Crystal Masks

7

Loreley put on a pair of heavy jeans, a turtle-neck sweater, a semi-waterproof coat and a pair of low-heeled ankle boots. She covered her head with a wool beret to hide the dressing, and wound a scarf around her neck.

After checking that she hadn't forgotten anything in the room or bathroom, she went down to the hotel lobby and paid the bill, leaving her luggage in storage so she could go to the hospital unencumbered. She had five hours to undergo the check-up, pick up her suitcase again and go to the airport.

The reception called a taxi for her and she sat down in an armchair to wait for it.

To make sure she was well enough to make the return trip, she had stayed in the hotel longer than planned and had tried to beat the boredom reading and watching television. She left the room only to go down to the restaurant. The staff had been very kind to her: from time to time the housemaid would knock on her door to ask if she needed anything.

She had received two phone calls during those days. The first had been from David, asking her if there was any news regarding the situation with her fiancé. When she had told him about Johnny's untimely departure and her accident, he was speechless at first; then he’d had a fit of rage peppered with colourful insults, followed by many words of advice.

He had also ordered her to stay in the room warm and safe, as if she might have thrown herself into the Paris nightlife with her knee still swollen! At the end of the lecture he promised that he would pick her up at the airport.

The second phone-call had come from a nurse, who told her the result of the missing test, and also advised her to undergo a check-up before returning home. Having already moved the flight to the following day, Loreley had immediately booked the visit for the same day as her departure.

The arrival of the taxi put an end to the passage of those brief memories of her last days in Paris. Annoyed by the long wait Loreley got into the car and looked askew at the driver.

"Take me to the Hôpital Saint-Louis, please.” She settled into the seat. "If I had to wait this long for a taxi in Manhattan, I'd get to the office quicker on foot," she thought aloud.

"Do it now, then!" the taxi driver told her piqued, in not so good English, the vehicle still standing beside the pavement. He turned to look at her with a sarcastic half-smile: "You know, it's only a couple of miles away."

She didn't turn a hair. "I would have walked, but I'm going to the hospital. Don’t you think that implies something?” she responded, convinced of what she was saying.

If it wasn't for her knee which was still sore, she really would have walked there, taking advantage of it for a good stroll in the fresh air, after four days in bed.

The driver shook his head and departed. Loreley leaned back in the seat and tried to calm down. She was aware that every time she got into a taxi in a bad mood, she took it out on the driver, but having to wait for over half an hour was really too much.

I go to Paris and have to endure all this!

Kilmer was sure to be having a good laugh about it, she told herself, thinking back to the phone call she had made to him the day after being discharged from the hospital.

When she arrived at reception, she asked to be visited by Dr. Legrand, but he was busy in the ward that morning; according to the nurse she would have to settle for the doctor on duty, but she had no intention of letting another man’s hands touch her.

Faced with Lorely’s obstinate insistence, the copper-haired clerk with little glasses on a chain made an attempt to please her, or maybe just get rid of her. She said she would ask the doctor if he was available for a private visit if she was willing to pay for it. Loreley didn't think about it for an instant, and just waved her credit card.

She was forced to wait for over an hour, but eventually Dr. Legrand found time to receive her.

After medicating her head wound, he took her into his office, a more welcoming place than the cold clinic where he had visited her and more appropriate for a private conversation.

"You’re departing today, then, Miss Lehmann."

"Paris is a beautiful city, but I can't wait to get back to New York, after this..." She pointed to the patch on the right side of her head, above the ear.

"I can imagine. I've been promising myself for a while to take another trip back to your city, but in the end I go somewhere else, to places that are much closer. I can't take enough days off to make such a long journey." He crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. "I should organize my work better, so I have at least one week to really enjoy the vacation."

"Well, if you do come, let me know. I will be happy to see you again and show you some interesting little-known corners, to return your kindness."

He smiled and Loreley found himself thinking yet again that he really looked like Jack Leroy.

She opened her handbag and pulled out a small printed rectangular card from her wallet.

