CHAPTER XV
MR. TURTLE
"Now if you had known the president of the Fur and Feather Club as long as we wood folks have you'd believe that when he laid himself right out to do a thing, it would come pretty near to being finished 'way down to the ground," Mr. Bunny Rabbit said as he continued his story, after a pause no longer than might be necessary in which to draw a long breath. "Mr. Crow as well as said that we folks in the big woods wouldn't have any more trouble with Jimmy Hedgehog after he got through with him, and I counted that he'd come pretty near keeping his word.
"If he hadn't said that he couldn't work his plan without Mr. Turtle, I'd been perfectly willing to stay at home till he finished the job, whatever it might be; but when he talked as if old Slowly was the only one who could help him, I got agitated. Just think of it! Getting a fellow to help you who makes a two-days' journey of it from the pond to the big oak! It twisted me terribly to figure out what Mr. Turtle could do to help the president, and I really had to leave home the very minute Mrs. Bunny was willing, to see how the thing was going to be worked.
"The first place I struck for was the big oak, and there was Mr. Crow roosting on the very tiptoppest branch, looking as if he'd been asleep for a month. He didn't pay the least little bit of attention when I spoke to him, and just for the minute I thought I'd best go back home without sticking my nose into any of the old fellow's plans; but if I did that there wouldn't be any rest for me the whole of that night, so off I hopped into the open, where he couldn't help seeing me if he lifted his head, and then I shouted:
"'Hi there! President Crow! Hello!'
"I must have made considerable noise toward the last, for suddenly the old bird raised his head with a jerk, as if he'd heard Butcher Weasel coming after him, and looked around as if frightened till he saw me. Then he shook himself so that the feathers on his neck ruffled up as if he were ready for a fight, and asked crossly:
"'Is that you, Mr. Rabbit?'
"Of course I told him it was I, as I stood right out there for all hands to see, and if it hadn't been for making trouble when it didn't seem to be necessary I'd have something to say about the president of such a club as ours asking questions when he knew full well what the answers were.
"'Why are you loitering around here? Why don't you go home and do up your chores before dark?' he croaked in a way that didn't please me a little bit, for I'm not the kind of rabbit that neglects his family, except, perhaps, when there's something important on hand for me to watch and I told him so plainly; but he croaked again:
"'I'm still wanting to know why you don't go home? There won't be any meeting of this club till nearly sunset, and perhaps not then, unless Jimmy Hedgehog gets into trouble.'
"'That's why I'm here, Mr. Crow,' I said quickly, getting excited again. 'I'm just regularly dying to know how old Slowly Turtle can do anything to help along the plan you said you'd worked out.'
"'Come around about sunset and perhaps you'll see a thing or two,' he said, and then stuck his head under his wing as if he were nearly dead for want of sleep.
"There didn't seem to be any sense in hanging around after that, for when Mr. Crow makes up his mind not to talk Mr. Man himself couldn't drag a word out of him, and off I went hipperty-hop as if it weren't in my head to go anywhere in particular; but I was headed for the pond, because I'd made up my mind to know what was to be done, and that before it happened, even if I had to hang around all night. It was well that I felt so determined, else I'd have missed the biggest part of the fun, and don't you think that we didn't have lots of it before dark!
"It didn't take me many minutes to go to the pond, for I skipped along at my best speed after I was so far away that Mr. Crow couldn't see me, and there I found old Slowly lying out on the sand as if he were in the last stages of consumption.
"'What's the matter, Mr. Turtle?' I asked, for even though I don't like the old fellow any too well it pays to be polite, and really, just for a minute, I was afraid he'd make up his mind to die.
"'I've got a terrible toothache, Mr. Rabbit!' he said, stretching his neck out of the shell till it looked like a snake, and when he'd got as far as that I couldn't help laughing right in his face, for anybody who ever heard Mr. Turtle knows that he hasn't got a tooth in his jaws and never had.
"'I'm in a bad way, Mr. Rabbit,' he went on, making as if he didn't see me laughing, 'and I don't know what'll happen if I can't get better mighty soon.'
"'Is there anything I can do to help you?' I asked, though I knew there wasn't, for how can you cure the toothache for a fellow who never had any teeth?
