‘The blood-vessel again—I must send for Harding.’
‘Shall I tell James to go?’ inquired a little quiet voice, as Johnnie lifted up his flushed face.
‘Do so, my dear;’ and as the little boy left the room, his grandfather added, with the calmness of hopelessness, ‘Poor child! it is of no use, it must soon be over now;’ and he was returning, when Theodora again held him fast—‘Papa! papa! I must see him, let me come!’
‘Not yet,’ said her father; ‘the sight of a fresh person might hasten it. If there is any chance, we must do nothing hazardous. I will call you when they give up hope.’
Theodora was forced to relinquish her hold, for the baby screamed outright, and required all her efforts to hush its cries that they might not add fresh distress to the sick room. It seemed to make her own misery of suspense beyond measure unendurable, to be obliged to control herself so as to quiet the little creature by gentle movements, and to have its ever-renewed wailings filling her ears, when her whole soul hung on the sounds she could catch from the inner room. No one came to relieve her; only Johnnie returned, listened for a moment at the door, and dropped into his former position, and presently Mr. Harding passed rapidly through the room.
Long, long she waited ere the door once more opened. Her father came forth. Was it the summons? But he stopped her move towards the room. ‘Not yet; the bleeding is checked.’
Then as Mr. Harding followed, they went out of the room in consultation, and almost the next moment Violet herself glided in, touched Johnnie’s head, and said, ‘Papa is better, darling;’ then took the baby from Theodora, saying, ‘Thank you, you shall see him soon; she was again gone, Johnnie creeping after, whither Theodora would have given worlds to follow.
After another interval, he returned with a message that mamma begged Aunt Theodora to be so kind as to go and make tea for grandpapa; she thought dear papa was breathing a little more easily, but he must be quite quiet now.
Obeying the sentence of banishment, she found her father sending off a hasty express to give more positive information at home. ‘We must leave them to themselves a little while,’ he said. ‘There must be no excitement till he has had time to rally. I thought he had better not see me at first.’
‘Is he worse than John has been?’
‘Far worse. I never saw John in this immediate danger.’
‘Did this attack begin directly after you came?’
‘It was the effort of speaking. He WOULD try to say something about racing debts—Gardner, papers in his coat-pocket, and there broke down, coughed, and the bleeding came on. There is something on his mind, poor—’
Theodora made a sign to remind him of Johnnie’s presence; but the child came forward. ‘Grandpapa, he told me to tell you something,’ and, with eyes bent on the ground, the little fellow repeated the words like a lesson by rote.
Lord Martindale was much overcome; he took his grandson on his knee, and pressed him to his breast without being able to speak, then, as if to recover composure by proceeding to business, he sent him to ask James for the coat last worn by his papa, and bring the papers in the pocket. Then with more agitation he continued, ‘Yes, yes, that was what poor Arthur’s eyes were saying all the time. I could only promise to settle everything and take care of her; and there was she, poor thing, with a face like a martyr, supporting his head, never giving way, speaking now and then so calmly and soothingly, when I could not have said a word. I do believe she is almost an angel!’ said Lord Martindale, with a burst of strong emotion. ‘Take care of her! She will not want that long! at this rate. Harding tells me he is very anxious about her: she is not by any means recovered, yet he was forced to let her sit up all last night, and she has been on her feet this whole day! What is to become of her and these poor children? It is enough to break one’s heart!’
Here Johnnie came back. ‘Grandpapa, we cannot find any papers. James has looked in all the clothes papa wore when he came home, and he did not bring home his portmanteau.’
‘Come home! Where had he been?’
‘I don’t know. He was away a long time.’
Lord Martindale started, and repeated the words in amaze. Theodora better judged of a child’s ‘long time,’ and asked whether it meant a day or a week. ‘Was it since the baby was born that he went?’
‘Baby was a week old. He was gone one—two Sundays, and he came back all on a sudden the day before yesterday, coughing so much that he could not speak, and the gentleman told mamma all about it.’
‘What gentleman, Johnnie? Was it Mr. Gardner?’
‘O no; this was a good-natured gentleman.’
‘Mr. Herries, or Captain Fitzhugh?’
‘No, it was a long name, and some one I never saw before; but I think it was the man that belongs to the owl.’
‘What can the child mean?’ asked Lord Martindale.
