It’s the sin of number four;
When you run on blade of a knife -
It’s the sin of number five;
And the sin of number six -
It’s due to the insane risk;
When you hear the Cry of Raven -
It’s the sin of number seven!
The Despondency’s – the Sin;
Oh, my dear, it is Mine!
Just look at the road snow,
That’s like the desolation row;
The black spots are on the Sun -
So forget about your sin…
______________________________
If you ever felt confused,
By someone you were abused,
Or, perhaps, you could be used –
Don’t regret about your loss!
We will name it as a Life,
And you know, life’s full of Sin.
So forget about this -
You will feel the Catharsis…
______________
And you don’t have to repent –
We won’t be the saints, at the end.
Do not ask for the forgiveness –
We are strong, cos’ know our weakness!..
25.11.18; 14:00-14:20. Иллюстрация авторская: 2016 год.
I’m a Dreamer!..
I’m addicted to this life.
If we could, then would – we’ll fly.
I just want to live “Here-Now”,
But I don’t know, Why and How?
And I just want to live free,
I need the power like a young tree.
I’ll be your Beauty for the Beast,
We should be happy, at the least!
I want to see the shine of stars -
Let’s follow my footsteps to Mars!
Do you know I’m the endless dreamer?
Of course, I will make us believers!
Let’s feel this dream from head to toe,
And turn your fear down low!
Oh, I don’t want you to leave me,
Just like the sane, abandoned me…
You find me down of my knees -
Oh, blow me one your last kiss, please!
If you break your big pink glasses,
What would you do in these cases?..
Our life has magic alternative -
Live in harmony with our native!..
And just surrender your great fate:
May you should be a famous saint?
Remember our talk about the sins -
Will you cross the one line of these lines?
Or you will live your life more calm
to be a non-unusual some?
So just make up your insane mind:
You want to live or you will hide?
You know you can’t hide from yourself,-
We should choose it, by ourselves!..
26.11.18; 16:00-16:30. Иллюстрация авторская: 2016 год.
The confession…
What do you feel in the word “families”?
You know, I feel the “group of enemies”…
You taste this pain within my heart,
But you don’t want to say: “Enough!”
This pain is double, it’s a fact;
Oh, I just want to be apart!
I always hope – you will support,
But you were always doing spot!..
You’ll understand that I was here,
When you can’t take me hug and hear!..
______________________________________
It will be late to say: “Goodbye!” –
I will be the “catcher in the rye”!
You’ll understand you weren’t right,
But I will close my eyes at night…
_______________________________________
And, all the same, I really love you;
In spite the dark, I’m coming through…
Y’r rage should be a part of a dust!..
So also you should know – you must
Keep on trying to exchange things,
That your demons want to exist…
You should be someone another –
Don’t let your evil get too rather!..
I’ll give you your one last chance –
And you must feel the family sense;
You will not be a “dirty dancer”,
Cos you will know: Love – is the Answer!!!
26.11.18; 23:10-23:25. Иллюстрация авторская: 2017 год.
My madness World!
You know there’s nothing left to hide,
When you are here and on my side.
And we will keep on fighting
With enemies and with dark blinding!
We’ll survive the hurricane,
But we’ll never be the same.
Oh, I have the one last shell -
I should cure all viral cells!..
You feel the animal reflex,
That’s one of a million side-effects;
You feel that you should to protect
The defenseless, which you reject…
Oh, do you know, it’s not your fault,
That you came to the Heaven’s Vault?
So don’t remember your great fall -
And don’t regret, but just hold on!..
Within me there is the only empty,
I won’t be the one of the saintly;
All I want to do – is weep.
Do you feel, how strong my grieve?
You’ll be crying with me now, -
I will bow my head so low;
But I won’t down of my knees,
And my weakness won’t be vis…
The helpless crying is invisible;
I must be for you invincible.
Oh, you know, my world’s – my kingdom,
I will try to come back home…
I will go through the hardship, -
You won’t see my sunken ship!
Cos I’ll recreate it all:
Welcome to my Madness World!..
27.11.18; 11:30-12:00. Иллюстрация авторская: 2014 год.
Pure…
I’m alone in empty room,
And I wallow in my gloom;
So I wallow in this grime,
But you know, there is no crime…
On the Edge of Universe
We can make our Multiverse.
And I will raise from the ash;
Can you, darling, feel my rush?..
