CHAPTER XXXIV
An epidemic Fever rages among us—we abandon our Conquests—I am seized with Distemper—write a Petition to the Captain, which is rejected—I am in danger of Suffocation through the Malice of Crampley, and relieved by a Serjeant—my Fever increases—the Chaplain wants to confess me—I obtain a favourable Crisis-Morgan’s Affection for me proved—the Behaviour of Mackshane and Crampley towards me—Captain Oakum is removed into another Ship with his beloved Doctor—our new Captain described—An Adventure of Morgan
The change of the atmosphere, occasioned by this phenomenon, conspired, with the stench that surrounded us, the heat of the climate, our own constitutions, impoverished by bad provisions, and our despair, to introduce the bilious fever among us, which raged with such violence, that three-fourths of those whom it invaded died in a deplorable manner; the colour of their skin being, by the extreme putrefaction of the juices, changed into that of soot.
Our conductors, finding things in this situation, perceived it was high to relinquish our conquests, and this we did, after having rendered their artillery useless, and blown up their walls with gunpowder. Just as we sailed from Bocca Chica, on our return to Jamaica, I found myself threatened with the symptoms of this terrible distemper; and knowing very well that I stood no chance for my life, if I should be obliged to be in the cockpit, which by this time was grown intolerable, even to people in health, by reason of the heat and unwholesome smell of decayed provision, I wrote a petition to the captain, representing my case, and humbly imploring his permission to be among the soldiers in the middle deck, for the benefit of the air: but I might have spared myself the trouble; for this humane commander refused my request, and ordered me to continue in the place allotted for the surgeon’s mates, or else be contented to be in the hospital, which, by the by, was three degrees more offensive and more suffocating than our own berth below. Another, in my condition, perhaps, would have submitted to his fate, and died in a pet; but I could not brook the thought of perishing so pitifully, after I had weathered so many gales of hard fortune: I therefore, without minding Oakum’s injunction, prevailed upon the soldiers (whose good-will I had acquired) to admit my hammock among them; and actually congratulated myself upon my comfortable situation; which Crampley no sooner understood, than he signified to the captain my contempt of his orders, and was invested with power to turn me down again into my proper habitation.
This barbarous piece of revenge incensed me so much against the author, that I vowed, with bitter imprecations, to call him to a severe account, if ever it should be in my power; and the agitation of my spirits increased my fever to a violent degree. While I lay gasping for breath in this infernal abode, I was visited by a sergeant, the bones of whose nose I had reduced and set to rights, after they had been demolished by a splinter during our last engagement; he, being informed of my condition, offered me the use of his berth in the middle deck, which was enclosed with canvas, and well aired by a port-hole that remained open within it. I embraced this proposal with joy, and was immediately conducted to the place, where I was treated, while my illness lasted, with the utmost tenderness and care by this grateful halberdier, who had no other bed for himself than a hencoop during the whole passage. Here I lay and enjoyed the breeze, notwithstanding which my malady gained ground, and at length my life was despaired of, though I never lost hopes of recovery, even when I had the mortification to see, from my cabin-window, six or seven thrown overboard every day, who died of the same distemper. This confidence, I am persuaded, conduced a great deal to the preservation of my life, especially when joined to another resolution I took at the beginning, namely, to refuse all medicine, which I could not help thinking co-operated with the disease, and, instead of resisting putrefaction, promoted a total degeneracy of the vital fluid. When my friend Morgan, therefore, brought his diaphoretic bolases, I put them into my mouth, ‘tis true, but without any intention of swallowing them: and, when he went away, spit them out, and washed my mouth with water-gruel. I seemingly complied in this matter, that I might not affront the blood of Caractacus, by a refusal which might have intimated a diffidence of his physical capacity, for he acted as my physician; Doctor Mackshane never once inquiring about me, or even knowing where I was. When my distemper was at the height, Morgan thought my case desperate, and, after having applied a blister to the nape of my neck, squeezed my hand, bidding me, with a woful countenance, recommend myself to Cot and my Reteemer; then, taking his leave, desired the chaplain to come and administer some spiritual consolation to me; but, before he arrived, I made shift to rid myself of the troublesome application the Welshman had bestowed on my back. The person, having felt my pulse, inquired into the nature of my complaints, hemmed a little, and began thus: “Mr. Random, God out of his infinite mercy has been pleased to visit you with a dreadful distemper, the issue of which no man knows. You may be permitted to recover and live many days on the face of the earth; and, which is more probable, you may be taken away, and cut off in the flower of your youth. It is incumbent on you, therefore, to prepare for the great change, by repenting sincerely of your sins; of this there cannot be a greater sign, than an ingenuous confession, which I conjure you to make without hesitation or mental reservation; and, when I am convinced of your sincerity, I will then give you such comfort as the situation of your soul will admit of. Without doubt, you have been guilty of numberless transgressions to which youth is subject, as swearing, drunkenness, whoredom, and adultery: tell me therefore, without reserve, the particulars of each, especially of the last, that I may be acquainted with the true state of your conscience; for no physician will prescribe for his patient until he knows the circumstances of his disease.”