"'I don't reckon you can, Mr. Rabbit; there's only one person in all the big woods who could do me the least little mite of good,' he said with a groan that sounded as if a spring inside of him had broken and was whirling around to beat the band.
"'Who is it you want?' I asked, never so much as dreaming what kind of an answer he'd make, and he sobbed out as if he had already begun to die:
"'Jimmy Hedgehog is the only fellow who could do me any good; but I'm afraid I'll draw my last breath before he comes around this way.'
"You could have knocked me down with a feather when he said that, for I knew it was some part of the plan Mr. Crow had hatched up, but I was more in the dark than ever and so would you have been. Of course I didn't let on that I knew the president of the club had been down that way and asked as innocent as any lamb:
"'How is it possible that Jimmy can help you, Mr. Turtle?'
"'I was eating a snail and must have got a piece of his shell in my teeth; if Jimmy would let me have one of his quills for a toothpick I might get it out.'
"Now what do you think of that? Talking about toothpicks when he didn't have even the shadow of a tooth to use them on! Well, I'm not the kind of rabbit to miss any fun and knowing Mr. Turtle wouldn't explain his plan to me however hard I might coax I said as if I believed all the hot air he'd been giving me:
"'If you think you must really see Jimmy I'll do what I can to find him.'
"'My dear Bunny, if you'd do that much for a poor fellow like me who can't get over the ground as you can I'd never forget the favor as long as I live. You are the one person in all the big woods who can get around quickly enough to save my life!'
"I didn't wait to talk with him any longer, for what would be the use when he was ready to tell me anything for the sake of shutting my eye, so off I went, putting in my best licks to be on hand when the fun began.
"Do you know, I had the job of my life finding Jimmy? It seemed as if he knew I was looking for him, and he was doing his best to keep out of my way. Luckily I happened to see Mr. Jay, and he told me he'd seen Jimmy under a lot of fir bushes over by the swamp, acting as if he'd been taken with a bad fit of the sulks, and sure enough I found him there, but he didn't look as if he were very glad to see me.
"'Howdy, Jimmy,' I said, soft as silk, when I'd gotten over making believe I was surprised to see him there. 'Anything gone wrong that you're tucked away here where even Professor Hawk would have hard work to find you?'
"'Now don't try to be funny!' he growled, and just for the minute I was afraid we might have a row then and there because he was in such a bad temper. 'I'd like to know what business you've got running all over the country looking for me?'
"'But I haven't been running all over the country, Jimmy,' I said, speaking softly because I didn't want to have any trouble. 'Come to think of it, now that you've reminded me, I did want to find you on account of Slowly Turtle.'
"'I've had enough of you,' he snarled, bristling up his quills as if he counted on sticking some of them into me. 'After the way you went back on me in that scrape Bobby Coon got me into, I'm through with the whole Rabbit family, from this out. Just keep your eye on me, and you'll see that I'll even up that business before I'm many days older.'
"Of course I couldn't have him holding out against me like that, for I knew he might make lots of trouble if he tried very hard, and then again it didn't seem right to blame me for what I really couldn't help, so I talked as softly as I knew how, smoothing things over till he said, still acting grumpy:
"'Well, what do you want of me? I happen to know that you've been hunting high and low this past hour, and if that meddling Jay hadn't run across me by accident, you'd still be scurrying around as if I were the best friend you had in the world.'
"'That's just what I count you are, Jimmy,' and I nestled as near his nose as I could without filling myself full of quills. That seemed to quiet him down a little and I went on to explain about Mr. Turtle; telling Jimmy how sick the old fellow looked. I expected every minute that he'd give it to me hard for trying to stuff him with any such yarn as that old Slowly had the toothache, but, do you know, he never thought about Mr. Turtle's not having teeth, and asked, as if he'd got real interested in the story:
"'What does he think I can do? I'm no dentist's shop.'
"When I told him that Slowly believed the pain was caused by his getting a piece of snail's shell in his teeth, and that he could fix himself up all right if he had a hedgehog quill for a toothpick, that foolish Jimmy swallowed the story, shell and all.