Inside me I feel the split; -
What do you think about it?
In my soul feel the abyss -
But by whom I was abused?..
You know, I woke my mister Hide,
That’s why I feel I lost my mind…
Doctor Jekyl, give me cure
To I again feel myself pure;
You can give me your great poison,
And my black soul will be frozen;
But because of all my sin, -
Do you know, I’ll never die?..
I’m – one more face in the crowd,
And I’m thinking out loud:
“Do you want to be my angel,
Cos you aren’t for me a stranger?..”
Oh, my dear, you’re so pure,
That your words for me like a cure;
You lifted me for the light -
I’m not inclined to fight!..
And I know, I wasn’t right,
When I felt the need to Hide -
Whispering to our God
to we will not be apart…
And it’s perfect, when you’re here;
When I can see you and hear;
Cos your words for me – like cure;
Cos I feel myself so pure…
02.12.18; 0:00-0:40. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.
Примечания от автора: 1.Mr. Hide – специально написано с опечаткой (“ошибкой”), т.к. правильно, по Стивенсону – mr. Hyde, и для того, чтобы показать необходимость в двусмысленном понимании состояния лирического героя, поскольку глагол “hide” – с англ. «прятаться», поэтому отсюда – и производная для фамилии.
2.Также в строчке “when I felt the need to Hide” – глагол написан с большой (заглавной) буквы, чтобы снова показать (усилить) двойное значение: нужда лирического героя 1) в мистере Хайде и 2) в том, чтобы спрятаться. Выбор делает каждый для себя сам.
3.Джекил и Хайд, являясь антиподами друг другу (+буквально, раздвоение), ясно (чётко) показывают и то противостояние, этот разлад (“split”) в душе ГГ.
4.(Переходя к небольшому анализу) Но нужно пояснить и концепцию стиха, поскольку оно может показаться странным, если не знать (понимать), на что оно направлено: лиричное, и главная идея заключена не в Джекиле и Хайде, которые являются вспомогательными образами, а в следующем – создав Хайда, доктор Джекил вначале пытался найти лекарство (“cure”), с помощью которого он бы избавился от мистера Хайда, но в итоге ему ничего другого не осталось, как принять яд (“poison”), т.е. убить, таким образом освободив, обоих; поэтому в начале стихотворения и присутствует эта антитеза с лекарством и ядом, которая позволяет перейти к основному замыслу: лирическому герою не нужно принимать яд, ведь для него лекарством (также освобождающим душу) выступают слова возлюбленной(ого), делающими его снова "чистым" (“pure”), таким же, как и он(а) (возлюбленный/ая) сам(а); а эта чистота приводится как антитеза к порокам мистера Хайда…
P.S.Мне кажется эта история красивой (может даже, красивее, чем само стихотворение) и не такой печальной, как у Джекила и Хайда Стивенсона…
Pure: Poison. The 2nd Part
…You can give me your great poison,
And my black soul will be frozen;
But because of all my sin, -
Do you know, I’ll never die?..
Because I will burn in Hell,
And I’ll feel it by myself;
Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust -
I am here at the last…
I’m the dead girl in the flesh;
I’m the freak on the long leash;
So I’m praying by a Trinity,
That I’ll be joined in the Infinity…
When you come to my grave,
You will never be the same;
You’ll suggest, you will be late,
But, my dear, it’s okey!..
(02.12.18.) Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.
Our Hive/and my sad poetry…
You will always hold me tight -
I will make you feel so right;
You should know – we’re out of time:
We’re the Catchers in the Rye…
Within me I feel the Life,
I’m the Queen-bee in our Hive;
I’ve been waiting for so long,
When we will be enough strong…
The most attractive way of life -
It’s when you can not tell a lie;
But you can lie next to me,
I’ll let you be mine King-bee…
Do you know we can be heroes?
Can you feel this scent of roses?..
And we can destroy our foes;
I feel the real myself in my sad poems…
in which I meet with all my vice,
that you can see in real size;
And after writing I can rise
to shining stars, to know, what’s wise;
Despite the Dark, I’m coming through,
Separate the lies from the truth;
And I’ll forgive internal foes,
cos’ feel the real myself in these sad poems!..
15.12.18; 15:20-15:50. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.