As I was not under any apprehensions of death, I could not help smiling at the chaplain’s inquisitive remonstrance, which I told him savoured more of the Roman than of the Protestant church, in recommending auricular confession; a thing, in my opinion, not at all necessary to salvation, and which, for that reason, I declined. This reply disconcerted him a little; however, he explained away his meaning, in making learned distinctions between what was absolutely necessary and what was only convenient; then proceeded to ask what religion I professed. I answered, that I had not as yet considered the difference of religions, consequently had not fixed on any one in particular, but that I was bred a Presbyterian. At this word the chaplain expressed great astonishment, and said, he could not comprehend how a presbyterian was entitled to any post under the English government. Then he asked if I had ever received the sacrament, or taken the oaths; to which questions, I replying in the negative, he held up his hands, assured me he could do me no service, wished I might not be in a state of reprobation, and returned to his messmates, who were making merry in the ward-room, round a table well stored with bumbo* and wine.
This insinuation, terrible as it was, had not such an effect upon me as the fever, which, soon after he had left me, grew outrageous. I began to see strange chimeras and concluded myself upon the point of being delirious; in the meantime, being in great danger of suffocation, I started up in a kind of frantic fit, with an intention to plunge myself into the sea; and, as my friend the sergeant was not present, would certainly have cooled myself to some purpose, had I not perceived a moisture upon my thigh, as I endeavoured to get out of my hammock: the appearance of this revived my hopes, and I had reflection and resolution enough to take the advantage of this favourable symptom, by tearing the shirt from my body, and the sheets from my bed, and wrapping myself in a thick blanket, in which inclosure, for about a quarter of an hour, felt all the pains of hell: but it was not long before I was recompensed for my suffering by a profuse sweat, that, bursting from the whole surface of my skin, in less than two hours, relieved me from all my complaints except that of weakness; and left me as hungry as a kite. I enjoyed a very comfortable nap, after which I was regaling myself with the agreeable reverie of future happiness, when I heard Morgan, on the outside of the curtain, ask the sergeant if I was alive still? “Alive!” cried the other, “God forbid he should be otherwise! he has lain quiet these five hours, and I do not choose to disturb him, for sleep will do him great service.” “Ay,” said my fellow-mate, “he sleeps so sound (look you), that he will not waken till the great trump plows—Cot be merciful to his soul. He has paid his debt like an honest man—ay, and moreover, he is at rest from all persecutions, and troubles, and afflictions, of which, Cot knows, and I know, he had his own share—Ochree! Ochree! he was a promising youth indeed!” So saying he groaned grievously, and began to whine in such a manner, as persuaded me he had a real friendship for me. The sergeant, alarmed at his words, came into the berth, and, while he looked upon me, I smiled, and tipped him the wink: he immediately guessed my meaning and remaining silent, Morgan was confirmed in his opinion of my being dead; whereupon he approached, with tears in his eyes, in order to indulge his grief with a sight of the object: and I counterfeited death so well, by fixing my eyes and dropping my under-jaw, that he said, “There he lies, no petter than a lump of clay, Cot help me!” and observed, by the distortion of my face, that I must have had a strong struggle.
