CHAPTER XV. MRS. PENTHONY MORRIS AT HER WRITING-TABLE
It was late on that same night, – very late. The villa was all quiet and noiseless as Mrs. Morris sat at her writing-table, engaged in a very long letter. The epistle does not in any way enter into our story. It was to her father, in reply to one she had just received from him, and solely referred to little family details with which our reader can have no interest, save in a passing reference to a character already before him, and of whom she thus wrote: —
“And so your alchemist turns out to be the father of my admirer, Mr. Alfred Layton. I can sincerely say your part of the family is the more profitable, for I should find it a very difficult problem to make five hundred pounds out of mine! Nor can I sufficiently admire the tact with which you rescued even so much from such a wreck! I esteem your cleverness the more, since – shall I confess it, dear papa? – I thought that the man of acids and alkalies would turn out to be the rogue and you the dupe! Let me hasten, therefore, to make the amende honorable, and compliment you on your new character of chemist.
“In your choice, too, of the mode of disembarrassing yourself of his company, you showed an admirable wisdom; and you very justly observe, these are not times when giving a dog a bad name will save the trouble of hanging him, otherwise an exposure of his treasonable principles might have sufficed. Far better was the method you selected, while, by making him out to be mad, you make yourself out to be benevolent. You have caught, besides, a very popular turn of the public mind at a lucky conjuncture. There is quite a vogue just now for shutting up one’s mother-in-law, or one’s wife, or any other disagreeable domestic ingredient, on the plea of insanity; and a very clever physician, with what is called ‘an ingenious turn of mind,’ will find either madness or arsenic in any given substance. You will, however, do wisely to come abroad, for the day will come of a reaction, and ‘the lock-up’ system will be converted into the ‘let-loose,’ and a sort of doomsday arrive when one will be confronted with very unwelcome acquaintances.”
As she had written thus far, a very gentle voice at her door whispered, “May I come in, dearest?”
“Oh, darling, is it you?” cried Mrs. Morris, throwing a sheet of paper over her half-written epistle. “I was just writing about you. My sweet May, I have a dear old godmother down in Devonshire who loves to hear of those who love me; and it is such a pleasure, besides, to write about those who are happy.”
“And you call me one of them, do you?” said the girl, with a deep sigh.
“I call you one who has more of what makes up happiness than any I have ever known. You are very beautiful, – nay, no blushing, it is a woman says it; so handsome, May, that it is downright shame of Fortune to have made you rich too. You should have been left to your beauty, as other people are left to their great connections, or their talents, or their Three per Cents; and then you are surrounded by those who love you, May, – a very commendable thing in a world which has its share of disagreeable people; and, lastly, to enjoy all these fair gifts, you have got youth.”
“I shall be nineteen on the fourth of next month, Lucy,” said the other, gravely; “and it was just about that very circumstance that I came to speak to you.”
Mrs. Morris knew thoroughly well what the speech portended, but she looked all innocence and inquiry.
“You are aware, Lucy, what my coming of age brings with it?” said the girl, half pettishly.
“That you become a great millionnaire, dearest, – a sort of female Rothschild, with funds and stocks in every land of the earth.”
“I was not speaking of money. I was alluding to the necessity of deciding as to my own fate in life. I told you that by my father’s will I am bound to declare that I accept or reject Charles Heathcote within six months after my coming of age.”
“I do not, I confess, see anything very trying in that, May. I conclude that you know enough of your own mind to say whether you like him or not. You are not strangers to each other. You have been domesticated together – ”
“That ‘s the very difficulty,” broke in May. “There has been intimacy between us, but nothing like affection, – familiarity enough, but no fondness.”
“Perhaps that’s not so bad a feature as you deem it,” said the other, dryly. “Such a tame, table-land prospect before marriage may all the better prepare you for the dull uniformity of wedded life.”
May gave a slight sigh, and was silent, while the other continued, —
“Being very rich, dearest, is, of course, a great resource, for you can, by the mere indulgence of your daily caprices, give yourself a sort of occupation, and a kind of interest in life.”
May sighed again, and more heavily.
“I know this is not what one dreams of, my dear May,” resumed she, “and I can well imagine how reluctant you are to seek happiness in toy terriers or diamond earrings; but remember what I told you once before was the great lesson the world taught us, that every joy we compass in this life is paid for dearly, in some shape or other, and that the system is one great scheme of compensations, the only wisdom being, to be sure you have got at last what you have paid for.”
“I remember your having said that,” said May, thoughtfully.