To some1, who despairs…
Seems like it’s burning on the fire,
And everything is on the wire –
Do not lower your hands down;
Keep calm at screaming of mad crowd;
And I will ask you keep your head;
Despite the pain – just go ahead;
And you will go through utter darkness,
Don’t stumble and don’t fall on knees;
But when you, dear, rise to light, -
Please, be not proud, but be quiet!
Oh yes, you overcame this path,
But there’s so much, that you should pass…
You should never refuse the help –
Use to feel it by your pelt.
Don’t melt into the background –
You should see what’s going around…
And at the end, – believe your heart
and sane, – because it’s very smart;
Your soul will never tip a lie,
And you should try to feel the life…
17.12.18; 16:35-17:00. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.
We are the Future…
Catch me,
if you can live – not exist;
if you can obey – resist;
if you don’t feel the insist;
if you’re happy, at the least;
Catch me!..
But I know you can’t catch me:
You are not you want to be –
You are what you ought to be,
So you are just not like me.
Cos I am the happiest person,
Feel this light inside my burn soul;
So I will burn all your fears,
To I will not see your tears.
I will make your desert green,
And I have something to bring
Peace to your combating world:
Answer – is the love in World!..
Hear this voice inside your head,
That will not tell you a bad;
Trust yourself from head to toe,
And, my dear, we must go.
Cos we have to make a feat
And come back without defeat,
Because it all starts with us;
We’re the Future – not the Past!..
We must write our own History,
That can have a some of mystery;
We’ll interpretate the prophesy –
We’ll be wise and honestly!..
We can solve this strange enigma,
That’s cyphered with the sigma:
We will put it all in a section,
That will be close to perfection…
25.12.18; 19:10-19:50. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.
My main secret
It’s just the sad poems,
With nothing to say;
No matter, what goes,
You live with your great aim…
Do you know, it’s a fake:
You can’t make a mistake?
I’ll tell you all the true –
I’ll wait courage from you!..
I am unarmed, but don’t kill me –
I’ll fill with wisdom eager sane;
You have to be ready to know –
One – Two – Tree! Ready – Set – Go!
Do you suppose, it’s very hard
to be kind, honest and be smart? -
Oh, but, my dear, it’s not hard –
You should live free and open heart!..
And at the end, make a confession:
My philosophy’s vaccination –
Don’t complicate it – secret is
that there are no the mysteries…
(Because the main my secret –
is the absence of secret!)
07.01.19; 11:30-11:50. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.
My design for life/The song of my life
My life is a fabulous song,
It will be playing enough long;
And it will be playing so loud,
that it won’t make me a part of a crowd!..
And even if I’m out of mood,
Everything around seems pretty good!..
Bring a light to this life –
is the main my design for my life!..
10.01.19. Иллюстрация авторская: 2016 год.
Red Hat…
Angel and Demon in the one flesh –
And because of it I’m a freak on the leash;
The innocence and your great human sin
Are in you in the complex full size.
I am a Red Hat, and I see everything;
And you’re a grey wolf, but my cat, you see nothing.
Do you know, we both like this bad game?
–Do you wanna play? –Yes! –We feel just the same…
But I really hate, when I hear all the lie.
And you, it’s a pity, will never be mine;
I just want to feel all your light tenderness –
We should open hearts and make our pain less…
Our game takes place in your famous dark wood –
You evil, but your teeth look pretty good…
And I expect from you only love, -
I understand the rules of the game, all above…
You said, it’s not a crime to be a mad person,
Cos’ you can’t realize your suffered sick soul;
But you’re turning into the complete freak –
I hope, that it is because of me!..
You’re mine inspiration, my Master, my God,
But you know, oh my dear, we must be apart:
I am a “good girl”, – you are a “bad boy” –
I don’t want to be your disposable toy!..
So I will not give you your second? chance,
Because you should know: if I hear song – I dance;
So we ought to do everything on the time,
And, of course, you should know, that Love never Die!..
Despite my soul pain, I must say: “Goodbye!” -
“Goodbye, oh my dear! Let’s meeting at night” ;
I’ll see you in my recurring dream,
in which I feel us like a strong genuine team…
But when I wake up, you should disappear,
And I must return myself to the real!..
29.01.19; 14:00-14:20.
Монахиня
Написано в свободной форме, не как полноценное стихотворение, а как заготовка для английского одноимённого текста.
