Crystal Masks

4

With her backpack on her shoulders, Loreley headed to the exit from the sports centre. She had freshened up and taken her hair out of the ponytail to hang loose on her shoulders.

After returning the locker keys to reception, she went into the vast colourful lobby where Sonny would be waiting for her. And there she stopped.

Sonny was busy with two young men who were asking him to put an autograph on their skates, and a girl was wanting to take a selfie with him. Someone had recognized him even without his trademark ponytail at the nape of his neck, wearing a woollen hat and a scarf covering his goatee. When she had invited him to join her at the ice rink she had not taken into account that, after the recent events, Sonny's face had been published in several magazines and newspapers.

This is not what we needed!

If she walked out of there with him, there was the risk that a curious fan might immortalize them together, and the next day she would find herself on social media, complete with allusions of a possible relationship. Maybe Johnny would have believed it, and that was the last thing she wanted.

She thought about it for a few seconds then, deciding she should escape, she joined a small group of people who were on their way out. Before closing the glass door leading to the garden, she turned to Sonny, who was now looking at her confused, still holding the marker pen he had used for the autographs.

The brunette at his side pointed to the surface of the skate where he was to sign, but he ignored her and kept staring at Loreley.

She shook her head a little.

I'm sorry, Sonny! she said to him barely moving her lips and opening her arms in a gesture of resignation. We’ll do it some other time. Then she quickly went out and did not slow down until she was a good distance from the blue and red building.

There was a small park next to the sports centre, and although the day wasn't exactly ideal for a stroll, she stopped there for a while. Large clouds covered the sky, heralding a downpour, and the air was already damp, but she didn't mind if she got wet.

The meeting with Sonny had upset her. She kept telling herself that she had to forget what had happened between them and get on with life as usual, but she just couldn't. In any case, she cared too much about Johnny to risk losing him because of a stupid drunken escapade. She had to do something about it before it was too late. But what could she do?

Needing to rest her legs, she sat down on a bench and shook her head smiling. Sonny would be sure to give her a wide berth anyway, after the way she had behaved. Despite her good intentions to clarify things, it seemed that fate had decided it wasn’t yet the right moment.

It was six o’clock when she opened the door of her apartment and total silence welcomed her. The cushions on the L-shaped sofa where Johnny was usually lying in the evening, were still in place. She called him in a loud voice and when there was no response, went to check the study to see if he was there working. Whenever he locked himself in there he cut himself off from the rest of the world. She turned on the light, but everything was as she had left it that morning, even the sweatshirt on the arm of the chair. The bedroom was empty too.

He wasn’t home yet.

She picked up a pair of his black socks from the floor and threw them into the dirty laundry basket; he would never lose the bad habit of leaving them lying around.

Putting on an apron, she went to the kitchen thinking she would try and prepare something for a dinner that was half-way decent.

Finding some fish in the fridge, she took it out to clean it, and removed the scales under running water so they wouldn't scatter everywhere. Mira, her housekeeper, who was staying with relatives that weekend, had taught her that. Loreley wanted to take advantage of her absence to spend an evening alone with Johnny, like they used to do in the early days of their relationship. She peeled some potatoes, cut them into small pieces and put them in the pan with the fish, hoping that it wouldn’t all turn into a puree or charcoal.

When everything was in the oven, she took a quick shower, put on some lacy underwear and stay-up stockings, and a short blue dress. She combed her hair back and gathered it at the nape of her neck, securing it with an elaborate clasp, then finished with a light touch of makeup.

She took some care in setting the table and placed a small glass container in the middle with a candle burning inside it,.

It was getting late and there was still no sign of Johnny. The dinner was getting cold and half the candle had burned away.

At eight o'clock a message arrived on her phone. Don't wait for me, I’m eating out with Ethan.

She sighed. He usually went out with Ethan after dinner, once a week so as not to "lose his friendship", as he told her to justify the evenings he spent with him. Loreley hoped that this exception would not become the rule. He hadn't even taken the time to phone her before she started cooking, knowing full well that it was a chore for her.

All she could do was resign herself to eating dinner alone. She felt disappointed: the one time she had managed to make something decent, Johnny wasn't there to appreciate it.

She didn’t waste time clearing the table, and put the fish with the leftover potatoes in a container, stored it in the fridge and went to bed. She was really tired, and still had to catch up on the sleep she had lost the night before studying the Wallace case.

When Loreley woke up the next morning, she found Johnny beside her, still asleep and snoring, which happened when he drank too much in the evening. How strange that she hadn’t heard him come home.