Johnnie mounted a chair, and embraced his little stuffed owl.
‘The man that gave me this.’
‘Percy’s Athenian owl!’ cried Theodora.
‘Was Fotheringham the name?’ said Lord Martindale.
‘Yes, it was the name like Aunt Helen’s,’ said Johnnie.
‘Has he been here since?’
‘He called to inquire yesterday morning. I am not sure,’ said the exact little boy, ‘but I think he said he met papa in the steamer.’
It seemed mystery on mystery, and James could only confirm his young master’s statement. After the little boy had answered all the questions in his power he slid down from his grandfather’s knee, saying that it was bed-time, and wished them good night in a grave, sorrowful, yet childlike manner, that went to their hearts. He returned, in a short time, with a message that mamma thought papa a little better and ready to see them. Theodora went up first; Johnnie led her to the door, and then went away, while Violet said, almost inaudibly,
‘Here is Theodora come to see you.’
Prepared as Theodora was, she was startled by the bloodlessness of the face, and the hand that lay without movement on the coverlet, while the gaze of the great black eyes met her with an almost spectral effect; and the stillness was only broken by the painful heaving of the chest, which seemed to shake even the bed-curtains. But for Violet’s looks and gesture, Theodora would not have dared to go up to him, take his hand, and, on finding it feebly return her pressure, bend over and kiss his forehead.
‘His breath is certainly relieved, and there is less fever,’ repeated Violet; but to Theodora this seemed to make it only more shocking. If this was better, what must it not have been? Her tongue positively refused to speak, and she only stood looking from her brother to his wife, who reclined, sunk back in her chair beside him, looking utterly spent and worn out, her cheeks perfectly white, her eyes half-closed, her whole frame as if all strength and energy were gone. That terrible hour had completely exhausted her powers; and when Theodora had recollected herself, and summoned Lord Martindale, who undertook the night watch, Violet had not voice to speak; she only hoarsely whispered a few directions, and gave a sickly submissive smile as her thanks.
For one moment she revived, as she smoothed Arthur’s bed, moistened his lips, and pressed her face to his; then she allowed Theodora almost to lift her away, and support her into the next room, where Sarah was waiting. Even thought and anxiety seemed to be gone; she sat where they placed her, and when they began to undress her, put her hand mechanically to her dress, missed the fastening, and let it drop with a vacant smile that almost overcame Theodora. They laid her in bed, and she dropped asleep, like an infant, the instant her head was on the pillow. Theodora thought it cruel to arouse her to take nourishment; but Sarah was peremptory, and vigorously administered the spoonfuls, which she swallowed in the same unconscious manner. She was only roused a little by a sound from the baby: ‘Give him to me, he will be quieter so;’ and Sarah held him to her, she took him in her arms, and was instantly sunk in the same dead slumber.
‘My pretty lamb!’ mourned the cold stern servant, as she arranged her coverings; ‘this is the sorest brash we have had together yet, and I doubt whether ye’ll win through with it. May He temper the blast that sends it.’
Gazing at her for a few seconds, she raised her hand to dry some large tears; and as if only now conscious of Miss Martindale’s presence, curtsied, saying, in her usual manner, ‘I beg your pardon, ma’am. There is the room next the nursery made ready for you.’
‘I could not go, Sarah, thank you. Go to your children; I will take care of her. Pray go.’
‘I will, thank you, ma’am. We will have need of all our strength before we have done.’
‘How has she been before this?’
‘About as well as usual at first, ma’am, till he threw her back with going off into they foreign parts, where he has been and as good as catched his death, and would have died if Mr. Fotheringham had not brought him home.’
‘What! has he been abroad, Sarah?’
‘Yes, ma’am. I was holding the baby when he says to Missus he was going to Bully, or Boulong—’
‘Boulogne—’
‘Yes, Bullying, or some such place; and bullied him they have; stripped him even of his very portmanteau, with his eight new shirts in it, that they have! Well, Missus, she says his cold would be worse, and he said it only wanted a change, and she need never fret, for he meant to get quit of the whole concern. But for that, I would have up and told him he didn’t ought to go, and that he must stay at home and mind her, but then I thought, if he did get rid of them nasty horses, and that there Mr. Gardner, with his great nasturtions on his face, it would be a blessed day. But I ought to have known how it would be: he is too innocent for them; and they have never been content till they have been and got his very clothes, and given him his death, and broke the heart of the bestest and most loving-heartedest lady as ever lived. That they have!’