Также это первая (и единственная!) работа, созданная не сразу на иностранном языке (поскольку, когда пишу стихотворения на английском, они изначально складываются на английском: во время написания я мыслю концепцию стиха, рифму и пр. не на родном языке; соответственно, всё пишется без русских перво-вариантов), а с русским концептом.
Я буду твоей монахиней, Указывающей на свет пути истинного;
Моя любовь и добрые слова проповедей – Всё, что нужно для тебя – лукавого/безбожника неистового…
Небо – корабль, а парус – Солнце, В земле – море утопаю,
Сейчас – твоя очередь забрать моё сердце, Хотя я разбитые сердца собираю…
Ты – атеист, и не обременён верой, Но мне необходимо верить в счастливый конец;
Что же, я готова стать нашей общей молитвой, Вселяющей надежду и придающей силу для двух разбитых сердец…
(Я никогда не буду с тобой стервой, Мы соединим сердца «шёлковой» нитью обручальных колец…)
И ты уверуешь и откроешь душу, Впустив меня в своё сердце;
Я ожиданье тебя Любовью разрушу/нарушу: Моё сердце замёрзло в мечте отогреться (согреться)…
Я обрету покой в твоих объятиях, Да и ты уснёшь у моих колен;
Мы уже прошли стадию «принятия», – Осталось пройти тупик стен…
31.01.19; 20:00-20:13.
The nun
Как поэтический перевод, так же написанный в свободной форме, русского стихотворения «Монахиня».
I will be your nun, that’ll be showing
You, darling, the light to the right path;
My love and kind words of praying –
Are all that you need, my wicked and “last”…
The sun – is a “sail”, and the sky – is a “ship”,
And we float a “sea” – is the terra.
Now – your turn to take my heart-wreak,
Despite the fact, I am the heart-breaker…
Unencumbered by faith, you’re the godless man,
But I need to believe in the joy, till the end;
So I’m ready to be our common prayer
inspires confidence and makes us more saver…
And you will believe and you’ll open your soul,
You, sure, let me in your heart;
I will break this waiting for you by my love:
My heart is frozen, and it dreams to thaw out…
I will find peace in your embrace,
And you will fall asleep at my knees;
We won our first hard race,
And we’ll be stronger to prove: Love exists!..
31.01.19; 21:00-21:30.
listening to the silence…
I’m listening to the Silence;
Around fulls͌ of the violence –
Can you hear this “singing”,
that’s similar to the screaming?..
We make the Heaven or Hell for us
by ourselves, we’ll be a part of a dust;
So it’s too close to the III World War –
I don’t wanna be a warrior.
I just want to be a Human,
Keep calm, and live with a humour,
And I want to hear the laugh,
And, once, want to fall in love…
We should be happy, anyway;
But now I feel, that I’m insane,
And listening to this silence,
Hear only the scream of the violence…
Why can’t people be more kind?
And why are we all so-so blind?!
Cos’ we can’t see the Mask,
that’s hiding the pain from the rest…
We’re interested in the vice and lie,
that makes our loved ones desperately cry;
But don’t you never wanna try
to be “the saint” and learn to fly?..
13.02.19; 16:00-16:15. Иллюстрация авторская: июнь, 2017 год.
fulls͌ – примечание от автора: специально допущенная мною грамматическая ошибка с целью усиления выразительного эффекта, то есть у данной ошибки два значения – 1) грамматическое допущение (прямое значение) – буквально Ошибка;
2) моральное допущение (косвенное значение, с умыслом и посылом) – «социальная» Ошибка: это неправильно, что вокруг так много жестокости, и в этом есть наша человеческая вина.
25.03.19. было определённое настроение, и я перевела следующие строчки (точнее, они сами сложились): “I just want to be a Human,/Keep calm, and live with a humour,/And I want to hear the laugh,/And, once, want to fall in love…”
Переводить свои иностранные стихи (а также свои русские стихи на английский: задумка была на русском – значит должен быть русский вариант + такое настроение было – написать именно на таком языке, а не на другом) целиком (и остальные, все) не буду (хотя без труда могу), если не захочу, конечно (но это в исключительном случае), поскольку не считаю нужным: они изначально задумывались на другом языке и местами с умыслом скрыть, частично, смысл доносимого (в силу настроения и других причин), а также при переводе пострадает эта суть, так как некоторые английские конструкции придётся для обеспечения русской рифмы изменять, от чего произойдёт метаморфоза смысла предложения (а отсюда – и стиха). Всё дело – в разнице языков…
Итак, строчки:
Ведь просто хочу Человеком я быть,
Спокойно, с улыбкой и с юмором жить;
Хочу постоянно слышать я смех,
А также, однажды, влюбиться, навек…
Thinking Out Loud…*/(TOL13)
Here comes the Boom –
feels like the Doom;
I open my heart
And give you some part…
(/U have there some part)
When doves cry?