“Yes; it was in correction of a great mistake you had made, May, when you were deploring the fate of some one who had contracted an unequal marriage. It was then that I ventured to tell you that what the world calls a misalliance is the one sure throw for a happy union.”
“But you did n’t convince me!” said May, hastily.
“Possibly not. I could not expect you to look on life from the same sad eminence I have climbed to; still I think you understood me when I showed you that as air and sunlight are blessings which we enjoy without an effort, so affection, gained without sacrifice, elicits no high sense of self-esteem, – none of that self-love which is but the reflex of real love.”
“Charles would, then, according to your theory, be eminently happy in marrying me, for, to all appearance, the sacrifice would be considerable,” said May, with a half-bitter laugh.
“My theory only applies to us dear May; as for men, they marry from a variety of motives, all prompted by some one or other feature of their selfishness: this one for fortune, that for family influence, the other because he wants a home, and so on.”
“And not for love at all?” broke in May.
“Alas! dearest, the man who affords himself the pleasure of being in love is almost always unable to indulge in any other luxury. It is your tutor creature, there, like Layton, falls in love!”
May smiled, and turned away her head; but the crimson flush of her cheek soon spread over her neck, and Mrs. Morris saw it.
“Yes,” resumed she, as if reflecting aloud, “love is the one sole dissipation of these student men, and, so to say, it runs through the dull-colored woof of their whole after-life, like a single gold thread glittering here and there at long intervals, and it gives them those dreamy fits of imaginative bliss which their quiet helpmates trustfully ascribe to some intellectual triumph. And it is in these the poor curate forgets his sermon, and the village doctor his patient, thinking of some moss-rose he had plucked long ago!”
“Do you believe that, Loo?” asked the girl, eagerly.
“I know it, dear; and what’s more, it is these very men are the best of husbands, the kindest and the tenderest. The perfume of an early love keeps the heart pure for many a long year after. Let us take Layton, for instance.”
“But why Mr. Layton? What do we know about him?”
“Not much, certainly; but enough to illustrate our meaning. It is quite clear he is desperately in love.”
“With whom, pray?” Asked May. And her face became crimson as she spoke.
“With a young lady who cannot speak of him without blushing,” said Mrs. Morris, calmly; and continued: “At first sight it does seem a very cruel thing to inspire such a man with a hopeless passion, yet, on second thought, we see what a stream of sunlight this early memory will throw over the whole bleak landscape of his after-life. You are his torture now, but you will be his benefactor in many a dark hour of the dreary pilgrimage before him. There will be touches of tenderness in that ode he ‘ll send to the magazine; there will be little spots of sweet melancholy in that village story; men will never know whence they found their way into the curate’s heart. How little aware are they that there’s a corner there for old memories, embalmed amongst holier thoughts, – a withered rose-leaf between the pages of a prayer-book!”
May again sighed, and with a tremor in the cadence that was almost a sob.
“So that,” resumed the other, in a more flippant voice, “you can forgive yourself for your present cruelty, by thinking of all the benefits you are to bestow hereafter, and all this without robbing your rightful lord of one affection, one solitary emotion, he has just claim to. And that, my sweet May, is more than you can do with your worldly wealth, for, against every check you send your banker, the cashier’s book will retain the record.”
“You only confuse me with all this,” said May, pettishly. “I came for counsel.”
“And I have given you more, – I have given you consolation. I wish any one would be as generous with me!”
“Oh, you are not angry with me!” cried the girl, earnestly.
“Angry! no, dearest, a passing moment of selfish regret is not anger, but it is of you, not of me, I would speak; tell me everything. Has Charles spoken to you?”
“Not a word. It may be indifference, or it may be that, in a sense of security about the future, he does not care to trouble himself.”
“Nay, scarcely that,” said the other, thoughtfully.
“Whatever the cause, you will own it is not very flattering to me,” said she, flushing deeply.
“And Mr. Layton, – is he possessed of the same calm philosophy? Has he the same trustful reliance on destiny?” said Mrs. Morris, who, apparently examining the lace border of her handkerchief, yet stole a passing glance at the other’s face.
“How can you ask such a question? What is he to me, or I to him? If he ever thought of me, besides, he must have remembered that the difference of station between us presents an insurmountable objection.”
“As if Love asked for anything better,” cried Mrs. Morris, laughingly. “Why, dearest, the passion thrives on insurmountable objections, just the way certain fish swallow stones, not for nutriment, but to aid digestion by a difficulty. If he be the man I take him for, he must hug an obstacle to his heart as a Heaven-sent gift. Be frank with me, May,” said she, passing her arm affectionately round her waist; “confess honestly that he told you as much.”