I should not have been able to contain myself much longer, when he began to perform the last duty of a friend, in closing my eyes and my mouth, upon which I suddenly snapped at his fingers and discomposed him so much that he started back, turned pale as ashes, and stared like the picture of horror; although I could not help laughing at his appearance, I was concerned for his situation, and stretched out my hand, telling him I hoped to live and eat some salmagundy of his making in England. It was some time before he could recollect himself so far as to feel my pulse, and inquire into the particulars of my disease; but when he found I had enjoyed a favourable crisis, he congratulated me upon my good fortune; not failing to ascribe it, under Cot, to the blister he had applied to my back, at his last visit; which, by the bye, said he, must now be removed and dressed; he was actually going to fetch dressings, when I, feigning astonishment, said, “Bless me! sure you never applied a blister to me—there is nothing on my back, I assure you.” But he could not be convinced till he had examined it, and then endeavoured to conceal his confusion, by expressing his surprise in finding the skin untouched and the plaster missing. In order to excuse myself for paying so little regard to his prescription, I pretended to have been insensible when it was put on, and to have pulled it off afterwards in a fit of delirium. This apology satisfied my friend, who, on this occasion, abated a good deal of his stiffness in regard to punctilio; and as we were now safely arrived at Jamaica, where I had the benefit of fresh provisions and other refreshments, I recovered strength every day, and, in a short time, my health and vigour were perfectly re-established.
When I got up at first, and was just able to crawl about the deck with a staff in my hand, I met Doctor Mackshane, who passed by me with a disdainful look, and did not vouchsafe to honour me with one word. After him came Crampley, who, strutting up to me with a fierce countenance, pronounced, “Here’s fine discipline on-board, when such lazy, skulking sons of bitches as you are allowed, on pretence of sickness, to lollop at your ease, while your betters are kept to hard duty!” The sight and behaviour of this malicious scoundrel enraged me so much that I could scarce refrain from laying my cudgel across his pate; but when I considered my present feebleness, and the enemies I had in the ship, who wanted only a pretence to ruin me, I restrained my passion, and contented myself with telling him, I had not forgot his insolence and malice, and that I hoped we should meet one day on shore. At this declaration he grinned, shook his fist, and swore he longed for nothing more than such an opportunity. Meanwhile our ship was ordered to be heaved down, victualled, and watered, for her return to England; and our captain, for some reason or other, not thinking it convenient for him to revisit his native country at this time, exchanged with a gentleman, who, on the other hand, wished for nothing so much as to be safe without the tropic: all his care and tenderness of himself being insufficient to preserve his complexion from the injuries of the sun and weather.
Our tyrant having left the ship, and carried his favourite Mackshane along with him, to my inexpressible satisfaction, our new commander came on board in a ten-oared barge, overshadowed with a vast umbrella, and appeared in everything the reverse of Oakum, being a tall, thin young man, dressed in this manner: a white hat, garnished with a red feather, adorned his head, from whence his hair flowed upon his shoulders, in ringlets tied behind with a ribbon. His coat, consisting of pink-coloured silk, lined with white, by the elegance of the cut retired backward, as it were, to discover a white satin waistcoat embroidered with gold, unbuttoned at the upper part to display a brooch set with garnets, that glittered in the breast of his shirt, which was of the finest cambric, edged with right Mechlin: the knees of his crimson velvet breeches scarce descended so low as to meet his silk stockings, which rose without spot or wrinkle on his meagre legs, from shoes of blue Meroquin, studded with diamond buckles that flamed forth rivals to the sun! A steel-hilted sword, inlaid with gold, and decked with a knot of ribbon which fell down in a rich tassel, equipped his side; and an amber-headed cane hung dangling from his wrist. But the most remarkable parts of his furniture were, a mask on his face, and white gloves on his hands, which did not seem to be put on with an intention to be pulled off occasionally, but were fixed with a curious ring on the little finger of each hand.