I wonder what time he got back!

She looked at the clock: half past nine. As she pulled back the blankets Johnny muttered an expletive and turned over: he didn’t work on Saturdays and if he wanted to sleep in, he was free to do so.

Loreley put on her heavy blue satin robe, pinned up her hair and after washing her face went to the kitchen. She was feeling sluggish that morning, as if she still needed some sleep. And yet she had slept even too much that night. A large dose of coffee was what she needed.

She was about to pour it into her cup when she heard Johnny come into the kitchen behind her. His short hair was sticking straight up at the front, his eyes were bloodshot and there were dark circles under them, which revealed insomnia.

"Will you pour me a little too?" he asked, scratching his cheek, rough with a growth of beard.

"I didn't think you'd be up so soon."

He murmured something incomprehensible, but she didn’t ask him to repeat it. Sometimes he woke up in a bad mood and this morning had to be one of them, because besides the serious expression on his face, he had not even given her the usual peck on the cheek to say good morning.

Johnny drank the coffee standing up and put the cup down on the table with a thud.

"What do you want to eat?" she asked him, looking puzzled.

"I'm not hungry."

"Do you want to tell me what’s wrong with you this morning?" she asked, crossing her arms and standing in front of him.

"Just stuff to do with work."

"Can you tell me about it?"

"I know you won't leave me alone until I do." He scratched the back of his neck. "There’s a project I have to work on, but the best way to do it is to go and see the place in person."

"And where’s the problem?"

He made a sound which was more like a sarcastic chuckle. "Where’s the problem... " he repeated, irritated. "The problem is that the place is in Paris."

"Paris? Don’t tell me you have to leave again!" said Loreley alarmed.

'"It's not certain, but there's a good chance I'll have to go. And I really don't want to make another trip so soon after the last one."

"When will you know for sure?"

"By Wednesday. If it’s like I think, I'll have to leave next weekend."

"How long is it since you came back from California? Not even three weeks... and you're leaving again already!"

"L.A. had nothing to do with work, you know that. I'm already annoyed, so don't you start too!"

Loreley tried to stay calm.

"I’m going to get into a tracksuit and go for a run. I need to let off some steam," he announced, with one foot already outside the kitchen.

"I’ll prepare something to eat in the meantime. I’m hungry, and maybe when you get back from your run you will be too."

Johnny headed to the bedroom and Loreley focused on breakfast. How did you make pancakes? Oh, that’s it: eggs, flour, sugar... and something else. Damn, I can’t remember! Picking up her phone, she did a search on the internet, found the recipe a minute later, read it quickly and immediately set to work.

As she making the toast, she heard her private mobile phone ringing. She turned off the toaster and ran to answer. Recognizing the caller’s voice immediately, she jumped with joy.

"Hello, beautiful. Did you miss me?"

"Hans, how are you? Where are you?" She sat on the stool beside the kitchen counter.

"I'm fine, don’t worry. Esther and I are back home."

"Really? It was about time!"

She imagined him smiling.

"Don't be envious..."

"I'm not. And Esther? Where is she?"

"Right next to me and she says hello."

"Give her my love. I'm glad you're back in town."

"We’re a little less glad, but that's okay. I called to tell you mom would like us to go to her place for lunch tomorrow. She'd love to see us all together again."

"If it’s OK with you, it’s fine with me. I'll tell Johnny and let you know."

"I hope I see you tomorrow."

"I hope so too. Bye!"

With the cell phone still in her hand, Loreley began thinking about how to tell Johnny about the invitation. He liked to go for a ride on his motorbike on Saturdays and watch football games on Sunday. In the two years they’d been living together, you could count the times her parents had seen him on the fingers of one hand, despite living nearby. Only Central Park, on its shortest side, separated their homes. Convincing him to accept the invitation would not be easy.

Confirming what she had imagined, it required all her diplomatic talents and lawyer's tactics to convince Johnny to go with her. She pointed out that Hans and Esther had been disappointed at his absence from their wedding, and that the least he could do to make up for it would be to attend the lunch that her parents had arranged for the newlyweds’ return home.

"Are you wanting me to feel guilty about something that wasn’t my doing?"

"I'm just suggesting what you should do so as not to hurt my family's feelings."

He snorted and got up from the table. "Well, alright! But I'm just doing it for you," he said, pointing his finger at her. "You're lucky the Giants aren’t playing this week."

Loreley went to him and hugged him, then raised her hand behind his shoulders and made a "v" with the index and middle fingers: Hurrah!

