CHAPTER XXIII
A SERVANT-TYRANT
My correspondence is not safe from the malicious woman appointed Grand Mistress – Lovers at a distance and by correspondence – Fell in love with a leg.
Loschwitz, September 8, 1894.
Baroness Tisch, now that she attained the height of her ambition, is beginning to show her claws. She is an infernal cat. Her skinniness makes her repulsive to me and her face gives everyone the impression that she just sucked an enormous lemon. She lisps and that makes me nervous. I feel like aping her when she isn't around.
She's after me like the devil chasing a poor soul and as I never address her except to command or reprimand, she tries to find out any secret doings, or thinkings, I may be guilty of by way of letters I write or receive.
According to the laws of most countries private correspondence is sacred, legally and morally. The late Field-Marshal, Count Blumenthal, wrote to his wife of the Crown Prince, afterwards Emperor Frederick, that he was a "d – fool," but "as communications between husband and wife are privileged," no official cognizance was taken.
Otherwise in this petty kingdom and, as already told, in Austria, whose monarch, in family matters at least, holds to the "L'Etat c'est moi" maxim.
The King's spy, the Tisch, constituted herself post-office of Villa Loschwitz – a duty appertaining to her rank – and I wager she works the "Black Cabinet" to perfection. Of course, I am now careful in all I write and advise my friends to be, but I sometimes get letters from Unknowns, people that sympathize with me or have fallen in love with me. All women in high station have lovers among the lowly. I recall the Cardinal Dubois' yarn about Salvatico, envoy of the Prince of Modena, my kinsman of yore. The Italian was sent to Paris to conduct home his master's lovely intended, Mademoiselle de Valois, daughter of the Regent. It happened that the emissary was introduced to Mademoiselle's room an hour before the time set, when she was lying on a lounge "with one leg, almost naked, hanging down." Salvatico fell in love with the leg and exhausted himself in so many "Ah, ah's" of admiration and other love-sick stunts that the Duke of Richelieu, having older rights, said to him: "Rogue, if you had your deserts I would cut off your two ears!"
No man, except my husband, has seen my legs, which is a pity, perhaps, but the extreme décolleté demanded at certain court functions, especially in Berlin, gained me many epistolary lovers, whose homage I accept gracefully, but in silence, of course.
Still, a malicious thing like the Tisch, if one gives her enough rope, might arrange, on paper at least, to get me with child by a Lothario a hundred miles off, even as the children of Madame de Montespan and Louis XIV were credited to the Marquis, her husband, residing a hundred leagues away, at Guienne. Let me find her red-handed and she will fare even worse than Schoenstein.
CHAPTER XXIV
MORE TYRANNY OF A TITLED SERVANT
My daily papers seized, and only milk-and-water clippings are submitted – "King's orders" – Grand Mistress's veracity doubted – My threats of suspension cow her.
Loschwitz, September 10, 1894.
This morning there were no newspapers at the usual hour. Instead, the Tisch furnished a heap of clippings carefully pasted up – the veriest milk-and-water slush "ever." Instanter I sent for my tormentor.
"What's this?" I demanded.
"Today's papers, Your Imperial Highness."
"You made these clippings?"
"At Your Imperial Highness's commands."
"And you think me ninny enough to be satisfied with reading no more than what you consider proper for me to see?"
The Tisch wavered not a bit. "His Majesty the King is served the same fashion."
"No matter. I want my papers whole, and don't you dare to mutilate them." By way of letting her down easier I added: "Don't give yourself the trouble."
"No trouble, I assure your Imperial Highness. With your permission, then, I will continue to clip for Your Imperial Highness."
I rose and, measuring her from head to toe with flaming eyes, I said: "You will do nothing of the kind, do you understand?"
The impertinent cat insisted: "But I think it proper – "
"Have you heard what I said or not, Baroness?"
She tried to save her face by asserting, "I am acting by command of His Majesty."
"I will ask His Majesty whether you spoke the truth," I said quick as a flash; "meanwhile you are suspended and will return to Dresden until recalled. Ring the bell and I will give orders to the Master of Horse to send you away."
Of course Tisch couldn't afford such an inquiry to be made, which would have exposed her clumsy hand and, as remarked, royalty doesn't care to be found out. Defeat staring her in the face, Tisch wavered: "Of course, if your Imperial Highness chooses to take the responsibility, I will be most happy to submit the papers as they arrive."
"In their wrappers," I commanded, as I dismissed her.