Having eased her mind by this tirade, Sarah mended the fire, put every comfort in Miss Martindale’s reach, advised her to lie down by her mistress, and walked off.
Theodora felt giddy and confounded with the shocks of that day. It was not till she had stretched herself beside Violet that she could collect her perceptions of the state of affairs; and oh! what wretchedness! Her darling brother, round whom the old passionate ardour of affection now clung again, lying at death’s door; his wife sinking under her exertions;—these were the least of the sorrows, though each cough seemed to rend her heart, and that sleeping mother was like a part of her life. The misery was in that mystery—nay, in the certainty, that up to the last moment of health Arthur had been engaged in his reckless, selfish courses! If he were repentant, there was neither space nor power to express it, far less for reparation. He was snatched at once from thoughtless pleasure and disregard of religion—nay, even of the common charities of home! And to fasten the guilt to herself were those few half-uttered words—races, debts, Gardner!
‘If you once loosen the tie of home, he will go back to courses and companions that have done him harm enough already.’ ‘Beware of Mark Gardner!’ ‘Whatever comes of these races, it is your doing, not mine.’ Those warnings flashed before her eyes like letters of fire, and she turned her face to the pillow as it were to hide from them, as well as to stifle the groans that could not have been wrung from her by bodily pain. ‘Oh, my sin has found me out! I thought I had been punished, but these are the very dregs! His blood is on my head! My brother! my brother! whom I loved above all! He was learning to love his home and children; she was weaning him from those pursuits! What might he not have been? I led him away! When he shrank from the temptation, I dragged him to it! I gave him back to the tempter! I, who thought I loved him—I did the devil’s work! Oh! this is the heavier weight! Why should it crush others with the only guilty one? Oh! have mercy, have mercy on him! Let me bear all! Take me instead! Let me not have slain his soul!’
It was anguish beyond the power of words. She could not lie still; she knelt on the floor, and there the flood of despair fell on her more overwhelmingly; and crouching, almost cast on the ground, she poured out incoherent entreaties for mercy, for space for his repentance, for his forgiveness. That agony of distracted prayer must have lasted a long time. Some sound in her brother’s room alarmed her, and in starting she shook the table. Her father came to ask if anything was the matter; told her that Arthur was quiet, and begged her to lie down. It was a relief to have something to obey, and she moved back. The light gleamed on something bright. It was the setting of Helen’s cross! ‘Ah! I was not worthy to save it; that was for Johnnie’s innocent hand! I may not call this my cross, but my rod!’ Then came one thought: ‘I came not for the righteous, but to call sinners to repentance.’ Therewith hot tears rose up. ‘With Him there is infinite mercy and redemption.’ Some power of hope revived, that Mercy might give time to repent, accept the heartfelt grief that might exist, though not manifested to man! The hope, the motive, and comfort in praying, had gleamed across her again; and not with utter despair could she beseech that the sins she had almost caused might be so repented of as to receive the pardon sufficient for all iniquity.
CHAPTER 10
Thus have I seen a temper wild
In yokes of strong affection bound
Unto a spirit meek and mild,
Till chains of good were on him found.
He, struggling in his deep distress,
As in some dream of loneliness,
Hath found it was an angel guest.
—Thoughts in Past Years
Five days had passed, and no material change had taken place. There was no serious recurrence of bleeding, but the inflammation did not abate, and the suffering was grievous, though Arthur was so much enfeebled that he could not struggle under it. His extreme debility made his body passive, but it was painfully evident that his mind was as anxious and ill at ease as ever. There was the same distrustful watch to see every letter, and know all that passed; the constant strain of every faculty, all in absolute silence, so that his nurses, especially Theodora, felt as if it would be a positive personal relief to them if those eyes would be closed for one minute.
What would they have given to know what passed in that sleepless mind? But anything that could lead to speaking or agitation was forbidden; even, to the great grief of Theodora, the admission of the clergyman of the parish. Lord Martindale agreed with the doctors that it was too great a risk, and Violet allowed them to decide, whispering to Theodora that she thought he heeded Johnnie’s prayers more than anything read with a direct view to himself. The cause of his anxiety remained in doubt. Lord Martindale had consulted Violet, but she knew nothing of any papers. She was aware that his accounts were mixed up with Mr. Gardner’s, and believed he had gone to Boulogne to settle them; and she conjectured that he had found himself more deeply involved than he had expected. She remembered his having said something of being undone, and his words to Johnnie seemed to bear the same interpretation.