"Thank you! Ask me anything you want and I’ll make you happy."

***

The next day at nine o'clock on the dot, Loreley was clinging to Johnny, sitting behind him on a large motorcycle, for a ride around the streets of New York. There was little traffic at that time on a Sunday and outside Manhattan.

"Ask me anything you want and I’ll make you happy," she had told him the day before, and she should have imagined that he would propose a ride on the bike, his second passion after football. Furthermore he knew how much she instead hated the two wheels and she suspected that with that move he had wanted to force her to return the favour.

She hated the full-face helmet because it glued her hair to her head and neck and ruined her hairdo. Sometimes she felt as if she couldn’t breathe properly and this made her so restless that it made the bike sway. Even though Johnny had told her she must accompany the movement of the machine with her body around the curves, and not counter it, she didn’t find it easy.

Almost three hours passed before that torture ended. When Loreley put her feet back on the ground, she felt she was levitating.

It was ten minutes to noon. She ran into the house for a quick shower, and didn’t take the trouble to get dressed up. Instead she slipped on a pair of heavy jeans, a powder blue sweater and a pair of suede boots.

When John came upstairs she was ready. He didn't bother about a shower: they were late enough. He just took off his vest, put on a dressier one, and changed his shoes.

They took Loreley's car and cut through the park to get to the East Side of Manhattan.

Hans opened the door to them.

Loreley hugged him. "Hello, big brother!"

"Hey, I haven’t been away all that long," he commented letting her hug him.

"What’s all this mushy stuff?" grumbled Albert, her father. "You're late and I'm hungry. You know I don’t like having to wait for lunch."

"It's my fault. I took her for a motorcycle ride," John interjected.

"What?" Albert looked furious. "How could you take my little girl on that infernal contraption?" he snapped again. With his imposing stature he towered over the young man, making him look like a twig in comparison.

Loreley rolled her eyes. "Johnny, my dad hates motorcycles more than I do."

"You had to take after someone," he whispered him with a grimace of disappointment. "I was very careful and I didn't go too fast," he said to defend himself.

Ellen Lehmann came to her husband’s side. "You're the usual grumpy old man," she reproached him in a tone that barely hid her irritation. "Come and eat, come on, everything's ready," she added, smiling at the guests.

"Loreley, I’m so happy to see you again," her sister-in-law Esther said, hugging her. "Come and sit next to me."

Once the initial annoyance had passed, the conversation among the young people was happy and serene, but between their two hosts it seemed limited to a few polite words.

Loreley looked from her mother to her father occasionally and the sensation of tension that she could feel between them took away her appetite. Johnny, on the other hand, ate as if there were no tomorrow, just like he did at home. She always tried to keep up with him and ended up feeling as if she had a large stone in her stomach; this time, however, she just picked at her food and refused the dessert.

Her stomach was bothering her. A few hours earlier she had also felt some nausea. Maybe it was the motorcycle ride.

When they had finished eating, they raised their glasses to toast the return of the newlyweds.

"I'm so happy for you," Loreley said to her sister-in-law as they stepped out onto the glass-enclosed terrace, full of evergreen plants that went all the way to the ceiling. The men were sitting on the sofa in the living room refuelling themselves with spirits.

"I’m happy too. The right time will arrive for you soon too, wait and see."

"I’m not waiting for it with any trepidation, I can assure you. And he has no intention of remarrying anyway, not in the short term, at least!"

"And who said anything about John? I was referring to a hypothetical unknown man."

"Esther, please!"

"Come on, I'm kidding! But it's true. You might find someone more willing to get involved than he is."

"I'm not thinking about taking the big step for now."

"When you find yourself in front of the right man, you’ll want to do exactly what I did."

"That’s what you think! I have to dedicate my time to my job now, because I’m still a rookie." The thought of having to start a family complete with children before her career got off the ground gave her a sensation of anxiety.

"By the way, how's it going with that guy you're defending? I read the papers... "

"Well, we're coming up with a line of defence that could reduce the years of any conviction. The facts point to him, so it looks like he'll end up in jail, but I have to find a pretext so he’s inside for as little time as possible."

"A plea bargain would be enough to achieve that," commented the other. "Am I wrong? I've seen it happen in some movies."

Loreley smiled. "He doesn't want to know about it. Peter Wallace still can't believe that his Lindsay is dead. He claims that he only slapped her and that when he left she was still alive and well. But the evidence contradicts him. I’ve only spoken to him once, to try to find out more, but it was like banging against a wall of silence and reticence."

