the mouth of people – something that I could not help but notice in the girl sitting by the pond. It was one of my enlightenments that girls are just the same people and suffer too. Naturally, I knew this before, but I did not “see” it, if we recall the saying of Jesus that people have eyes, but they do not see.
As I mentioned, in those years I often searched for knowledge on the Internet regarding many things. I often wrote down on my phone what I wanted to find in a search engine when I get back home. I did not use the Internet on the street at that time, as I went out on the street in order to mentally be on the street, and not in the phone as many people do now.
So, the search led me to a forum where men talked that the girls did not have a sense of causality; how they can imagine a problem and then take offense at the guy because of it. This hurt me then, since I began to see myself in it. At least in relation to cause and effect.
One day I was walking not far from a bookstore along the narrow sidewalk of Preobrazhenskiy Val Street, and a man with two bags in his hands was walking towards me, and next to him was a short, slender girl with ginger hair. I began to feel a little discomfort at that moment, and when the girl almost caught up with me, I mechanically moved my head and neck forward, and at the same time I looked down my body. The funny thing about the story is that that ginger-haired girl in that very same second did an absolutely identical action as me!
As I thought about it, I remembered that both women and men are an absolutely identical part of the Superior Intelligence who can choose to be born in both the male and female bodies. This means that the intellectual abilities of both sexes are exactly the same. Men do not think like women, and women do not think like men. We think like people. But due to different historical events, some things have become synonymous with women, and some with men. We differ intellectually and in behavior in the modern world mainly because of what we have been taught since childhood. This is not surprising, since knowledge is the basis of all our decisions and actions.
Naturally, one should not forget about several different functions and some differences between male and female bodies, and common sense. So, for example, a pregnant woman shouldn’t do lots of things that men can do, so as not to harm the child and herself because of her mistake. Well, the very fact that women need to carry a child for 9 months, and not men, affects their desire to have sex – they are more cautious, since for them a mistake, on average, will bring more suffering than for a man… at least in the current life.
By the way, I think that women are usually prettier than men precisely because they have to bear a child in themselves, which, of course, takes a lot of time and strength. Beauty is a kind of compensation.
Thus, I began to approach girls more often than in the previous summer. They were either taken or refused to try to get acquainted. In the case of the latter, I was thinking about possible reasons – did I do something wrong, or did they just not like me? Or maybe the reason was in something else entirely? Often I saw that I could have been more relaxed and confident, and I tried to do my homework on the mistakes so that in my next attempts to meet someone I would have a better chance of success.
At the end of April 2018, I walked on a Saturday afternoon in Sokolniki. Allowing myself to get lost in my mind again, I began to experience self-doubt anew, which affected my attempts to get acquainted. It was not easy for me also because the thought that I might never find a girlfriend did not want to go far away from me.
One of the main factors that I did not dare to approach the girls I liked was the fact of the presence of someone next to them. Even if there was only one person sitting on the next bench to a girl, and there was no one else nearby – I still often had thoughts regarding what he would think about me. And if there were many such people, then everything would become even more complicated. Often, I would just walk by in search of those who were sitting alone.
But then I remembered the Universal Law regarding the payment by suffering for our mistakes. I tried to fix in my mind that all the people who might laugh at me, say or think something about me, will have to suffer for their erroneous actions. But I need to think only about my own actions and decisions, and if I had done something wrong, I need to realize this, draw conclusions, and the next time when life provides a similar situation, make the right choice. So, I often suffered myself because I did not approach a particular girl among the crowd of people.
Thanks to these understandings, I took control of myself while walking in the park. At the fountain, I noticed a young girl who was clearly about to leave. Since it was Saturday, there was a huge bunch of people next to her. But I, being completely focused on reality – on what data was being transmitted by my five senses – purposefully approached her and asked “could I get acquainted with you”. Since more than a dozen girls had said “no” to me, I was going to say the usual “sorry I bothered you” and turn around, as the girl replied: “Well, you can.”
This was unexpected, and I had the thought: “OK, now what?”
The girl immediately said that she was going to go to work and asked me what time it was. It was about two in the afternoon.
She needed to go down the long path, and I told her that we can talk along the way. I told her my name, and she said that she was called Katya. While we were leaving, I clearly remember how two men walked by smiling at me.
I did not know what to say and asked who she worked as. In response to her question, I said about Bitcoin and about working as a freelancer. At this time, I again began to lose control of my thoughts, and the stupor of speech followed, as a logical consequence.
During the conversation, it became known that she had a Buddhist book in her purse. She herself went every week to “prayer” in a Buddhist (or Hindu) temple. She began to talk about some deities, but, seeing that I did not know who it was, she stopped. I thought that she was interested in the truth of life, and began to speak briefly about my experience with Thiaoouba and with the Auras. The girl was mostly silent and only occasionally said some kind of an invitation to come to the temple.