In this garb, Captain Whiffle, for that was his name, took possession of the ship, surrounded with a crowd of attendants, all of whom, in their different degrees, seemed to be of their patron’s disposition; and the air was so impregnated with perfumes, that one may venture to affirm the climate of Arabia Felix was not half so sweet-scented. My fellow-mate, observing no surgeon among his train, thought he had found an occasion too favourable for himself to be neglected; and, remembering the old proverb, “Spare to speak, and spare to speed,” resolved to solicit the new captain’s interest immediately, before any other surgeon could be appointed for the ship. With this view he repaired to the cabin in his ordinary dress, consisting of a check shirt and trousers, a brown linen waistcoat, and a nightcap of the same (neither of them very clean,) which, for his further misfortune, happened to smell strong of tobacco. Entering without any ceremony into this sacred place, he found Captain Whiffle reposing upon a couch, with a wrapper of fine chintz about his body, and a muslin cap bordered with lace about his head; and after several low congees began in this manner: “Sir, I hope you will forgive, and excuse, and pardon, the presumption of one who has not the honour of being known to you, but who is, nevertheless a shentleman porn and pred, and moreover has had misfortunes, Cot help me, in the world.”
Here he was interrupted by the captain, who, on seeing him, had started up with great amazement, at the novelty of the apparition; and, having recollected himself, pronounced with a look and tone signifying disdain, curiosity and surprise, “Zauns! who art thou?” “I am surgeon’s first mate on board of this ship,” replied Morgan: “and I most vehemently desire and beseech you, with all submission, to be pleased to condescend and vouchsafe to inquire into my character, and my pehaviour, and my deserts, which, under Cot, I hope, will entitle me to the vacancy of surgeon.” As he proceeded in his speech, he continued advancing towards the captain, whose nostrils were no sooner saluted with the aromatic flavour that exhaled from him, than he cried with great emotion, “Heaven preserve me! I am suffocated! Fellow, fellow, away with thee! Curse thee, fellow! Get thee gone! I shall be stunk to death!” At the noise of his outcries, his servants ran into his apartment, and he accosted them thus: “Villains! cut-throats! traitors! I am betrayed! I am sacrificed! Will you not carry that monster away? or must I be stifled with the stench of him? oh, oh!” With these interjections he sank down upon his settee in a fit: his valet-de-chambre plied him with a smelling-bottle, one footman chafed his temples with Hungary water, another sprinkled the floor with spirits of lavender, a third pushed Morgan out of the cabin; who coming to the place where I was, sat down with a demure countenance and, according to his custom, when he received any indignity which he durst not revenge, began to sing a Welsh ditty.
I guessed he was under some agitation of spirits and desired to know the cause; but, instead of answering me directly, he asked with great emotion, if I thought him a monster and a stinkard? “A monster and a stinkard!” said I, with some surprise: “did anybody call you so?” “Cot is my judge,” replied be, “Captain Fifle did call me both; ay, and all the waters in the Tawy will not wash it out of my remembrance. I do affirm and avouch, and maintain, with my soul, and my pody, and my plood, look you, that I have no smells apout me, but such as a Christian ought to have, except the effluvia of tobacco, which is a cephalic, odoriferous, aromatic herb; and he is a son of a mountain goat who says otherwise. As for my being a minister, let that be as it is: I am as Cot was pleased to create me, which, peradventure, is more than I shall ever aver of him who gave me that title; for I will proclaim it before the world, that he is disguised, and transfigured, and transmogrified, with affectation and whimseys; and that he is more like a papoon than of the human race.”