By distributing a hundred marks in silver, I found out that the Tisch examines my body-servants daily and that, night after night, she sits up hours writing long-winded reports. She is the King's tool, but she let the cat out of the bag when cornered. That gives me the whip hand for the time being.
CHAPTER XXV
THE TWO BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY UNITED
Leopold upon my troubles and his own – Imperial Hapsburgs that, though Catholics, got divorces or married divorced women – Books that are full of guilty knowledge, according to royalty – A mud-hole lodging for one Imperial Highness – Leopold's girl – What I think of army officers' wives – Their anonymous letters – Leopold's money troubles – We will fool our enemies by feigning obedience.
Loschwitz, September 15, 1894.
Leopold is with me, the brother two years older than I. They just made him a Major – a twelve-month later than his patent calls for.
Like myself, he is almost permanently in disgrace with the head of the family, even as I am with the King and Prince George. We had no sooner embraced and kissed, than I asked him for the latest gossip concerning the Crown Princess of Saxony.
"You are a tough one," he said, shaking his finger with amused mockery. According to Vienna court gossip, "I threw Prince George out of doors," when he "raised his hand against me," Frederick Augustus and myself haven't been on speaking terms for six months; and the Saxe family was actually considering the advisability of divorce.
Of course I told Leopold how things really are.
"Then there will be no divorce?" he asked.
"If the King and Prince George leave me alone, – no."
"Too bad," he said with a laugh, "that knocks me out of the pleasure of maintaining my thesis that the founder of the Christian religion didn't believe in indissoluble marriage, but, on the contrary, in divorce if such couldn't be avoided."
"Who told you that?"
"Professor Wahrmund is preparing a paper on the subject," said Leopold, who, as remarked, is a very well-read chap and a student. He named five or six emperors and kings, Catholics, some of them members of the Austrian Imperial family, who obtained divorces, or married divorced women. I jotted down the list.
Lothair II divorced his wife Theutberga and married his love, Waldrade.
Emperor Frederick I divorced the Empress Anna on the plea that she was sterile. She married a Count, with whom she had a dozen children.
Margaret, a daughter of Leopold VI of Austria, was divorced by King Ottokar of Bohemia.
John Henry, Prince of Bohemia, divorced his wife Margareta, who afterwards married an ancestor of the Kaiser, Ludwig of Brandenburg.
King Ladislaus of Sicily divorced Queen Constance and forced his vassal, Andrea di Capua, to marry her against his will. Ten years later Ladislaus married Maria de Lusignan.
But a little knowledge is a terrible thing, if it happens to be acquired by a prince. Princes are supposed to know nothing but the art and the finesses of destruction – war. Upbuilding is not in their line.
"I hear you are exercising a bad influence on Louise," roared our uncle, the Emperor, at Leopold when the latter took leave from him. "You furnished to her those infernal books, sowing the seed of guilty knowledge?"
Leopold so far forgot himself as to address a question to the "All-Highest": "What infernal books?"
"Books full of indecencies and obscenities, in short pornographic literature," shouted the head of the family, turned his horse and rode away in high dudgeon. Royal arguments are nothing if not one-sided!
Then Leopold told of himself. His garrison: a filthy mud-hole in Poland. One-story houses and everybody peeping into everybody else's windows. The few notables of the town and neighborhood tickled to death because they have an Imperial Highness with them, and the fool of an Imperial Highness goes and "besots himself with a mere country lass." He showed me her photograph. I like her looks. A pretty face, blonde hair and soft eyes. He was her first lover. On his account she left her family. She dotes on him as a dog dotes on his master.
Leopold is eccentric enough to jeopardize his career for this poor thing. He rented a small house for her and spends much of his time there when not on the drill-grounds.
Hence intense indignation among the "respectable ladies." An Imperial Highness within reach and he "doesn't come to our dances, he doesn't visit and sends his regrets when invited!"
Poor Marja suffers especially from the venom of the officers' wives, – cattle I detest. No royal or imperial prince is safe from them except in his mother's womb.
"From morn till night and half the night they do nothing but gossip about me and my girl," said Leopold, – "If the cats were only satisfied with that! But every little while I get an anonymous letter from one of them, denouncing her; Marja is favored in a similar way; so is my general and our uncle, the Emperor."
And needless to say Leopold can't get along on his salary and appanage. Father can't give him much. The Emperor won't, because the clergy intrigues against him as a free-thinker and non-church-goer.
We thought long and deep whether it wouldn't be possible to improve our position and we decided on this:
We will keep up each other's spirits by clandestine correspondence, carried on with the aid of a mutual friend. At the same time we will, apparently, fall in with the ideas of "our masters" and endure a few pin-pricks rather than waste our strength in useless opposition.