Mr. Fotheringham’s apparition was also a mystery; so strange was it that, after bringing Arthur home in such a state, he should offer no further assistance. James was desired to ask him to come in, if he should call to inquire; but he did not appear, and the father and sister began to have vague apprehensions, which they would not for the world have avowed to each other, that there must be worse than folly, for what save disgrace would have kept Percy from aiding John’s brother in his distress? Each morning rose on them with dread of what the day might bring forth, not merely from the disease within, but from the world without; each postman’s knock was listened to with alarm, caught from poor Arthur.
His wife was of course spared much of this. That worst fear could not occur to her; she had no room for any thought but for him as he was in the sight of Heaven, and each hour that his life was prolonged was to her a boon and a blessing. She trusted that there was true sorrow for the past—not merely dread of the consequences, as she traced the shades upon his face, while he listened to the hymns that she encouraged Johnnie to repeat. In that clear, sweet enunciation, and simple, reverent manner, they evidently had a great effect. He listened for the first time with his heart, and the caresses, at which Johnnie glowed with pleasure as a high favour, were, she knew, given with a species of wondering veneration. It was Johnnie’s presence that most soothed him; his distressing, careworn expression passed away at the first sight of the innocent, pensive face, and returned not while the child was before him, bending over a book, or watching the baby, or delighted at having some small service to perform. Johnnie, on his side, was never so well satisfied as in the room, and nothing but Violet’s fears for his health prevented the chief part of his time from being spent there.
Her own strength was just sufficient for the day. She could sit by Arthur’s side, comprehend his wishes by his face, and do more to relieve and sustain him than all the rest; and, though she looked wretchedly weak and worn, her power of doing all that was needed, and looking upon him with comforting refreshing smiles, did not desert her. The night watch she was forced to leave to be divided between his father and sister, with the assistance alternately of Sarah and the regular nurse, and she was too much exhausted when she went to bed, for Theodora to venture on disturbing her by an unnecessary word.
Theodora’s longing was to be continually with her brother, but this could only be for a few hours at night; and then the sight of his suffering, and the difficulty of understanding his restlessness of mind, made her so wretched, that it took all the force of her strong resolution to conceal her unhappiness; and she marvelled the more at the calmness with which the feeble frame of Violet endured the same scene. The day was still more trying to her, for her task was the care of the children, and little Helen was so entirely a copy of her own untamed self, as to be a burdensome charge for a desponding heart and sinking spirits.
On the fifth morning the doctors perceived a shade of improvement; but to his attendants Arthur appeared worse, from being less passive and returning more to the struggle and manifestation of oppression and suffering. He made attempts at questions, insisting on being assured that no letter nor call had been kept from him; he even sent for the cards that had been left, and examined them, and he wanted to renew the conversation with his father; but Lord Martindale silenced him at once, and left the room. He looked so much disappointed that Violet was grieved, and thought, in spite of the doctors, that it might have been better to have run the risk of letting him speak, for the sake of setting his mind at rest.
Lord Martindale, however, saw so much peril in permitting a word to be uttered, that he deemed it safer to absent himself, and went out to try to trace out Mr. Fotheringham, and ask whether he could throw any light on Arthur’s trouble.
The children were out of doors, and Theodora was profiting by the interval of quiet to write to her mother, when she heard James announce, ‘Mr. Fotheringham.’
She looked up, then down. Her first thought was of her brother; the next brought the whole flood of remembrances, and she could not meet his eye.
He advanced, but there was no friendly greeting. As to a stranger, he said, ‘I hope Colonel Martindale is better?’
Could it be himself? She gave a hasty glance. It was; he chose to disown her; to meet her without even a hand held out! Rallying her fortitude, she made answer, ‘Thank you; we hope—’
She got no further—her hand was grasped. ‘Theodora! I did not know you.’
She had forgotten her altered looks! Relieved, she smiled, and said, ‘Yes, I am a strange figure. They think Arthur a little better to-day, thank you.’
‘How has it been?’