"'I'm allowing that I'm the only one of the wood folks who really amounts to anything in the way of usefulness,' he said, grinning like a jack o' lantern, and shaking his quills till I had to get out in the open for fear some of them would strike me. 'If I can help old Mr. Turtle, of course I must do it; but you wait till the president of your blooming old club gets into trouble that nobody but me can pull him out of, and see how long it'll be before I so much as lift a paw! I wouldn't give that beggar Jim Crow one of my quills, not if he was starving to death!'
"I wanted to ask Jimmy how much good he thought one of his quills would do to a crow who was starving to death; but held my tongue, because I didn't want to stir him up while he was in such a good humor, and if I poked the least little bit of fun at him he might decide that he wouldn't go to Mr. Turtle, in which case I'd miss the fun I was counting on.
"Well, Jimmy strutted out from under the fir bushes, shaking himself to look big, and walking as if he thought he was the only thing in the big woods, while I hipperty-hopped at his side, but taking mighty good care not to get so near that there was any danger of being scratched. You don't want to think that he was feeling any too friendly with me, even though we two were getting along so peaceably and every now and then he'd stop to threaten what he was going to do because I'd told the truth about the Bobby Coon business.
"I let him go on as wildly as he pleased, for I was thinking to myself all the time that Jimmy would soon be having a hard time if things went the way Mr. Crow and old Slowly had figured, and it was all I could do to keep myself from laughing right out loud, I felt so tickled. It seemed to me that Mr. Crow wouldn't hatch out a plan that could go wrong, and Mr. Turtle was so terribly in earnest about playing his part of it that I had good reason to think Jimmy would have the hot end of the stick before long, with me right on hand to see the whole game.
"Yes, I did tremble once in a while, when I thought of how hot Jimmy would be against me if he did get into a scrape, for by my hunting him up it looked a good deal as if I had quite a finger in the pie, whatever kind of pie it might be, though, as I've already said, I hadn't the littlest bit of an idea as to what was really in the wind, but I knew it was about time for things to begin to hum, especially if Slowly kept on doing his part as well as he had begun."
CHAPTER XVI
TROUBLE IN THE CLUB
"It took Jimmy a long time to get down to the pond, because he had to stop every now and then to rub it into me on account of the Bobby Coon business, and by the way he talked you'd thought I was the only thing in the big woods who'd not done right," Mr. Bunny said as he nursed his knee carefully, swaying his body to and fro slowly, but keeping a sharp watch around lest some one of his many enemies should creep upon him unawares.
"If it had been at any other time, except when I counted he was going to get it good and hot mighty soon, I'd have had it out with him then and on the spot, for there isn't any hedgehog that ever walked who'll be allowed to give me cheap talk about what I hadn't any finger in, except to tag on behind when the two of 'em were going toward Mr. Man's barn, and I wouldn't have done even as much as that if I hadn't known they'd call me ''fraid cat' unless I stayed with the crowd.
"Oh my! how big Jimmy did feel, and how he threw out his chest while we were going to the pond, and the more he talked the surer he was that there wasn't anything in the big woods that could so much as hold a candle to him! As I told you, I let him run on, because I had a mighty good idea of what was going to happen, and whenever we came to a big bunch of ferns I crept among them to have a chance for laughing without his seeing me, for if he'd caught a glimpse of the littlest kind of grin on my face he'd have suspected that something was up, when it would have been good-bye to Mr. Crow's plans.
"As luck would have it he never tumbled to a thing and when we got to the pond there was old Mr. Turtle lying out in the sun as if his very last day had come. He acted so sick that even though I knew he'd never had a tooth in his head I almost began to believe he really did have the toothache.
"'What's the matter, Mr. Turtle?' Jimmy asked, ruffling up his quills so's to make himself look as big as he felt, and old Slowly said, speaking as if the breath had about gone out of his body:
"'I'm in a mighty bad way, Mr. Hedgehog, and I allow you're the only one in all the big woods who can give me a lift. I've never done anything wrong to you, and a young chap ought to be willing to help a poor old fellow who's got the misery in his tooth that I'm having.'
"'Of course, I'll do what I can, Mr. Turtle,' and Jimmy bristled around like a red and green auto that's gone wrong in its steering-gear. 'Suppose you show me the tooth and perhaps I can pull the thing out for you.'