"It won’t be easy for you to know the truth if he is not willing to cooperate."

"Do you mind if we change the subject? I'd like to avoid thinking about work tonight."

"I don't mind at all."

Esther looked up at the sliver of sky that could be seen above the tall buildings in front of them.

There were a few moments of silence, as Loreley looked at her sister-in-law's beautiful profile, her long brown hair hanging loose on her shoulders, her gaze lost up there, thinking about who knows what. Not knowing what else to say, Lorely jumped at the first topic that came to mind. "Do you miss your city?" she asked her.

Esther sighed. "No... that is, I can't say. Sometimes I have images, scenes that make me remember it, but I don't feel nostalgia, not enough to want to go back there at all costs. On the other hand, I miss my brother so much, even though I remember so little about him." She paused briefly, rolling a long strand of hair around her index finger. "I would love to see him again, but I don't know where he is, or what happened to him."

"There's must be a clue somewhere."

"Just the note he left for Hans before he disappeared, saying that he wanted to entrust me to him."

Jack had written a note for Hans? she asked herself puzzled.

Hans had never mentioned it to her. She had never been able to understand what had driven Jack to leave so quickly, and it had been over a year now since it had happened.

"Let's do something fun, and go and annoy our men there in the living room," she suggested to Esther.

***

Coming out of the warmth of the office, the cold air of late October shook her from the sensation of dullness that she had been experiencing for several hours. She had got up that morning with a nausea that had forced her to skip lunch. Most likely she was getting something, maybe it was that malaise that precedes the actual flu.

She looked up. Threatening clouds hid the evening sky and the bare trees seemed gaunt extensions of the ground pointing upwards. The strong wind forced her to close her jacket and knot her silk scarf more tightly around her neck. She didn't like winter, apart from Christmas and some time to enjoy ice skating.

A taxi was dropping off a customer a little further along, so she hurried to it and had it take her home. The smell of food hit her as she opened the door. She took off her coat and put it on the sofa with her bag, then looked into the kitchen. Mira, in her usual blue dress and a large white apron, was setting the table.

"Are you hungry?" the maid asked, and turned to look at her, the small blue eyes smiling.

"Not much really. Is Johnny home?"

"He’s closed in the study. Dinner's almost ready."

"I’ll go and tell him."

It took quite a while to get him away from the drawing board, but then Johnny devoured a large grilled steak and as many vegetables as she would eat in two meals.

Loreley pushed her plate aside with a grimace of disappointment: she didn’t understand why seeing Johnny eating a lot that evening bothered her so much.

Apologizing, she headed to the bathroom to take a shower. The warmth of the water relaxed her, leaving no room for thoughts, and she put up no opposition. Her thoughts wandered far into the past, to her university days, to David, to the time she met Johnny and her future with him. A long-term future... Becoming a real family.

But what the hell was she thinking?!

Johnny had never told her he wanted to make a family with her. He had already had a wife and had run away after a few years. During the marriage he had also had a daughter, about whom he spoke very little, unlike many fathers who...

She interrupted that sequence of thoughts with a shiver, opened her mouth and let the water run into her throat. Spluttering she turned off the faucet. Many seconds passed before she could breathe properly again.

Leaning against the tiled wall, she moved her wet hair off her face. She should start the pill again today and she hadn’t had anything. How come?

She had read somewhere that with some types of contraceptives the flow could decrease until it disappeared altogether. Yes, that must be it.

And what if something wasn’t right? she asked herself, wringing the water out of her hair, and feeling edgy.

That question worried her so much that she dried herself quickly and got dressed again. She couldn’t bear to have that uncertainty hanging over her until the next day, or she wouldn’t sleep that night.

When she was ready, she told Johnny that she had forgotten to buy her usual painkillers and disappeared out the door.

Within minutes she was at the pharmacy, just across the street. She went in and asked for a pregnancy test. It was absurd to be so worried, but she knew there could be a margin for error.

Johnny was lying on the couch when she returned, intent on watching a football game, so she took the opportunity to undress and lock herself in the bathroom without being disturbed. No one could get Johnny away from there, not even the prospect of hours of unbridled sex.

She followed the instructions on the packaging and waited for the result. The test should be done in the morning, and by doing it in the evening the most she risked was getting a negative outcome, never a false positive. In that case, she would repeat the test the next morning.

Sitting on the stool, she tried to imagine how Johnny would react if the result turned out to be positive. They had never talked about marriage, let alone having children. It would be a real blow to both of them.

She looked at the clock, then at the test indicator...