Let no one chide us for hypocrites, because our gentleness will be a mask, our submission a snare, our obedience a lie. It's all on the outside. Inwardly Leopold and Louise will remain true to themselves.
CHAPTER XXVI
FREDERICK AUGUSTUS CONTINUES VERY RAW
Manners à la barracks natural to royal princes – Names I am called – My ladies scandalized – Leopold turned over a new leaf, according to agreement, and is well treated – The King grateful to me for having "influenced Leopold to be good."
Loschwitz, October 1, 1894.
I have tried it a fortnight during Frederick Augustus' sojourn here, and, like the French Countess who fell in love with the strong man of the circus, I am disappointed. Frederick Augustus considers my tractability carte blanche to carry into the boudoir of an Imperial Princess the license of the brothel. He treats me like a kept-woman – all with the utmost good-nature. I am called names such as the other Augustus bestowed on the mothers of his three hundred and fifty-two, and I daren't remind him that some day I'll be Queen of these realms.
This prince, like the majority of them, hasn't the ghost of an idea of a sensitive woman's nature. He paws me over like a prize cow, and as the fourteenth Louis esteemed his mistress's chamber-women no more worthy of notice than her lap-dogs, so Frederick Augustus makes love à la barracks before the Schoenberg, Countess von Minckwitz, or whatever other lady is in attendance.
Only when he does it before the Tisch I am inclined to be amused rather than incensed. Tisch, cadaverous beanpole, never felt a loving touch on her shoulder. The place where her bosom should be never experienced a friendly squeeze. No one ever cared whether she wore silk stockings or rubber boots – be amorous, Frederick Augustus, when the Tisch is 'round! Indulge your coarseness! Put twenty-mark pieces in my stockings for a kiss. Tell gay stories and don't forget playing with my corsage. It will make the old woman mad. It will remind her of what she missed – of what she will miss all her life!
Loschwitz, October 10, 1894.
Letter from Leopold. He is going to church and – they leave his mistress in peace.
He is paying banal compliments to the noble-women of his garrison and pinches the officers' wives when he finds one in a corner – and they seem to live in corners when His Imperial Highness is around – hence, no more anonymous letters!
The spy planted in his household by the Emperor is allowed to see much of the "innocent" correspondence passing between me and Leopold. He has reported to Francis Joseph that the Prince turned over a new leaf.
Result: Leopold's debts have been paid and he got about two thousand marks over and above his wants.
Further results: A gracious letter from the King's House Marshal, Baron Carlowitz, praising me for "the good influence I am exercising on Leopold."
Truly the world wants to be deceived.
CHAPTER XXVII
PRINCE MAX MAKES LOVE TO ME
Wants me to consult him on all spiritual matters – Warns me against the Kaiser, the heretic bishop – Princes as ill-mannered as Russian-Jew up-starts.
Dresden, November 15, 1894.
Prince Max called on me the day of my arrival and promised me an armchair in Paradise for "reforming" Leopold. "I understand that your family life is ideal now," he added. "What bliss!"
"Oh, Louise," he continued, with the face of a donkey withdrawing his nozzle from a syrup barrel, "whenever doubtful of the right way, of the Lord's way, come to me."
It would have been un-politic to repulse the grotesque ape, and I said: "I will. I will even give you the preference over the Kaiser, who asked me the same thing – as summus episcopus, of course."
Max looked about the room. We were alone, yet he lowered his voice to a faint whisper. "William is a heretic. Don't trust him in religious matters," he breathed stealthily. And this devilish Max began to stroke my hands and admire a bracelet I wore above the elbow.
The Kaiser wouldn't have gone much further under the circumstances. Maybe he would have kissed my arm, though, from wrist to pit.
Tonight family tea in the Queen's salon. The King an icicle, but polite as a French marquis. He gave me the three "How art thou's" in the space of five minutes, asked after the babies and promised to come and look them over.
Frederick Augustus, half insane with delight, pinched my arm and squeezed my leg under the table. I felt like boxing his ears.
My father-in-law had to behave in the presence of the King and said a few commonplaces to me.
Johann George and Isabella talked automobiles, not to let us forget they are millionaires.
"How much did you pay for my blue car?" asked Isabella.
"Not much," replied Johann George; "sixty thousand francs, if I recollect rightly."
"My allowance for a whole year." I smiled my sweetest, and the King looked disapprovingly at the braggarts.
