67
This is the Water Boy. He is a very Smart little fellow, and hopes some day to be an Actor. He has many Glasses of water. The people are Thirsty; they all call and beckon to him. How strange that he does not Respond. No; it is not strange either. The poor Little Fellow is both Deaf and Blind. That is why he Got the Job.
68
This young man is Smiling. He is listening to a Group of real actors. He smiles because he is in such Distinguished company. He is Hoping that some of his Friends will see Him. Perhaps his Best girl will pass by. Is he a Thespian? What a Silly question. No; he is a Clerk in a shoe store. He gets Nine dollars and fifty cents Every week. Listen; he says his Mother's brother's Great uncle was the son of an Actor. He was on the Stage once himself, he says. Was it the Landing stage at Ellis Island? Now he is lending the actors Money. He says he is Tickled to death. So are the Actors. They may get him Passes to the Show—if they don't forget.
69
Who is this Stately chocolate lady? She must be the Queen of Dahomey. How haughty is her Mien; how Proud, how Superior. The vulgar Stage hands call her Little Eva. What does she do On the Stage? She is the Leading lady's maid. No Leading lady could act if she had not got a Maid. A maid is an Absolute necessity. Also, she is sometimes Useful. She can tell in One minute whether her Mistress' hat is on Straight or not. What else does she Do? Oh, she carries the Poodle. Some day she Will help herself to too much of the Actress' cologne and will Get caught with the Goods. Then there Will be Another chocolate Drop on the Sidewalk.
70
What a Loud voice the Boy has. Yes; he is a Call boy. What are his Functions? Why, he Calls upon the actors to Act, of course. Then again, he Smokes cigarettes. Why does he Call the leading man "Charlie"? Because he has Known him a long, long Time; as much as Two weeks! Sometimes the Boy is condescending and gives the actors Tips on how to act. He tells them confidentially how Rotten the others are. He says he Thinks the ingenue is a Stupid child! Perhaps she Slapped his face when he tried to Kiss her. Emulate the Call boy, children. He knows more about the Business than Any one else.
71
What Beautiful figures these Two men have. The figures are on paper. They represent the Enormous profits made by the Show. Later they will be published in the Papers. The public will Be told how enormously Successful the Show has been. There are Other figures over on the Table. There is nothing beautiful about the Second set. What are they for? They are to reckon the Royalty on. The Royalty goes to the Man who wrote the play. Are either set of figures correct? Ask the managers.
72
You must always believe what you see in the Papers. This paper says the Show has made a big Hit. What does that Mean? Does it mean that the management has been hit? Or the public? The paper says the Leading lady is a Dream. Dear me! Did you Ever have Bad Dreams? Why, this must be a Press notice; there's a drawback in every Line. Good press notices swell the Box office receipts. Yes; and sometimes they Swell the press agent's Head.
73
Hark! Do you Hear the real Fire bells? Oh, see the real Fire engine dash across the Stage! The horses move Almost as quickly as a Broadway car. How red the real Flames are. Yes; the Gas bill will be very High. Do not scream, children; no one will get Burnt. This is not a Real fire; there is no Smoke. The show is Certainly a Hot one. It will be Hotter to-morrow—after the Critics have Roasted it. The programme says the Fire scene is marvellously Realistic. Let us Light two or three programmes and Throw them into the aisle. There! Do you notice any Difference?
74
See the Gallery usher. He must be Very tired, for he leans indolently against the doorpost. Perhaps he does not like his High station. How Graceful is his pose; how airy his demeanor. His clothes are shabby—or perhaps it is a new style. We will Ask him to Take us to our seats. Surely you Did not expect him to Move? Oh, no; he would Not think of doing That. Instead, he waves His hand gracefully. He says, "First two, first row." How kind! We will not disturb his rest. But if you will tap his forehead Gently with a Brick, Johnny, he may wake up.
75
Let us listen to the Popular song. It is being sung by a Charming damsel. No; Johnny, we are not referring to the Song but to the Singer. The song ends in oo-oo-oo. Isn't it a Masterpiece! And the music sounds like yellow hosiery. How sublimely entrancing! The song is a Great success. Everybody will Buy several copies. The song is popular because it ends in oo-oo-oo! No one cares for the rest of the words. Noble words like These will make any Song popular. If you are a Genius, Clara, you will write an oo-oo-oo song.
76
This is the Man who plays the Drums. How short he is—and how Fat. He has three Kettle drums, a tenor and a bass. Sometimes he is a Cuckoo clock. Oh, listen! Now he is a church Bell. Pretty soon he will Play on some sticks of Kindling wood tied together. Isn't he clever? Music seems to come from His finger tips. How deft he is. Of course, he has never upset a Sugar bowl, Johnny. How did he Get his Wonderful Musical education? Perhaps it was drummed into him. His wife says She can't get him to Practise on the kindling Wood at home. What a pity.
77
Isn't this a cute Little envelope? It contains the Actor's salary. The actor has Told his friends just what Salary he is getting. This looks like a Very small envelope to hold Such a Large sum. Maybe it is in very large bills. Actors often do get large Bills. Shall we look at the Figures on the outside of the Envelope? No; we Might be disappointed in the actor If we did. Perhaps the actor will Pay back the Fiver he borrowed, now that he Has got his salary. Can you define the Word "perhaps," children?
78
Who are all these People standing around? Oh, this is a booking Agency; a place where They put your name in a Book. Let us listen to what The people say. From their Talk they must be the Greatest actors and actresses in the Country. No doubt that is Correct. This large man says he has Made more great Hits than any Other actor in the Land. Is a touch a hit? Surely these Great Artists do not come Here looking for Work. Dear me, no; they Just drop in to get their Mail.