79
Do you Notice the chilly feeling, children? Yes; the lady Star has Quarrelled with the Manager. She says she will Have her friends Back on the stage Whenever she likes. The manager says it is against the Rules. Why is he So angry about a little Thing? Why, don't you know? One of the friends was a Particular friend. The manager likes to be The particular friend himself. Will he fire the pretty Lady star? No; they will have Supper together and all will be Serene. If he should Fire the pretty lady they Would both go Broke.
80
The monologue artist is a Funny fellow. His salary is very Large and he is the Real thing. If a joke is not funny he will Tell it over and Over again. All vaudeville people Think it is a Sin to waste a good Joke. Can you tell Me where the Monologue artist Gets his jokes from? No; no one knows that, but He is very fond of Reading ancient Roman books. You would Never think it from his Talk, would you? Oh, never!
81
Why is this Man called the Low comedian? Is it because he Comes high? How humorous are his Antics on the stage! On the Street he looks like a Belated funeral. See what a curt Nod he gives the Leading man as they Pass each other. Are they not Good friends? Oh, yes, they are Very good friends, but the Comedian thinks the Show would be Much better if the leading man were Out of the Cast. Is the comedian Jealous then? No. Actors are never jealous.
82
What a wonderful thing is the Positively last appearance! The Great singer is going to Retire. We must Hurry up and get seats so that We can hear her. Do not delay or we will Miss a great Treat. Is it not nice of the Singer to give a farewell tour? So considerate! We remember that she did it when Mother was young. Perhaps, when we have Grand-children, she will give a Farewell tour for them. Do great singers never Grow old? No; people who give Last appearances grow younger every day.
83
Children, observe the Curtain. Is it not a work of Art? The painting on it is very, very beautiful. The Art is so far above us that we cannot Tell what the Picture is meant for. Is that a Horse in the lower corner? Surely it is. How strong the horse is. His limbs are like Iron. They look it! Why has the Lady with Pink hair got on a Green sheet? That's a very simple question. The Painter was an Irishman and so by Putting a fold of the Sheet over the Lady's head he got the Green above the Red. Patriotic painter!
84
What a crush in the Lobby. The handsome couple are Hurrying to Catch their train. The man behind has Caught the lady's train for her. He says, "Excuse me." The lady Smiles and says it is no Matter. She whispers to her Husband. She says, Blankety blank Ham bones! Is she not a great linguist? The lady in the Pretty dress in Front of her is Lifting her skirt very High. She does not want to get it Dirty. What long stockings she Has. How angry she would Be if she Thought we had Noticed.
85
What a beautiful Hat the lady has on. It cost Thirty-five dollars. She is going to sit down. Will she take the Hat off? Dear me, no! That would be Wasting Thirty-five Dollars. See the Pretty Flowers and Plumage. How much more beautiful They are than the Old scenery on the Stage. How kind of the Lady to keep her Hat on so that every one can Admire it. That is right, Johnny; make paper balls and throw them at the Hat. Try to hit the Lady on the Ear. She likes playful children. See, there is another Lady with a hat on. This is not a Play; it is a Millinery Display.
86
Now, children, you must be very Quiet for we are Up in the Flies and the Performance is going On. Do you know what those ropes are? They are to Pull the scenes up and down. Isn't there a lot of Dust up here? Yes; but it is nothing to the Dust the Manager would raise if He knew we were up Here. It is not at all Necessary for the manager to raise the Wind in order to raise a Dust. Oh, dear me, no. Why do they Call the place the Flies? Because the scenes fly up and Down. Loosen the ropes, Clara. Yes, three of them. There, do you see how it is Done? But what is that Noise on the stage? Come, children, I think we had Better go.
87
What a very Nice-looking man that is, sitting Next to you, Harry. He looks so happy, too. Is he Talking to himself? No, no, silly, he is just Humming the airs of the Opera. He does that so that We will know that He has heard the Music before. How thoughtful of Him. Pretty soon he Will begin to tell the Lady he is with just what is Going to happen. Naturally she will enjoy the play much Better after he does that. But would it not Be a nice thing to Repay him for his Trouble? Suppose we hit him With a Brick when he comes out. That will be a Thoughtful thing to do.
88
Who is the Handsome man in the Beautiful greasy overalls? Is it not the Man we saw on the Street car that Every one took for an Actor? What is he Doing here on the Stage at so Early an hour? Ah! little children, he is a poor but Honest scene-shifter, and he is About to go to Work. Can any one tell where He got the Lovely clothes he Wore in the Car? No? Well, we will not Press the question, and The clothes have already been pressed.
89
Can you tell me What that thing is Right in front of the Gallery? Clever boy, Johnny; it is the Calcium light. It is used to Make pretty colors on the Stage. When the very Interesting scene is on, the Man who runs it will take particular trouble to Get in the way of the People behind him. Why does he Do this? Is it Simply because he is a Calcium man? But you ought to See how Brave and lion-like he is When he has Forgotten to Throw the Spot light on the Star. He is Very considerate of the Audience, oh, yes, but He doesn't care a Hang for the Manager.
90
Hold your breaths, Children, this is Going to be a dark change. All the lights have gone out, so we Will not be able to See the things on the Stage. Do you see anything with White shirt sleeves Running across the Stage? Ah! See the Table get up and Walk off. The scenes are Swinging around and Disappearing. How funny it is that we think we See things. Of course we don't, for this is a Dark change. Biff! the lights have Been lit again. Why does the man in the White shirt sleeves run off the Stage in such a Hurry?