"I thought for sure Jimmy had the old fellow then and that Mr. Crow's plan had failed, but old Slowly Turtle isn't half as foolish as he looks for he never turned a hair when he said:
"'It's no use for me to try to show it, Mr. Hedgehog, because I've had the pain so long that I've regularly got the lock-jaw. If you'd be willing to let me have one of your stoutest quills I'm most certain I could fix the thing up myself. You see, I've got the thick part of a snail's shell in my tooth and the minute that is out I'll be all right.'
"'You're welcome to a dozen quills, if that's what you want; but you'll have to get Bunny to pull 'em out, for I can't do it,' and Jimmy looked around at me as if expecting I was going to thrust my paws among all those sharp-pointed toothpicks.
"'I don't believe I'd care to trust Bunny in such a job as that,' Mr. Turtle said, looking out of the corner of his eye at me as if to say that I was to keep my paws out of his pies, which I was perfectly willing to do. 'If you'd turn around, Mr. Hedgehog, so's I could see just which quill I wanted it wouldn't take me long to get what I needed.'
"Jimmy still believed that he must be the biggest kind of fellow among the wood folks if he was the only one who could save Mr. Turtle's life, and around he swung, his quills rustling like dry leaves in a strong wind. I caught just one glimpse of old Slowly's eye as he winked it wickedly, and then I saw his jaws come together on the middle of Jimmy's tail, where there wasn't a chance of his being pricked. Now don't you think there was any need of telling Jimmy that things had gone wrong in the rear! It was just the same as if old Slowly had telegraphed, for at the very minute Mr. Turtle got the hold he wanted, that hedgehog let out a yell which you could have heard from one end of the big woods to the other, and off he started at full speed.
Mr. Turtle never said a word, and he couldn't on account of his mouth being so full. He didn't have time to wink at me again before I saw him whisking through the bushes just as if he were flying. It was as much as a minute before I came to understand what was happening, and then you can make up your mind that I put in my best licks to be on hand when the end came, for Jimmy isn't great at running, and it stood to reason he couldn't keep up that pace very long.
"I don't allow that the frightened hedgehog knew where he was aiming for when he started. You see old Slowly must have hurt him a good bit, if he shut his jaws together right hard, as Jimmy said he did, for Mr. Crow declares that he could bite off the end of an oak stick and not strain himself very much. It so happened, though, that when Jimmy struck his two-minute clip he was heading straight for the big oak, and nothing could have suited the president of the club any better.
"It wasn't very hard for me to get well up with the procession before the race was more than half run, and as we came within sight of the big oak I saw that nearly every member of the club was there, as if notices of a special meeting had been sent out. I afterward heard that all Cheeko's boys had been running around the country a full hour to get the wood folks gathered where they could see the fun, and surely those young fellows had done their work well, for it didn't seem as if any one was absent, though I'm allowing that more than one wished, before the day was over, that he hadn't been so prompt in answering the president's invitation.
"As near as I could figure it out, Jimmy didn't have an idea that any one was near until he found himself in the very midst of the crowd, and then he swung around in order to stop quickly, when, of course, old Mr. Turtle flew out like a rock on the end of a string, without any idea of where he'd bring up. Cocky Robin and Mr. Jay were roosting quite near the ground, where they could keep an eye out for foolish worms which might happen that way, and Mr. Turtle swept them off the branch like ninepins, knocking the two senseless.
"Mr. Jay let out a screech as he fell, and Jimmy, who couldn't seem to understand how hard he was swinging old Slowly, turned the other way like a flash, Mr. Turtle hitting Bobby Coon's mother such a clip on the head that I thought for certain she was dead. Then Mr. Crow hopped down to tell Slowly to let up, when Jimmy turned again, and over the old fellow went like the down of a thistle.
"I really haven't the time to tell you all that happened before old Slowly could be made to understand that he had carried out his part of the plot and a little more. Jimmy had regularly lost his head, what with the pain caused by Mr. Turtle's jaws, together with the uproar that began when he first appeared, and kept swinging around and around like a windmill that has suddenly gone crazy, with old Slowly flying out at the end of his tail knocking down everything and everybody in his way.