For ill manners recommend me to a Russian-Jew upstart or to a Royal Highness.
CHAPTER XXVIII
THE SHAH OF PERSIA FALLS IN LOVE WITH ME
The "animal" and his show of diamonds and rubies – Overcome by love he treats me like a lady of the harem – On the defensive – The King of kings an ill-behaved brute – Eats like a pig and affronts Queen – Wiped off greasy hands on my state robe – When ten thousand gouged-out eyes carpeted his throne – Offers of jewels – "Does he take me for a ballet girl?" – The Shah almost compromises me – King, alarmed, abruptly ends dinner – I receive presents from him.
Dresden, November 20, 1894.
Lover No. two. Very much in earnest, like the first, but I – extremely distant this time, though I accepted some emeralds and sapphires as big as dove's eggs. The Shah of Persia is the happy-unhappy man.
The King and all the Princes went to the railway station to receive him. The Queen and Princesses, our entourage behind us, assembled in the throne room to do honor to the "animal." To designate him otherwise would be callow flattery.
But his diamonds and rubies fairly dazzled us. Nothing like it in Europe, and our gala uniforms, compared with his, like stage tiaras to the Russian Crown jewels!
Though he had eyes for me only, I didn't like him a bit. He is a little fellow, unsecure on his pins. And like the Balkan princeling I met in Vienna, looks as though there was a strain of Jewish blood in his veins.
Like a true Oriental potentate, he wasted not a minute's time on the Queen and my sisters-in-law, but began making love to me as soon as he entered. The King had to take him by the arm to remind him that his first greetings were due to her Majesty. Poor Carola! Her face looked like parchment, much interlined, and the point of her nose was as conspicuous as usual.
There's nothing elegant about this "King of kings," and his French, like his manners, is atrocious. He addressed a few set phrases to the Queen, then attacked me – "attacked" is the right word. If I hadn't been on the defensive, I think he would have handled my charms as unceremoniously as Frederick Augustus when in his cups. As it was I escaped but by the length of an eye-lash.
State dinner at five. I never saw such an ill-behaved brute, yet he intended to be most agreeable. We are very pious at this court, but on occasions like this even an old woman like the Queen is obliged to denude herself like a wet-nurse on duty.
His Majesty had the Queen on one side; me on the left. The King of Saxony was opposite.
After we sat down the Shah examined Queen Carola from the point of her chin to the edge of her desolate corsage and had the effrontery to express disapproval in all but words. Then he turned to me. His gaze became admiring. He was evidently delighted with his discoveries and, true despot that he is, turned his back on the Queen, while paying extravagant court to my charms.
The King, the whole vast assembly, the surrounding splendor were lost on this mutton-eater of a barbarian. He saw only me, m-e, ME, and I'm sure would have consigned all the rest to some unspeakable Oriental death for five minutes' tête-à-tête with Louise.
"You are neglecting Her Majesty," I whispered to him over and over again. This seemed to enrage him, but at last he turned to the Queen, expecting her to begin a conversation with him. Of course, Her Majesty thought he would take the initiative, which led to mutual staring, the Shah's eyes growing wickeder every second. Then he began to devote himself to the food and, be sure, there was small pleasure in watching him. He fed more like a dog than a human being and actually had the effrontery to wipe his sauce-spattered hands in the lap of my state robe.
Then, before his mouth was empty, he began talking again.
"Which of the princes is your husband?"
I singled out Frederick Augustus. "He isn't a beauty by any means," he said, after examining him like a horse for sale.
The next second his eyes were wandering over my body; I felt as if I was being disrobed.
"You will attend the opera?"
"I'll have the honor."
"I will send you a little present after dinner," he said. "If you wear it tonight, I will regard that as a sign of hope." The beast affected a sentimentality to which he must be a stranger.
I recalled that he was the monster who carpeted the steps of his throne with the gouged-out eyes of ten thousand enemies of his régime when he was crowned. On twenty-thousand human eyes he trod with naked feet as he acclaimed himself "King of kings" and the "true son of God." And Juggernaut was in love with me!
I was speechless. Did he take me for a dancing girl? I narrowed my shoulders and gave him a look of disdain. House Marshal Baron Carlowitz, standing behind the King's chair, took in the situation and whispered to King Albert.
The King immediately rose from table and the state dinner came to an abrupt end.
An hour later, while I was dressing for the theatre, a big jewel box was handed in. "From the Shah."
Despite my disgust with the fellow, I opened it in feverish haste. There was a bracelet set with rubies, sapphires and emeralds of fabulous size.