"This is my business card with the email and mobile phone number I use for work. You already have my personal one; but just so you don’t have to go looking for it..." She took a black pen from the desk, turned the card over and wrote the number. "Here it is. Call me whenever you want. If I don't pick up right away, leave a message and I'll call you back."

He reached out, took the card and read the heading, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re a lawyer, then."

"Yes, a criminal lawyer."

Legrand put the card in the pocket of his coat.

"If I should come to New York, I’ll keep your offer in mind." He picked up the white envelope that was beside the emergency room file and pulled out a sheet of paper.

"Miss Lehmann, let's get to the point: the hCG are within normal values, even if they are a bit high. Since your pregnancy is just at the beginning, you don’t need to rush to the doctor immediately, especially now that we have done the tests and they are all normal; in about one month, when the routine checks begin, take this with you too." He gave her the sheet of paper.

"To tell the truth I've already made an appointment for next week. A little early, I know, but I'd like to have some answers to a few questions."

"If I can be of help, I..."

"Of course you could, but I'm afraid I'm stealing you away from your patients too long."

"Let's do this," he replied, looking at the clock on the wall, "I have about an hour's lunch break." He sat up straight and leaned toward her. "If you like, we can talk about it while we have a bite to eat: what do you say?"

Loreley made her calculations. Her flight was due to leave in about three hours, so she would get there in time if they didn’t take too long.

"It's a great idea. If it’s okay with you, it's good for me. I promise you I’ll be brief."

***

In her seat on the plane with a glass of tea, Loreley reflected on what Dr. Legrand had told her. The fact that she became pregnant despite taking the pill regularly could be due to several reasons. The previous month she had been ill for a few days and had vomited several times. Following that episode the doctor had then prescribed her some intestinal disinfectants; and of course there were the painkillers she often took for the pain in her head. As a result, the hormones contained in the pill may have been malabsorbed with a consequent impairment of the contraceptive activity.

Now it made sense, though getting Johnny to understand it was not going to be easy. But did he deserve an explanation after his behaviour in Paris? Rightly or wrongly, he should not have reacted in such a bad way and left her alone.

What faith could she have in a man who runs away instead of dealing with the situation?

She took the glass of tea to her lips, but jumped as the plane shook slightly and a rivulet of tea splashed onto her sweater.

Damn, she was more inattentive than usual! She dried it with the paper napkin that the flight attendant had given her with the drink and her thoughts quickly returned to where they had left off.

Of late, she too had behaved in a similar way. Hadn't she run away, and on at least two occasions, from Sonny? And had she had the guts to confess to Johnny what happened between her and that man?

Slumping back in her seat, she sighed. There were some important decisions to be made: about her pregnancy, about her relationship with John, and about the outstanding issue with Sonny. She could not hope to continue down that path and point the finger at others. There was a saying that lies attract more lies, until you no longer knew how to handle them. And you finally end up with your bum on the ground!

She turned her face towards the window and looked down, but couldn’t see the earth below them.

There was still quite a lot of time before they arrived at JFK airport, where David would be waiting for her: he always kept his promises. With that thought and a smile on her lips she sank into a long, heavy sleep.

She was awakened by the voice of the flight attendant advising them of the imminent landing, inviting passengers to fasten their seat belts. She had slept a long time! At that moment she felt strangely serene despite everything that had happened.

To her great relief, her feet were once again on American soil. She found it difficult being closed in a metal box all that time: in that she was almost like John.

Outside the airport, the drop in temperature forced her to stop and fasten the collar of her coat a little tighter over the scarf and put on her hat. At the roar of a plane overhead, she looked up. The sky was a deep blue with some light streaks of orange, testifying that the sun had just set. The lights of the aircraft disappeared inside a dark cloud.

People were walking quickly to grab the cabs lined up along the sidewalk, and others were looking around for something or someone. A little like her, as she searched for her friend David.