CHAPTER XXXV
Captain Whiffle sends for me—his situation described—his surgeon arrives, prescribes for him, and puts him to bed—a bed is put up for Mr. Simper contiguous to the state room, which, with other parts of the captains behaviour, gives the ship’s company a very unfavourable idea of their commander—I am detained in the West Indies by the admiral, and go on board of the Lizard sloop of war in quality of surgeon’s mate, where I make myself known to the surgeon, who treats me very kindly—I go on shore, sell my ticket, purchase necessaries, and, at my return on board, am surprised at the sight of Crampley, who is appointed lieutenant of the sloop—we sail on a cruise—take a prize in which I arrive at Port Morant under the command of my messmate, with whom I live in great harmony
He was going on with an eulogium upon the captain, when I received a message to clean myself, and go up to the great cabin: and with this command I instantly complied, sweetening myself with rosewater from the medicine chest. When I entered the room, I was ordered to stand by the door, until Captain Whiffle had reconnoitered me at a distance with a spy-glass. He, having consulted one sense in this manner, bade me advance gradually, that his nose might have intelligence before it could be much offended: I therefore approached with great caution and success, and he was pleased to say, “Ay, this creature is tolerable.” I found him lolling on his couch with a languishing air, his head supported by his valet-de-chambre, who from time to time applied a smelling-bottle to his nose. “Vergette,” said he in a squeaking tone, “dost think this wretch (meaning me) will do me no injury? May I venture to submit my arm to him?” “Pon my word,” replied the valet, “I do tink dat dere be great occasion for your honour losing a small quantite of blodt; and the young man ave quelque chose of de bonne mine.” “Well, then,” said his master, “I think I must venture.” Then, addressing himself to me, “Hast thou ever blooded anybody but brutes? But I need not ask thee, for thou wilt tell me a most d—able lie,” “Brutes, sir!” answered I, pulling down his glove, in order to feel his pulse, “I never meddle with brutes.” “What the devil art thou about?” cried he, “dost thou intend to twist off my hand? Gad’s curse! my arm is benumbed up to the very shoulder! Heaven have mercy upon me! must I perish under the hands of savages? What an unfortunate dog was I to come on board without my own surgeon, Mr. Simper.” I craved pardon for having handled him so roughly, and, with the utmost care, and tenderness, tied up his arm with a fillet of silk. While I was feeling for the vein, he desired to know how much blood I intended to take from him, and, when I answered, “not above twelve ounces,” started up with a look full of horror, and bade me be gone, swearing I had a design upon his life. Vergette appeased him with difficulty, and, opening a bureau, took out a pair of scales, in one of which was placed a small cup; and putting them into my hand, told me, the captain never lost above an ounce and three drams at one time.
While I prepared for this important evacuation, there came into the cabin a young man gaily dressed, of a very delicate complexion with a kind of languid smile on his face: which seemed to have been rendered habitual by a long course of affectation. The captain no sooner perceived him, than, rising hastily, he flew into his arms, crying, “O, my dear Simper, I am excessively disordered! I have been betrayed, frighted, murdered, by the negligence of my servants, who suffered a beast, a mule, a bear, to surprise me, and stink me into convulsions with the fumes of tobacco.” Simper, who by this time, I found, was obliged to act for the clearness of his complexion, assumed an air of softness and sympathy, and lamented with many tender expressions of sorrow, the sad accident that had thrown him into that condition; then, feeling his patient’s pulse on the outside of his glove, gave it as his opinion, that his disorder was entirely nervous, and that some drops of tincture of castor, and liquid laudanum, would be of more service to him than bleeding, by bridling the inordinate sallies of his spirits, and composing the fermentation of his bile. I was therefore sent to prepare this prescription, which was administered in a glass of sack posset, after the captain had been put to bed, and orders sent to the officers on the quarter-deck, to let nobody walk on that side under which he lay.
While the captain enjoyed his repose the doctor watched over him, and indeed became so necessary, that a cabin was made for him contiguous to the state room where Whiffle slept, that he might be at hand in case of accidents in the night. Next day, our commander being happily recovered, gave orders that none of the lieutenants should appear upon deck without a wig, sword, and ruffles; nor any midshipman, or other petty officer, be seen with a check shirt or dirty linen. He also prohibited any person whatever, except Simper and his own servants, from coming into the great cabin without first sending in to obtain leave. These singular regulations did not prepossess the ship’s company in his favour: but, on the contrary, gave scandal an opportunity to be very busy with his character, and accuse him of maintaining a correspondence with his surgeon not fit to be named.
In a few weeks, our ship being under sailing orders, I was in hope of revisiting my native country, in a very short time, when the admiral’s surgeon came on board, and, sending for Morgan and me to the quarter-deck, gave us to understand there was a great scarcity of surgeons in the West Indies; that he was commanded to detain one mate out of every great ship that was bound for England; and desired us to agree between ourselves, before the next day at that hour, which of us should stay behind. We were thunderstruck at this proposal, and stared at one another some time without speaking; at length the Welshman broke silence, and offered to remain in the West Indies, provided the admiral would give him a surgeon’s warrant immediately; but he was told there was no want of chief surgeons, and that he must be contented with the station of mate, till he should be further provided for in due course. Whereupon Morgan flatly refused to quit the ship for which the commissioners of the navy had appointed him; and the other told him as plainly, that if we could not determine the affair by ourselves before to-morrow morning, he must cast lots, and abide by his chance.