“No; he never said that,” muttered she, half reluctantly. “What he said was that if disparity of condition was the only barrier between us, – if he were sure, or if he could even hope, that worldly success could open an avenue to my heart – ”
“That he ‘d go and be Prime Minister of England next session.
‘If doughty deeds
My lady please!’
That was his tone, was it? Oh dear! and I fancied the man had something new or original about him. Truth is, dearest, it is in love as in war, – there are nothing but the same old weapons to fight with, and we are lost or won just as our great-great-grandmothers were before us.”
“I wish you would be serious, Lucy,” said the girl, half rebukefully.
“Don’t you know me well enough by this time to perceive that I am never more thoughtful than in what seems my levity? and this on principle, too, for in the difficulties of life Fancy will occasionally suggest a remedy Reason had never hit upon, just as sportsmen will tell you that a wild, untrained spaniel will often flush a bird a more trained dog had never ‘marked.’ And now, to be most serious, you want to choose between the eligible man who is sure of you, and the most unequal suitor who despairs of his success. Is not that your case?”
May shook her head dissentingly.
“Well, it is sufficiently near the issue for our purpose. Not so? Come, then, I ‘ll put it differently. You are balancing whether to refuse your fortune to Charles Heathcote or yourself to Alfred Layton; and my advice is, do both.”
May grew very pale, and, after an effort to say something, was silent.
“Yes, dearest, between the man who never pledges to pay and him who offers a bad promissory note, there is scant choice, and I ‘d say, take neither.”
“I know how it will wound my dear old guardian, who loves me like a daughter,” began May. But the other broke in, —
“Oh! there are scores of things one can do in life to oblige one’s friends, but marriage is not one of them. And then, bethink you, May, how little you have seen of the world; and surely there is a wider choice before you than between a wearied lounger on half-pay and a poor tutor.”
“Yes; a poor tutor if you will, but of a name and family the equal of my own,” said May, hastily, and with a dash of temper in the words.
“Who says so? Who has told you that?”
“He himself. He told me that though there were some painful circumstances in his family history he would rather not enter upon, that, in point of station, he yielded to none in the rank of untitled gentry. He spoke of his father as a man of the very highest powers.”
“Did he tell you what station he occupied at this moment?”
“No. And do you know it?”
“Yes,” said Mrs. Morris, gravely.
“Will you not tell me, Lucy?” asked May, eagerly.
“No; there is not any reason that I should. You have just said, ‘What is Mr. Layton to me, or I to him?’ and in the face of such a confession why should I disparage him?”
“So, then, the confession would disparage him?”
“It might.”
“This reserve is not very generous towards me, I must say,” said the girl, passionately.
“It is from generosity to you that I maintain it,” said the other, coldly.
“But if I were to tell you that the knowledge interests me deeply; that by it I may possibly be guided in a most eventful decision?”
“Oh, if you mean to say, ‘Alfred Layton has asked me to marry him, and my reply depends upon what I may learn about his family and their station ‘ – ”
“No, no; I have not said that,” burst in May.
“Not said, only implied it. Still, if it be what you desire me to entertain, I will have no concealments from you.”
“I cannot buy your secret by a false pretence, Loo; there is no such compact as this between Layton and myself. Alfred asked me – ”
“Alfred!” said Mrs. Morris, repeating the name after her, and with such a significance as sent all the color to the girl’s cheek and forehead, – “Alfred! And what did Alfred ask you?”
“I scarcely know what I am saying,” cried May, as she covered her face with her hands.
“Poor child!” cried Mrs. Morris, tenderly, “I can find my way into your heart without your breaking it. Do not cry, dearest. I know as well all that he said as if I had overheard him saying it! The world has just its two kinds of suitors, – the one who offers us marriage in a sort of grand princely fashion, and the other who, beseechingly proclaiming his utter unworthiness, asks us to wait, – to wait for an uncle or a stepmother’s death; to wait till he has got this place in the colonies, or that vicarage in Bleakshire; to wait till he has earned fame and honor, and Heaven knows what; till, in fact, he shall have won a wreath of laurel for his brows, and we have attained to a false plait for ours!” She paused a second or two to see if May would speak, but as she continued silent, Mrs. Morris went on: “There are few stock subjects people are more eloquent in condemning than what are called long engagements. There are some dozen of easy platitudes that every one has by heart on this theme; and yet, if the truth were to be told, it is the waiting is the best of it, – the marriage is the mistake! That faint little flickering hope that lighted us on for years and years is extinguished at the church door, and never relighted after; so that, May, my advice to you is, never contract a long engagement until you have made up your mind not to marry at the end of it! My poor, poor child! why are you sobbing so bitterly? Surely I have said nothing to cause you sorrow?”