He was standing on the opposite sidewalk. As soon as their eyes met, he smiled and crossed the road to meet her, with his long bowed legs that made her smile every time she stopped to observe them.

She raised her hand to greet him, happy to have him as a friend. To be honest, in their university days, when they’d had wild time together, she would have chosen him as a future husband, if it hadn’t been for one small detail: he had eventually realized that he was more attracted to men.

***

It’s never pleasant to return to an empty house, but for Loreley it was like being on the end of a punch in the stomach. Not only was John not there, as she already imagined, but he had taken away most of his belongings.

Half of the walk-in closet had been emptied, and he had left only summer clothes. There was nothing of his in the bathroom cabinet, apart from a disposable razor now unusable.

She checked the whole apartment from top to bottom, and opened the windows to change the air despite it being freezing outside. She searched for other signs that might give her a clue as to what John had done in her absence, but there was little to understand: he would be back only to get the rest of his things.

After unpacking her suitcase, she put her dirty laundry to wash and took a shower, being careful not to touch her hair and wet the dressing. There were still three days to go before she went to the doctor to have the stitches removed. She looked at her knee and noticed that the swelling had gone down and the asymmetry between right and left was barely visible. There was some pain if she pressed her finger against the kneecap, otherwise all she felt was a sensation of heat and numbness of the skin.

Instead of getting dressed, she put on a heavy dark red satin robe and threw herself onto the sofa to rest.

Everything in the room seemed unchanged. There was the round table of white timber with a tray holding scented candles on top of it; the cabinet full of crystal glasses and vintage dishes from the Victorian era; the shelves with books and ornaments purchased in various antique markets; a mirror with a decoupage wooden frame; the tiled fireplace with glass walls and the bar with its high stools.

Everything was perfect and in its usual place.

She, instead, began to feel a vague uneasiness, a sense of non-belonging. They had taken that rented loft together and now, without John to fill it with his presence, she didn't even feel it was hers anymore. They had always split the expenses, but now she would have to pay everything and she wasn't so sure she could afford it without chipping into the trust fund her father had given her when she had left home a few years earlier.

She had promised herself not to take a single dollar from that account. She wanted to manage by herself. To be on the safe side, though, she should leave that apartment and get a smaller one in a less expensive area. But before going to an agency, she had to be sure about which direction her relationship with John would go. She wanted to give him time to reflect and change his mind, so she wouldn’t regret one day that she hadn’t tried, and give her child what it was entitled to: a family and the love of both parents.

A rumbling in her stomach suggested she had to eat something, but in the emotional state she was in, she didn't feel like cooking. Mira could have prepared something good her for if she had been there. She had given her another day off so she could have time to think about what to do, because she didn't know what she would find when she got home.

It would be very sad if one day she was forced to tell her that she had to look for another job. She had become attached to that hard-working woman, with a thousand resources; she had a lot of confidence in her and sending her away would be a great loss. Mira seemed to be attached to her too, and often said that she had never been treated so well as in that house and that she never wanted to leave her. Poor Mira!

She touched her belly and laughed in a high-pitched, wavering, nervous way, until that laughter turned to tears, which released the tension and plummeted her into mental stagnation.

The sharp beep of her mobile phone reminded her that it needed charging. Very slowly she got up and connected it to the charger; then tried to sleep, with no success.

She decided to call Hans; she needed to hear a familiar voice. This happened to her every time she felt down in the dumps, unlike John, who clammed up.

John... he was always in her head!

With scatty gestures she typed the number.

"Loreley, how are you? Did you have fun in Paris?" her brother asked her.

"Of course I had a great time..." She slipped on the last syllable and cleared her throat.

"Are you sure everything's okay?"

"I just woke up and I still feel a bit groggy. How are you and Esther doing?"

"We’re well. I'm still in the office and she's at her Mom's."

"Speaking of Esther, I met someone in Paris," she hesitated... was it important to tell him? Maybe not, but why not? "You see, the first time I saw this person I mistook him for Jack, Esther's brother."

There was silence at the other end of the phone.