For the sake of general development, and as a way to get to know her better, I asked for details.
The walk along the alley seemed fast, and we were already crossing the highway, after which there was almost no people on a narrow forest path.
I decided to change the subject and asked if she had traveled somewhere. No. An awkward silence followed, and I told her something of a desire to give her later a link to Thiaoouba Prophecy book. I think I mentioned that I knew about the veracity of that book. To this, Katya replied that she had already invested five years of her life into studying her religion and did not want to devote time to anything else. Judging by her intonation and words, there was a feeling that she did not want to know anything new because she could “lose” those 5 years spent on religion. She did not want to know that she had been wrong all that time.
At the bridge, she told me that she would go alone further on. I offered to meet again, and she agreed. I started writing down her phone, but because I never used the phone normally, I wrote it in the wrong place. I had to ask her to say the number again in order to record it normally. She looked with a sigh to the side and repeated the number. Perhaps at that moment I got even more nervous, and the muscles of my face reflected this on my facial expression, for I remember clearly how she noticed something on my face.
We said goodbye.
Going home, I realized that even though the girl was pretty, she was not perfect because of her attachment to religion and her unwillingness to learn anything new. Nevertheless, I decided that I needed to fight for her, and I wanted to meet with her one more time to get to know her better – and maybe try to somehow help her with some of her imperfections. I thought about the topics of conversation for the next meeting, and I knew for sure that they should not be either religion or the truth of the Universe. I thought to talk about more down-to-earth things. I also felt relieved that I no longer had to walk in the parks and approach a bunch of girls for dating.
I came home, installed WhatsApp, and wrote to Katya about my desire to meet someday. I remember clearly that in the message there was a mention about religion – something that I did not want to talk about, but decided to write anyway because she was clearly religious. Then I gave her a link where she could download Thiaoouba Prophecy for free in case she wanted to do so. There was no answer. Many hours passed before I realized the simple truth that she did not want anything to do with me. Just in case, in order to check the correctness of the phone number, I decided to ask her about the address and website of the temple that she was telling me about. I had almost no doubt that she would answer me then – and she did. In the last message, I asked Katya to be honest about the reasons for her unwillingness to see me. She replied that I was “too creative”, and that I also had many psychological problems. I answered her with a message, the stupidity of which I understood only after some time – naturally, I had psychological problems not because of the absence of a girlfriend, but only because of my own choices to allow that fact to affect my psychological and moral state.
I honestly do not know till this day what she meant by “too creative”, given that she herself was talking only about some temple and a prayer, but regarding the psychological problems she was completely right. So as not to decide to write some nonsense, I decided to delete Katya’s phone number. Had I known what I know now, I would have just honestly told her about everything and said that I thought to talk about other earthly topics. I also sometimes thought how honest was she in her message? What if she just did not want to tell me about my appearance, which I could not change, unlike my psychological turmoil? Or did she really not mind my appearance…?
Although I continued to be lonely, I knew now that I had a chance to find a girlfriend after all. I understood very well that a focused on reality state of mind was the key to my happiness. Now I had confirmation of my rightness. All that had to be done was to develop a new habit in myself…
I again had difficulties with this, since now my head was often haunted by the thought of Katya and how she agreed to get acquainted, but then she simply did not write anything because of my psychological problems – “problems” that I knew how to remove for a long time, but, being still stubborn, I continued to live inside of my head and not in reality. What if this was my last chance to find someone in this life, and I missed it?
At one point, I had similar paranoid thoughts about the past. What if I made a lot of serious mistakes in my past lives? Fact – one cannot get away from reckoning for mistakes. And fear over what might or might not have been is a mistake too, since it is our choice to be afraid. You need to remember the Laws of the Universe and gain spirituality which will help to make the right choices and not make new mistakes when paying for the old ones.
Subsequently, it became clear to me that, perhaps, I will not have experience with Thiaoouba in my next life, and for this reason it is better to get as much spiritual knowledge as possible, but at the same time I need to try to remove all psychological problems; since the psyche is part of the soul and also does not die, I have a suspicion that the psychological state of a person can migrate into his next life – along with all unresolved psychological problems.
It is difficult to have such an experience with overactive daydreaming, but if I learn from it spiritually, I will not have to suffer again from losing control of my mind.
A benefit of such experience with imagination is understanding why the Superior Intelligence decided to create the Universe even though the Spirit knew everything that would ever happen – we can recreate in our imagination a whole concert with a myriad of musical instruments, but it will not be comparable to a real concert that we can really feel in the first person, and not watch it from the side. There is a difference between imagination and what we call reality.