May turned away without speaking, but her heaving shoulders betrayed how intensely she was weeping.
“May I see him, – may I speak with him, May?” said Mrs. Morris, drawing her arm affectionately around her waist.
“To what end, – with what view?” said the girl, suddenly and almost haughtily.
“Now that you ask me in that tone, May, I scarcely know. I suppose I meant to show him how inconsiderate, how impossible his hopes were; that there was nothing in his station or prospects that could warrant this presumption. I suppose I had something of this sort on my mind, but I own to you now, your haughty glance has completely routed all my wise resolutions.”
“Perhaps you speculated on the influence of that peculiar knowledge of his family history you appear to be possessed of?” said May, with some pique.
“Perhaps so,” was the dry rejoinder.
“And which you do not mean to confide to me?” said the girl, proudly.
“I have not said so. So long as you maintained that Mr. Layton was to you nothing beyond a mere acquaintance, my secret, as you have so grandly called it, might very well rest in my own keeping. If, however, the time were come that he should occupy a very different place in your regard – ”
“Instead of saying ‘were come,’ Loo, just say, ‘If the time might come,” said May, timidly.
“Well, then, ‘if the time might come,’ I might tell all that I know about him.”
“But then it might be too late. I mean, that it might come when it could only grieve, and not guide me.”
“Oh, if I thought that, you should never know it! Be assured of one thing, May: no one ever less warred against the inevitable than myself. When I read, ‘No passage this way,’ I never hesitate about seeking another road.”
“And I mean to go mine, and without a guide either!” said May, moving towards the door.
“So I perceived some time back,” was the dry reply of Mrs. Morris, as she busied herself with the papers before her.
“Good-night, dear, and forgive my interruption,” said May, opening the door.
“Good-night, and delightful dreams to you,” said Mrs. Morris, in her own most silvery accents. And May was gone.
The door had not well closed when Mrs. Morris was again, pen in hand, glancing rapidly over what she had written, to catch up the clew. This was quickly accomplished, and she wrote away rapidly. It is not “in our brief” to read that letter; nor would it be “evidence;” enough, then, that we say it was one of those light, sparkling little epistles which are thrown off in close confidence, and in which the writer fearlessly touches any theme that offers. She sketched off the Heathcotes with a few easy graphic touches, giving a very pleasing portraiture of May herself, ending with these words: —
“Add to all these attractions a large estate and a considerable sum in the funds, and then say, dear pa, is not this what Ludlow had so long been looking for? I am well aware of his pleasant habit of believing nothing, nor any one, so that you must begin by referring him to Doctors’ Commons, where he can see the will. General Leslie died in 18 – , and left Sir William Heathcote sole executor. When fully satisfied on the money question, you can learn anything further from me that you wish; one thing only I stipulate for, and that is, to hold no correspondence myself with L. Of course, like as in everything else, he’ll not put any faith in this resolution; but time will teach him at last. The negotiation must be confided to your own hands. Do not employ Collier nor any one else. Be secret, and be speedy, for I plainly perceive the young lady will marry some one immediately after learning a disappointment now impending. Remember, my own conditions are: all the letters, and that we meet as utter strangers. I ask nothing more, I will accept nothing less. As regards Clara, he cannot, I suspect, make any difficulty; but that may be a question for ulterior consideration. Clara is growing up pretty, but has lost all her spirits, and will, in a few months more, look every day of her real age. I am sadly vexed about this; but it comes into the long category of the things to be endured.”
The letter wound up with some little light and flippant allusions to her father’s complaints about political ingratitude: —
“I really do forget, dear papa, which are our friends; but surely no party would refuse your application for a moderate employment. The only creature I know personally amongst them is the Colonial Sec., and he says, ‘They ‘ve left me nothing to give but the bishoprics.’ Better that, perhaps, than nothing, but could you manage to accept one? that is the question. There is an Irish M.P. here – a certain O’Shea – who tells me there are a variety of things to give in the West Indies, with what he calls wonderful pickings – meaning, I suppose, stealings. Why not look for one of these? I ‘ll question my friend the Member more closely, and give you the result.
“It was odd enough, a few months ago, O’S., never suspecting to whom he was talking, said, ‘There was an old fellow in Ireland, a certain Nick Holmes, could tell more of Government rogueries and rascalities than any man living; and if I were he, I ‘d make them give me the first good thing vacant, or I ‘d speak out.’ Dear papa, having made so much out of silence, is it not worth while to think how much eloquence might be worth?
“Your affectionate daughter,
“Lucy M.”