"Hans, are you there?"

"I heard you."

"Sorry, you’re acting as if I didn't tell you anything."

"Don’t apologize, just tell me who this guy is?"

"I met him when I ended up in hospital and..." she froze. Damn it! She didn't want to tell him about the fall.

"What are you talking about? What happened?"

"Nothing serious. I'm fine, really!" She slicked a lock of hair behind her ears to hear better.

"Tell me the truth!" insisted Hans in a sharp voice.

When he used that tone, it meant he wouldn't give up until he got convincing answers.

"I stumbled on the stairs of the hotel in Paris. Thankfully I didn't hurt myself much, just a swollen knee and a few stitches in my head."

"I'll pop over and see you."

"Not now. I’m still recovering from the flight back." She didn’t want him to come here and notice Johnny's absence.

"I'll come later, so you'll have plenty of time to rest."

"I need to have some peace for a while. Don't insist! And I’m warning you: if you come anyway, I won’t open for you."

Moments of silence went by. "All right, but we’ll catch up during the week, okay?"

"Let me come to you, I’m often around your way. That way I’ll see Esther too."

"She’ll certainly be happy to see you. Now tell me about that man, You said you met him in the hospital. Was he a doctor?"

"The one who stitched me up. And this guy is the spitting image of Jack with a beard. When I heard him speak, I told myself that it couldn’t be him. His English is not as perfect as that other’s was, and it has a French cadence. Furthermore, the staff referred to him as Dr. Jacques Legrand. So it's clear he can't be your brother-in-law. He looked at me like he’d never seen me before."

"It’s strange the things that happen in life...”

Loreley had the impression she could hear a note of concern in her brother’s voice, as well as perplexity. "That's what I thought."

"Please don't tell Esther what you just told me. It took her a long time to accept the disappearance of the only remaining member of her family."

"Of course not! Don't worry."

"What about John?"

"He's fine, much better than me. He's at work right now." Of that she was sure.

"Say hello from me. I have to go now, I'm sorry, I have a meeting in a few minutes. Let mom know you’re home, and try to rest."

A little more rest and getting back to walking well would mean she’d need physiotherapy! she thought snorting.

"I have to go back to the office tomorrow, though, or Kilmer will fire me."

"Try to stand up to him, don't let him intimidate you. See you during the week."

8

Sonny closed the piano and threw paper and pencil onto the top of it; the new composition required a lot of concentration, which had been lacking recently.

He got off the stool, walked out of the study and opened the window of the living room to go into the garden. What he needed was some cold air to snap out of it.

Ever since he had seen Loreley at the ice rink, he thought of her often and, despite trying to immerse himself in his work, he couldn’t drive her from his mind, the images of her face and its Nordic beauty, and that one time together. On other occasions he had been with a woman for just one night and then had slept peacefully afterwards; why should it be any different with Loreley, he thought, as he heard some quick footsteps.

The housekeeper, a middle-aged woman with a gaunt face, was coming towards him waving a dark grey garment.

"Mr. Marshall, it's cold out here! Put this jacket on," she said as soon as she was close enough to give it to him.

"Thank you, but I'm fine like this."

"You’ll catch something with only a shirt on... and it’s half unbuttoned at that!" She hung the jacket over her arm and did up the top buttons of his shirt.

"Louise, I'm not a child. I know what I'm doing." He stopped her.

A gust of wind lifted a patch of dry leaves from the ground, some of them ending up in the woman's hair, Annoyed, she tried to get them off. "Do you see what the weather’s like? There’ll be a downpour soon! Let me do it." She looked at him determined, with her dark little eyes sunk in their sockets.

Sonny took the jacket off her arm and put it around his shoulders. He knew she wouldn't leave until he was covered. The housekeeper's diligence was sometimes as irritating as a mosquito bite, but she had become fond of him and seemed to have no other way of showing her affection, other than always keeping an eye on him.

When Louise had returned to her chores, Sonny continued his walk along the path which would lead him to the fountain.