"It seemed as if Mr. Turtle must have been splintered into little bits, for whatever he struck was hit hard; but yet he really seemed to enjoy it, and when the rumpus was over the old fellow acted as if he were quite disappointed at having the circus over so soon.
"If you'll believe me, fully seven out of every ten of the club members had been knocked over from one to three times before we got any sense into Jimmy's wild head, and those who hadn't already come to harm were roosting mighty high, as if afraid that Slowly might lose his grip and come sailing up among the branches, as he would have done if any part of Jimmy's tail had come off suddenly. It didn't seem to me as if I had any call to mix up in the show, even though the president kept singing out for me to jump in and catch the crazy hedgehog, for when you find me mixing myself up with a lot of quills that are moving around as Jimmy's were then you'll catch Butcher Weasel asleep.
"There's no telling how long the performance would have lasted if Senator Bear, who had been awakened by the uproar, hadn't come up just when he did, and he got there in time to have old Slowly strike him fairly on the side; but it takes quite a blow to knock the Senator out, and Jimmy didn't have time enough to swing around again before Mr. Bear put one of his big paws on him.
"That held the crazy hedgehog down for a minute, and President Crow yelled savagely:
"'Let go his tail, you foolish old turtle! Do you count on killing the whole club?'
"'I'm only doing what you asked me to do,' Slowly grumbled as he let go his grip, and the minute his mouth was opened you can set it down as a fact that Jimmy took mighty good care to get his tail in out of harm's way.
"Now, as I've told you before, more than half the club members had been knocked around by Slowly and Jimmy, and the minute they heard that the job had been put up by Mr. Crow they sailed into him, calling the old fellow more names than there are days in the month. Jimmy lay there under the Senator's paw, but never said a word; he'd lost his breath after scrambling around so fast, which was one reason why he had nothing to say, and I reckon he was so frightened that he didn't dare to move his tongue for fear something worse would happen.
"Well, say, I've heard rows before, but never anything that came up to what we had right there under the big oak. The members who had been bruised couldn't find hard words enough to sling at the president, and those who came off without a scratch were cross because they'd been obliged to move around so vigorously in order to keep out of Mr. Turtle's way.
"Mr. Crow stood the abuse for quite a while without making any back talk, and then he lost his temper, as even the blindest rabbit that ever lived could have seen, for he hopped around first on one foot and then on the other, acting as if he were choking because he couldn't get the words out fast enough.
"'I'm through with every one of you!' he croaked, ruffling up the feathers on his neck, and flapping his wings. 'You'll never catch me being president again of such a club of dummies as this, not if I live to be a thousand years old!'
"'You won't get the chance in this section of the country even if you should live two thousand years!' cried Mr. Jay, fairly boiling over with wrath because one of his eyes had been blackened, and the greater portion of his tail torn away.
"It's no use for me to try to tell you all that was said while every one was so worked up over what I had counted was going to be the joke of the season. If there were any harsh names which they didn't call Mr. Crow, it was because they were forgotten in the excitement, and the scolding might have been kept up to this very day if the Professor, hearing the noise, hadn't come snooping around to see what he could pick up in the way of table dainties.
"Yes, that was the end of the Fur and Feather Club. Mr. Crow wouldn't speak to a single soul of us for ever and ever so long; Jimmy and his folks were so angry at us all that they moved away down to the lower end of the swamp, while old Mr. Turtle took it into his foolish head that he hadn't been treated right, and threatened to make it hot for the first member of the club who dared come near the pond, which he claimed was his private property. There was a warm old time in the big woods during the rest of that season, and Mrs. Bunny says it was the most fortunate thing that ever happened in our section, because we members had been regularly idling our time away under pretense of transacting club business, but of course you and I know that she puts it altogether too strongly.
"Look! Look over in the ferns!" and Mr. Bunny pointed excitedly with one paw. "There's Mrs. Bunny herself! I reckon she thinks you may be here with the idea of starting another club, and she has come after me. She's got Sonny Bunny by the paw, which is the same as saying if I don't do as she wants she'll take him and go to her mother's, so I guess, in order to keep peace in the family, I'd better say good-bye."
Then Mr. Bunny Rabbit hipperty-hopped away to where his family awaited him, and there could be no question but that the long story had come to.