Suppose, when? – Tonight!..
And even tonight
Can shine and be bright…
Look at the sky vault
And feel: it’s – your fault,
that you are so sad,
you feel the regret…
This sky is so blue –
It seems like for you;
So let in this light
that should burn inside;
Darling, spark your soul
to won’t be like a ghoul;
feel the sun’s rays on your skin,
be what you should’ve been!..
You know, you’re so young –
Do what you should’ve been done!
Don’t live your life alone
4ever-now, and just go on!..
You must go ahead,
until you are dead;
So start toward your fate
(/So meet your great fate) –
Maybe you’ll have a date?..
And don’t be afraid –
You won’t be the saint,
So you may commit “sins”,
because the “devil” insists…
You may be mistaken:
It’s your choice – so take it!..
Only you are responsible for
all your wishes and your life before –
Don’t escape from reality
in/to the dream, that’s constantly!..
I advice you to live free –
So surrender all you feel;
You do every thing right –
Your stories, as you can, you write!..
You are satisfied,
But I saw you cried;
My darling, it’s over –
You are what you grew up…
So accept yourself –
u’re not out of your sane:
Accept yourself for who you are –
Don’t listen to their: “Bla-bla-bla!..”
The Value of each person –
is in her or his soul;
Cos’ of it – you are so special,
and for yourself, you are the Treasure…
22.02.19; 14:00-14:20. Иллюстрация авторская: 2015 год.
*=особый стиль данного стихотворения: как мысли вслух (а их – ровно 13) – возможны «сбои» в рифмовке и в смещении ритма: это специально, поскольку эти мысли вслух все разные, и несут свой определённый смысл, поэтому их необходимо отделить друг от друга, чтобы суть не сливалась, внимание переключалось, но концепт один, и он сохраняется на всём протяжении стиха.
“RM,P.S.”
Remember me so tenderly,
Don’t let your sane/heart forget;
My darling, you are just like me,
And you feel the regret…
______________________________
But in my heart – there is a hole,
And cos’ of it I hate world – whole.
I wanted to write all the light,
But could imagine other side:
My feeling’s full of miseries –
You’ll read it in these sentences;
It’s like I’m writing the letter
to you, but we know would be better
burn these words in the blue flame, -
you start to feel, that you’re insane;
Oh, but you know, we feel the same –
We are both out of our sane…
…
I’m lost, I’m afraid, and I’m loosing control,
But you always told me, that “show must go on”!..
(/But you just kicked me, like you played football…)
I don’t understand what’s going around,
And you just want me to bury in ground…
…
But you could never be my one and only,
So because of it I am very lonely;
Only emptiness is inside –
And till it’s over, I will ride…
So I opened for you my heart-cell, (“heart-cell” is meaning a “chest”)
gave you all my love and my heart;
and for now – it’s the only your “self” –
So you’ll feel, I am – the yours part!..
_______________________________________________________________
And at the end – there is my little sign,
that’s separating the rest of my words with a line:
_____________________________
Remember me, yours sincerely
Victoria. Love equals Misery…
08.03.19; 22:50-23:20. Иллюстрация авторская: 2016 год.
your unfair Victim
If you feel the pain,
You may stay and have a complaint.
Yes, you may.
But you shall… but you shall obey…
__________________________________
It's been a hard day,
But tomorrow’ll be another day…
I am – your unfair Victim;
But it’s between us – it’s so intim…
Look, what you made me do,
But all the things I knew…
Inside me – person’s wicked,
You see, Mister Hyde winked…
Oh, I know that it’s a shame,
But, my darling, it’s your blame,
Cos you want me to keep on
“fixing toys”. It’s a phenomenon!..
06.04.19.
my lovely and last
I don’t want nothing more -
Our Love is untouchable!
So thanks for loving me -
You’re doing it perfectly…
This sense is incredible, una mucha!*
It’s like a Phenomena of Nature…
Remember, Pythia* predicted us,