"Esther. Waterfalls and fountains fascinate her...” he murmured, his voice betraying the pain he was still feeling.

He shook his head Why keep thinking of that woman? She had made her choice and now she was happy with Hans. That alleviated the heartache of losing her. A bitter smile crossed his lips. He couldn’t lose something he had never had.

"If it weren't for him, though, Esther would be here now, with me, in this house and...”

He chased away those harrowing words with a gesture of his hand. That's enough! He had to divert his attention to something else, or to someone else. For example, to a girl with long blond hair and blue eyes.

Loreley returned to occupy his thoughts, which tumbled around in his mind looking for their logical order. Those images became clear at times, at other times blurry, as they followed the memories of that one night spent with her. He felt the desire to have her there, even just to have a chat, perhaps with a glass of champagne in front of them. But that girl always eluded him, she didn’t seem willing to see him again. Maybe she had repented having given herself to him... and he did not feel at peace with himself.

To hell with it! The only two women he had loved had caused him only trouble and pain, and he had no intention of adding a third.

"Hello, Sonny!" A female voice greeted him from behind.

A small sigh escaped him before he turned around.

"Hello, Lucy. How come you’re around these parts?" Nassau County was a long way from Manhattan.

"What a warm welcome! Don’t be in too much of a hurry to hug me, I don't want you to rumple your clothes. But it doesn’t worry me, and I'll prove it right away..." Without taking her eyes off his face, she waved her hand in the air, as if calling someone's attention.

Sonny looked beyond her shoulders and saw the housekeeper heading towards them with a bottle and two goblets on a tray. He frowned. "I see Louise has been busy down in the cellar."

"Don't be upset. You know I have a certain influence on her." Lucy was the only one who could soften the woman's stiff and edgy character.

"I still don't understand the reason..."

When Louise reached them, Lucy took the champagne. "You can open it," she said, handing it to him.

"Apparently my walk is already over," he said, taking the bottle.

"You're in a bad mood! Louise warned me. And I even got dressed up for you," she said sulkily.

Sonny looked at her. She was wearing a short, elegant blue dress, which followed the generous curves of her breast and sinuous shape of her hips. Her hair was pulled back at the nape of her neck in a soft bun. Lucy was beautiful, yes, but he had known her since she was a small girl, and continued to regard her as his friend Paul's little sister.

"Sorry, I’m feeling out of sorts. If you came all the way here and wanted champagne, you must have a reason. What are we toasting this time?"

"Actually, you’re right." She picked up the goblets and, when Louise had gone, she went on. "Do you remember the audition I had to do in the theatre?"

"Of course I remember. And so?"

"I did it and... they took me!"

He opened his eyes wide, astonished. "I can't believe it!"

"Oh, thank you very much! You really know how to make me feel proud of myself."

"Why don't we stop all this and give ourselves a break?" he snorted.

"I came here to celebrate my new unique work, and I’d like you to be happy for me."

"You told me you’d been studying hard, this time, but I didn't believe you. And instead you’ve shown me that when you want, you know how to be clever. I'm happy for you."

She smiled. "Thank you!"

Sonny poured the champagne into the two goblets that she was holding, then took one himself. "Best wishes for your career in the theatre, then."

The crystal clinked and they drank in silence.

It was Lucy who spoke again. "You know, I was tired of seeing myself with my face paralysed in a smile for hours and hours in front of a camera. Much better to act and have direct contact with people."

"I can't blame you."

She asked him to fill her glass again, drank it in one gulp and handed it back to him.

Sonny watched her drink with gusto and wrinkled his brow.

"I hope you're pacing yourself with alcohol. I've noticed you’ve been getting stuck into it quite a lot lately."

"Don't worry, I don't drink that much. And anyway, I’ll never become like your ex-wife Leen, if that's what you're afraid of. I'm not that desperate."

"Well, I really hope so!"

"As you can see I’m getting on with life, and doing well too; you're the one who's still tied to the past. When are you going to break free from everything that happened to you? Compared to last year you've changed, I must admist, but I hope you’re not diverting your life the wrong way and that it could do you harm."