He listened to the details with eagerness, that dismissed from her mind the sickening apprehension of his knowing of any hidden evil; then, saying he was pressed for time, begged her to ask Mrs. Martindale to let him speak to her on a matter of such importance that he must venture on disturbing her.
Theodora beckoned to Violet at the door, hoping to elude Arthur’s notice; but any attempt at secrecy made him more distrustful, and the name had hardly been whispered before she was startled by hearing—‘Bring him here.’
Much frightened, the wife and sister expostulated, thus making him more determined; he almost rose on his elbow to enforce his wishes, and at last said, ‘You do me more harm by preventing it.’
Violet felt the same; and in fear and trembling begged Theodora to call Percy. She knew herself to be responsible for the danger, but saw the impossibility of preventing the interview without still greater risk. Indeed, while Theodora delayed Percy with cautions, impatience, and the fear of being disappointed, were colouring each sunken cheek with a spot of burning red, the hands were shaking uncontrollably, and the breath was shorter than ever, so that she was on the point of going to hasten the visitor, when he knocked at the door.
She signed to him at once to turn to Arthur, who held out his hand, and met his greeting with an anxious, imploring gaze, as if to ask whether, after all, he brought him hope.
‘Well,’ said Percy, cheerfully, ‘I think it is settled.’
Arthur relaxed that painful tension of feature, and lay back on his pillows, with a relieved though inquiring look.
‘Begging your pardon for being meddlesome,’ continued Percy, ‘I thought I saw a way of being even with that scoundrel. Your papers had got into my pocket, and, as I had nothing else to do, I looked them over after parting with you, and saw a way out of the difficulty. I was coming in the morning to return them and propound my plan, but finding that you could not be seen, I ventured to take it on myself at once, for fear he should get out of reach.’
He paused, but Arthur’s eyes asked on.
‘I had reason to think him gone to Paris. I followed him thither, and found he was making up to Mrs. Finch. I let him know that I was aware of this villainy, and of a good deal more of the same kind, and threatened that, unless he came in to my terms, I would expose the whole to his cousin, and let her know that he is at this moment engaged to Miss Brandon. She is ready to swallow a good deal, but that would have been too much, and he knew it. He yielded, and gave me his authority to break up the affair.’
As Arthur was still attentive and anxious, Percy went on to explain that he had next gone to the man who kept the horses, and by offers of ready money and careful inspection of his bills, had reduced his charge to a less immoderate amount. The money had been advanced for a portion of Arthur’s share of the debts, and a purchaser was ready for the horses, whose price would clear off the rest; so that nothing more was wanted but Arthur’s authority for the completion of the sale, which would free him from all present danger of pressure upon that score.
‘Supposing you do not disavow me, said Percy, ‘I must ask pardon for going such lengths without permission.’
A clutch of the hand was the answer, and Percy then showed him the accounts only waiting for his signature.
The money advanced was nearer five thousand pounds than four; and Arthur, pointing to the amount, inquired, by look and gesture, ‘Where does it come from?’
‘Never mind; it was honestly come by. It is a lot that has accumulated out of publishing money, and was always bothering me with railway shares. It will do as well in your keeping.’
‘It is throwing it into a gulf.’
‘In your father’s, then. I will take care of myself, and speak when I want it. Don’t trouble your father about it till he sees his way.’
‘I must give you my bond.’
‘As you please, but there is no hurry.’
Arthur, however, was bent on giving his signature at once, and, as he looked towards his wife and child, said, ‘For their sakes, thank you.’
‘I did it for their sakes,’ said Percy, gruffly, perhaps to check Arthur’s agitation; but as if repenting of what sounded harsh, he took the infant in his arms, saying to Violet, ‘You have a fine fellow here! Eyes and forehead—his father all over!’
Arthur held out his hand eagerly. ‘Let him be your godson—make him like any one but me.’
Percy took two turns in the room before he could answer. ‘My godson, by all means, and thank you; but you will have the making of him yourself. You are much better than I expected.’
Arthur shook his head; but Violet, with a look, sufficient reward for anything, said, ‘It is you that are making him better.’