When I recalled to my remembrance the miseries I had undergone in England, where I had not one friend to promote my interest, or favour my advancement in the navy, and the same time reflected on the present dearth of surgeons in the West Indies, and the unhealthiness of the climate, which every day almost reduced the number, I could not help thinking my success would be much more certain and expeditious by my staying where I was, than by returning to Europe. I therefore resolved to comply with a good grace, and next day, when we were ordered to throw dice, told Morgan he needed not trouble himself, for I would voluntarily submit to the admiral’s pleasure. This frank declaration was commended by the gentleman, who assured me, it should not fare the worse with me for my resignation. Indeed he was as good as his word, and that very afternoon procured a warrant, appointing me surgeon’s mate of the Lizard sloop-of-war, which put me on a footing with every first mate in the service.
My ticket being made out, I put my chest and bedding on board a canoe that lay alongside, and, having shook hands with my trusty friend the sergeant, and honest Jack Rattlin, who was bound for Greenwich Hospital, I took my leave of Morgan with many tears, after we had exchanged our sleeve buttons as remembrances of each other. Having presented my new warrant to the captain of the Lizard, I inquired for the doctor, whom I no sooner saw than I recollected him to be one of those young fellows with whom I had been committed to the round-house, during our frolic with Jackson, as I have related before. He received me with a good deal of courtesy, and, when I put him in mind of our former acquaintance, expressed great joy at seeing me again, and recommended me to an exceeding good mess, composed of the gunner and master’s mate. As there was not one sick person in the ship, I got leave to go ashore next day with the gunner, who recommended me to a Jew, that bought my ticket at the rate of forty per cent discount; and, having furnished myself with the necessaries I wanted, returned on board in the evening, and, to my surprise, found my old antagonist Crampley walking upon deck. Though I did not fear his enmity, I was shocked at his appearance, and communicated my sentiments on that subject to Mr. Tomlins the surgeon, who told me that Crampley, by dint of some friends about the admiral, had procured a commission, constituting him lieutenant on board the Lizard; and advised me, now he was my superior officer, to behave with some respect towards him, or else he would find a thousand opportunities of using me ill. This advice was a bitter potion to me, whom pride and resentment had rendered utterly incapable of the least submission to, or even of a reconciliation with, the wretch who had, on many occasions, treated me so inhumanly: however, I resolved to have as little connection as possible with him, and to ingratiate myself as much as I could with the rest of the officers, whose friendship might be a bulwark to defend me from the attempts of his malice.
In less than a week we sailed on a cruise, and having weathered the east end of the island, had the good fortune to take a Spanish barcolongo, with her prize, which was an English ship bound for Bristol, that sailed from Jamaica a fortnight before, without convoy. All the prisoners who were well, we put onshore on the north side of the island; the prizes were manned with Englishmen, and the command of the barcolongo given to my friend the master’s mate, with orders to carry them into Port Morant, and there to remain until the Lizard’s cruise should be ended, at which time she would touch at the same place in her way to Port Royal. With him I was sent to attend the wounded Spaniards as well as Englishmen, who amounted to sixteen, and to take care of them on shore in a house that was to be hired as an hospital. This destination gave me a great deal of pleasure, as I should, for some time, be freed from the arrogance of Crampley, whose inveteracy against me had already broken out on two or three occasions since he was become a lieutenant. My messmate, who very much resembled my uncle, both in figure and disposition, treated me on board of the prize with the utmost civility and confidence: and, among other favours, made me a present of a silver-hilted hanger, and a pair of pistols mounted with the same metal, which fell to his share in plundering the enemy. We arrived safely at Morant, and, going on shore, pitched upon an empty storehouse; which we hired for the reception of the wounded, who were brought to it next day, with beds and other necessaries; and four of the ship’s company appointed to attend them and obey me.