"What the heck are you saying?" he asked her annoyed.

"There, see? Now I'd like to bite back, but today I feel too happy to want to fight. I'm serious."

"I prefer you as you were a while back, then."

She puffed up her cheeks and blew out the air.

"Listen, do you remember what you told me the night Esther had to leave New York and I accused you of not being in love with her enough, because you resigned yourself to letting her go without putting up a fight?"

Sonny narrowed his eyes and searched his mind for those nefarious hours. It was just before Leen tried to kill him. Lucy had come from behind, bringing him a drink, just as she had done a short time ago.

"No. It doesn't come back to me right now."

"You said to me, "It’s like I have like a pin stuck in my heart. A subtle, persistent pain that won’t give me peace, but that I’ll have to live with until I don’t know when. I'm just more prepared than you are to put up with it."

"Congratulations, what a memory!"

"I couldn't hope to do theatre if I didn't. And that reply had remained impressed on my soul. But let’s get back to the point I was making ‘I'm just more prepared than you are to put up with it.’ Would you say that again now? It seems to me that I’m reacting better than you to the pain."

"Really?! And what makes you think that?"

"The fact that I'm trying to improve myself while you're just getting worse."

"Well it's easy to improve when you start from the bottom..." He stopped. For crying out loud!

The phrase had escaped him. This time he had struck her weak point: self-esteem.

He heard his friend inhale.

"Forgive me Lucy, I didn't want to be so offensive, really..." he hurried to say, putting his hand on her arm.

She looked down at the goblet she was holding between her fingers, as if she were contemplating the bubbles rising from the bottom to the surface, then looked at him again in the face, her eyes shining. "Until recently, you would never have said such a nasty thing to me. I would maybe, but not you. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

Sonny sighed. "It tells me that perhaps it’s better to finish this conversation and see each other again at a more appropriate time. Today it’s obvious I’m not in the mood and I come out with unfortunate remarks, that’s why I would have preferred if you’d phoned me instead of just dropping in unexpected. Much as I’m happy to see you, there are times when it’s better to be alone. That doesn't mean I’m not fond of you." He smiled at her.

She took the glass and bottle out of his hands.

"Good! The next time we meet I’ll make sure that you bring the champagne to me. Right now I can't imagine which happy occasion you’ll be celebrating, but whatever it is, I'll be happy to share it with you." She turned on her heels and left him there in the garden, by the fountain.

Lucy placed the bottle and the glasses on the bar in the living room, then with a forced smile said goodbye to Louise, who went to open the front door for her. When she got into the car the smile disappeared, leaving her eyes free to express her emotions with tears.

She didn't know what else to do. Her attempts to shake Sonny out of that form of apathy hidden behind an inadequate and inconsistent behaviour compared to the person he’d always been, had proved useless each time. He hadn’t been himself for a long time.

It all started when he had discovered that his fiancée Leen, who then became his wife, had cheated on him with Hans. Later, witnessing her degradation towards alcoholism and gambling, his downward spiral had continued, culminating in the day that his little girl lost her life in a car accident, precisely because of that woman who, instead of protecting her as a mother should have done, had pulled her with her on the road to ruin.

Esther's arrival in Sonny's life had made the situation worse.

Lucy was unable to do any more than she was doing for that man. She had become close to him because, sharing the same pain, they had often found themselves dating to help each other overcome their own crisis. But Sonny did not want or could not forget. It's not that she had forgotten that she had fallen in love with Esther's brother, far from it; but she tried to think about it as little as possible and move on, without letting the past trap her like a fish in a net.

Jack hadn't even said goodbye to her before he disappeared from her life. Obviously she didn't matter enough to him. Nothing at all, actually!

Instead, for the first time in her young life, she had fallen seriously in love.

"Jack, wherever you are..." she said aloud. "Fuck you!" she shouted then, pressing her foot on the accelerator.