He replied by inquiries about the christening. The baby was a day less than four weeks old, and Violet was anxious to have him baptized; so that it was arranged that it should take place immediately on Percy’s return from Worthbourne, whither he was to proceed that same afternoon, having hitherto been delayed by Arthur’s affairs. This settled, he took leave. Arthur fervently pressed his hand, and, as Violet adjusted the pillows, sank his head among them as if courting rest, raising his eyes once more to his ‘friend in need,’ and saying, ‘I shall sleep now.’
Violet only hoped that Mr. Fotheringham understood what inexpressible gratitude was conveyed in those words, only to be appreciated after watching those six wakeful, straining days and nights.
Meantime, Theodora waited in fear, too great at first to leave space for other thoughts; but as time past, other memories returned. On coming to summon Percy she had found him standing before the little stuffed owl, and she could not but wonder what thoughts it might have excited, until suddenly the recollection of Jane dissipated her visions with so violent a revulsion that she was shocked at herself, and perceived that there was a victory to be achieved.
‘It shall be at once,’ said she. ‘I WILL mention her. To be silent would show consciousness. Once done, it is over. It is easier with my altered looks. I am another woman now.’
She heard him coming down, and almost hoped to be spared the meeting, but, after a moment’s pause, he entered.
‘Well,’ he said, ‘I hope I have done him no harm. I think better of him now than when I came home. He looks to me as if the worst was over.’
They were the first words of hope, and spoken in that hearty, cheery voice, they almost overset her weakened spirits, and the struggle with tears would not let her answer.
‘You have had a most trying time,’ said he, in the kind way that stirred up every old association; but that other thought made her guarded, and she coldly hurried out the words—
‘Yes; this is the first time my father has been out. He went in search of you, to ask how you met poor Arthur, who has been able to give no account of himself.’
‘We met on board the steamer. He had been obliged to leave Boulogne without finishing his business there, and I went back to settle it for him.’
‘And the papers he had lost?’
‘I had them: it is all right.’
‘And his mind relieved?’
‘I hope it is.’
‘Oh! then, we may dare to hope!’ cried she, breathing freely.
‘I trust so; but I must go. Perhaps I may meet Lord Martindale.’
With a great effort, and a ‘now-or-never’ feeling, she abruptly said, ‘I hope Jane is well.’
He did not seem to understand; and confused, as if she had committed an over familiarity of title, she added, ‘Mrs. Fotheringham.’
She was startled and hurt at his unconstrained manner.
‘Very well, I believe. I shall see her this evening at Worthbourne.’
‘Has she been staying there long?’ said Theodora, going on valiantly after the first plunge.
‘Ever since the summer. They went home very soon after the marriage.’
A new light broke in on Theodora. She was tingling in every limb, but she kept her own counsel, and he proceeded. ‘I saw them at Paris, and thought it did very well. She is very kind to him, keeps him in capital order, and has cured him of some of his ungainly tricks.’
‘How did it happen? I have heard no particulars.’
‘After his mother’s death poor Pelham was less easily controlled: he grew restless and discontented, and both he and my uncle fell under the influence of an underbred idle youth in the neighbourhood, who contrived at last to get Sir Antony’s consent to his taking Pelham abroad with him as his pupil. At Florence they met with these ladies, who made much of their cousin, and cajoled the tutor, till this marriage was effected.’
‘She must be nearly double his age.’
‘She will manage him the better for it. There was great excuse for her. The life she was obliged to lead was almost an apology for any way of escape. If only it had been done openly, and with my uncle’s consent, no one could have had any right to object, and I honestly believe it is a very good thing for all parties.’
‘Would Sir Antony have consented?’
‘I have little doubt of it. He was hurt at first, but he was always fond of Jane. She is very attentive to him, and I hope makes him quite comfortable. He wrote to ask me to come and see them at Worthbourne, and I am on my way. I see it is getting late. Good-bye.’
Theodora’s heart had been bounding all this time. Her first impulse was to rush up to tell Violet; but as this could not be, she snatched up a bulky red volume, and throwing over the leaves till she came to F.—Fotheringham, Sir Antony, of Worthbourne, looked down the list of his children’s names, and beheld that the only one not followed by the fatal word “died” was Antony Pelham.
What had they all been doing not to have thought of this before? However, she recollected that it would have seemed as impossible that the half-witted youth should marry as that he should be on the Continent. The escape from the certainty that had so long weighed on her, taught her what the pain had been; and yet, when she came to analyze her gladness, it seemed to melt away.